Rukie; Niffer01; Hockeygrl125; Mischieflover; zenrockstar

I know, quick update. But it's because I feel bad :)

LAST CHAPTER. Scary isn't it?

.disclaimer.

Enjoy!

Dresden Lace

Epilogue

Famous Last Thoughts

When we're together, I feel perfect
When I'm pulled away from you, I fall apart
All you say is sacred to me
Your eyes are so blue
I can't look away
As we lay in the stillness
You whisper to me

Ivory danced a delicate ballet with the grey ashes and the pink rose petals in the early morning breeze. Silk tied to the branches of a large oak tree rippled eagerly, eying up the sky it wished to touch. Lavender oil sung through the air, staining it with its beautiful fragrance.

I watched as the ashes were blown away, my new purple cloak itching to join them, to be whipped up by the strong winds. I ran a shaky hand through my auburn hair, rubbing away at the few lone tears that had managed to fall from my weary eyes. I sighed to myself, wishing it hadn’t come to this.

A hand on my shoulder made me look up, slightly startled, but I smiled when I saw Daniela - who was clad in the same purple silk as I - and Jace behind her. Her long hair that was cascading down her shoulders had white ribbon plaited into the chocolate locks, and there was a rose, the colour of fresh blood tucked behind her ear. I could see where she had smeared lavender oil on her cheeks, just as I could feel where my two smudges were. Jace had on a deep purple shirt and black jeans, the oil on his cheeks, his arm in a white ribbon sling made especially for this day.

There was a soft pain in Daniela’s dark eyes, but it was only a quiet echo of her past agony, one that had been faced and dealt with. Tyler had helped her with so much, more than he knew, and for that I was grateful. If anyone deserved a break, to be free, it was Daniela. Now, the pain wasn’t for her, but for our fallen friend.

Jace had on his usual strong demeanour, his careful expression watchful over everyone. He nodded at me, then returned to the others, sitting down beside Nael, his good arm clapping the younger boy on the shoulder. Nael too was finding it hard to smile on this day.

It had been Daniela’s idea to have her... body cremated. There – and it hurt just to think this – wasn’t a lot of it left from the explosion, but we were determined to lay her to rest. Anyway, it wasn’t her body that was the most important, it was her spirit, but it was comforting to have that final goodbye. We went through days of trying to decide what to do, where to do it, and how to persuade people to help us do it – not many people agreed with our beliefs. It was only when I thought about a conversation me and Vesper once had about what she would do for her wedding, did I realise that all this faffing around with formalities was pointless. Vesper was all about casual and meaningful.

So that’s how we came to hold her ceremony here, a quiet park of some sort, with a large oak tree, lots of bluebells and squirrels. Vesper had loved it here, sitting under the tree, reading or doodling absentmindedly. She only came here a few times but she was adamant about her love for the place. So, I decided, what better place to lay her to rest?

It was easy to persuade the boys to help us with the ceremony, to help us perform the rites using our way, our beliefs. It was only the day before the ceremony did I realise why: Daniela had already known. Daniela performed the ceremony with my aid of course. We did it properly, the way we had been taught to. We were all wearing purple, the girls in purple dresses, the boys in deep violet shirts, my baby in a beautiful lilac gown.

We did it properly.

“Not a time to weep,” Daniela chided gently, and I nodded, knowing this was true. I rolled my eyes still, shaking my head; I knew the ways, I knew the beliefs, but it still didn’t stop the torrent of sadness and guilt strike me down when I let myself fall too deep.

“It’s a time to celebrate, I know,” I sighed, brushing back my hair. We should celebrate her life and her journey into the afterlife – I would see her again, but for now I had to deal with my loss, our loss.

Daniela walked away, and after casting one long look at the tree, I followed after her, my eyes searching.

“Reid.” He was sat with his brothers, my – our baby Addyson sat happily in his lap, pulling playfully at his beautiful blonde hair. With each tug he would fake wince, causing Addy to giggle, the sound so loud and pure against the harsh regret in the air.

We were engaged. He was my fiancée, and I was his. We didn’t know when we were going to get married or how, just that we were. It was scary, but so exhilarating at the same time. It’s what I need now, something good to overcome this dark time.

Jace hadn’t been amused when he’d found out about Reid and I; in fact, he hadn’t been happy at all. It was a long night when Reid took me back from the White Cliffs and we told him. Reid was amazing though: I don’t know how he did it, but he kept calm, talking to Reid gentlemanly. I think Jace was embarrassed that he appeared to be getting hysterical – and by then I was in tears, and he hates it when I cry – and he begrudgingly stopped yelling. The ‘conversation’ wasn’t finished, but it was left to another day. And for that I was grateful.

There was no one around. It was still very early, and it was a Saturday morning: no one was up. I gazed around us as I walked towards Reid, searching for someone, anyone. But there was no one there; we were all alone.

And for once, I loved it.

Reid’s big blue eyes caught mine and there was a mix of concern and bliss in the ice azure. He took hold of my hand, urging me silently to sit down which I instantly did, cuddling up into his side, running my fingers through my - our baby’s soft hair. She smiled up at me, her little nose wrinkled in joy.

Anna had packed us a generous picnic for the morning, and we sat now on a thick blanket, munching and chatting away. There was no anger, no shame, no hatred, no antipathy amongst us in that moment, and it was so relieving to be able to finally settle into my fantasy life now that it was real in my hand.

I was ashamed that it had taken someone close we loved to die for us to realise the depth of life.

As we sat there in blissful content, I looked around at the others, my friends, my family. I loved each one of them, each of them making up some part of my life. There were others, yes, who belonged in my heart, but these here, they were my other family, my blood family. Some were alive, some were dead, but they still made me who I am today.

Daniela, someone who had been with me everywhere, who knew every facet and facade of my life. She’d been with me to hell and back more times than I could count and yet she was still here, standing strong, her head high and her shoulders back. I would always look up to Daniela, and I would always be there for her just like she’d always been there for me.

It used to be just me and her against the world, the two of us alone together, drowning in our secrets, broken from our pain, but now we had found a way out, pushed aside the black agony and dragged ourselves away. She had found Tyler, and I thanked the heavens that she had. It was now the two of them against the world, and I was sure that they would make it all the way. Tyler was so matter-of-fact when it came to her pain, not making a fuss over it, just healing it, saving her from herself with one glance, one touch. He was her strength, her courage, and now Daniela had found her salvation to the world.

Jace, my protector against my harsh childhood, doing everything he could to save me, to help, even when it didn’t work. I put him through the worst of times, but he still stayed by me, even when I told him not too. He was over-protective and possessive, but that was what kept me alive all those years ago. Nael, the intellect of the group, making sure we kept our heads and hearts, using his way with words to keep us under control.

Pogue, my brother, just as how I imagined my brother would be. Imperfect, but perfect. When Reid had told me of Pogue’s blessing, I had felt some more weight from my shoulders fall. There was a harmony with Pogue, one that Kate was tuned to immaculately. It was the same with Sarah and Caleb: she was so bright and bubbly, completing contrasting to his dark and broody demeanour, and they fitted perfectly.

And then Reid... Reid! He was just perfection. I could try to explain how he was so, but it would take too long as I stumble and fumble over words that were no way near as exact as I needed them to be. He was my angel, my everything, my always. My night sky, my morning sun. Now that I knew him, that I had been with him, I knew that without him I wouldn’t be able to survive. Not like I would try and kill myself, more that I would just stop living, you know? Like... nothing. He was just... ugh! Everything! I can’t... I can’t explain it. If you’re in love, or experienced it, then you know what I’m talking about... at least, trying to. He’s the other half of me. I love him, I love his existence, I love his presence. I love who he makes me. I love me when I’m with him.

If this wasn’t my life, I wouldn’t have believed that this could happen. To hear about love, to witness it, to read about it is nothing compared to experiencing it... and I thought I never would. I have been blessed with this... whatever this is.

You know how people always say blood is thicker than water? I always knew how true that was in simple terms, from other people’s experiences, and it was something I stuck by... but it’s only now that I realise how more and more people who I thought were only water to me can change into blood over time.

Blood. Such a diverse thing that has so many meanings, so many roles in life. It carries everything you thought you knew, everything you hold inside. Your heart pumps it around your entire body, and depending on who you are, depending on who you’ve become, you can feel it with each pulse, with each throb.

I always thought that my blood would only hold pain and despair, cruel memories and harsh words. Something that not only I deserved, but something I had come to expect.

But then I came to Ipswich and met my brother, my father, my friends and my love, and suddenly, my blood felt rich with something else, something I had only heard tales about. Pain and despair still existed in Ipswich, cruel memories and harsh words were still exchanged, but despite all the loss and fear we had come to endure, this new feeling that ran through my veins suddenly made living something worth fighting for.

It’s odd how people come to love each other, despite everything working against it, and it’s odd how people thrive to survive in such a malicious world. But I guess the need to live, the need to love and be loved is something that we all carry in our veins.

So when times get hard, and you think that it’s impossible to go on, that unknown void of death so appealing to you, just stop and close your eyes. If you try hard enough, you will feel that desperate ache against your heart, that constant pulse against your skin. Listen to it. There’s a reason that your heart is still beating, and someday you will find that reason. You just have to find that strength, that hope to carry on.

We found it. It’s in our blood.

Is it in yours?

So many nights I cried myself to sleep
Now that you love me, I love myself
I never thought I would say this
I never thought there'd be
You

Le Fin.

Or whatever.

So that's it. For now. Finished. And all that jazz.

So please, please, please tell me what you think!

Please!

I'm currently writing a one-shot of Ryanne's and Reid's wedding, so look out for it; and remember about PorcelainChaos' scene which I will either add into the previous chapter or create a oneshot when I get it.

Thank you everyone for all your lovely reviews and PMs and everything! I love you all!

Until next time.

(L)(L)(L)