A/N: Wow, eight VSDs already! And I’m sorry about the wait, guys; life in general has taken over. It was unacceptable of me to leave this off for so long, and I humbly, humbly apologize.

So, the first poll said Bordon, but I started to write him and realized that it was a Herculean task. It doesn’t sound like much, but Bordon is EXTREMELY hard to VSD. So is Wilkins, who came in second; they both are just incredibly boring characters who don’t have much to VSD on. So I’m doing Gabriel. This is also my last VSD, and I’ll admit, I’m rather sad. But keep an open eye; I intend to VSD on many, many fandoms.

Many thanks to Wisdom’s Pearl, Queen O’ Randomness, TavyBeckettFan, Nithiel, GreenWood Elf, and Neverland Dreaming for reviewing. Thank you, guys, for keeping this going!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

1

Went to Aunt Charlotte’s w/ family. Was followed by horde of blacks. Self realizes that self must keep good lucks under wraps once in awhile to prevent being attacked by rabid admirers.

Aunt Charlotte almost fawned over Father—almost. He was still v/ bloody, though, and scared her.

Haha. Betch. Haha.

2

Self had some okay-ish beauty sleep. Aunt Charlotte has admittedly nice-smelling house. Loved the perfume she puts on all the pillows and blankets. Self awoke to scent of roses.

Told Father self was joining up with army. Am bored here. Everyone is so angsty and depressed because of that Thomas kid.

Father called self a child. Ha! As if. Went v/ drama-queen-ish and left without saying goodbye to anyone.

Thank GOD I’m out of there!

3

Bad news: Found house w/ crazy man running from it. The place was an absolute mess. Went up to a bedroom and looked out window where battle was taking place.

Then guess who decided to show up?

Father.

Then we had a bonding moment as we watched some guy get his head lobbed off by a cannon.

Then we had to go.

4

Had to follow Father to camp. Was not overly happy about this. Saw something pretty on the ground. Picked it up. It was a flag. It’s not much, but who knows? Maybe self can make new clothes out of it.

Had to follow Father into Burwell’s tent. Stood and looked pretty while they made some filler conversation until French guy stood up. He has interesting accent. Wonder if he works in the modeling or fashion industry. He dressed rather nice…

Burwell transferred self to Father’s unit. Great. Now self has to call him “Colonel” instead of “Father.”

Am considering divorcing him and changing name to Sir Smexy Banana-Hammock.

At least self convinced him to let self go alone to recruit more militia. Get to show off now. Meh.

5

Rode around looking v/ swish. Came to adorable little town. Décor was somewhat ruined by two corpses hanging from a tree. Wonder if this town has a morgue or something.

Walked into church service where apparently the whole town was gathered, singing. Saw that Anne girl from Charles Town. She is now seventeen and almost as pretty as self. She stood up and made some kind of speech to get people to enlist. Wasn’t listening; was wondering who would attract the most attention if we were a couple.

A lot of people listened to her, though, so now self can return to Father and boast while he and the Frenchman sulk.

Life is good.

6

Asked Anne’s dad if self could write to her. Self was actually thinking, “May I have permission to ride Anne?” and self thought for a minute that that was what self said. But the old fart was just deaf.

Mounted horse in a v/ swish manner and rode off gallantly. Am positive self made Anne swoon.

Score.

7

Saw a bunch of rednecks at camp. Father and Frenchman did v/ bad job, in self’s opinion. Told this to Father. He was unfazed.

Fine. Let him die.

8

Self actually has to learn how to shoot from Frenchman! As if self didn’t know already! Are they corporals? I don’t THINK so!

But it is kind of fun to hide behind things and then shout, “PEEK-A-BOO!” and shoot like Rambo or something.

Have also been writing to Anne. Reading/writing is improving immensely. Learned how to pronounce “egregious.” Am extremely pleased w/ progress.

9

Am upset w/ Father, but it was kind of funny today when he was imitating Frenchman and saying, “But I am French, I love everything!”

10

Frenchman found Belushi in dead man’s pockets. We are now ill. V, v/ ill.

Self wants to crawl in a hole and die.

11

We keep attacking British. Self is getting slightly bored.

12

Got high again. Am now extremely sick. Self cried. Father is being v/ nice and motherly and taking care of me.

13

Got into a little tiff w/ some of the men today. They are being ruthless barbarians. Was called pansy by some of them.

Hicks.

On the bright side, we ambushed one of Cornwallis’s wagons and got some booze and nice clothes. Self particularly likes powdered wig. Modeled it for others. Received raucous, tipsy cheers.

Yes; self should definitely consider a modeling career.

14

Father has a plan. It isn’t bad. Frenchman had a plan involving Trojans or something. Self has no idea what condoms have to do w/ anything.

15

We got to dress up like pirates today! Yay! Father let us wear eye patches! Frenchman said, “Aye! Avast!” It was extremely funny. Wonder what “aye” and “avast” mean.

Bad side: Father made us wear dead men’s clothes. Ew.

Father told Frenchman that red looked good on him. Self thinks Father is wrong. Blue sets off his eyes much better.

16

Returned to Pembroke and saw Anne. She looked v/ swoony. Self must remember not to be too attractive around her; she could faint v/ easily.

Got to sleep in her bed! Only problem is that self was sewn into bed so that there wouldn’t be any hanky-panky.

But it was still v/ nice; she gave me some yummy tea and we cuddled.

17

Made out w/ Anne. WOOT! Self is the MAN!

Then self got to leap on horse all heroic-like. Yay.

18

We tried to attack British wagon today, but they had a trap. Darn. Self got away unharmed, though, and that’s what counts.

Practiced math skills by counting people. Self ran out of fingers. Head hurts from all the thinking self had to do.

Father finally told self story about Fort Wilderness. It wasn’t that great, actually; self thought Fort Wilderness was the theme park he went to that one time on Mardi Gras and refuses to talk about.

That black guy…Oak or something, came back with…some other guy. Father is making another plan. As long as self doesn’t have to wear any more dead people’s clothes, self is fine.

19

Rode up to Fort Carolina w/ a bunch of horses. Hey, we found the eighteen missing guys! We made some dummies and tied them up somewhere. Hang on…we made eighteen dummies…and we got eighteen men…

Self feels likes there’s some kind of connection here…

20

We are now getting seriously smashed. Led rousing and off-key chorus of, “I wanna rock and roll all night…and party everyday!”

21

Father suddenly had spaz attack or something and insisted we all go to Aunt Charlotte’s. Self wonders if he has possibly been taking Viagra or something and it is only now kicking in.

22

Took Aunt Charlotte and siblings to beach place. Self is glad self doesn’t have to sleep there. It’s all sandy and dirty and…ew. Plus the people don’t speak English.

Little kid…what’s her name…oh, yeah, Sharon! No, Susan! Susan! Yeah! Anyway, she can talk now. But she said some not-so-nice things about Father. So when self returned to camp, self lied and pretended she was going on about him and stuff. He looked pleased. That was self’s good deed for the day.

23

Tavington is burning homes again. Ugh. So we had to go save the day, of course. But then one of the guys saw his dead wife and kid by his burnt down home and he shot himself. It was v/ dramatic.

Father said we all have the week off. Yay!

24

Went to go ask Anne to marry me. She said yes! Yay! She’s going to come to our beach place!

25

Anne came w/ her family and some familiar priest-dude today! She had an interesting fashion choice for her gown, but whatever.

So…wow, self is married now.

WEDDING NIGHT! BOO-YAH!

26

Wedding night was…interesting. Self is officially The Man.

But Anne and her family had to go back while self had to go w/ Father to militia. Poo.

Aunt Charlotte was running around, scantily-clad. Then she and Father completely made out in front of us. We are soooo in the South.

That little girl…what is her name?! Lucy? Susan! Susan finally spoke to Father. She cried and ran after him and there was a nice little bonding moment.

Until we left.

27

It looked like there were only three of us, but then the rest of the militia emerged from the fog in a v/ cool moment. Then there was some male bonding and everyone was all happy and stuff.

We’re gonna go to Pembroke soon. Yay! Anne!

28

Town was deserted. Was v/ confused. Church was burned down. Went to Anne’s house. Was hoping she would jump out behind something and say, “Peek-a-boo!” But she didn’t.

She is dead. Am extremely depressed.

Self will have vengeance.

29

Got some men to ride after Tavington while Father and some others stayed behind. Was full of so much angst that self was almost as emo as that brother. Who is also dead.

WHY IS EVERYONE I LOVE DYING?!

30

Well.

That was a mistake.

Everyone is dead. Self shot Tavington, but he lived. So then he turned around and stabbed self. Self is now dying. It is unpleasant.

Oh, look, Father!

Wow…I’m done. This…is extremely depressing.

Well, thank you all for reading and (hopefully) reviewing. I wouldn’t post stuff this…weird…if you guys didn’t review and put on favorites or alerts!

If you liked this, keep an eye out; I’m always doing parodies. Right now I’m working on a Gender-Bender where Ben is Brenda, I plan to do a Mary-Sue parody before long, and I plan to VSD a number of fandoms.

Cheers always,

LazyChestnut