OMG GUYS I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED!! I got a nasty little bug and it's been eating away at me for a few days T.T AND I had almost no inspiration to write until now, and I refuse to continue fics with that kind of mindset; it makes the wait not worth it, right? XDXD Hopefully you guys'll like this one, it took me quite a while o.o

Disclaimer: If I owned LOTF, Jack would complain that him getting into a fight with Ralph and disconnecting from his "lot" in chapter 8 would cause more crazy fan fiction to be written XDXD...I also don't own the song by Eisley entitled, "I Wasn't Prepared" You guys can listen to it after you read this chapter, it may give you a better sense of Jack's singing style X3

Chapter 9

No sound penetrated the island, thick with blackness, save for Roger's panting and groveling, and nothing interrupted the stream of curses echoing from his mouth. His mind had recently exploded with senseless thoughts and flashing pictures, bright and sharp with horrific detail. Scratched skin, kissed by the tropical sun, flickering yellow and orange, ice blue, liquid red. Now that he had seen his blood, it was no longer appealing - appetizing - to him, the riches that he incessantly mined for. He had always struck gold, until now. Now he hadn't found a thing.

Roger knew that the days of killing for the blood, for the thrill, for the satisfaction of quelling his deepest desires, had disappeared and now meant nothing. Now that he had caused such a travesty to befall the one he truly cared for, he would never forgive himself. He felt that there was nothing he could do to show his real, undying devotion to him, to Jack. What reason would he, the dictator, the sole supremacy of the island, have to defend such a horrible creature?

Revenge, pure and sick, sat in his stomach.

After he regained some sort of conscious feeling, Roger found that he had collapsed on the cool beach, and the tide annoyingly nudged his arm and leg. Its salty, cold fingers reached out and ran across his skin, causing him to shiver. He longed for the absence of physical sensation, something he had had minutes before. 'He felt every bit if it. I...I made him...' Reality crashed down on him; he had indeed shed Jack's blood. Gripping his sandy hair in two fists he cried out with great ferocity and anguish.

He could not fathom how Ralph had survived. If he survived once again, Roger would not.

--

The unreality of the late hours of the night thickened the cave's atmosphere further. Outside, the Earth was hauntingly still, and even in the cave all seemed suspended in a motionless frame of time. Nothing moved, nobody moved, besides the fire that danced excitedly and sent tiny sparks to and fro. Even the breath of the two boys had ceased; every sound that once passed through their lips was interrupted. Carefully, Jack pulled away.

Ralph's eyes were wide with utter shock as they locked onto Jack's. His fingers fumbled towards his lips, but he refused to touch them. He sat motionless on the warm ground, drawing in a shaky breath. Jack never broke away from Ralph's gaze as he searched for Ralph's thoughts that could usually be read clearly on his face. This time, however, he was indecipherable. 'He knows now, doesn't he?' Jack thought, wiping away stray tears. He wanted to break the deafening silence, but chose not to in favor of allowing Ralph to recover. But the boy merely sat, not breaking away until just a moment later as his eyes trailed slowly to the floor. Ralph's mind was astir with thoughts and emotions. 'J-Jack...' He could not bring himself to think coherently.

"You - you must know now." Jack whispered, blushing madly but not caring enough to turn away as he usually did. "J-J..." Ralph was stupefied. Slowly Jack began, eager to reason with the boy. "This island is far different from the place we used to live in. Am I wrong?" Ralph sat silently, allowing his fingers to trail aimlessly on his lips. "This sort of thing...it might not have been accepted at home, b-but -" Now Jack was lost for words. Was this wrong? He looked for something simple, an easy way to offer an explanation. "I don't - care if this might be wrong. I don't know how this happened or what it means. I just know that I feel it...and it's killing me." Other tears slipped across his face, and Jack simply let them fall. Now Ralph knew, he finally knew.

Ralph looked up to him slowly, blushing now as well. Was this not the person who wanted to destroy him, the one who chased him through the jungle and even attempted to smoke him out? Was this not the boy who hated him with all of his heart and soul? Who would do anything to be rid of him? The kiss was brought back to his mind. "Jack, you..." Jack lifted his head despairingly. He began quietly, "Ralph, where...do you know where those bandages came from?" Ralph looked at him, confusedly. He looked down at the several reddened bandages, and touched one that wrapped securely around his arm. He let his eyes trail back to Jack's, and he shook his head. "R-Ralph...my tribe, they disobeyed me. They attacked you. Surely - surely you remember..." He certainly did, and with a nod of the head he gestured for Jack to continue. "I - I...the way that I feel about you, it got in the way. It ruined the plans. I told them to never come back to the cave. Roger came back, he came back to - to try and kill you." In a sudden, violent wave of anger he struck at the ground with his fist, causing the knuckles that had healed after that night to bleed once again.

Roger's question slipped into Ralph's mind. Who did that for you? Surely you didn't do that by yourself. Ralph said softly, almost to himself, "Did...you - ?" Rubbing his knuckles, suppressing more tears, Jack nodded gravely.

His efforts failed, and the tears dripped to the floor. Holding his chest in agony Jack began to shiver. Ralph could not comprehend the situation, and never in a million years could he have predicted it. He felt a rush of sympathy like he did minutes ago, but now he did not know how long he could suppress it. It ate away at his heart and tore at his mind, and as he watched Jack whimper and cry he could hardly contain himself. He was no longer the Jack Merridew he had known before, even when they landed on the island. Ralph began to understand how his emotions were, in fact, killing him.

There were two other pieces to this puzzle that startled and troubled him immensely. 'That...that night...the song I heard.' He knew it was Jack, the person who had emitted such a beautiful sound. Why had it been sung? He struggled to remember the words, but found that he could not. Suddenly, something came to him.

...trace your face for me in pollen.

Abruptly Jack stood, hunched over a bit at the pain in his chest, and he said, "I'm just going out there, I'm not leaving. Don't follow me. Go to sleep." Ralph stared at him incredulously. "I'm coming back in a few minutes, just got to get some air. You're safe, okay? Just sleep." The authority that characteristically rose out of Jack did not have the back-bone it once did. Despite this, Ralph nodded, happy to be alone for a moment. As Jack bumbled out of the cave, he crawled carefully over to a bed of leaves that had once belonged to one of the other boys. How did Jack expect him to simply sleep after the events that had just come to pass?

Ralph settled down into the bed, letting the fire draw his golden eyes into its flames, letting it burn into them and warm his skin. He stared blankly at the flames who never ceased to shiver and move with the minute gusts of wind and the collapsing ashes. This night felt endless to him, and wished desperately that he could study the position of the moon, if there was one, and calculate how late it really was. With a fall of heart he realized this was impossible as long as Jack stayed awake.

Jack...when had he begun to feel this way for him? "Trace your face for me in pollen..." Ralph whispered to himself, watching the glowing flames. Unknowingly he moved his hands to his lips, letting them hover lightly over where Jack had kissed him. After he realized what ridiculous thing he was doing he pulled them harshly away, settling them down onto his rising and falling chest. 'What the bloody hell, Jack? My first kiss...it was supposed to be with someone else!' Ralph felt anger creep quietly into his stomach and relished its presence. He had always wondered who he would share the experience with first, what beauteous person would he be drawn to in love as he had seen in so many movies back in England. Jack's face appeared in his mind, the look of desperation and longing he held in his eyes reappearing over and over again, never dissipating. He shook his head madly, turning over to face the wall that had been illuminated by the fire. The ceaseless feeling of pity and condolence swarmed his mind, and his heart began to beat harshly in his chest. Ralph struggled to replace the feeling with the anger he had felt moments before, but had no success. Turning back over, he saw his hand move meticulously towards his mouth, and once again he had to pull away.

The final piece of the puzzle, the one that disturbed Ralph more than he ever wished to accept, tore at his innards. When Jack had leaned in so closely to him, when he could feel his breath softly against his face, it hadn't bothered him as he would have thought. The good feeling that it brought him was one he was ashamed of above any he had ever felt, and continued to push it into the backdrop of his mind. It broke free of the chains he tried to bind it with, and flooded his mind incessantly. There was nothing he could do, he knew, and decided to accept it in the exhaustion of the late night.

It replayed over and over in his mind, the despairing look that Jack's face bore. He concluded the reason it had affected him in such a way was due to the overwhelming feeling of empathy, of knowing what Jack was feeling and having no way to comfort him. This feeling, however, was different from other feelings of sympathy he carried in immense loads. He recalled a time where he felt bad for Piggy after he had been constantly picked on at assemblies and judged for his weight and medical condition. Ralph had begun to accept him as an equal to make up for the pain he had endured from the other boys. On the contrary, in his present predicament, he could not reciprocate Jack's feelings of devotion. Ralph could not comfort Jack in such a complete way, and thus felt inarticulate in formulating words of comfort to tell him. Despair suddenly hung over him in a tremendous cloud.

Abruptly Ralph heard a small sound pierce the wave of quietness. Instinctively he sat up, and noticed that outside of the cave a voice he knew so well erupted in the air. He feverishly got on hands and knees and crawled over to the edge of the cave, paying no mind to the searing pain in his ankle as it dragged uselessly behind him. The voice, he knew, would begin to sing, and he wanted to hear it. The song that had haunted him since he first heard it...

Ralph leaned on the edge of the cave's entryway so he would not be seen as he listened. It began.

Oh, when the day is blue

I'll sit here, wondering about you.

'Finally,' Ralph thought to himself, steadying his body against the wall, 'what do you need to tell me, Jack?'

And how the pollen fell

All around your face in strange yellow patterns.

But, I wasn't prepared for this.

Oh, I wasn't prepared for this.

The word "pollen" made his breath come out in a sharp gasp. His eyes widened as visions of Jack, so desperate, came to him.

When the morning came

The bees flew down and

Wrapped themselves around me.

He loathed the fact that Jack loved him...

And that's when I spoke the word

To have them trace your face for me in pollen.

Another shuddered breath.

But, I wasn't prepared for this.

Oh, I wasn't prepared for this.

...and secretly savored it.

Come, come back to me, my, my darling.

Come, come back to me, my, my darling.

He shuddered and hated his thoughts.

I wasn't prepared for this.

Oh, no, I wasn't prepared for this.

Ralph realized that they made as little sense as Jack did.

When the day is blue.

I'll sit here, wondering about you.

OOOO!! GO LISTEN TO THE SONG NOW GUYS!! It's really good, trust me :3 I hope this wasn't too corny/cliche/etc T.T feel free to tell me if it is!! XD Next chapter coming up soon, if I can get enough time between my other schoolwork and dreaded research papers x.x