Disclaimer: Don’t own Life With Derek. ‘Nuff said.

Author’s Note: Aww… you guys are great.

Long chapter up ahead!

X

Code Names for Puberty
Parental Advice

X

Edwin felt like he was in heaven. Lizzie’s lips were warm and soft and unlike anything he’d ever imagined, and for the first time in a long time, he was perfectly content. It was like he was floating on a cloud of some kind, free from any of his usual problems and stresses. For once, all seemed right in the world and then… the unthinkable happened.

Derek’s loud, hoarse coughing - from a virus he’d contracted recently - echoed throughout the sleeping household, jerking Edwin from his reverie and in an instant, the reality of the situation came tumbling down on him.

Lizzie was kissing him. Lizzie was kissing him. Lizzie was kissing him. His dear, sweet, innocent yet clearly naïve and confused step-sister was kissing him and he, her older step-brother who should know better than to take advantage of her during such a vulnerable state, was kissing her back!

With this sudden realization, Edwin’s eyes snapped open and he tore his lips from Lizzie’s, causing her to stumble backwards and hit the door.

“Wha-? Edwin?” She called out breathlessly, furrowing her brow in confusion. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing!” Edwin lied, but the look Lizzie sent him next was a clear indication that she didn’t believe him, so he went on. “I mean… I just… everything’s happening so fast… I’m not sure about this, Liz.”

Lizzie frowned.

“You’re having second thoughts?”

“That’s one way of putting it,” he admitted, looking away from her. “It’s just… we could get into a lot of trouble if we were ever caught, you know?”

“Then let’s be smart about it and not get caught.” Lizzie countered. She leaned forward to try to kiss him again, but Edwin pushed her away.

“No!” His voice was starting to crack due to nerves and lack of sleep, but he didn’t care. “I mean… just let me think it. Just… let me think everything over and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can, okay?”

“And how soon will that be?” asked Lizzie, folding her arms across her chest and narrowing her eyes in a dangerous manner. “A day? A week? What about months? An entire year? How long are we talking, Edwin?”

“I don’t know!” Edwin cried. “Just… you know… long enough to think about this! About… us.”

“‘Us’? What ‘us’? There is no ‘us’ and if you don’t decide soon, there will never be an ‘us’!” Lizzie snapped, and before Edwin could respond, she yanked open the closet door and stormed down the hallway.

He waited until he heard her bedroom door slam shut (all the while, silently thanking whichever deity currently listening that the rest of the family were all made up of deep sleepers) before releasing a shaky breath and sliding down to the floor, where he buried his face between his knees and mentally cursed himself for, once again, being a complete idiot.

X

The next morning, Edwin got up earlier than he usually did in order to avoid any potential run-ins with Lizzie. After what had taken place in the Games Closet the previous night, he wasn’t entirely sure that he was ready to face her just yet and so, he’d set his alarm to go off at six o’clock (an hour and a half earlier than when he normally awoke), avoided the usual morning chaos - such as lineups to the bathroom and Derek and Casey’s usual breakfast banter - and opted to walk to school instead of taking the bus with Lizzie like he usually did and, due to some bizarre stroke of luck, he’d successfully managed to avoid her for the majority of the day.

For the first portion of the day, it seemed as though that for once, luck seemed to actually be on Edwin’s side. During class, their teacher had decided to rearrange the seating order so that he was no longer sitting next to Lizzie in the back anymore. He was now beside Teddy, which, at first, he was perfectly fine with… until it dawned on him that luck was still very much against him when he realized that, due to their new seating arrangement, Lizzie was now sitting beside Jamie, and he was now forced to watch them laugh and joke around together.

While Edwin was somewhat relieved that he didn’t have to interact with Lizzie while she was still mad at him, that didn’t mean that he wanted to sit back and watch - with jealousy radiating off him in waves - her have a good time with Jamie of all people and act like what had happened between them… never happened.

He wasn’t stupid. He knew about Jamie’s crush on Lizzie, and while he knew for a fact that those feelings were obviously not reciprocated (hello? Why would Lizzie kiss him if she liked Jamie?), watching the two goof off and exchange inside jokes during Ms. Parker’s lecture still made Edwin green with envy, and it took most of his willpower not to storm over to them and kiss Lizzie senseless, just to put Jamie in his place. However, he wasn’t too sure how everyone in their class would react to that, so he forced himself to refrain from doing so - but that didn’t mean Jamie was off the hook.

Needless to say, he (and Teddy) spent the majority of their day getting yelled at by Ms. Parker for shooting spitballs at the back of Jamie’s head…

… which was precisely why he now found himself face-to-face with his dad at the dining room table.

“So?” His father wondered out loud, finally breaking the silence that had fallen on them. “Care to explain why Nora and I received multiple phone calls from your teacher concerning your behavior in her class today?”

Edwin shrugged.

“There’s nothing to explain,” he replied casually. “Me and Teddy were just goofing off.”

George sighed.

“Edwin…” he started, “shooting spitballs at another student while your teacher was trying to teach a lesson? That isn’t like you. Derek, maybe, but -” he paused suddenly to allow the light bulb to go off in his mind before looking back at his youngest son. “Don’t tell me…”

Edwin arched an eyebrow.

“Don’t tell you what?” He asked.

George sighed again.

“Edwin, I thought we’ve been over this. You’re your own person and you shouldn’t try to follow in Derek’s footsteps just because you look up to him and think it’s required. I mean, I know he’s your older brother and all, but -”

“What are you talking about?” Edwin cried, cutting his dad off. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but whatever it is, it’s wrong. I am not trying to be like Derek!”

“Then what’s going on, Ed? Why am I suddenly getting phone calls from your teacher - while I’m at work - complaining about your behavior?” George asked. “What’s going on? Huh, Ed? Is there something wrong? Are you having trouble in school? Ed, if you’re being bullied again -”

“Dad, enough with the twenty questions!” Edwin snapped. “Nothing is wrong, okay? I was just having a little fun - that’s all!”

George looked at his son skeptically.

“Are you sure?” He asked. “Because normally you wait until after the lesson to start joking around.”

Edwin rolled his eyes.

“Well, obviously, I didn’t today.” He muttered. “Can I go now?”

George didn’t say anything at first. Instead, he observed his son’s body language. Edwin was exceptionally good at lying - just like Derek - but his body language usually gave him away, and George could tell by the way his son slouched in his chair and the way he fidgeted with his hands and avoided eye contact, that he was lying. However, he couldn’t force the truth out of Edwin if Edwin didn’t want to talk in the first place and so, he just leaned back in defeat.

“Alright, you’re free to go.” He said. “Just make sure I don’t get any more phone calls from your teacher in the near future, okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” Edwin replied absentmindedly, as he rose to his feet and made his way over to the foot of the staircase.

“Oh, and Edwin?” His father called out, stopping Edwin in his tracks and causing him to turn around.

“Yeah?” He asked, gripping the banister tightly.

“I’m always here if you ever need someone to talk to,” George reminded him. “You know that, right?”

“Yeah.” Edwin replied, turning away from him. “Yeah, I know.”

“Good. Just so we’re clear on that.”

Edwin glanced back at his father and forced a grin.

“Of course.”

X

It was official, Edwin realized a few hours later, as he lay in his bed and gazed up at the ceiling.

He was going to drive himself insane.

An hour had passed since dinner - three hours since the talk with his dad - and during these hours, he’d done nothing but contemplate and think about Lizzie’s proposal, much like he’d been doing all day long.

Dinner in itself had been incredibly awkward and tense, since he couldn’t avoid Lizzie during that time. The fact that he sat directly across from her made that task very difficult, and though he’d done a pretty decent job at avoiding eye contact with her, he could still feel hers on him.

That’s not the reason why he was slipping into insanity, though.

No, not that. Rather, it was not telling anyone about his… predicament… that was driving him crazy!

He needed to get it off his chest… he needed advice… he needed closure of some kind.

Of course, he’d considered going to Derek for such things, but given the fact that Derek was, well, Derek… he eventually decided that his brother probably wasn’t the best choice for the type of girl crisis he was currently in.

And what sort of crisis slash predicament was he in?

He was in love.

That’s what.

Well, maybe not in love… “love” was kind of a strong word, after all… but he was attracted to someone - and not just any someone!

His step-sister.

That someone.

And she was apparently attracted to him - at least, that’s the signal she’d given off the previous night, what with her proposal and her little confession about having dreams of him and her kiss…

If that wasn’t attraction, he didn’t know what was.

Still… he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He’d spent most of the day weighing the pros and cons of Lizzie’s proposal, only to discover that they were pretty much equal… which really wasn’t all that helpful in his quest for a final decision, which was why he was now in dire need of advice.

But in order to gain advice, he’d have to tell someone about his problem. He’d have to tell them everything - about his erotic dreams about Lizzie, about Lizzie’s proposal, about… everything!

Unless…

A light bulb went off in Edwin’s head and he sat up with a Cheshire grin on his face.

He didn’t have to tell the whole truth… did he?

He could just… stretch the truth a little, right? No harm in doing that… right?

‘Of course not!’ His mind exclaimed. ‘Besides, what Dad doesn’t know, can’t hurt him.’

With that small boost of reassurance, Edwin quickly slipped out of bed and out of his room. As he made his way down to the main floor, he and Lizzie crossed paths, and for a split second, everything felt like it was in slow motion. Their eyes met briefly - but only briefly, before Lizzie tore her gaze away and hurried by him, elbowing him in the ribs on her way up the stairs.

Edwin stayed put for a minute or two as he scanned his surroundings. He could hear Nora in the kitchen doing the dishes, but Derek didn’t appear to be home - at least, that’s what his empty recliner suggested - and neither did Casey, though he could only assume that she was out with Emily or Max. Or both. Marti was still next door hanging out with Dimi - that he knew for sure.

His eyes fell on his dad next, who was sitting at the dining room table - much like he’d been doing earlier that afternoon. Only this time, he was surrounded by paperwork.

Normally, Edwin would just leave him be and come back later when his dad wasn’t busy, but given the gravity of the situation he was in… he wasn’t sure he could afford to do that.

“Hey… Dad?” He greeted.

The uncertainty was evident in his voice, but his dad didn’t appear to notice as he glanced up from his paperwork.

“Yeah, Ed?”

Edwin fought the urge to bite his lip.

“Umm… can we talk?” He asked. “Or are you too busy? ‘Cause I could always come back later when you’re not b-”

“No, no!” George interrupted, pushing his paperwork aside and motioning to the seat next to him. “I’m not busy at all!”

“Are you sure?” asked Edwin, not wanting to impose or anything.

“Absolutely,” his dad replied. “Now sit down and talk away. I’m all ears.”

Edwin hesitated for a moment before slumping down in the chair.

“Okay, so… earlier today, I lied. There is something going on… just not what you think.” He told him. “I’m not having trouble in school or being bullied or anything like that. See… I have this friend - Daniel, right - and he… well, there’s this girl -”

“A girl, eh?” George chuckled. “So it’s that kind of problem. So who’s this girl?”

“Uh… I don’t really know…” Edwin admitted, as his eyes darted around the dining room. When his father sent him a quizzical look, he blurted out the first lie that he could think of. “I mean… what I meant to say was… I don’t know her. She’s in a different class than us - I think her name’s… umm… Jordan? Yeah, that’s it… and well… Daniel really likes her, and he thinks she might like him back.”

“And why does he think that?” asked George. “And more importantly, why haven’t I met this “Daniel” before?”

“Well… she sort of kissed him.” Edwin replied. “And he’s… he moved here last semester, so he’s kind of new at our school… but that’s not the point! The point is… what should he do now?”

George sighed.

“Well, that depends… does Daniel know for sure that this girl likes him back?”

“Well, she asked him out, so… he’s pretty sure.” Edwin replied.

“Then why doesn’t he just say yes?” asked George.

“Because!” Edwin cried. “They’re really good friends and they could get into a lot of trouble!”

George furrowed his brow.

“Trouble?” He asked. “Why’s that?”

“Their families don’t really like each other. It’s kind of like this whole ‘Romeo and Juliet’-esque thing, really.” Edwin explained. “So… what should he do?”

George scratched the side of his head and shrugged.

“I wish I knew, Ed.” He said. “I mean, to me… it sounds like your friend is in a pretty tight situation… there’s not a lot he can do, but…”

“But…?”

“If I were in your shoes, I’d tell your friend to just go for it.” George told him. “I mean, if he really likes this girl… and if she really likes him back… then why not? They shouldn’t be deprived of their happiness because their families have issues with each other. Do you know what I’m saying, Ed?”

Edwin nodded slowly as he allowed his father’s words to sink in and register in his mind.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I think I do.”

“Good.” George replied. “Was I any help?”

Edwin grinned at him as he stood up.

“Yeah. A lot of help.” He said. “Thanks, Dad!”

“What are dads for?” George replied, watching as his son bounded up the stairs.

“What was that about?” asked Nora, emerging from the kitchen with five brown envelopes - report cards.

She set them down in front of him.

“How are they?” He dared to ask, a little nervous to find out.

“They’re fine.” His wife replied. “Derek’s average is a little higher than last time… Edwin and Casey are straight A’s as usual… Marti’s doing really well in Art, and Lizzie’s is a mix of A’s and B’s.”

“I see,” said George, spreading the envelopes out in order to decide whose report he was going to look at first.

That’s when he noticed something strange about Edwin and Lizzie’s reports.

Edwin’s was addressed to, “Edwin Daniel Venturi” whereas Lizzie’s was addressed to, “Elizabeth Jordan McDonald”.

Their middle names immediately became the focus of his attention.

Daniel and… Jordan?

It couldn’t be… could it?

“What’s wrong? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” Nora teased, wrapping her arms around him.

“No,” he croaked, shaking his head. “Not a ghost. Just… I realized that I didn’t know Lizzie’s middle name until today. Pretty sad, huh?”

“No, not sad. You’re still learning.” Nora scolded, kissing him on the cheek. “Speaking of Lizzie, though… she’s been moping around all day. I think I need to have a little talk with her.”

“You do that,” said George. “In the meantime, I’ll take a look at these.”

“Okay. Have fun!” Nora kissed his cheek one last time before making her way up the stairs.

Meanwhile, George brought his attention back to the report cards. After a few minutes, he let out a small chortle.

“Georgie-boy, age is obviously starting to get to you. You’re losing your mind. Edwin and Lizzie? Please.”

X

Lizzie couldn’t help but scowl bitterly as she paced back and forth in her room. Her homework sat forgotten on her bed, while various sheets of papers proclaiming Edwin’s “jerkness” lay scattered across her desk and floor.

The reason for this? Quite simple, really.

Try as she might, Lizzie just couldn’t get the youngest Venturi boy out of her head. He was all she could think about lately. Every time she tried to concentrate on something else - something that wasn’t even remotely Edwin-related, like soccer or Tae Kwon Do or homework - her thoughts would just drift back to him. She couldn’t even escape him in her dreams! He was everywhere, it seemed, and it was really starting to get on her nerves.

Sort of.

At least, that’s what she tried to convince herself. She tried to convince herself that she was annoyed - that deep down, she didn’t want to even think about him - but deep down, she knew she didn’t mind it as much as she tried to make herself believe, and although that didn’t necessarily bug her… Edwin’s recent attitude towards her during the past few days sure as hell did.

He’d been avoiding her like the plague lately… and he didn’t agree to her proposition immediately like she’d hoped… and when she had tried to change his mind by kissing him a second time, he’d only pushed her away.

Needless to say… it stung. A lot. It made her feel rejected in a way. It made her feel ugly. It made her feel like her heart had just been ripped out of her chest and stomped on.

It made her feel angry.

“Lizard?” A voice called out, snapping Lizzie out of her thoughts and causing her to whip around.

“Mom!” She cried when she spotted her mother standing in her doorway. “What the heck? Doesn’t anyone ever knock in this house anymore?”

Nora seemed slightly taken aback by her daughter’s tone - and a little scared, too, so she quickly held up her hands in defense.

“Relax, kiddo. I knocked. You were probably too busy pacing to hear, though.”

Lizzie seemed to calm down a bit.

“Oh,” she said. “Well… how long have you been standing there?”

“Not long.” Nora assured her.

Lizzie crossed her arms.

“So… what do you want?”

“Oh, nothing…” replied Nora, stepping further into her room and shutting the door behind her. “I just want to talk.”

‘Of course. Why doesn’t that surprise me?’ Lizzie thought irritably as she sat down on the edge of her bed.

Her mother quickly followed suit.

“So…” she started, drumming her fingers against her knees and glancing around the messy room. “What’s new?”

“Not much.” Lizzie replied simply.

“Are you sure?”

The youngest McDonald looked up, confusion etched across her face.

“Yeah…” she said slowly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Nora replied, shrugging. “You just seem a little… out of your element, lately.”

“What do you mean?” asked Lizzie.

Nora didn’t respond at first. Lizzie watched as her mother leaned forward to pick up a piece of discarded paper off the floor and read through it.

“‘Here lies Edwin Venturi: King of the Jerks’,” she read out loud, before glancing up at her daughter and arching an eyebrow. “Liz… are you and Edwin fighting?”

“No!” Lizzie snapped. “What makes you think that?”

Nora sighed and flipped the paper so that she could see. It was a drawing of a tombstone with Edwin’s name on it.

Lizzie sighed and rolled her eyes.

“It’s for Art.” She lied.

“Really, now?”

Lizzie didn’t reply.

Nora sighed and scooted closer.

“Liz… if you and Edwin are fighting, the best thing for you guys to do is talk to each other about it. You can’t just mope around the house ignoring each other all day because eventually you’ll have so much anger bottled up inside you that you’ll explode. Then you’ll end up saying things that you’ll only regret later on.” Nora paused to hug her close before continuing. “You and Edwin have always gotten along and I’d really hate to see a small fight or disagreement tear all that apart. Do you see what I’m saying, Liz?”

Lizzie nodded slowly, but didn’t say anything so Nora went on.

“That’s good.” She said, before letting out a small giggle. “You know, originally when I was coming up to talk to you, I thought it might be about hormones or boys or -”

“Mom!” Lizzie whined, pulling out of her mother’s hold and scooting as far away from her as possible. “Not the hormone talk again! I thought we were over this!”

“I know, I know,” said Nora. “All I’m saying is that… adolescence is -”

“I’m not listening to this.” Lizzie announced, covering her ears as she stood up and walked over to her door.

“Liz -” began Nora, but as soon as her daughter opened the door, a loud shriek cut her off.

“DER-EK!” Casey’s voice bellowed throughout the household.

Nora flinched, briefly wondering why she hadn’t gone deaf by that point before glancing over at her youngest daughter, who just smiled innocently at her.

“Duty calls.” She reminded her.

Nora sighed and nodded, before standing up and exiting her daughter’s bedroom to go downstairs and check her other daughter - but not before reminding Lizzie that they would have another talk in the near future.

When she finally out of earshot, Lizzie sighed and slumped against her door, where she stayed like that for a good five minutes before curiosity got the better of her.

She could hear Casey yelling at Derek for something, but what that something was… she didn’t know, but she was certainly going to find out. With that thought in mind, she switched off her bedroom light (after all, wasting electricity was an environmental hazard) and made her way down the dark hallway, but before she could reach the stairs, a hand shot out and clamped over her mouth while another grabbed her wrist, where it then pulled her into a much darker and more cramped space.

There, she found herself pressed uncomfortably between a shelf and another body.

She could hear (and feel) someone breathing heavily against her neck, and didn’t say anything as the hand was removed from her mouth.

“I accept your proposal, Miss McDonald.” Edwin’s voice whispered into her ear, sending chills up her spine.

Before she could reply, though, Edwin’s lips came crashing down on hers.

X

My God that was a long chapter, wasn’t it? Seriously, I think that’s the longest chapter I’ve ever written. Seriously!

I really hope you guys enjoyed. I actually like how this chapter turned out… apart from the Nora/Lizzie bonding… but everything else, absolutely.

Tell me what you think!

REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!

-Lady Azura-