|The Royal Idiot
Author: puRpLebLuSh017 PM
Naruto had a brain. Surprise. Surprise. And he's going to use it for a groundbreaking achievement--getting them together. Sasusaku. Slightly crack.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Sasuke U. & Sakura H. - Chapters: 5 - Words: 12,561 - Reviews: 157 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 159 - Updated: 11-09-08 - Published: 01-22-08 - id: 4026958
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Okay, so the plot of the story is now clear to you, right?
Teme is in deniably in love with Sakura-chan and they spectacularly clashed in bed, humping each other (I got to know who topped who! I have an itching feeling its Sakura-chan. It's got to be her!). The whole ordeal made Sakura-chan think that Teme just used (he gave in) her for entertainment. So, she's avoiding him and Sasuke's a mess.
But wait, here's the catch: I, Uzumaki Naruto will be the one who's going to help him—them.
And here's the real question:
Am I rooting for someone?
You might think that I have an overdose of some Jesus-complex embedded in my circulatory system (I know this, thank you very much! The one with the thingy, right?), but I am still a man! And a man has to protect his ego. Though Teme does this with a stick stuck up in his butt, I will do it with careful planning (hanging out with Shikamaru is good for my health!). What are ninja skills for, anyway? Tehee.
You do not believe me, don't you?
Well, watch and learn, baby.
I grinned wildly as I saw what I was looking for. I waved my hand and yelled: "Sakura-chan!" when the owner of the name met my eye, I walked right up to her. I whistled. "Had a wild night?" I asked, pertaining to her obviously visible dark rings under her eyes, her pale skin, her un-ironed clothes, and her large frown. Was it me or she did not look very happy?
"What do you want? I'm making rounds here, Naruto." she replied with a shooing gesture, her eyes didn't even leave the documents she was reading.
I grinned. "This won't take a while! I just came to ask a question, seriously!" I gave her a guy-pose which she gagged at.
"Then make it quick, moron." she answered and tucked the folder she was holding under her armpit. I can tell she was still irritated when she stared at the ceiling annoyed and started clicking her pen again and again.
I mentally laughed. She must be bothered by the 'Sasuke issue' at night, depriving her beauty sleep. "So, tell me…" I paused until she looked at me. "are you a Red Rose kind of girl?"
She looked awfully surprised. "You came here to talk to me about flowers? When I could be saving someone's life right now?" I smiled when I saw the small blush on her face. She was muttering something under her breath.
"Sorry to rain on your parade, Sakura-chan, but Sasuke-Teme didn't ask me to ask you what kind of flower you like."
She regained her defense poise with a much more reddish face. "I didn't say anything like that, idiot!" she said that with a punch on my chest which I heartily laughed at because it was so painful. That woman can really break my bones if she wanted to with just her pinky.
When I told Teme to meet up with me in the Yamanaka flower shop later that day, I was more like expecting him to be standing in front of the store a mile away. But to my surprise, the asshole that I knew was inside and seemingly has a pretty exciting glaring contest at a bonsai tree. Even Yamanaka Ino, who was taking care of the shop was oddly surprised and intensely shaken at the sight.
"Having fun, honey?" I snaked my arms around his waist. In the corner of my eye, I saw Ino wipe her bleeding nose. But then, she had always been a Yaoi fan deep inside her heart. Tehee. While I was fun teasing, my darling honey bunch was not amused. "Ooh, what's wrong, sweetheart?"
"You," was his cool reply. He easily pried my arms away from him.
I leaned in and whispered to his ear, "The mother rabbit just told me a little secret today." I sheepishly grinned. I knew that it would so much annoy him. I was so close to him that I could inhale his sweet husky smell.
That sweet—fuckingly at that—smell of "Uchiha Sasuke" absolutely did not turn me on!
Why wont you believe me!?)
"So what!?" Teme managed to say with a shiver running along his spines upon our closeness. He pocketed his hands and prepared to leave.
What a jerk! After telling him that I'd help him get better with Sakura-chan, he still resorted on playing the same old heartless bastard at me! What an inconsiderate jerk! Even though he was gifted with a pretty face, I might as well sell it to earn a living!
His black head (not to mention it's rather metal-like) churned as he turned to take a glance at me with those smoldering ready-to-kill eyes of his. "So tell me, what did she say?" I was suddenly taken aback. Because he was blushing! As in red hot cheeks!
Because maybe, he was really just, well… shy.
Considering how enormous his ego is, it must have taken a lot of his guts to act naturally at me. Because knowing that something happened between the two of them, I did feel awkward. And I still do. I never actually approved of the Sakura-Sasuke happily-ever-after fairy tale now, did I?
Putting that aside, I seem no not get over my revelation. Sasuke and adjective such as 'shy' do not mix together, do they? I laughed at how irony worked. It looked like no matter how cool one is, the universe would still conspire to embarrass you at a certain given time. And I am so going to take that to my advantage!
I smiled at him. "I'm. Not. Telling. You." I told him in a tune.
Sasuke twitched. I feel so happy when he does that. Because it only meant that he was deprived of something he was so much anticipating. "Naruto," he called me as he walked to the front door. I watched his back move. "next time," he stopped and smirked at me. "gargle." I gasped. What!? "Because I swear you could have killed me when I smelled your breath." With that, he disappeared outside.
How dare he!?
He—the so-called best friend of mine!?
He is so going to get it!
I turned to face a still nose-bleeding Ino. "Hey," I instantly put on a glimmering happy face. "Sakura-chan tells you her most deep and darkest secrets, right!?"
Ino continued to wipe her nose. "Yeah. Why!?"
I grinned evilly.
"I need your help with something."
That night, when Haruno Sakura-chan returned to her house, she found an average-sized box lying obediently on her doorstep. Without suspicion or any of the sorts, she picked it up and carried it inside her humble abode. I smirked through my awesome binoculars.
I knew that when she opened the box, she would soon find a beautifully arranged flower set.
And minutes later after inhaling the poor thing's scent and presence, her allergy would be unleashed. She would begin sneezing—again and again. She would feel an itching sensation all throughout her skin. She may even be able to have difficulty in breathing. Her allergy attack may come in surprise at a high level that she may have difficulty on healing herself despite her being a great and highly respected Medical ninja but that's like, a small percent. The odds of Sakura-chan being in that small chance is like the chance of Jiraiya getting laid. Right!?
I ran to find Teme. Or someone who could help me help her. As I was doing so, I was chanting a prayer in my head.
"I hope she didn't read the sender's card!"
Because on that sender's note, it said:
We need to talk.
I was so scared for my life! One reason for such feeling would be:
"Sakura-chan's going to DIE!" I wailed.
Teme smacked me in the head. "She's not going to die, moron!" he reassured me in his Sasuke-way. "Shizune said she's stable now."
"But, but—" I continued to wail. Because for the second reason: I was dead guilty. So guilty that my tears did not stop flowing till my eyes became all puffy. I guess some pranks do backfire. "—why isn't she waking up?" I asked Sasuke who was standing still beside the window as I was beside a sleeping Sakura-chan in the hospital.
Teme sighed, rubbing his temples. "Shizune said she was exhausted and was in a lot of stress lately," and the root of that stress I very much well know. It goes along the lines of: Sasuke and Sakura were sitting on a bar. K.I.S.S.I.N.G. Fist comes groping and then comes sex. "and when her allergy attacked, she went through a physical block out."
"But still!" I argued while wiping my tears and some from my nose. "She's always the doctor! She cant be the patient!" I gripped her warm hand tighter. "She can't be!" I was too guilty. I blame my poor weak soft spot for her.
Sasuke looked away from me. "Stop crying, idiot. You look like a sissy." He told me dead panned. But his tense facial expression spoke to me in a different light. He was more worried about her than I am.
I was about to say something when I felt Sakura-chan stir. And before I knew it, she had her eyes open and she was sitting up. "Are you alri—"
"Naruto," she called my name so seriously and tightened her hold on my hand. "I have something important to discuss with Sasuke-kun."
My gut told me she did read the sender's card after all.
"But Sakura-chan. Can't you discuss it with me as—"
"No." she said and let my hand go. She was dead stern. I looked over to Sasuke who looked exactly the same except for the aura message he was sending which was: Go now. Walk away now. Start walking, idiot!
Hah! Okay. FINE, you lovebirds! Sort this thing out with all the misunderstood events! I grumpily and still guilty walked out of the room. The moment I closed the door, I felt as though someone punched my gut so hard.
"Why did you do that?" Serious face. "Were you trying to kill me?"
"Sakura, what are you talking—?" Confusion.
"I am ignoring you, damnit! Can't you figure out a simple thing as that!?" Glare. "And yet you keep on following me, stalking me even."
"Sakura, I just—"
"Uchiha Sasuke," Pause. "I don't want to love you anymore."
"I…" it stung, "know."
"I appreciate that you fulfilled my greatest wish that night, under the covers," turn away, "that was very selfish of me."
"I know that you did it unwillingly…but thank you." Grip tighten, "Since I got that out of my chest, you can now step out of my life."
"…No," their eyes met, "I… can't."
I had a tingling sensation that this will somehow conclude in a disastrous (happy?) ending.
Oh well, at least they get to talk to each other.
All thanks to me, right?