Behind Blue Eyes

Warning: This one-shot is rated M for language and adult content.

Steve Randle

“Get out! Get out you little shit!”

I ran out of my house into the cold night as my dad hit me with a shoe. He didn’t care if it was rain, snow, or hail outside; he’d throw me out anyway. The only thing about this time was it was the first time.

“What the hell? Fuck Rich! What am I suppose to do?!” I yelled back. He just went back inside and slammed the door.

I walked away, kicking the trash can. Where was I going to go around one in the morning? I decided to just walk around until I thought it was safe to head back. My ears and hands became cold quickly. It was early winter and I didn’t think to grab a jacket.

At the same time as I was freezing I couldn’t believe Rich. We got along fine until Mom walked out on us. Now all he does is drink and fight with me. I never thought he would kick me out though. After every fight he’d tell me how much he loved me. I guess he was lying to me all those times. If this was the truth I was never going back.

Thoughts of suicide have been racing through my mind as well. If he didn’t want me around then why not? Not like anyone else cared. It would be so easy. A clean cut, a small jump, even a movement of a finger.

As I walked past Tim Shepard’s place I saw Angel Shepard sitting with her arms all over Sodapop. For a minute I wondered what he was doing out, then I saw Darry and Ponyboy talking to Tim and Curly. I tried to walk by as fast as I could so that they wouldn’t notice me. Apparently noting gets by Sodapop Curtis ‘cause he jumped up and ran over to me.

“Hey Steve! Man what are you doin out so late?” He asked grinning at me.

“The old man… kicked me out…” I whispered not wanting Tim or Curly to hear.

Soda gave me a worried look and put his hand on my shoulder. “So, did he kick you out… for good?” He asked.

Before I could answer Angel wobbled over and put her arms around my neck. “Hey there Steve-y. Baby what are you doing? Come on and join the party.” She said rubbing her nose against my neck.

Sodapop looked at me and shrugged.

I let Angel lead me over to the porch and give me a joint. I looked at Sodapop, who was sitting on the step staring back up to me.

“Oh Steve. That stuff is so good. You have to take a hit.” Angel said taking a seat in Sodapop’s lap. Sodapop put his hands on her sides so that she wouldn’t fall.

I sighed and took a long drag. I held the smoke in for a minute then let it all out. I felt a little tipsy, but I gotta say… I was a lot happier. I took another drag and grinned. After passing it around a few times I was outa it.

All that I could really remember was dancing a lot. It seemed fun ‘cause I was smiling. After I danced a while I remember being slapped by one of Angel’s friends for putting my hand up her skirt. The rest is all blurry.

The next thing I knew, Sodapop was helping me over to his couch. “Soda…”

“Steve, are you okay?” He asked sitting down with me.

“What do you mean?” I asked trying to think.

“You know… Your old man…”

“Oh… Yeah I think I’ll be fine… Maybe…” I whispered putting my head in my hands.

“You know… If you ever need anywhere to go just come here. Darry keeps the door unlocked and everything.” Sodapop told me.

I’d forgotten about that, but it didn’t really matter. I was going to do something that I had to do alone…

“Sodapop… I was… I was going to kill myself…” I told him in a low voice.

“What?” He asked grabbing my shoulder and making me face him. “You were what?”

“I was going to kill myself.” Right when I finished he slugged me in the face as hard as he could. I was sure he cracked my jaw.

“Damn idiot! Never let me find out you ever think ‘bout that again! Ya hear? Jesus Christ!” Sodapop yelled letting all his anger out.

We watched Darry leave his room and go into Ponyboy’s before we said another word. “I’m sorry…” I said.

“You should be…”

“I am…”

“Good…”

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“You know you’re my best friend right?” Sodapop asked placing his head in his hands.

“Yeah…” I replied putting my arm around him. I felt him shaking under me.

“Please… You have to stay alive… If not for yourself… For me man…”

“I will… I promise…”