Stop

Miranda was not a religious young woman. Still, as she navigated her junk heap of a truck through her new neighborhood on her way to work, she fervently muttered under her breath--to whatever deity might be listening--a plea that she would not get lost and be late.

Not that it would be particularly tragic if the afternoon-shift girl at International House of Curry had to wait another ten minutes before clocking out and going home, but the night manager, Wendell, had a very serious condition of anxiety-induced hives. He also, unfortunately, got anxious at the drop of a hat. Poor Wendell was a nice boss, if a bit pathetic. Miranda didn’t want to have to deal with the guilt of causing him to break out, she’d feel like a heartless, thoughtless, puppy-kicking no-goodnik.

Miranda turned onto a street she did not recognize and sped towards an unfamiliar intersection. If she could just make it to IHOC in the next seven minutes, Wendell would be fine. The light was yellow, but Miranda didn’t have time to stop so she increased speed with the hopes of zipping through at the last minute. Yes, it was illegal and dangerous, but Miranda would be damned if she’d spend all night cringing and squirming while Wendell globbed ointment all over his neck.

The truck had just made it to the line when, out of nowhere, a gigantic red something leapt in front of Miranda. She screamed an unrepeatable obscenity and slammed on the brakes with a protesting squeal of tires.

Standing in the middle of the street, inches from the front bumper, was Satan. Or so it appeared, at least. The thing was nearly nine feet tall and a bright red color reminiscent of a Twizzler. His features were so sharp as to suggest that touching his face might result in personal injury, his eyes yellow and slitted. He was crowned with a pair of gigantic, ink-black horns not unlike those of a buffalo. A billowing black cloak was draped around his bare shoulders and flapped in the wind in a way that Miranda would have thought really picturesque and cool-looking if she hadn’t just been frightened half to death.

On top of that, she realized with a sinking feeling that she would most definitely be late for work.

“Red means stop.” The demon growled.

“Right,” squeaked Miranda.

For several minutes Miranda sat in petrified silence, her jaw hanging open and her fingers gripping the steering wheel hard enough to turn her knuckles white. The devil glared straight into her eyes, unblinking.

Dear God… Miranda thought. I’m really very sorry about all of the sinning. Really, I am. And the blasphemy and the lying. Yesterday when I was leaving the Thai restaurant I took two mints out of the bowl on the counter. I’m so, so, SO sorry!

The light turned green.

“Have a pleasant evening.” The demon rumbled, turning and clip-clopping on cloven hooves to the sidewalk.

Miranda gaped as it sat down on a little pink lawn chair on the corner and picked up a magazine. She would have stayed like that for quite some time if a man in a yellow Beemer behind her hadn’t honked his horn impatiently.

Miranda snapped out of it and accelerated forward.

When she finally clocked in at IHOC and slipped on her bright pink smock, she was eighteen minutes late. Miranda glanced into the reflective door of the microwave in the employee lounge as she pinned on her name tag. There was a typo on the sticker that proclaimed that her name was ‘JIRANDA’, but she hadn’t been allowed to exchange it.

Once Miranda took up her post at the cashier, Wendell appeared. Wendell was two years older than her, but looked five years younger. He had a scrawny, ginger moustache and curly hair that creeped out from under his International House of Curry hat. To Miranda’s chagrin, she saw that his neck had already gone an irritated shade of red, not unlike the demon that had accosted her at the stoplight.

“Hey, Jiranda.” Wendell nervously chuckled.

“Hi, Wendy.” Miranda replied. “Look, I’m really sorry I’m late. This…thing…leaped out at me at the intersection and-“

“Oh, you mean the Lord of Darkness.”

Miranda’s jaw dropped open. “’The Lord of Darkness’? You mean, you’ve seen that thing too?”

Wendell looked a bit confused. “Yeah, everyone knows about him. The red light at the intersection of Mia Street and Sara Avenue is busted, so the city hired that guy to jump out. You know, cause he’s red.”

Miranda shook her head slowly. “That’s weird.”

“Yeah, kind of,” Wendell shrugged and scratched absentmindedly at his collarbone. “It’s kinda neat, how the guy’s helping out the community though. I heard that he had a real bad accident at his old job.”

“What happened?”

“He was cast into an abyss.”

Miranda was unable to respond as three sullen teenagers approached the register. They were exactly the types you’d expect to get a random curry craving in the middle of the night, with baggy pants and bumper car shoes. They ordered, paid, and shuffled off to a corner booth without once looking Miranda in the eyes.

Once Miranda had seen to the customers, she turned back to Wendell.

“You know,” Wendell said, tilting his head curiously. “I would’ve thought you’d already know about the Lord of Darkness. You’ve been working here for two years.”

Miranda shrugged. “I just moved to a new neighborhood, so I have to take a different route to work.”

“Oh, duh.” Wendell looked nervous again. Miranda felt a fresh pang of guilt.

“I’m really sorry,” She repeated.

Wendell shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.”

Miranda’s shift ended at four thirty in the morning. As the truck rattled and popped up Mia Street, Miranda prayed for a green light. Her prayer was answered. Still, as Miranda cruised through the intersection she looked over to the Lord of Darkness, sitting in his lawn chair and reading his magazine.

Miranda beeped her horn and waved.

Got this idea from a board on IMBD. Some people were talking about possible career options for our old buddy Darkness, and somebody suggested ‘traffic light’.

Am I the only one who is reminded of a Twizzler whenever Darkness is on screen? He just looks like he’d taste all chewy and delicious.

Oh, and I snuck in some no-so-subtle cast references. Princess Lily is played by Mia Sara, and Darkness is played by Tim Curry. Originally I was going to have Miranda work at International House of Tacos (IHOT) but I just had to send props to my main man Tim.

Thanks for reading. Please don’t lynch me.

-Zippy