Title: This Might Be A Problem
Author: Faith V.
Summary: Lisa guessed, early in the game, that Allison Cameron was the anger turned inwards kind, and that was fine, it makes things easier. It’d keep the conflicts between her and House to a minimum, hopefully. Six months after Cameron was hired, Lisa knows she was right.
AN: Set immediatly post-Maternity. Also, the award for most incoherent title in the world goes to...

When she was in college, Lisa started to run. She tired her body until it was just as exhausted as her mind.

Now, she runs because sometimes she feels like she’s going to explode with pent up energy and frustration. It’s not easy being the Dean of Medicine. It’s not easy being Gregory House’s boss and it’s not easy seeing one of the people she cares about the most destroy himself like that. Frustration has, through the last few years, become a constant in her life.

Sometimes Lisa has to stay in the hospital for insane amounts of time, sometimes she has trouble remembering if her sheets are soft lilac or lime green. Sometimes, she sighs, she has to resigne herself to the fact that 48 hours shifts are not exclusive to interns.

Like today. She hasn’t been home in two days and even though things are okay now – as okay as they can be, anyway – she doesn’t want to go home. One baby died and the others were saved and she can’t stand the thought of going home to an empty house. It’s too much sadness to be beared all by herself.

So she stays, she’ll run at the rehab gym, grab a shower in the locker room and then. And then. And then she’ll stay in the hospital, alone but surrounded by people. It’s only marginally better but she’ll take what she can get.

When she gets there, though, she finds one of House’s doctors, and it blows her plans to hell. It’s Cameron, running. She has a good rhythm and Lisa finds herself staring at the young woman. She has a good rhythm, yeah, but also a bunch of anger. Repressed anger, something Lisa’s an expert in.

The way the woman holds herself, well, it’s kind of telling. Lisa guessed, early in the game, that Allison Cameron was the anger turned inwards kind, and that was fine, it makes things easier. It’d keep the conflicts between her and House to a minimum, hopefully. Six months after Cameron was hired, Lisa knows she was right.

But being right doesn’t really matter when she looks at Cameron’s face and realises she’s crying. She’s not just angry, but sad and alone too. Lisa is startled when she’s hit with a wave of empathy. She recognises Cameron’s feelings cause they’re the same as hers. It’s just that, at some point, Lisa forgot how to let herself show them. She hates Cameron a little, it’s so easy for her, looking wounded and fragile, in need of a hug, so easy to be human.

She wants to go and slap some sense into her, tell her to get a grip. After the initial empathy passes, she’s annoyed with the young doctor. Still, she understands how some people would be attracted to her, those vulnerable eyes, that ‘I’m so brave, look at me crying in silence’ thing, she gets it, really, how some people might find it alluring.

Lisa finds herself looking at Cameron like she’s always looked at those girls who rely on their fragility to get what they want, even is she knows it’s not true. It’s almost one in the morning, no one (and especially not House) were supposed to walk in here. Cameron didn’t think she’d have an audience, and maybe that’s what really gets to Lisa.

She can’t see herself in Cameron, she can’t say she was ever this way. Lisa is not breakable, she’s not a ’tough on the outside, mushy on the inside’ person. She’s strong, and tough, weak is not something she knows how to do, it’s not something she’s comfortable around, or knows how to deal with. She hates to see Cameron crying and she hates to know there’s nothing she can do about it. She’s a doctor, she should be able to fix things.

Deliberately, she walks inside the gym. Cameron is startled and then she quickly dries her tears with the back of her hands.

“I didn’t think there’d be anyone here,” she says while pressing a few buttons in the control console. Her speed decreases and her steps become heavier.

“Me neither,” Lisa replies, standing next to Cameron. She crosses her arms in front of her chest and she notices Cameron blush. She lowers her arms again; sometimes she forgets, sports bras and crossed arms do not mix well.

“I was just going to leave.” Cameron steps down, next to Lisa, “I didn’t- I couldn’t-” She stops, doesn’t say anything.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Yeah.”

Cameron leaves and suddenly Lisa’s too sad to run. Her body will never achieve the level of tiredness she’s aiming for tonight anyway.

She decides on taking a hot shower, maybe she’ll manage to relax a bit. It’s all fine until she enters the locker room and she hears the characteristic sounds of muffled sobs. She rolls her eyes, she really hates it when people cry.

“Dr. Cameron?” she asks, standing next to where the sounds come from. She hears a sharp intake of breath and then nothing. “Cameron?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...” she replies, sounding miserable.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, I just, I forgot my towel.”

“Yes, I can see how that can be upsetting.” Lisa rolls her eyes some more, then she looks around, searching for the infamous towel. She sees it on the bench behind her, white with thin lemon green stripes, perfectly folded. She grabs it and takes a deep breath.

“Allison?” The name feels strange in her lips but she figures it’ll help the situation. “Here’s your towel.”

A shaky hand emerges from the shower stall. Lisa hands over the towel, feeling very junior high. A moment later, Allison Cameron gets out of the shower, looking far better than Lisa would have guessed.

“You’re not fine,” Lisa tells her. She crosses her arms (the hell with making anyone uncomfortable) and leans against the wall.

“I’m sorry,” Allison says. “It’s been a rough couple of days, I just-”

She stops talking and raises her eyes to meet Lisa’s. She has “I need a hug” written all over her and Lisa finds herself lowering her arms and inching towards her.

Dammit, she thinks as she opens her arms and closes the gap between her and Allison. “Hey,” she whispers when the younger woman collapses against her, holding her tightly between her arms. “Shh, shh.”

They stay like that for a while and Lisa’s plenty unsure of what this is all about. Is it because she feels the need to comfort Allison? To make it better for her? Lisa’s never been that kind of person and anyway, she thinks she’s better off not knowing why.

the end

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