Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did...i really don't know what i would do.

It's Mika-chan! I'm starting a lot of stories, aren't i? This is a little different than my usual SasoDei. There will be KakuHi and KiTachi as side pairings...yeah. Let the deadly tale begin!

"No. Absolutely not."

Sasori was standing in the living room with Pein and Kisame. Before them stood a young blonde ninja from Iwa. Long blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail, but some hair remained to cover one side of his face.

"You're going to have to live with it, Sasori." Pein said. "Deidara is your partner."

"Orochimaru left." Kisame said, leaning against SHARKSKIN.

"I'm aware of that, Kisame." The redhead said. "But why him?"

"What's wrong with me, un?" the blonde known as Deidara asked.

"You look like you'll get killed on the very first mission, idiot." Sasori said harshly.

"You'll have to live with it." Pein said. "Akatsuki needs a new member and Deidara can take Orochimaru's spot."

"I still don't like it…" Sasori said, knowing that he would never win this fight.

"You'll meet the other members soon." Pein told Deidara. "But first, you must scratch out your headband."

"Why?" Deidara asked.

"You are severing any ties you have with your village by joining Akatsuki." Kisame explained. "You will no longer call Iwa your home."

"I don't call it my home anyway, hmm." Deidara nodded.

"You will receive your first mission with Sasori in a few days." Pein told Deidara. "In that time, I suggest you get used to the way things are run around here."

Deidara nodded. Kisame and Pein left for their rooms, leaving Deidara and Sasori standing by themselves.

"What now, un?" Deidara asked.

"We need to get you a cloak." Sasori said.

Deidara followed the Puppet Master into his room. While the redhead looked through his closet, Deidara asked, "So what do we do here?"

"Right now," Sasori began, "We are trying to capture the Beasts."

"Which ones do we have now, un?" Deidara asked.

"Several." Sasori said. "We don't have enough to finance another capture."

"Finance?" Deidara frowned.

"Each capture costs a lot of money." Sasori explained. "Hidan and Kakuzu, mostly Kakuzu, are the bounty fetchers. Much to Hidan's dislike, of course." He pulled out a cloak, sized it on Deidara, and then put it back, deciding that it was too small. "Kakuzu does a lot of the money management. He calls himself the Treasurer."

"Is he, hmm?" Deidara asked.

"Nope." Sasori said. "Hidan considers himself the master at religions, but he's a pain in the ass." He rolled his eyes. "Always trying to convert everyone. And that's another thing." Sasori turned to face the blonde.

"What is?"

"If Hidan tries to convert you, which he will, just attack him or something." Sasori said. "Well, don't. It's ridiculously hard to kill him."

"Just stab him in the heart, un." Deidara said.

"It won't work." Sasori shook his head. "Hidan is a Jashinist, which makes him Immortal. He's always said if there's a way to kill himself, he'd done it years ago."

"Is he suicidal?" Deidara asked.

"Nah." Sasori shook his head. "He's just violent like that." He found a cloak and handed it to Deidara. "See if this fits, idiot."

"Why do you keep calling me idiot?" Deidara scowled as he pulled on the black cloak.

"Because you are one." Sasori said. "How does it feel?"

"It fits." Deidara said. "Do I wear this all the time?"

"Yep." Sasori said. "And we have to paint your nails."

"My nails, un?!" Deidara yelped. "Why?"

"It's the rule." Sasori shrugged.

"What colour?" Deidara asked.

"Everyone wears purple." Sasori explained.

"But yours are green, un." Deidara pointed out.

"I can't help that." Sasori said. "I'll explain later. It has nothing to do with the colour of the nail polish, but the colour of my nails."

Deidara wasn't sure what Sasori meant, but decided to drop the subject.

"So when do I paint my nails, hmm?" Deidara asked.

"You could start now." Sasori said, tossing the blonde a new jar of nail polish. "I need to redo mine too."

The 2 walked out to the living room, where a certain silver-haired Jashinist was on the floor in the middle of a praying session.

"Don't forget to clean up the blood, Hidan." Sasori reminded him.

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" Hidan snapped, amethyst eyes closed.

"Kakuzu and I always have to clean up the blood that you use for your praying sessions." The redhead said. "And we're going to paint Deidara's nails now."

"So this is the new kid, huh?" Hidan said, opening his eyes and scanning Deidara up and down. "What village is he from?"

"Iwa." Deidara said.

"Jutsu type?"

"Works of art, un."

"Huh?"

Deidara reached his hand into the clay pouch at his side and ingested some explosive clay. After working with it for a few seconds, the palm-mouths produced 2 small clay spiders. Deidara threw them in the air, made a hand sign, and yelled, "Katsu!" The birds exploded, causing Hidan to jump back a few feet. Sasori, on the other hand, remained calm and didn't react.

"What in the name of Jashin-sama was that?" Hidan demanded.

"My art." Deidara said. "I use explosions to defeat the enemy."

"Just as long as you don't fucking blow up the fucking hideout." Hidan said.

"Don't you have something to do, Hidan?" Sasori said impatiently to the Jashinist.

"Actually, yes." Hidan said. "I need to wake up Kakuzu."

"Don't be so loud." Sasori said. "Last time was bad enough."

"Don't count on it." Hidan smiled as he entered what Deidara assumed was Kakuzu's room, whoever Kakuzu was.

"What do you mean by 'last time'?" the blonde frowned.

"Kakuzu and Hidan were having sex really loudly." Sasori said simply, like there was nothing unusual about this. "And annoying the rest of us."

"Hidan's gay, un?" Deidara frowned.

"Since he's going out with Kakuzu, I'd say yes." Sasori said. "Nails, Deidara."

Deidara nodded. Slowly, he took the brush out of the jar of nail polish and slowly spread it across his left thumb.

"Are any of the other members going out?" Deidara asked.

"Leader and Konan, for one." Sasori said. "And Itachi and Kisame. Basically, everyone besides me and Zetsu. And now you."

"Do I have to wear nail polish all the time?" Deidara asked.

"All the time." Sasori sighed. "Didn't I tell you this already?"

"No…" Deidara frowned.

"Well, I'm telling you now, idiot." Sasori said.

"But this is so girly, un!" Deidara complained.

"I don't care if it's girly or not." Sasori said, now painting his own nails.

"What torture are we going to do after this?" Deidara said, slightly angry. "Dye our hair?"

"Don't be smart with me." Sasori snapped.

Deidara scowled, but said, "So what are we doing, un?"

"You already have a ring, don't you?" Sasori asked.

"Leader gave me one already." Deidara said, twisting the lid back on the nail polish jar.

"At least you know not to call Leader-sama by his name." Sasori looked relieved. "And we don't have to worry about a ring…"

"So we can make works of art?" Deidara asked eagerly.

"We need to find out who is making dinner." Sasori said.

"Dinner?" Deidara frowned. "We mean we actually make dinner, hmm?"

"What do you think we do?" Sasori snapped. "Order from the closet sushi bar?"

"I seriously doubted it…" Deidara realized that he had said the wrong thing.

Sasori ignored the blonde and walked over to the fridge, where a calendar was hanging on the side. After looking at it for a moment, the redhead said, "Kakuzu…"

"So let's go find him." Deidara said.

"He's with Hidan." Sasori said.

"Oh." Deidara said. "But what does that have to do with anything?"

"Hidan is very protective of Kakuzu when they're having sex." Sasori explained. "This is why you must never interrupt them. I am warning you with every fiber of my being."

"How did you find that out, hmm?" Deidara asked.

"It doesn't matter." The Puppet Master said quickly.

---

Hidan woke up, wondering what time it was. The problem was, he couldn't tell because he had thrown his clock at the wall when he stained his cloak with blood. Ah well. He'd have to find another one eventually. He looked over to see Kakuzu waking up.

"What time is it?" the stitched-nin asked.

"No idea." Hidan said, "I threw my clock against the wall."

"Why?" Kakuzu asked, though he probably knew the answer.

"I was mad." Hidan said.

"You need anger management, Hidan." Kakuzu said, sitting up.

"You always say that." Hidan said. "But being violent is part of my personality! That's just who I am!"

"At least tone it down a bit, ok?" Kakuzu requested. "I don't want to have to sew your head on again."

"But I like it when you sew my head back on." Hidan said, running his fingers along a fresh scar on his neck.

"But it's annoying for me." The stitched-nin said.

"Have you met the new member yet?" Hidan asked, turning over on his side so he could properly talk to his partner.

"Not yet." Kakuzu said. "What's he like?"

"He's from Iwa." Hidan said. "And a pain in the ass…"

"How so?" Kakuzu asked patiently.

"He thinks explosions are works of art." Hidan rolled his amethyst eyes. "And he just doesn't understand anything."

"He's new." Kakuzu said. "I remember when you first joined, Hidan."

"But I wasn't as bad as Deidara." Hidan said.

"Not quite." Kakuzu said. "But you did try to kill almost everyone."

"Can you blame me?" Hidan smiled, something he didn't do very often.

"I killed every single partner before you got here." Kakuzu replied. "If I could tone it down, so can you."

"But I like being violent." Hidan said.

Kakuzu was the only person who ever saw this side of Hidan. Normally, Hidan was rude, repulsive, and downright violent. But when he was alone with Kakuzu, the Jashinist became a lot calmer and didn't feel the need to curse 10 times in a sentence like he usually does. Kakuzu tried to get Hidan to behave this way normally, but the stitched-nin gave up, seeing that Hidan would always be the same around the rest of Akatsuki.

Before Kakuzu could reply, someone knocked on the door.

"What?" the stitched-nin asked.

"It's Sasori and Deidara." Came Sasori's voice. "Can we come in?"

"Tell them no." Hidan muttered under his breath.

"It's ok." Kakuzu said.

The door opened and Deidara and Sasori walked inside. Deidara seemed somewhat embarrassed at seeing Hidan and Kakuzu in bed with each other, and avoided eye contact with either ninja.

"What is it, Sasori?" Kakuzu asked.

"It's your turn to make dinner." The redhead replied.

"I forgot about that." Kakuzu said. "I'll be out in a minute. I need to pry Hidan off of me."

Sasori nodded and departed with Deidara following close behind.

"Now we have to make dinner." Kakuzu said.

"What do you mean 'we'?" the Jashinist questioned.

"You're helping me make dinner." Kakuzu replied.

"You know I end up burning everything!" Hidan exclaimed.

"That's because you start praying while it's cooking." Kakuzu said, pulling on a pair of pants. "You're going to learn how to cook properly."

"I hope you know I won't be as good as Itachi." Hidan said.

Out of all of the Akatsuki, Itachi cooked the best food. Best meaning that the food wasn't burnt or unrecognisable. Kakuzu was known for making unusual dishes and using the other members as guinea pigs to see if the food was edible or not.

"No one is as good as Uchiha." Kakuzu said. "Let's get going. You know how Kisame doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Leaving the room, Kakuzu and Hidan walked out to the living room to find Deidara and Sasori still painting their nails.

"I guess this is Deidara, ne?" Kakuzu assumed, since he had never seen the blonde before in his life.

"That's right." Sasori said. "The pain in the ass that he is."

"I'm not a pain in the ass, Danna!" Deidara glared at the redhead.

"Did you just call him Danna?" Hidan raised his eyebrows.

"What else am I supposed to call him, un?" Deidara frowned.

"Not Danna." Kakuzu pulled Hidan by the arm to the kitchen. "And what's with the weird speech?"

"That's how I am, hmm." Deidara nodded. "I don't even know I'm doing it."

"That explains a lot." Sasori rolled his eyes.

A few minutes later, Kakuzu and Hidan were arguing over what dinner would be. Deidara wondered if he would ever get used to being in Akatsuki.

Am i using enough detail? i really need to work on that...review please!!

next chapter: what do Hidan and Kakuzu make? is it edible?