The rain poured down, and I was soon soaked through. My dripping hair clinging to my scalp, to my cheeks, to my forehead. My eyes burning with the desire to cry, but I wouldn't.

Malfoys don't cry.

I looked up at the castle. Your home. My school. The place that brought us together.

I'm sorry for not saying goodbye to you in person. Really, I am. But I just couldn't. I couldn't bear to see the look on your face, even though I have no idea of what it would show. Amusement maybe? Anger? Disappointment, perhaps? I sometimes imagined that maybe you'd be sad. Or hoped, rather. But that's impossible. You'd never miss me. I'm not so sure anyone would.

The skies are lit up with lightening. I wonder if it'll strike me down? Then I wouldn't have to do it myself. It'd probably be less painful too.

I left you a note. You should be reading it about now. Probably having a good laugh. I bet you think I'm mad or something. I wouldn't blame you. But I'm not. I swear I'm not. I'm just sick of everything. No, I'm just sick of you. We talk nearly every day, but we never get any closer. I see you with women and other blokes, enjoying yourself. Why is it that I could never be one of them? I was jealous. I still am.

You never saw it, or if you did, you never cared.

I tried to tell you, so many times. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I knew what you'd say, how you'd react. You'd hate me, you'd ignore me. I wouldn't be able to talk to you any more. Though, I doubt you'd call our conversations 'talking'. We fight a lot, you and I. It's not bad though, is it? It’s better than not talking at all. It was the only way I could think of to get close to you.

I'm sorry for all the pain I've made you feel. All the hurt I’ve caused you. I really didn't mean it. I just wanted us to be close. Forever. See, this way you'll never forget me.

Maybe I went about it the wrong way, but I can't take it back now. There’s no way you'll ever forgive me for what I've done.

You know, I couldn't stand your friends. The way they clung to you. It was as though they were rubbing it in my face. They knew. Or at least, Granger knew. I wonder why she never told you. There’s no way she'll be telling you now.

I can hear myself laughing, somewhere. It sounds distant though. I think it's because my heart’s so loud. It's nearly all I can hear. It's strong, steady beating. It does that for you, you know? Well, no. you wouldn't. Of course you wouldn't.

I wish I could pluck up the courage to do it already. I guess I'm half hoping you'll have finished the letter, and be rushing here to stop me. To tell me it's all right. That you feel the same way.

But I know you won't.

You might not even have opened it.

The knife feels heavier in my hands with every minute. I'll have to do it soon.

Do you want to know why I picked a knife, when I could just as easily, if not more easily, use my wand?

Because I want my heart to be the first thing to die. The first thing to stop suffering. I've suffered a lot. Too much. I have to end it.

Now.

You have no idea what you've put me through.

No idea.

None at all.

I wish you did. Maybe you'll be one of the first to see me like this, lying in a pool of my own blood. Maybe you will come down here after reading the letter, after all, and find me lifeless in the rain. Then you'd know.

Damn. I said I wouldn't cry.

I wish I had been brave enough to tell you.

But it's too late now. After what I've done, you'll never forgive me.

I killed them. All of them.

But please understand, I did it for you.

Because... "I love you Harry."

Edit: Thanks so much to abyssgirl for beta-ing part one of this story!

This story is in no way canon to my chaptered story 'To Love a Loathed Enemy'. However, while i'm on the subject, I would really love it if you checked out my Harry/Draco chaptered fiction.

Thanks for reading, and reviews are very much appreciated.