(A/N) Sorry for the late update, but I think you’ll like this chapter. I’ve been so busy lately, what with tennis, FFF (forced family fun), and swimming. And to add to that, a friend of mine recently died and I’ve been thrown way off course. I don’t think I’ll get the next chapter up any sooner, but cross your finger and pray, my dear readers.

Notes:

Italics: Thoughts, dreams, flashbacks, emphasis.

Criminal Minds

Hell in the Form of Ricocheting Red Balls

‘In which Sakura gets questioned by the legal system and questions said legal system.’

“I’m not going to school,” I groaned as Naruto pounced on my bed.

Apparently, he forgot that I was going to murder him. I tried various times, actually; even last night while he was asleep. I came in with bat in hand, a meticulous plot curled inside my devious mind. However, he woke up, screaming about the evil three stooges. Thanks to his disturbing subconscious, I needed to come up with new plans.

“Why not?” Naruto asked innocently.

“Maybe it’s because my idiot brother and his jackass best friend decided to burn down a hangar!”

“Sasuke’s your best friend, too. Besides, that was Saturday.”

“Yes, and I still remember the trauma clearly.”

I sighed hard, and threw the covers off of me. Naruto gave a cheer and ran out of my room. Shaking my head, I performed my morning rituals, brushing my teeth so hard my gums started to bleed. When I came downstairs, a full breakfast had been set on the table. Naruto sat grinning in one of the chairs with Iruka across from him, not knowing what to make of this. He was looking between his son and the bowl in front of him suspiciously, no doubt wondering if it was some kind of prank.

“So, Naruto, you’ve decided to make breakfast,” he said with a wary smile. He looked down into the bowl and sighed. “Ramen. I should’ve known.”

I couldn’t say anything in front of Iruka, but I knew Naruto was doing this to make up for his latest idiocies. I sat down, glared at Naruto, and mouthed the words not gonna work. Breakfast was a silent affair, what with me glaring daggers at Naruto and Iruka looking between us.

“Did something happen?” he asked.

“Nope,” I answered, not turning to face him.

Naruto was beginning to get uncomfortable. He fidgeted in his seat as he slurped up his second bowl of ramen.

“So, ready for your next week of school?” Iruka asked awkwardly, a lopsided grin on his face.

“Of course,” I said, my eyes piercing holes into Naruto’s chest.

“Um…I’m going to leave now,” Naruto said.

He stood up, but in his nervousness he tripped over his feet, falling to the floor. Iruka shook his head, thinking that this was one of his regular antics. The blond crawled over to his backpack, grabbed it, and crawled to the door.

‘That’s right,’ I thought spitefully. ‘Let the fear eat you alive.’

“Want me to help you?” I asked sweetly, a hint of malice lacing my words. “I’ll get the door.”

With speed that was akin to a superhero, Naruto jumped up and pulled the handle down, crawling out of the door.

“What…was…that?” Iruka asked, concurrently stunned and disturbed.

“That, my dear father,” I replied,” is what happens when you play with fire.”

-0-

When I entered the school, I was immediately flanked by Akatsuki. Repressed memories of two nights ago came back full-force and I prayed they weren’t going to kill me.

“Uh, hi?” I asked, just about ready to bolt.

I had this inherent instinct that I was going to be murdered there, in front of all these students. And right after I started my junior year! Well, at least there isn’t high school in Heaven (actually, where I’m going, there might).

“Where’s your button?” Kakuzu inquired, looking around.

“Wha…?” I asked. I was thrown off because I expecting a machete to the head. Then it came to me. “Oh, it’s in my bag.”

A student walked in front of me, and Kakuzu grabbed his collar, throwing him down the hallway. I think I might have died then, but when Kakuzu snapped his fingers in front of my face, I knew I was only stagnating. Still, I could not speak.

“Wear it,” Hidan ordered, seemingly unperturbed by his friend chucking a student down the corridor.

“O-okay,” I said slowly. “Why…?”

“You have to show everyone that you’re an Akatsuki,” Kakuzu informed, looking around once more.

‘Yeah,’ I thought sulkily. ‘Because I want to show everyone that I’m now a gangbanger.’

I was probably going to get tormented, but I don’t know how the Akatsuki would react if I didn’t wear it. So, I had to measure the kids from school against the wrath of the Akatsuki.

“I’ll just pull it out,” I said, reaching into my book bag.

I pinned it onto my shirt without as much as a huff. Let the Hell commence.

“Um, Sakura…” Ino said, coming up to me. “What’s with the button?”

“I’m an honorary Akatsuki,” I muttered, my eye twitching.

Ino went through several expressions in the course of two seconds: shock, doubt, disbelief, and finally skepticism.

“You can’t be an Akatsuki,” she said. “You’re…Sakura!”

“That’s what I said,” I deadpanned.

Kids were beginning to wear the same expressions as Ino. They whispered behind their hands and walked away, glancing back at me. I knew I’d probably hit the wall if one of them dared approach me.

“So, Ino, are you afraid now?” I asked, starting to walk again.

She snorted, following me. “You have pink hair and a four-point-oh average. I don’t think so.”

“You’ve never seen her when she’s tired,” Hidan muttered, glaring at the floor.

Ino looked to me for answers but I just shrugged. I didn’t want to dredge up the past. Hidan and Kakuzu were walking beside me and glaring at everyone that passed. What was up with those two? They were like two pit bulls rearing to attack, and when we reached the door, I’d finally had it with their neuroticism.

“Why are you guys following me and acting like prairie dogs hopped up on caffeine?” I asked.

“We have the same homeroom,” Hidan pointed out.

“And we have to protect you,” Kakuzu said.

Great. I have the Akatsuki as bodyguards. Does anyone else find that ironic?

“From what?” I asked, dubious.

“Rival gangs,” Kakuzu said. “They’ll probably try to kill you since you’re fresh meat.”

I hated that he could say such things so easily when my blood practically froze. Hidan gave my back a firm slap and my heart resumed beating with a few coughs.

“Don’t worry, we won’t let anyone touch you,” he said, surprisingly sincere.

“How reassuring,” I muttered anyway, entering the classroom.

Everyone turned toward me in their seat. Kids who looked like they would steal money from an old man (preferably Sadao) glowered at me. The two Akatsuki stepped in front of me, blocking my view.

“C’mon, I can take care of myself,” I said, pushing through them. “Kakuzu, you’ll probably get into trouble since this is not your homeroom…or grade.”

He gave me a does-it-look-like-I-care look and I remembered I was talking to the guy who beat up a fifth grader last year and stole my money. Naruto, Ino, and I walked to our seats, ignoring the looks we received. Sasuke was already at his desk with a very annoyed expression on his face. And it was clear why.

His hair was orange.

“New style?” I asked, and Naruto snickered. “It looks like you threw Naruto’s clothes on top of your head.”

He turned to glare fiercely at me. “You don’t know how close I am to killing that brat.”

Wow. Sasuke was seething. That’s a new one.

“What did Tonsou do?” I asked, sitting in my seat.

“He put something in my shampoo,” he muttered. “It turned my hair orange.”

“I think it’s cool,” Naruto stated, and Sasuke glared even harder.

“Well, why don’t you dye your hair orange,” I suggested to him. “Then you and Sasuke can be Oompa-Loompas.”

“Ha ha,” Sasuke said. “The point is I cannot live with him! He’s been wreaking havoc ever since you left.”

“Hasn’t Okosu been able to rein him in?” I asked.

“She’s too busy laughing,” he mumbled. “And all of his pranks are aimed at me! Itachi gets none of it! It’s like having a miniature Naruto running around the house!”

Everyone’s eyes turned to Sasuke. Never had we heard him rant. No, he was the silent, brooding type. He kept everything bottled up. But now he was…well, he was like me.

“Consider it punishment for your actions during the scavenger hunt,” I said.

“Naruto dragged me along! I wanted to watch my-”

He clamped his mouth closed before saying anything else. Naruto tried to cover his laughs by coughing.

“Your what?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he mumbled.

That was the end of Sasuke’s ranting so we sat quietly, waiting for the Jolly Green Giant to arrive. While doing so, the other Akatsuki members walked in.

“Listen up!” Kisame bellowed as he slapped his hands against a desk. The room quieted. “If any one of you lay a hand on Sakura Haruno I will rip your flesh from your bones.”

Naruto, Sasuke, and I exchanged looks. Kisame walked back to me and gave a toothy grin.

“That should take care of them,” he said.

I laid my head down on the cool desk. Maybe if I try hard enough I could morph into it and become a part of the wood.

“Was that necessary?” I growled between gritted teeth.

“You don’t want to get killed, do you?” he asked, but at that point, I would have liked to be dead.

“Yeah, Sakura, un,” Deidara added.

Apparently, he forgave me for making him run around Konoha.

“The Akatsuki are here to protect Sakura!”

Tobi, too.

“My heroes,” I muttered.

Yes, this was the purest form of Hell.

-0-

I walked down the hallway, thankfully out of the company of the Akatsuki. Too bad I saw the Hyuga boy walking down the hall towards me. I gulped, hoping that he didn’t see me when I was peaking in on his therapy session. He walked past me without hesitation and I silently let out my held breath.

“Why were you in my house yesterday?” he asked, stopping behind me.

I winced and turned around. “What do you mean?”

He had a glare set on his face. “Don’t play dumb. I saw you.”

“Honestly, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, feigning irritability.

It actually sounded believable and I realized I was becoming too good of a liar.

“Listen, I think you have something to do with Tonsou’s absence,” he said, walking closer to me. “So, if you know anything about where he is, you better tell me now.”

I love it when people try to intimidate me. They don’t realize that I grew up with Itachi and Sasuke. I wasn’t so easily scared.

“Who’s Tonsou?” I asked. Hopefully he’ll realize that anyone who met the boy would have scars to prove it. “I have to go to class, so if you don’t mind...”

I began to walk away but he blocked my path by placing his hand on the locker in front of me. I had the animalistic urge to tear it off.

“Move. Your. Arm,” I growled, really peeved at him.

Who did he think he was? It must be the pride every prosperous clan member has. Arrogance is like the latest fashion to them.

“Tell me where my cousin is,” he said, placing his hand on the other side of my head so I was trapped.

“I told you, I don’t know where he is,” I hissed. I wasn’t feigning rage anymore.

He wasn’t going to let up any time soon, so I balled my hands into fists and punched him in the gut. He doubled over in pain, falling to the ground. I imagined little ‘x’s over his eyes, signaling a knock out.

“What a drama queen,” I muttered, walking away.

I knew this wasn’t over, though. He was going to accost me again, I could feel it. Unfortunately for him, he was going to have to deal with the Akatsuki.

-0-

“Today, class, we’re going to play bombardment!” Anko called.

Calls of joy were resounded throughout the gymnasium. Yes, teenagers love inflicting pain. I had gym with the seniors, so all of the Akatsuki were there, standing around me as if trying to enclose me in a box.

“Great, bombardment,” I muttered. “Just when I find out half of the student populous is trying to kill me.”

“Don’t worry, Sakura!” Tobi shouted. “Tobi will protect you from the meanies!”

I looked at him incredulously. ‘I don’t think he can protect himself.’

The balls were placed in a row in between the two sides. All of the students stood against the wall, waiting for the whistle. I couldn’t see them, though, for my vision was obstructed by Zetsu’s Venus flytrap of a head. I pushed past him and stood in front of the darkly clad group.

“What are you doing?” Pein immediately asked.

“Standing,” I replied slowly.

Abruptly, I felt myself being lifted from the ground.

“Okay, now I am levitating!” I cried, lashing my arms out as I was carried back.

I was placed against the wall and I looked to see who picked me up. It was Itachi. I questioned why he would do something like that when I had complete control over him. He was a fool.

“What was that for?!”

“Your safety,” he replied.

“What, do you think I’m going to get killed by rubber balls?!” I asked. “It’s dodge ball, for God’s sake!”

“Those things hurt, un,” Deidara intoned. “I was almost knocked out by some asshole before.”

“Well, maybe that’s because you’re not good at this game!” I said.

“Or maybe it’s because you almost blew the guy up by making your clay explosives in the form of a ball,” Kakuzu said.

I looked over at the blonde bombardier, not the least bit surprised. I shook my head and backed up against the wall. I was not going to escape from these lunatics! Anko put her lips to the whistle and everyone got ready. Some were even on the floor, preparing to sprint. The Akatsuki looked fierce, glaring at the other students who instantly receded, figurative tails between their legs. I’m sure the kids on our side were happy the juvenile delinquents were with them. Anko drew an exaggerated breath and pretended to blow the whistle. Half of us ran out.

“Just kidding,” she said over the groans.

The next time she put her mouth to the whistle, she actually blew, catching most of us off guard. Hastily, I ran to the middle as fast as I could. I was too late, however, and most of the balls were already taken. That meant I was open to attack. A group of students with pompadours and beady eyes stood in front of me. The word ‘crap’ came to mind. The next thing I heard was a whooshing by my ear and one of the pompadour delinquents fell to the floor, a large red mark on his forehead.

“Yeah, take that bitches!” came Hidan’s victory howl. “Pinky, get your ass back here!”

I carefully ran backwards and crashed into the wall. I began to notice most of the balls were being aimed at me and those that weren’t, pegged the students. I saw someone lose a tooth and another person get a nosebleed. Students were collapsing to the ground one by one. Whoever invented the game was a sadist. It was practically warfare!

“We’re all going to die!” A disgruntled student screamed as he ran past us.

He was subsequently hit by a ball.

“A-are you alright?” I stammered.

“C’mere, my purdy light,” the boy murmured dazedly as he fell over, unconscious.

“Don’t worry about him!” Kakuzu called over the battle cries and the horrific screams.

The balls pierced the air like missiles. The screams of my fellow peers chilled the bone. I stand corrected. This is the purest form of Hell. I dropped down on my stomach crawling away from the Akatsuki and dodging balls at the same time. I had to get out of there. I reached the gym door, not being noticed by the gym teacher who was enthralled by the carnage. I walked out of the gym thankfully and went into the locker room to change. I was debating whether or not I should walk out into the hallway. It’d be suspicious for a student to be roaming the halls when class is in session. I decided to take the risk.

Right as I walked out into the hallway, I saw a shadow hover over me. Looking up, I saw two policemen. The first one I recognized out of the three men that were in Okosu’s room. The other one was a very large man with scars covering his face.

“You’re coming with us,” he said, picking my up by the collar.

“Hey, hey!” I shouted. “Why am I levitating again?!”

He ignored me and carried me to the janitor’s closet. Throwing me in, he shut the door and turned on the light. A table sat in the middle of the room with two chairs on one side and a single chair on the other. The low-hanging light was situated over the table. I think I just stepped into Law and Order.

“Sit down,” Scarface ordered.

I noticed that the lone chair was placed far away from the door so I would feel trapped. I sat down and the policemen followed suit.

“You were sighted at the Hyuga yesterday,” the other policeman said.

“By whom?” I asked though it was clear. I was only stalling.

“Neji Hyuga,” Scarface said.

“And you believe him?” I asked. “He’s a teenager who’s in therapy!”

“Just because he’s in therapy doesn’t mean he hallucinated.”

“No, but it does mean he might be clinically insane.”

The two policemen seemed to give it thought. That was the first sign that there was something wrong with these two. Suddenly, Scarface grabbed the low-hanging lamp and shined it in my face.

“Now I know what an incubator feels like,” I said. “Thank God I’m not an egg.”

“Why were you at the Hyuga mansion?” he asked, ignoring my comment.

“I…was…visiting,” I said, spots dotting my vision. “Yeah. Visiting.”

Now that wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Oh,” the policeman said. Scarface let go of the lamp. “Okay. You’re free to go.”

I was right. There’s definitely something wrong with those two.

-0-

The Akatsuki caught up with me after gym. I wonder how long it took them to realize that they were defending a brick wall.

“Where were you?” Pein asked.

“Being interrogated,” I replied, looking at my nails.

“You’ve been an Akatsuki for only one day and you’ve already been interrogated,” Kakuzu commented rather proudly.

“Number one, I’m an honorary Akatsuki. Number two, it wasn’t that bad. Actually, they were kind of stupid. Neji Hyuga told them he saw me at the mansion and all I had to say was ‘I was visiting’ and they let me go.”

That earned laughter from the group.

“This is cause for celebration, un,” Deidara said.

“You’re going to celebrate me getting interrogated by the police?” I asked.

“No, un,” Deidara replied, slinging his arm around my shoulder. “We’re going to celebrate you escaping the fuzz.”

“Party at Itachi’s!” Hidan yelled.

Sasuke’s going to be happy about that.

“You’re acting like I broke out of prison,” I said, wary of Deidara’s arm.

“When that day comes, you’ll get a medal,” Kakuzu intoned.

So it was settled. The Akatsuki were going to throw a party for my first interrogation in a janitor’s closet. Hell is an understatement.

-0-

(A/N) If you’re trying to figure out what the people who are trying to kill Sakura look like think of kids with pompadours and old-fashioned Japanese school uniforms. Or better yet, think of Kuwabara from Yu Yu Hakusho. Or, if you haven’t seen the show, enter this in your browser: http(colon)/photo bucket(dot)?o13

I tried to make the dodge ball incident like warfare. And who else thought that Kakuzu throwing an innocent student down the hallway was random? He is too paranoid.

Anyway, sorry again for being so late. I won’t mind if you kill me. You’re review prize is a bouncy red ball that you can throw at someone (coughHidancough).

Hidan: Why is it always me?