Author’s Notes: As usual, I was stuck with this chapter. This chapter and the last one weren’t even supposed to really exist… at all. But I thought it would be pretty lame to end on a lemon… or “I love you.” In the phone conversation, please do your best to keep up. If enough people don’t understand, I’ll be happy to post a revised copy. I just beg of you that you don’t report me for a somewhat “script” format.

Without further ado, I present to you the conclusion of “Dream a Little Dream of Me.”

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Just Hold Me Tight and Tell Me

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

The teacher’s explanation of so-and-so country’s first revolution against the egomaniacal, unjust dictator was admittedly interesting, but none of that mattered. The absence of Riku’s calming presence next to me was utterly petrifying. I wasn’t breathing correctly, my pencil was shaking in my hands, and I could barely focus my eyes long enough to read what was on my paper, let alone what was on the board.

Three days ago, I had stayed home, so I had no way of knowing that he, too, hadn’t gone to school.

Two days ago, I had seen his empty chair and nodded understandingly.

Yesterday, I had seen the same chair without Riku, again, and had told myself that he just needed time.

But today was Friday. Three full days had gone by without a single word from or about Riku. Even Tidus, the least observant of my friends, noted how panicked I was getting. Kairi told me that if I was so worried, I might as well call and see what was up.

So, given her permission, I spent the entire lunch period calling his cell and his home number alternatively until his mother finally picked up. She had been out buying groceries. She was going to make Riku soup in hopes that it would be the one thing he could keep down, seeing that all solid foods would come right back up within the hour. His mother claimed that Riku had “the worst stomach virus the boy has ever had” because the antibiotics had absolutely no affect on him; rather, he seemed only to get worse with each passing day. Now, he didn’t even have the strength to get up from his bed without assistance. Riku hadn’t said more than twenty words since that Tuesday morning and was even beginning to lose weight.

If he didn’t get better by the following Tuesday, she was going to have to hospitalize him.

“Sora,” I heard Kairi whisper kindly in my ear. She took my notebook and shut it, sliding it into her bag. The redhead held my hand and tugged me up into a standing position. I then noticed that the teacher had stopped his prattling and the entire class was silently looking at me. Kairi pulled me across the room, bowing her head to the teacher with a short, “Thank you, sir,” before taking us out the door. Without any sort of explanation, she led us down the hall, shoving me through one of the doors.

Looking around, I immediately realized where I was. “Kairi! What are you thinking? This is the girl’s bathroom.”

Kairi pushed me further into the room despite my complaint. Finding a place in the corner, she held my face in her hands, her face soft with sympathy. “What’s wrong, Sora?”

“Nothing.”

Her nose scrounged up momentarily, as if she was repressing a great deal of emotion. “Don’t lie to me, Sora. I hate seeing you like this. I know that phone call upset you, but I thought you would wait it out until the end of the day… I mean, I’m worried about Riku, too, but he’ll get better.” Her voice broke. “Just you wait. He’ll be okay by next week. And then we’ll be hanging out again. Everything’s gonna be okay. Okay, Sora?”

I shook my head, shutting my eyes. “No, Kairi. It’s not okay. It’s all my fault.”

“What? How can it be all your fault?”

Kairi’s thumbs rubbed little circles on my cheeks, the wetness of bitter tears spreading over my skin. I must have been weeping the entire time, but was too caught up in my own thoughts to recognize it. How embarrassing. “I’m so stupid.” I hid my face in her shoulder. “Stupid, stupid Sora.”

“What did you do, Sora?”

“I love him so much.”

“I know, Sora. I know.”

Her comforting hands petted my hair. “I was so selfish. I forced him to make decisions no one should ever have to make.” She tried to push me back, but I held her too tightly. “I didn’t care about what he might want, especially if it meant he didn’t want me.” My words were slurring so badly; I wondered if she understood half of them. “I messed up, Kairi.”

“Sora, I don’t know how I can help you if you don’t tell me everything. What did you do that’s so bad you’re blaming yourself for Riku’s stomach virus?”

I unintentionally let out a desperate laugh, whispering, “He doesn’t have a stomach virus.”

Her hands stopped threading through my hair. “What?” She had asked what I could have possibly done that was so wrong that it had the potential to hurt Riku so much. There was only one real answer.

I clung tighter to her. “The night we came back,” I said, knowing full well that the second I told her, I wouldn’t be able to stop crying long enough for her to hear the whole story. Thankfully, she wouldn’t push it now, nor would she ever.

By letting someone else know about our secret, the surreal pain I forced aside would no longer be hidden. I’d been lying myself, thinking I was okay with that one night with him, that I could live only dreaming of a second night. One night could not satisfy me, but was more than enough to make me feel as though Riku was mine. I really was selfish. And now not only was I suffering, but the man I would always love was suffering as well.

I knew then what I needed to do. I needed to talk with Riku, honestly. I needed to confess, just as Riku had done in my room four nights ago, but I was too pigheaded, too jealous to realize it then. Confess, just as Kairi had advised me to do all those months ago.

But first, I had someone else I had to speak to.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

“Hello?”

“Hello. Is this Luzzu speaking?”

“No.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I must have dialed…”

“No, you’re right. This is Luzzu’s cell. I’m wondering how you got it, but you dialed the correct number.”

“May I speak with Luzzu? It’s important.”

“Do you mind telling me who you are first?”

“Oh. I’m Sora. I’m pretty sure Luzzu…”

“Wait. The Sora? Are you serious? Hold on a second…” “Hey, Luzzu baby! Guess who’s on the phone!”

“Gatta, I’m not in the mood for your games. Hey, have you seen my pants? I could have sworn I tossed them over here…”

“It’s Sora!”

“What! Give it here!” “Hello?”

“Is this Luzzu?”

“Yeah, this is he.”

“I’m sorry for calling so suddenly. I got the number from Riku’s mother. I hope you don’t find this totally stalker-like of me.”

“Of course not. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Please, he’s all Riku ever talks about. ‘Sora’s so kind.’ ‘Sora’s so amazing.’ ‘Sora’s the most attractive being in existence.’ ‘Sora’s the only reason I live!’ Sometimes I wonder if he writes it all up by himself.”

“Gatta! Behave yourself.” “Sorry about my boyfriend, Sora…”

“Stop kicking me! You’re so mean!”

“…Gatta still has a lot to learn about… well, just about everything.”

“It’s fine. Umm… If I interrupted anything, I’m happy to call back later.”

“Nah, it’s cool. We were just… Wait. Did you want anything?”

“Yeah. I wanted to ask you something, but I see that it would be a complete waste of our time to do so.”

“Okay… Have anything else you want to know?”

“…How long has it been since you and Riku stopped dating?”

“I found your pants.”

“Thanks, Gatta. Actually, since you’re fully dressed, do you mind stepping out for a sec?”

“Whatever.”

“Thanks. Be out in a few.” “Sora?”

“Yeah?”

“Sorry about that. Gatta can get a bit jealous, especially about Riku because I’m still friends with him.”

“That’s understandable.”

“First off, I don’t want you confusing what Riku and I had for dating. We were both rebounding: Gatta and I had another one of our tiffs and were separated; and although Riku never did specify, I was under the impression something happened between you two. I was visiting my aunt for the summer and I think it was at the end of July when I met Riku.”

“At the pool, right?”

“Yeah, at the pool. One thing led to another and we ended up seeing each at least once a week. I had to come back to Besaid once school started, but we managed to continue the relationship for another month or so. I know I got back with Gatta at the very beginning of October, so Riku and I must have stopped before then. We’ve been friends since.”

“I see… This is a bit awkward for me to ask, but do you know if there were others?”

“I can say for certain that I was the only one. Riku was very strict about being with one person who he had gotten tested and knew was clean, and who he trusted wasn’t going to go behind his back, sleep around, and get him infected. After we ended it, Riku felt really guilty about the relationship and told me he wasn’t looking for another one anytime soon.”

“Why did he feel guilty?”

“Man, I must have really misjudged your relationship if you can’t figure out why he felt guilty for sleeping with another man!”

“Oh.”

“Look, I hate to rush the conversation, but Gatta’s mom’s gonna be coming home soon… and I’m not dressed yet…”

“I’m taking up your time. I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine.”

“Thank you so much, Luzzu. I don’t think you can ever comprehend how much you just helped me.”

“Anything for Riku. I can honestly say he’s the best half-boyfriend I’ve ever had. A part of me is really jealous of you for finding him first.”

“I’m not sure how to respond to that.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I’ll leave you now because I know Gatta must be waiting. Thank you again, Luzzu.”

“Maybe one of these days you and Riku can come and visit.”

“Until then, I guess.”

“Until then.”

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

I tried to remember everything my coach had said about maximizing effort and minimizing wind resistance while running, but was pulling a blank. I tried to mimic how I ran during meets, but knew I was still doing it incorrectly. There was an omnipresent dull pain that I couldn’t name; it rose up from my diaphragm and hampered my ability to inhale steadily. Everything hurt. I let out an ached gasp and nearly tripped because of a dip in the pebbled road. My muscles stung with exhaustion with every step, every beat against the dirt.

As the dense forest thinned out, the path that paralleled the shore became smoother and easier to run on. Turning right at a fork in the road, I caught a glimpse of mountains to my left, sea to my right, and my town in front of me. It had expanded so much in such a short amount of time, and there were still many building projects to be completed. The port that had been finished before I left had had a profound impact on the town. One day, this little no-name town would be a bustling port city.

Despite my body’s exhaustion, I ignored the numbness in my muscles and sprinted forward. I had no destination in mind; rather, I allowed my body to lead me serendipitously down the path and then through the streets once in town again. I had no intention of returning home that night, but the farther I wanted to run from it, the more I was drawn in my house’s direction. Breathless and sweating through the darkening streets, an odd sense of forlornness crept up on me. It wasn’t until I stopped in front of Riku’s house instead of my own that I understood this unease. Because I had stopped running without slowing my pace first, my legs jittered sporadically. I could hardly stand still as I stared emptily at the façade of his house, which appeared intimidating and hostile in the pale moonlight. (It was already so late? How long had I been running?) In the back of my head, all the horrible things I had said and done to Riku played in a continually looping cycle. The part of me that was utterly ashamed of myself told me to walk the twenty remaining steps to my front door; a quieter, humbler part, on the other hand, refused the order. I must have stood there for fifteen minutes before finally crossing Riku’s lawn.

It took me no time to find his room, which was located in the same room in his house as my bedroom was in mine. I stood for another moment before I finished formulating the path I would take. Alternating between using the rain gutter and a window, I climbed onto the roof of the extension to the first floor that Riku’s parents had made when they first moved in. As I crawled over the tiles, I made sure to be as silent as possible, imagining how awkward it would be to get caught.

I reached Riku’s room without a hitch. Through the open window, I could see Riku in his bed… staring at me. Clamming up, I did the only thing I could think of doing: I waved. Feeling completely ridiculous a second later, I threw my hand down to the ledge of his window. He still didn’t say anything, only sitting up and combing his fingers through his hair to lessen its messiness. I rubbed the back of my neck as I whispered, “Hey, Riku. May I come in?”

He looked at me so intently that I blushed and was overcome with nervousness. Finally, he responded in a tired voice, “If you’ve come this far, who am I to say no?”

Sighing gratefully, I sat on the window ledge, taking off my shoes and tossing them somewhere in the room. The jacket I received from the track team followed shortly afterward. I slipped from the ledge onto his bed, and I automatically sat myself between Riku and the wall. In my head, I was somewhat thankful that Riku still had his blanket over the lower half of his body; if it wasn’t, I had the feeling Riku would have moved away because of the proximity between us.

It was then that I realized how silly it was for me to barge into Riku’s room without any sort of plan in mind. We sat in silence, waiting for the other to say something and not having the courage to say anything ourselves. We each started to murmuring a couple of times, but before anything comprehensive was said, we would stop and begin staring off into space again. Finally, impatience got the better of me and I grumbled, “This is so awkward.” As if to exaggerate this point, I fell sideways, lying down with my elbow digging into his pillow and my hand holding my head up. From this position, I could only see the back of Riku’s tee, but I found that I felt a hundred times more comfortable like this than when I could see his face.

Realizing that nothing would be done if I didn’t make the first move, I remarked, “You don’t have a stomach virus.”

He chuckled, hunching over. “No, no I don’t.” There, I broke the ice. And I would have continued talking, but I felt that I shouldn’t. It wasn’t very long until Riku said in the flattest tone he could muster, “I’m gay.”

Now it was my turn to laugh. “I know.”

There was another long, awkward pause. “I should have told you earlier.”

“If you think so,” I mumbled absently.

He put his face into his hands. “No, Sora. You don’t understand! You shouldn’t have found out in any way or from anyone other than me.” He clutched onto his hair. “I ended it with him ages ago! If you thought I was still with him that means you’ve been keeping this in for months. You’ve been so kind, waiting for me to confess. If I was you, I would have been upset too. I’m such an idiot!” Is that what he thought? That I said all those horrible things to him because I lost my patience after being a good friend? That was so… wrong. But if that was the case, Riku must have spent the last four days guilt-tripping himself into thinking he was the one at fault. In a rush of empathy, I reached out, touching just above where his bandage ended. I bit my lip. I had no idea that he went to sleep wearing it. “I was with him on Monday, but I swear, we were hanging out. I didn’t have any intention of sleeping—”

“I know, Riku. I know. I called Luzzu before I came over.”

Riku turned around quickly, exclaiming, “You what?”

“Yeah, I called him. He’s sounds like a pretty nice guy. Gatta, on the other hand, seems to be the type of guy you have to get used to before you start liking him.”

The mention of his friends snapped something in place inside Riku. Or maybe it was my laidback, accepting attitude to his multiple confessions that did it. Whatever the case, Riku took a moment of deep thought before relaxing, shaking his head in hesitant contentment. Slowly, he lay back down, repeatedly searching my face for any sign of annoyance or disgust. Maybe he saw this as a test to see how well I still trusted him. I had the urge to confess my own feelings to him, but knew that I should wait for the perfect opportunity. Riku smiled softly, closing his eyes and folding his arms under his head. “That’s Gatta for you. I’ll never forget the first time I met him. And here I thought I was clingy.”

He continued on with a story about him, Gatta and Luzzu going to the movies, but I had a hard time paying attention. I found it irritating to hear Riku avoid the conflict, again. I know: he was being considerate, thinking that since I have accepted him for being gay, we could go on with our friendship as if not even his confession could change anything between us. But that angered me even more than anything else. Was what we did that insignificant to him that he could ignore that it ever happened?

Before I could stop myself, I interrupted him with a grave whisper, “Why did you sleep with me?”

Riku tried his best to keep his features unexpressive, but I could tell that I had asked the one question he didn’t want to ever hear. His eyes still closed, his breath hitched inelegantly as he begged, “Please, Sora. Not that.”

I could barely end a thought before another began. “I need to know, or I can never… Riku, if you ever want… You know I didn’t mean anything I said Monday night. I don’t even know why I said it. It’s just—Just tell me. I need you to say it. Why? Do you not want to tell me because I—I wasn’t good enough?”

He opened his eyes now, giving me that singular, intense look he had given me only twice in my life. In a quick blur of color, he climbed on top of me. His blanket slipped off the bed. “Of course not!” I tried to sit up but Riku grabbed my wrists, slamming them beside my head. I gasped at the suddenness of the burst of violence Riku displayed, but didn’t dare fight back.

His aggression waned just as quickly as it appeared. (Although he wasn’t technically sick, he didn’t have much strength because he hadn’t been eating correctly.) He slumped until he was practically laying on me, but his eyes were determined. “Are you really that insensitive, Sora?” He exhaled deeply onto my neck causing an unwanted feeling of desire to bubble up. “How dare you ask me something like that? You’re the one who used me!” What? “I was willing to forget. I told myself I should be thankful, and that, no matter the circumstances, it was worth it if I could be with you for a night. I was okay with it! But just because I accepted it doesn’t mean you can rub it in my face.”

“What are you talking about?”

His face contorted, hurt. “I never knew you could be so manipulative. Do you really need me to say it… aloud? Is this about boosting your ego or, or are you just curious?” He slipped his head into the crook of my neck as his anger deflated into exhaustion. “Sora, Sora, Sora. You know, in all the creative ways people have come up with to seduce me, ‘do you want to… yeah’ is definitely one to remember.”

“Riku, I never said that.”

His hands moved from my wrists to the sides of my face. He lifted his head back up, his lips hovering close enough to mine that I could feel them as they moved. “Yes, you did, Sora. You knew how I felt. You knew that I was willing. I—I slept with you, knowing that you only wanted a good time. I would never do that to myself, but, Sora, I loved you so much.” His lips trembled as he pressed them against my mouth, his pelvis doing the same against mine. “I still… I love you. I’m willing to spend the rest of my life with you, even if what’s between us will never be anything more than platonic.” He licked my lips. “Let me be your friend, Sora. At least give me that.”

I shook my head loftily. The panicked look on his face broke my heart, but I suddenly felt so… elated. Riku just laid out his heart to me, and now I wasn’t stupid enough to think he was lying. He moved to pull away, but I wrapped my arms around his neck before he could put any noticeable distance between us. He tried to break my hold but was unsuccessful. “Riku,” I murmured, licking his lips as he did mine. The teen gasped and started to say something, but I interjected, “If I told you that you completely misunderstood my intentions, would you believe me? Well, for now, I’m going to put aside whether or not I asked you for sex because, in the long run, it doesn’t matter; either way, I never wanted just a single night with you.” I pushed him off of me, only to sit on top of him a second later. I waited for the weight of my words to sink in. Riku seemed a little confused at first, but I soon saw hope flicker in his eyes. I held my most serious expression as I slid my hand up his tee and firmly ran it up his chest. “If I told you I loved you,” I kissed him gently, choosing not to continue.

Riku, albeit hesitantly, stroked my side, being so daring as to push my shirt up a little to touch my skin. “Are you sure?”

I only grinned as I leaned down for another kiss. This one, unlike the one before, was passionate, to say the least. How we didn’t manage to take off any article of clothing was beyond me, especially when considering how we clutched at the other’s shirt, yanking it this way, tugging it another. Riku repeated my name again and again as if he were reciting a mantra of ownership or seduction. As he opened his lips to murmur my name again, his cheeks warm with a blush, I took the opportunity to slip my tongue into his mouth. I instantly let out a feral moan as I tasted his very natural, but still unique, taste again. It was slightly surprising that he actually complied, allowing me to have complete dominance. It felt… great.

Without any warning, Riku urged me away from him. I was compelled to ignore his musings and go back to kissing him, but knew that he wouldn’t be too happy if I did. So, still panting, I asked, “What’s wrong?”

“We can’t do this right now.”

“We’re just kissing, Riku.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

He crossed his arms smugly. “Then would you care to explain to me why your hand’s in my boxers?”

I blushed, my brain finally interpreting what my hand was touching. I removed my hand at once. I tried to hide my face by covering it with my forearm, tipping off Riku to fall back into my original position beside him. I groaned, “I am so sorry.”

“It’s fine, Sora.” He kissed my temple, leaving his lips there as he spoke in a hushed tone. “Look, I won’t say that I don’t want to rush things, because it’s way too late for that. It would be stupid for us to wait. But, I’m a bit of a romantic; and you all sweaty from whatever you were doing before you got here and me feeling all funky from not getting out of bed in a couple of days are not usually included in my vision of a perfect night for us to finally… express what we feel for each other. And although my parents are out right now with co-workers, I don’t know when they’ll be coming home, and I don’t want them catching us… expressing what we feel for each other. And I feel really weak right now and—”

“I get it, Riku. Bad timing equals no sex.” Riku rolled his eyes at my bluntness, lightly shoving my shoulder. I moved my arm away to look into his eyes, an eyebrow curving into a high arc. “Wait, you said you haven’t gotten out of bed in a while. How long has it been since you bathed?” I definitely caught Riku off guard with that one. He blushed, refusing to answer. I sat up and made a face, using my foot to push him away from me. “Ew, Riku!”

“Shut up!” How cute! He was whining! “It’s not my fault I haven’t been able to get up for extended periods of time.” I frowned, remembering why he was “sick.” He didn’t mean for the blame to fall onto me, but now I couldn’t help but think of it as my fault. Stupid Riku.

A random thought bubbled up. I climbed over Riku’s feet and got off his bed. He looked at me funnily as I stood expectedly. “Let’s go,” I ordered.

“Go where?”

“Trust me.”

Although he obviously was uncertain about whether or not he should, he grabbed my arm at the elbow and pulled himself up. He refused to ask for assistance, but when I saw how much difficulty he was having supporting his own weight, I had to help. I ignored the guilt my conscience felt at his physical weakness as I walked him out of his room, down the hall and into the bathroom. He glared at me as I left him to use the sink for support. Noting that there were two towels, I closed and locked the door, deciding against turning on the light because I felt that the blue stream of moonlight from the small, clouded window was enough. I then walked over to the shower and turned it on.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

I turned around and, without answering him, began to strip. I folded every article of clothing as I took it off, carefully placing it on the toilet seat. Riku didn’t say anything further as he carefully watched me. I stopped once I was clad in only my boxer briefs, which slightly disappointed him.

“Sora, I thought we already went through this. We can’t right now. And this is even worse.”

I walked over until I was standing just a step away from him. “Do you always think people are asking you for sex?” He looked displeased by my comment, so I held up my hands to display innocence. “I won’t do anything too… demanding.” I pulled up his tee and then pushed his boxers down, happy to see that Riku complied with my musings for the second time that night. I nipped at his ear, cooing, “If we can’t sleep together tonight, at least give me this.” Understanding my intentions, he embraced me, kissing me as I led us into the shower.

We kissed for a while, letting the water steadily beat against us and wetting our skin and our hair. He had me pushed against the wall, always putting some of his weight onto me, and I loved the claustrophobic pressure that followed. We avoided wandering touches and pressing our bodies too close together so we wouldn’t lose control. We did eventually decide that I would take off my briefs because we trusted each other enough that they had become superfluous.

Eventually, I pulled out of the kiss, panting, “We have to stop.” My companion rolled his eyes, but grumbled a “Whatever.” I smiled, picking up the shampoo. “We clean our own hair,” I said as I grabbed his left wrist.

Feeling moist fabric, my eyes jolted down and saw that he still had the bandage on. He must have forgotten all about it, like I had, until now. Riku immediately tugged his arm away but my grip was tight. He had paled, hyperventilating. “This was a bad idea.” Riku began covering his chest with his right arm in what seemed to be an attempt to hide his scars, which he too had failed to remember about.

The sight of Riku cowering sent a rush of fury through me. I wrenched his wrist closer to me, fiercely snarling, “Stop.” He obeyed, but fear and insecurity were still present in his fair features. Relaxing, I locked my eyes with his as I unraveled the bandage. As the fabric slipped between my fingers, Riku flinched.

I glanced down at his now exposed forearm. The extreme unevenness of his skin and the discoloration made it perfectly clear that he had been burned. I turned his arm over to find the same fire-mangled flesh. I knew what I had been expecting to see: thin, straight stripes that ran perpendicularly to the length of his forearm. Although what I did find was nothing to celebrate about, I sighed in relief. Remembering Riku’s insecurity, I licked my wet lips, asking, “What happened?”

“I fell into a trap. I managed to avoid the brunt of the damage, but my arm…”

“Am I the only one who’s seen this?”

“Other than King Mickey and Ansem the Wise, you’re the only one who has seen my bare chest, let alone my arm.”

That was all I needed. I uncapped the shampoo bottle that I had put down when I took off his bandage and poured some into the palms of our hands. I kissed his cheek and then began lathering my own hair, humming.

Because we shampooed our own hair, taking turns under the water to rinse off the lather, we kept ourselves in check. Even as we were making out, we both displayed an impressive amount of control over ourselves. But we had become overly confident and due to this, we severely underestimated how intimate soaping the other was. I cleaned him first, so I had no idea why he was practically writhing. Riku clutched onto me, pulling me so close that there was hardly a second where at least two of our limbs weren’t touching. When I was finally done, he rinsed off quickly and then, with a coy look of revenge, began soaping me. I nearly went mad from the pleasure rising through my body with each circle he gently rubbed. I wanted to moan, to scream, to make Riku ravage me right there, but knew that it was against the rules. So, I seized a fistful of his hair and writhed right back at him.

Conditioning was nothing much by comparison. We rubbed it in, and as we waited the three minutes as directed by label on the back of the bottle, we kind of just hugged and whispered sweet nothings into each other’s ears. I would call it being sweetly intimate.

When we finished our shower, Riku and I dried each other off, alternating between singing and humming songs we had heard during our adventure. Towels wrapped around our waists, we took turns with the brush, but he refused to give it back to me after I hit him with it. In my defense, he said I looked strange with my hair down, like how he remembered Leon looking like but not as hot.

I had my own toothbrush here, so I walked over to the sink, humming again. I began brushing my teeth, changing the tune to a somber one. I couldn’t remember where I had heard it, but it played strongly in my mind. Riku walked up behind me, kissing my neck. He must have known the song as well, because he began humming along with me, beginning to brush his own teeth. We sounded horrible, but we refused to stop. Something about the melancholy of the actual melody humbled our playful mood. Riku must have felt the change as well, because once we were done brushing our teeth, he whispered tenderly into my hair, “I’ll always love you, Sora.” He kissed the top of my hair, breathing in the scent of its cleanliness. “Don’t ever leave me again.”

Feeling the weight of his words, I promised, “I won’t.” I let him lean down and suck and bite my neck until it was a violent shade of red. It was going to bruise, I was sure of it, but I didn’t have the heart to complain. “Let’s—Let’s go back to your room, Riku.”

Riku grabbed all of our clothing, including my boxer briefs that I had wrung out. When we got to his room, I searched through his drawers as he sat down at the edge of his bed. I tossed him a pair of boxers, and then went to find another pair for me. Finding one, I slipped mine on. I caught him staring at me, so I posed, pouting heavily and thrusting out my hips. “You want some?”

He didn’t laugh as I had intended, and it was then that I noticed the fingers of his right hand touching his left forearm. Frowning, I walked up between his legs, leaning down to kiss his ear. He turned away.

“How long have you loved me?”

I sighed, running my fingers through his hair. “Always.”

Apparently, that was the wrong answer. “But I’ve changed, Sora. How can you be so sure that you still…?”

“You’re right. I looked for my best friend, but found you instead.”

Riku shuddered at how I decided to end my sentence, wrapping his arms loosely around my middle. “Am I that much of a disappointment?”

I knelt down so our eyes were level. “When I was traveling between worlds, I did look for a particular Riku—the kid I grew up with; the friend who I had a crush on; the boy who I would be happy to be gay with, no matter what others would say. The Riku I searched for could be a bit impish at times, but he was always the one I wanted to be like. That Riku was my idol. But you’re not him. You’re not even the same Riku I lost my virginity to. (Yes, Riku. I was a virgin. Don’t look so surprised.) You are more of a stranger now than at any other time in our friendship.

“Calm down. You look like I ripped your still-beating heart from your chest. You’ve changed. Yes, you have changed. But something about the man you’ve become made me realize this was love, and not just idol worship or close friendship as I once had feared it being. I love you now (whoever you are) sexually, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, chemically and probably even metaphysically. I would do anything for you, and I was more than willing to do anything to get you back… whatever was necessary to see you; to have you by my side again. My love for you has nothing to do with the normal reasons of personality, body, humor, comfort, maturity, history, et cetera, et cetera. I’m simply attached to the entity that is you.” I laid my palm flat over his heart, loving how I could feel its bah-bump, bah-bump in my fingertips. “My Riku. This Riku right here. I love something so abstract and impossible it’s sitting right in front of me.”

In Riku’s eyes, the only thing I could see was my own reflection; any doubt, any anxiety he might have felt before was wiped away by my speech. His lips twittered emptily, unable to form any word or sound to describe whatever was going through his head at that instant. Another idea stuck me. I walked over to his desk and, after shuffling through a drawer or two, picked up a pen. Returning to my place between his legs, I grabbed his left wrist and brought the pen to it.

We both knew it was just ink.

“Forever.”

Even if we had the real fruit, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. They were both superficial promises; ones that were spurred into existence by the mere hope they would hold true for all of eternity. And yet, he didn’t question me as I drew the little star on his skin and kissed it, nor when I brought it to his lips.

“Forever.”

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The Beginning

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Official Story Length (excluding the epilogue): 31,178 words

Editor’s Notes (ifthedeadwerealive): 1) This took too damn long, but I love her for it anyway. 2) Our summary for the part before the shower scene- Sora: “Ew, Riku! You stinky. You washy.” Riku: “Ehh…. Can’t get up!” Sora: “Me helpy you washy.” 3) “We can’t hide forever, Riku.”

Author’s Notes: I officially decided that the melody Sora and Riku hum while brushing their teeth is the first minute and 20 seconds of “Always on My Mind” from the Kingdom Hearts Soundtrack: CD B. It makes me all angsty on the inside whenever I listen to it. It is perfection.

And just in case I wasn’t perfectly clear concerning Riku’s intentions and misunderstandings: In the second chapter, Sora tries to take advantage of having Riku’s lips against his to kiss him. When Riku realizes what Sora is doing, he pulls away and all Sora can manage to do is say, “Uh, umm. Well, uh, ah, are you going to let me go, or do you want to um, do you want us to—to… yeah…?” Sora had no clue what was stumbling out of his mouth, but what Riku understood of it was basically—“let me go or do you want to yeah with me.” Riku thinks that Sora, who knows that Riku has been with at the very least Ansem the Heartless, is using him. That’s why Riku gets really upset when Sora wants to go further: for him, oral was still appeasing Sora without getting too involved; but to do what Sora (and Riku) really wanted was far too intimate for the older boy’s comfort, but Riku, being just as weak as Sora, gives in. Riku believing that Sora was using him is also why Riku didn’t pursue Sora afterwards; opting to search for the intimacy he needs in the arms of another man.

Ah, the angst of it all!

I’m finally done. I started this over a year ago, but between awkward transitions, essays, finals, term papers, work, and writer’s block, I got nothing done. Ever. The story itself came out more angst-ridden than I planned. Can you imagine this started out as a really, really upbeat fluff fiction? Sigh. Thanks to anyone who has made it thus far. To anyone who took the time to write a review (or two, three, and especially to those who wrote four), I want you to know that you made the time it took me to write this worth it. For this, I graciously give to thee my love... and angstyCupcakes.

What the hell, let’s throw in an epilogue!

NINETEEN AND TWELVE THREE HUNDRED SIXTY-FIFTHS YEARS LATER

Sora does not get stepped on by a giant, four-armed mechanical monkey. Riku doesn’t trip over his shoelaces and die. Nobody has gotten diabetes from eating so much sea-salt ice cream. Kairi is still hot. Sora’s friends from Radiant Gardens (cough...cough…Hollow Bastion…cough) and Mickey’s castle visit so often they’re really just one big happy.

Because Sora cannot biologically become pregnant no matter what some fangirls say, the amount of children Sora and Riku have isn’t proof of the fact that Riku still gets laid, but we all know he does… often. Their adorable adopted children do exist, but the only one you have to worry about is Leon Cloud- because he’s special. I mean, come on! His name is fricking Leon Cloud-!

Anyway, despite all the angst some evil writer put Sora, Riku and the rest through years before, said writer wanted to make sure that the last sentence really spoke to the heart, was beautiful, heartwarming, inspirational… Ah, screw it.

All was well.