SO….. BeckyCSI gave me some more prompts seriously over 2 weeks ago. It’s been quite busy around here so I’ve been reading but not writing. Finally- here it is!

I specifically asked for either NO L.H., or if there is L.H. it has to be ANTI-Heather…as I cannot stand her unless it’s an AU-type fic.

THIS IS NOT BETA’D because I’m too lazy to get someone to do so, and I suck at grammar.

This is also probably slightly- ok really- out of character.

Here are the lovely Becky’s prompts… isn’t she creative?! FO SHO!

Grissom trying to convince everyone that his Tarantula talks to him (You choose his name)
- Lady Heather being prank called by any CSI to the point of destroying her dominion in frustration XD
- GSR
- Greg running tests in the lab trying to create a new crayon color
- Ecklie shopping on EBay for toupee's
- Sara super gluing herself to any part of Grissom
- Alcohol

FYI some of the prank call ideas came from episodes of “The Simpsons”. God bless Bart.

-

Talking Spiders and Nonsense Abound

As Warrick, Nick and Catherine started on their sixth round at the bar, their ideas were becoming less intelligent and more – well funny.

For instance, Catherine apparently had a ‘thing’ against Lady Heather. As in, how dare that old nasty bitch flaunt her sexuality around more than Catherine? Everyone knows if anyone’s going to be a slutty 40 plus chick in Vegas, it’s going to be the strawberry blonde.

Running with these thoughts, Catherine had an idea of drunken brilliance- to enlist the boys in helping her prank call the dominion.

It was easy enough. Cath still had the number to the dominion in her pda from the case they worked there. All three of them had cell phones and used 67 so their info couldn’t be traced back to them.

They had been taking turns since their third round of drinks- calling the ‘S&M palace’ with random dialogues in disguised voices. Some highlights thus far included Warrick calling and saying “Pizza Hut, can you hold please” and Catherine calling to ask “how do you keep a dumb dominatrix entertained?” and then saying she’d call her back tomorrow to let her know.

Currently, Nick was dialing up the ho- I mean Lady’s phone, for another laugh.

“Thanks for calling the Dominion- Lady Heather speaking. You bring it, we’ll beat it!” Heather answered the phone sounding pissed off.

“Yes hello ma’am, this is Detective Frank Tripp with the Miami PD. Our department is looking for a certain individual who we have reason to believe may be frequenting your establishment. I need you to find out if they are currently there. If you can get them to the phone, I will be setting up an undercover sting operation with him.”

“Of course- anything for the Miami PD, Detective Tripp. My apologies on the less than professional tone when answering the phone- there’s been a string of prank calls to the dominion and I assumed you were one of those”

“That’s s’ok ma’am- kids these days, huh?…” Nick said while trying to maintain composure.

“Yes it would appear so. One moment and I’ll get page them- what was the name?” the anti-Christ- I mean Heather- inquired.

“First name Oliver, Last names Clothesoff.” Nick said in his best “Detective Tripp” voice.

“I’ll be just a moment” Heather replied, putting the phone down.

“Damn Nick- do you seriously watch CSI Miami? You know that show is whack right? And that dude with the orange hair CANNOT be in passed off for living in Florida! His skin looks like white on rice!” Warrick slurred gaining shushes from Nick & Catherine.

At the dominion, Heather was on the intercom… “Attention staff, can someone find Oliver Clothesoff (sounding like ‘ALL OF HER CLOTHES OFF’)? I need Oliver Clothesoff please!”

At hearing the page over the line, the three drunk amigos busted out laughing- bringing Heather’s attention back to the phone.

“YOU DAMN PRICKS- I AM NOT AMUSED! I’M GOING TO FIND YOU AND PERSONALLY WHIP YOUR ASSES- AND THERE WILL NOT BE A CODE WORD FOR STOP!” Heather barked into the phone. Soon the CSIs heard her screaming and glass breaking, as the dominatrix was throwing everything in her sight.

Nick quickly hit the end button and the three tried to regain their breaths.

“Damn Nick- shoulda let her know it was us! I think I’d like my ass whipped by her!” Warrick said- getting the ice dagger stare from Catherine.

- -

Meanwhile in a less drunk but equally insane part of town, Sara walked into the lab to find out that Greg Sanders was playing crayon God with some downtime.

Apparently Greg has a fetish for the sticks of color, knowing random facts about them that would make you think you’re talking to Grissom.

Sitting in front of him on a burner was a pot with a mixture of wax, color and chemicals, putting off an odor that’d make a DB smell like chocolate cake. He was ladling out the concoction into small molds

“What is up with the stench Greggo?” Sara said, wanting to gag.

“Well my princess, you’re looking at the beginnings of the newest crayon color. I’ve loved coloring since I can remember…”

”That explains your hair.” Sara deadpanned.

Ignoring her jab Greg continued “…SO ANYWAYS, the last box of crayons I bought advertised a contest to come up with the newest color. I thought instead of only coming up with a name, I’d take it a step further and present my color to Crayola. The best part is- my crayon will be a multi-functioning object that can double as lip gloss!”

“Oh yes- brownie points for additional effort. You’re such a suck up Greg!” Sara pointed out.

“Hey, it comes with a 1,000,000 prize AND they will actually add the color to production. The ladies will not be able to resist all this (motioning to his own self). You should go ahead and snatch me up while you can.” Greg said as seriously as possible.

“Tempting as that is Greg- I prefer original basic colors. I don’t need something young and new to entertain me.” Yeah- Sara is definitely into old things.

“Suit yourself- just remember when I’m rolling in the dough with the hunnies that the offer was made.”

“Dually noted Greg. So what’s the name of your color?”

“Sanders Sienna, of course!” he answered, holding up a molding with the deep burnt red color encased.

“Well- you’re going to give me a sample, right?” She asked with a pout.

“Sure- just use me for my talents” he said, handing her an individudual mold. “It still needs a little while to set up, but should be ready in another hour or so.”

“Thanks Greg- and uh- good luck. I’ll be thinking of you when I put it on my lips later.” and with that she left him standing there with his mouth agape, as he pondered the thought of his name on her lips.

- -

In another part of the lab, Grissom was searching high and low for his recorder.

“I know it’s on my desk somewhere” he muttered.

“Damn I was outbid AGAIN” the voice said.

“God, no one is going to believe this… good- found it!” Grissom said to himself as he pulled out the recorder and turned back to face the terrarium.

He picked up the phone and paged everyone on shift to his office- 911.

Once everyone arrived, Grissom told them to quiet down and listen.

As he turned the recorder on, he cleared a breath and began.

“This is Dr. Gilbert Grissom, Entomologist and Night Shift Supervisor for the Las Vegas Crime Lab. It is 3:30am on March 28th, 2006. I am bearing witness to the first ever sign of significant intelligence from an arachnid. My pet tarantula, Octavian, has been talking for over 30 minutes- seemingly something to do with the internet bidding site EBay.” and with that he hovered over the tank to catch the ‘voice’ on tape.

Everyone in his office looked around- caught between wanting to laugh their asses off, and feeling like they should call in orderlies with straight jackets.

He waited.

They waited.

Nothing.

Just as he everyone left (highly amused and still in shock at the mental state of their leader), he heard the voice again.

“Dark brown color, light density, breathable and realistic. Buy it now- 175. Hell yes! Now- where’s that company credit card…” the voice said.

“What the… oh my God.” Grissom sighed. On the one hand, he was relieved he wasn’t going crazy, though he was a bit disappointed- a talking spider would have been a gold mine of studies and a breakthrough discovery in his community.

However- on the other hand, there was a greater discovery to be had.

Apparently Grissom’s office was connected to Ecklie’s air ducts, and at just the right moments, Conrad’s voice could be projected into Grissom’s, and it sounded like it was coming from the spider.

Grissom slowly crept down the hall, easing his way to Ecklie’s office.

Silently he cracked the door open, spying Ecklie hunched over his computer monitor typing in a credit card number.

Grissom stealthily moved closer to see what was on the screen.

“What’s up Ecklie?” Grissom said scaring the few hairs away that were left on Conrad’s body.

“Jesus Grissom- try knocking next time!” Ecklie said in a panic, trying to quickly close the open screen on the computer.

“Looking at anything in particular Conrad?”

“Just some uh pieces- weapons you know- for research into possible future purchases.”

“Pieces… ahh. Well, good luck with that. Hope you find one that fits.”

“Yeah, sure. Don’t you have some paperwork to finish, Gil?”

“Next on my list… oh and Conrad,…”

“Yes?”

“I’ve read that real hair is much better than synthetic when purchasing toupees.”

And with that, Grissom waltzed out of the office a little happier than he ever had before when leaving the Dayshift supervisor’s realm.

- - -

Later that evening… Grissom and Sara were at home- their secret home that is, with Grissom laying on their secret bed, for their secret super hot relationship.

Sauntering out of the bathroom in a sexy little negligee “Gil… I have a little something extra on tonight- can you tell what it is? If you get it right, I’ll give you a kiss anywhere you desire.”

Ever the observant one, Grissom saw right off the bat that Sara was wearing a new shade of lipstick.

“Your lips honey- you have some new lipstick.”

“Very good Dr. Grissom- for that, you get your reward. Tell me where you want to be kissed…”

-

Where are they now?

Heather was so enraged from the prank calls that when threw through a magazine across the room it caught fire on one of the dominion’s lit candles, burning her palace the ground. She was recently arrested for a Trick Roll in a trashy motel off the strip.

Catherine, Warrick & Nick all had killer hangovers the next day, and strangely, people spied that Warrick had red marks against his butt when he changed in the locker room.

Ecklie was eventually convicted of stealing money from the county and consequently was fired. He went on to become not only a member, but the president for the hair club for men.

Sara and Grissom made a trip to the emergency room the night of the “lipstick incident”, because apparently Greg’s multipurpose crayon was not only also a lipstick, but as well it was glue. Let’s just say, Sara had her mouth somewhere on Grissom that should only see boxers and latex.

After being beaten up by Sara, Greg did indeed win the contest for the crayon name. However, upon further investigation, it was discovered by Crayola that Greg was not under 12 years old, which was the age limit for the contest. However, he did go on to market it as the longest-lasting, prettiest looking glue stick ever made.

The End- thank God!

AN: This one was hard for me- I hope it doesn't totally suck- I'll let you decide. :) Have a good week! -Jen