Disclaimer: Don’t own Life With Derek. ‘Nuff said.

Author’s Note: Once again, thanks for the reviews. You guys are awesome. No, seriously, you are.

Yeah, so this chapter has quite a lot of… ahem, LANGUAGE in it. Particularly in the beginning. I, personally, blame South Park for this, since I was watching it while I wrote the first half of the chapter. So, if any of you are offended by the swearing… my apologies.

Enjoy!

X

Code Names for Puberty
Busted

X

“Dude, seriously, where were you all weekend? I called your house, like, fifty times!”

At the sound of Teddy Jones’ voice, Edwin glanced up from his lunch and watched as his friend settled down across from him. When Teddy proceeded to shoot him a “what-the-hell?” kind of look, Edwin just raised an eyebrow at him before turning his head away and allowing his gaze to wander around the crowded cafeteria.

A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth when he spotted Lizzie not too far away, standing in line while she waited to buy food after forgetting her lunch at home. Being her step-brother and boyfriend, he had, of course, offered to share his own, but seeing as though it was a turkey sandwich and she was a vegetarian, she’d refused and instead, opted to buy her own, even if she had to waste ten minutes waiting in a ridiculously long lineup to do so.

“Damn.” Teddy’s voice jerked Edwin from his reverie. “Lizzie’s got some nice legs. She should show ‘em off more often.”

His perverse comment made Edwin absolutely livid. It made his fists clench and his blood boil, and had he been as short-tempered and impulsive as his brother, he probably would’ve wiped the lecherous grin off Teddy’s face right there and then. Fortunately, however, he was able to maintain a seemingly cool exterior, even though he was practically fuming on the inside.

“Shut up.” He managed to growl out. “That’s my sister you’re talking about, moron.”

Teddy scoffed at this and rolled his eyes.

“Relax, Ed.” He said. “I meant no offense. I was merely speaking the truth.”

“The truth.” Edwin deadpanned. “And what would that be?”

A dramatic pause ensued - one in which Teddy seemed to be thinking long and hard about the question just asked. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, he spoke.

“That your step-sister is hot.” He stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He was completely oblivious to the venomous glare - courtesy of Edwin - he was receiving as he went on, “Man, you’re so lucky. You actually get to live with her. And her sister. So you’ve basically got two hot chicks living under your roof, you lucky bastard.” He let out a brief laugh. “Seriously, though, I don’t know how you do it. How do you have so much self-control? I mean, if I was in your shoes, I’d be totally taking advantage of it. I’d be in Lizzie’s room every chance I could get, fucking her so ha -”

Teddy didn’t even have time to finish his sentence before Edwin’s fist collided with his jaw, sending him flying backwards. A few shrieks echoed throughout the cafeteria, causing people to stop whatever it was they were doing to see what was going on. Students watched, mouths agape, as Edwin - who was usually so calm and collected - stood up and walked around the table, kneeling beside Teddy’s body as the other boy thrashed around on the floor, cursing loudly in pain.

By the time Teddy found the strength to sit up, a crowd had already begun to form.

“Dude!” He yelled at Edwin. “What the hell’s your problem?”

Edwin narrowed his eyes.

“My problem? My problem? You know exactly what my problem is!” He shouted. “I can’t believe you said that - and about Lizzie, of all people!”

Teddy sat up straight.

“Wait. That’s why you punched me? Because of what I said about Lizzie?”

“She’s my sister!” Edwin cried.

“Oh, don’t make me laugh!” Teddy sneered. “I’ve seen the way you look at her - the way you’ve always looked at her. Those aren’t the eyes of a brother; they’re the eyes of a lover! So I suggest you stop using the ‘sister’ excuse because you’re little façade isn’t fooling anyone. We all know you’ve got the hots for her, you incestuous freak!”

Gasps echoed all around them, followed by whispers and murmurs, but neither Edwin nor Teddy paid any attention. They were far too busy glaring at one another to really notice.

“Take that back.” Edwin glowered. “Take that back right now or I’ll -”

“You’ll what?” Teddy challenged. “Punch me again? For what? Speaking the truth?”

“Shut up and take it back!” Edwin snarled.

“No.”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“Christ, Teddy, just take it back!”

There was a brief pause, and then…

“Make me.”

Edwin lost it. He couldn’t contain his anger any longer, and without warning, he tackled Teddy to the floor and started beating him. He hit his face, his neck, his head, his chest… anywhere he could reach. He didn’t care. All he wanted to do was hurt Teddy - to inflict as much pain on him as he possibly could, and make him pay for the things he’d said about Lizzie.

Teddy fought back, though. Using his strength, he pushed the Venturi off of him before taking a swing at his face, nailing him directly in the eye.

Edwin cried out as soon as contact was made, and both boys knew that he’d probably be sporting a black eye by the time dinner rolled around.

By this point, the entire cafeteria was crowded around them. Some students stood completely statuesque, eyes wide and mouths gaping because none of them knew what to do. Others cheered and jeered as loudly as they could, egging the fight on.

“Get off me, jackass!” Edwin shouted, thrusting his fist forward and hitting Teddy square in the chest, just hard enough to knock him off balance and give him the upper hand.

Once he had Teddy pinned beneath him, he glared down at the chunkier boy with as much hatred as he could possibly muster, fist poised and ready to strike at any given time.

Teddy just grinned smugly at him.

“Go on, Eddy. Hit me.” He dared. “You know you want to.”

Oh, he did. He wanted nothing more than to do just that.

Edwin’s fist tightened, making his knuckles go completely white, and just as he was about to abide to Teddy’s request, he heard Lizzie’s voice.

“Edwin… what are you doing?”

Edwin’s fist froze right before it reached Teddy’s face. He blinked twice, confused, before craning his neck to glance behind him. He was startled to find Lizzie standing there, accompanied by Jamie, Michelle, Jason and even Ronnie - all of whom, minus Ronnie, looked positively horrified at the scene taking place in front of them.

As the reality of the situation dawned on him, he locked eyes with Lizzie, whose expression was unreadable. He couldn’t tell if she was angry or scared or… anything, really. Her face was just… blank.

Unconsciously, his fist uncurled and dropped, his arm falling limply at his side. Without another word, he climbed off Teddy’s bruised and battered body and stood slowly, making his way over to Lizzie with his head hung so that she wouldn’t be able to see his face.

“C’mon,” he murmured, wrapping a protective arm around her. “Let’s go.”

He was about to lead her out of the cafeteria when Teddy called out to him.

“Where are you going, Venturi?” He asked. “Gonna go fuck Lizzie in the janitor’s closet? You guys seem to really like small spaces, after all.”

That’s all it took. That one little comment, before Edwin snapped again.

Whipping around, he lunged at Teddy - ignoring Lizzie and Michelle’s pleas to “calm down” and “knock it off”. Teddy, who hadn’t expected Edwin to move so quickly, barely had time to register what was going on before the Venturi’s fist met his face for the umpteenth time that day.

A sickening crunch sounded soon after, followed closely by Teddy’s agonized cry, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that Edwin had just broken his nose.

“Edwin!” Lizzie was at his side in an instant. “What did you do?”

Edwin didn’t say anything - couldn’t say anything. All he could do was stare at his curled fist in shock, unable to believe what he’d just done. By the time the shock wore off, two minutes had already passed. Teddy lay sprawled out on the ground, covering his bloody and broken nose as a string of profanities left his lips. Finally, Edwin turned to face his girlfriend, opening his mouth to say something, but before any words could come out, the Principal’s voice cut him off.

“What in God’s name is going on in here?”

That’s when Edwin knew he was in trouble.

Big time.

X

Not even an hour had passed since the fight at lunch before Edwin found himself back at home - having been suspended from school for an entire week - while his dad and Nora paced back and forth in front of him, berating him for his poor judgment and arguing with each other about how, exactly, they were going to go about punishing him, because compared to Derek, he was (usually) an angel who rarely ever got in trouble.

“Should we ground him? Take away his video games? What about his comic books?”

“Yes, but for how long?”

“Two months?”

“I don’t know, Georgie… that seems a bit harsh for his first offense. How about one month?”

“How’s that gong to teach him anything?”

Edwin rolled his eyes as he continued to watch the exchange between his father and Nora. He was so bored and Lizzie wouldn’t be home for another three hours and when she did finally get home, she was probably going to go all parental on him. Marti would be kept in the dark, of course - Derek was a bad enough influence, after all - even though she’d eventually find out anyways. Derek and Casey… well, Derek probably wouldn’t care, but he was almost positive that Casey was going to scold him when she got the chance. It was inevitable.

“Well?” His dad’s voice brought him back to the present. Glancing up, Edwin discovered that his dad and Nora had stopped arguing and their attention was now focused solely on him again. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Edwin just shrugged.

“What do you want me to say?” He asked.

“Uh, an explanation might be nice.” Nora said.

Her husband nodded in agreement.

Edwin furrowed his brow.

“Why? Mr. Greenberg already told you what happened.” He pointed out.

“Yes, but we want to hear your side of the story.”

Edwin groaned. He really didn’t want to discuss the entire ordeal with his dad and step-mom. The content would just make them suspicious of him and Lizzie, and he certainly couldn’t have that. So, instead, he stated the obvious.

“I fought with Teddy.”

“We know that.” George said. “What want to know is why you fought with him.”

“And at school, no less!” Nora added. “I thought you two were friends…”

“Oh, we were. Not anymore, though.” Edwin muttered, folding his arms across his chest.

“Why?” asked Nora. “What happened?”

Edwin sighed, tilting his head back and staring up at the ceiling. For about a minute or so, he stayed silent, counting the little patterns on the ceiling in his head to pass the time. Finally, he looked back at his girlfriend’s mother and spoke.

“He was being a jerk,” he said. “He never knows when to shut up, so when he started talking about Lizzie… saying those things about her… I don’t know. I guess I just lost control and punched him.”

Nora’s expression suddenly became very worried and she shot her husband a strange look. George didn’t seem to catch on, however, and remained looking kind of confused and out of the loop.

“What… what kind of stuff?” Nora asked slowly, turning back to face her youngest step-son.

Edwin didn’t reply at first. He didn’t know how. He just couldn’t bring himself to tell her the kinds of vulgar things that Teddy had been saying about her daughter. He knew Nora wasn’t stupid, though. She probably had an idea, what with being a female and all, but… really, what sort of mother in her right mind would ever want to find out that her twelve-year-old daughter was the subject of numerous dirty fantasies?

Swallowing nervously, he met Nora’s gaze.

“Oh, you know… stuff.” He said. “Just… stuff.”

Nora bit her lip.

Edwin glanced over at his dad.

“Can I go now?” He asked.

“Now, just wait a -”

“No, George. Just… let him go. We’ll talk about his punishment later.” Nora said, fixing her husband with a stern look. “Right now, I need to talk to you. In private. Edwin, go to your room and stay there until we call you down.”

Edwin just nodded and rose to his feet. He didn’t say another word as he bounded up the stairs and left his dad and Nora to talk alone.

X

For the first half an hour, Edwin did nothing but lay in his bed and gaze up at the ceiling as the day’s events played over and over again in his mind like an old black and white movie. He’d finally calmed down, it seemed, but there was a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach and a nagging voice in the back of his head, telling him that he’d overreacted with Teddy and that he’d only regret his actions later.

‘Later’ came much sooner than he’d anticipated, however. The more Edwin continued to dwell on and think about the fight, the worse the feeling in his stomach became. A inner battle began raging on inside of him, and he couldn’t figure out whether or not he’d made the right decision. One half of him thought so - thought that Teddy had gotten exactly what he deserved. The other half, though, thought that breaking his nose was too harsh and kept reminding him that, despite the fact that Teddy could be a jerk sometimes, he was still his friend, and by doing what he did… Edwin might’ve just jeopardized eight years of friendship.

Edwin sighed loudly and rolled over to face his clock. It was almost 1:30 in the afternoon. Just a few more hours and Lizzie would finally be home and he wouldn’t be bored out of his mind anymore. He dreaded the lecture he was bound to get, though.

In the meantime, however, he decided to take a nap - he had nothing better to do, after all, thanks to his punishment.

After a while, his eyes began to droop shut, and it wasn’t long before he was engulfed by darkness.

X

It was the sound of persistent knocking at his door that finally jarred Edwin from his slumber, causing him to jerk forward too soon and fall out of bed in a heap of tangled sheets on the floor. When he managed to finally untangle himself from the dark green material, he crawled out on his hands and knees and was about to lift himself back up onto his bed when someone cleared their throat.

“Ahem.”

Edwin froze.

Eyes wide, he slowly (and hesitantly) turned around. Instantly, his gaze landed on his brother, who stood leaning against his doorframe with his arms folded and a Cheshire grin on his face.

“You are so busted.”

X

And that’s the end of chapter 7. It was really painful to write. I actually really don’t like this chapter… aside from the beginning, it’s rather dull, I find, and it irks me. It didn’t turn out as I’d originally planned.

In any case, I hope you guys enjoyed. Hopefully. I know the language and implied innuendos may be a little… uhh… uneasy to read for some of you, since Edwin and Lizzie are only in 7th and 8th grade… but Teddy’s vulgarity shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. I’ve met some pretty vulgar tweens. It’s just getting worse and worse with each generation, I swear.

Again, I also wrote this while watching South Park, so that might’ve also influenced the language a bit, haha.

So… yep. That’s pretty much all I can think of right now.

Now, do me a favor and click that awesome purple REVIEW button and tell me what you think!

Please?

-Lady Azura-