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Once upon a time, in Soul Society, Soi Fong had once loved bears. More specifically, a teddy bear. Even more specifically, a teddy bear given to her by one Yoruichi Shihouin. Soi Fong loved her Cuddle McSnuffle Wuffles.
Yes. I went that far.
Anyway, Soi Fong, psycotic little girl that she was, loved Cuddle McSnuffle Wuffles and all bears; they were cute and fluffy to her 350 year old eyes.
Yes. I went even farther.
Needless to say, poor Soi Fong had no idea just what bears did to her family--er, I mean--Suzumebachi's family. More specifically, honey bees. Soi Fong loved honey bees almost as much as she loved bears. And thus, when the sad, sad truth of her two loves came into light, she completely lost it.
I mean, more than she already had. Apparently.
For it was one, fine day in Soul Society--(or Seireitei for all the sub watchers that must be cursing my name to the pits of hell for using the dub's name.)--that Yoruichi discovered her fatal flaw and tried to gently break the truth to young Soi Fong.
But because Yoruichi has no tact what-so-ever, it went a little bit more like this.
Yoruichi gulped and tried to surpress the fear that had suddenly blossomed in her heart. Dear sweet Meow Mix...this was going to be difficult. Her musings were correct when she saw her charge snuggleing that damn bear--Yoruichi glared daggers at the stuffed animal as it buried its face in her Soi-chan's chest--and knew that blood was going to be spilt. She prayed it wasn't hers.
"U-um...Soi-chan! Hey...what'cha doin?" The ex-princess laughed nervously as she tried to remain calm and casual. That plan failed when Soi turned around with a huge, happy grin on her face. It was kinda creepy.
"Huggin my bear!" the black-haired girl explained childishly.
"Aheh heh...y-yeaaaaah...about that..." Damn damn damn double damn--oh look! A penny! No! Stay on track! "S-Soi-chan...you know what bears do to...bees right? Honey bees..."
It took every single once of will-power in her body to not run away as Soi turned on her, silver eyes shiny with tears.
"Wh-whu..." Her bottom lip trembled. "What do you mean Yoruichi-sama?"
Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap--I need a way outta this! Aha! The Discovery Channel! That'll help me!! Nothin but good, G-rated stuff on there! "Why Soi-chan," Yoruichi smiled weakly. "Look over yonder at the Discovery Channel!"
Both shinigami turned around to see--
"Vomit." Ichigo drones as he looks at the picture.
"Did you draw this scene too!?" Ichigo bellows as he recognizes the horrible art-work. Rukia sends a sugar-sweet smile to the viewers, saying, "Don't look kiddies!" And then she begins to strangle Ichigo.
"Uh...aside from Rukia killing Ichigo, that's what happens." the woman explained with a grimace. She saw that Soi was simply staring at the TV with blank eyes. "Uh...Soi-chan?"
"BEARS ARE EVIL!" Soi roared as she sprung to her feet, murder in her eyes. Yoruichi sprung back, waving her hands in front of her body. "S-Soi-chan, no need to be so--"
She was interupted as Soi Fong ripped Cuddle McSnuffle Wuffles in half.
"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!"
"BEAR EXTERMINATION!!" The now insane girl bellowed as she ripped off her Shunko--at which Yoruichi peeked shamelessly--to reveal a gray midriff top and camo-pants, complete with combat boots and an M-16. "DEATH TO THE BEARS!!!" Soi then launched into a war-cry and charged.
Silence.
"I may have just single-handedly doomed an entire species. SWEET!!"
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