Somewhere In-Between

He stumbled down the stairs, muttering curses under his breath, his eyes cloudy, his vision blurred, and burst through his front door. He did not falter in the chilly night air, just kept walking, one step after another. Kept walking without a destination. Just kept walking.

He walked and walked and walked and walked until he could walk no more, and collapsed right where he was standing, the smooth polished silver of the charm still clutched in his hand. No... It couldn’t be, could it? No, no. No.

No.

He fingered the smooth stone, his breath catching in his throat. He realized this was the first time he had come to visit her. Alone, that is. And for some reason, he was nervous. Nervous.

“Hey,” he began, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat once and swallowed, and took a deep breath. “Hey.”

Hey. Her voice, it carried like the wind. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, taking in the fresh, pine smell of his surroundings, the cool breeze caressing his cheeks. He turned back to… her.

“So… How’re you doing? Stupid question, huh? You must be lonely here. I mean, you’re with a lot of people and all, but I just… Lonely. You must be lonely. I mean, I’m lonely,” He said before he could stop himself. But what was the use? He would blurt it out sooner or later, anyway. It was always like that with her. He never felt the need to keep secrets from her, and vice versa.

“And yeah. About not visiting you? I’m sorry. Really sorry.” He bowed his head. “Really sorry. I couldn’t think of anything to say. Everything’s just shit, now. Everything. But I’m not mad at you; more so at myself. I mean, how could I not have seen the signs? They were so obvious. But I guess I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to care. It’s just so… hard. Really hard.”

The wind blew his dark hair away from his eyes, which were watering from the breeze. Well, that was what he would have liked to believe, anyway. He blinked a couple of times before regaining his composure. “So. I guess I should tell you about some other stuff that’s been going on, huh? I mean, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to hear anything to do with my lame-ass life.” He cleared his throat again, furrowing his eyebrows. “Well, Principal Burns transferred to Adams Prep. Must be a nightmare for her, except nobody really cared. Except Deena Geyser, but she’s a suck up, so she doesn’t count.

“And Derek… he asked Kristen out. I’m sorry. I knew how much you liked him. He moved on pretty quickly, if you ask me.” He hit his head with his palm. “Stupid me, of course you didn’t… Well, let’s talk about something else then. Alicia’s going to Spain for the summer. It’s going to be freaking hot, I’m sure. We tried tot talk her out of it; to stay here, but she wouldn’t budge. Well, her funeral—” He stopped short, the urge to hit himself suddenly rising so strongly in his chest. So he did. “Sorry. Shouldn’t have said that.”

He sighed, fingering the sleeve of his parka. “Claire’s taking good care of Bean. She feeds him and all. You know… make sure she gets all the love like you gave her. You loved that dog more than anything else in the world.” He smiled ruefully. “Even more than—than—oh, hey, guess what? Merri-Lee is getting married to – get this – Mr. Myner. So Dylan will soon be Dylan Marvil-Myner. Heinous. The wedding will be sometime in October. A Fall wedding. You would’ve liked that, huh?

“That’s months away, of course. So I’m thinking I’m going to stay here in Westchester for the summer. Try out that new wave pool. They rebuilt it on the roof of OCD… or should I say BOCD. They redid the whole place, but still kept the we’re-so-expensive-and-prestigious-come-awe-at-our-excellence thing they got going. It’s expanded, since we came. And well, you helped raise awareness and all that. I’m proud of you. Really.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes closing yet again.

“I just want to know…why. I mean, why didn’t you go for it? You could have had—months. If you took it. But I guess I understand. The last months of your life all sick and weak? That would’ve been hell, huh?” He slammed his fist into the soft soil. “But… you could have told me. You could have told somebody. I know you’re strong and all, but still. I…” His voice trailed off, and he shrugged. “I guess I have nothing to say. Except… I hope you’re happy now. Really happy. Because if you weren’t…” His voice dropped to a whisper as the breeze grew gentler, and his voice grew so thick it nearly choked him. He blinked again, and dug the heel of his sneakers deeper into ground. “Because if you weren’t happy… I’ll kill myself. I really will.”

He knelt down beside… her; the wind that he knew was her voice tickling his ear. “Cradle to grave. Remember that.” He stood up rather awkwardly, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Well… I don’t know what to say anymore. Bye, Massie. Bye.”

He watched silently, taking in the muffled sniffs and dark colours and the white tulips and the cold, cold silver gripped in his fingers. He said nothing; he felt nothing. Not even the gentle pat on the shoulder he received from several people leaving the too-white lawn chairs and the too-black drapery and the too-green grass and the too-solemn ambiance. Al he felt was the cold. The cold of the cold, cold, cold silver he was entwining in his fingers.

He scoffed, and the fiddling stopped. It was as if he was clutching her hand in his. What a joke. What a cruel, selfish joke. He considered flinging it as far away as possible, but decided not to. It was hers. It was hers, and he had to treat it with some degree of respect. Because it was hers.

He looked up from the crown, the microphone, the lion, and the Eiffel Tower. Everyone was gone. And he was all alone. He pushed himself slowly from his chair, taking small, deliberate steps to where… she was.

So this is where you are, and this is where I am. He knelt down. You’re right where you are, and I’m right where I am. He swallowed and looked up at the too-bright sky. It’s not fair.

It’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not fair, and it’s not right. Not one bit. But he remained silent, his lips sealed, his thoughts unheard, and shrugged out of his leather jacket, folding it neatly, and placing it beside the orchids and the roses and the tulips and the tiny teddy bears. He untangled her charm from his fingers and slid it across his wrist. It looked right. The only thing that had that day.

And with that, he left. He had said everything. There was nothing left to. A part of her would always be with him, and a part of him would always be with her, someway or another. He was sure of it.

I’m… not really sure where this came from. It just took me by surprise. And it could not be ignored. I’m not normal, I tell you. Not. Normal.

And a note to readers: This shall forever remain a oneshot. It means that I. Will. Not. Be. Continuing. This. So no need to go alerting this. It annoys the crap out of me. And if you’re confused, tell me.

And it only matters how true you are. Be true to yourself and follow your heart.

Review.