[A/N]: Here is another update! I hoped you liked the previous chapter and the bit at the end. I know I brought some of your hopes up. Well here it is. Enjoy.

Chapter 38

“I guess it's not the way
you always planned it
looks like you're heading for a
crash landing
that's just the way it looks
from where I’m standing
from where I’m standing”

--Schuyler Fisk (From Where I’m Standing)

It was their anniversary. I could see in the doctor’s eyes the love he had for my mother. His every small move – a stroke on the cheek, a kiss, a hug, and an “I love you” – made my mother smile to no end. I hid from them while they were in the house. From the sight of me, I knew my mother’s smile would do a flip. So, I stayed away. I stayed quiet. I stayed hidden. I didn’t want to ruin their happiness.

Today also marks my car accident a year after. Car “accident”, I thought and chuckled to myself. Who knew that I would be laughing at myself a year after my tragic, life changing moment? I no longer needed or had the crutches, but there was an occasional limp. …And my deafness? I call it cruel irony.

I no longer had music in my life. Then, I must no longer need my hearing. It made sense.

I stayed in my room, as long as I could, occupying myself with things to do. Homework, Myspace, and looking up videos on YouTube filled my morning. But boredom hit me quick soon after. I tiptoed down the hall and went up the fragile stairs to the attic. The room looked old, felt old, and even smelled old. I grabbed a dusty chair and pulled it to the centre of the room. I sat letting the scenery in.

They were boxes of my father’s things. His old clothes, his equipment, and old work stuff were piled up. A light reflection caught my eye – a trumpet case, my father’s very own. I slowly made myself to the small box. My fingers felt the material it was made of. Then they followed the metal lining across the sides. They made it to the latch. I realized my body was trembling of nervousness.

Open it.

Don’t.

“Jody!” I heard my stepfather’s voice downstairs. I let go of the trumpet case and quickly made my way down the stairs. I found the doctor by the front door putting his coat on. “I’m going to pick up some food real quick. I’ll be right back.” Then I was left alone with my mother.

I walked into the kitchen, realizing I hadn’t eaten anything. She was there drinking her coffee, staring off into space. Then something hit me. Anger. I could feel my blood boiling and fume spewing from my ears. I looked at my mother. She did not look back. I pounded my fist on the dining table. I looked at my mother. She did not look back. I clenched my teeth together and was in pain. My eyes were watery. The sight was a blur. I hissed, “Mom.” I looked at her. She did not look back.

Furious, I began to curse. I rarely cursed.

“Mom!” I cried. “Say something! Yell at me! Fucking, hit me!” I could feel spit flying from my mouth. “Why won’t you talk to me? Why can’t you even look at me?” I was on my knees, now. I was begging. I looked at my mother. She was looking at me. Her expression was blank.

I had to leave. I grabbed a jacket and my keys and ran out the door. The car took awhile to heat up, but once it was ready, I was off. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Andrew’s number. “Andrew speaking,” he said.

“Hey. Can I come over?”

I heard him laugh. “Joey? Is that you?”

“Yes. Can I come over?”

“Sure thing,” he answered.

“Thanks. I’m outside your house right now.” I threw my phone in the glove compartment and walked up to the door. Before I could even lift my hand to knock on the door it was open. He came in for a hug, but lifted me instead of letting go and carried me into his house.

“Now, little girl,” he says as we pull away, but still has his hands on my arms. He gave a pouting face. “What is the matter? You look like you haven’t slept.”

“Nothing,” I answered, sniffing. “Do you mind if I spend the night tonight? I really don’t want to be home right now.”

“What’s going on at home?” he asked.

“It’s not important.”

“Yes it is,” he began to raise his voice. “You wouldn’t be here, otherwise.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I reacted with attitude. I was still angry.

But the thing was, Andrew looked just as annoyed and pissed off. That got me questioning. “God damn it, Jody. You always come here when you’re angry and pissed off. It’s as if I’m your go-to-guy when you’re not feeling well. That’s all I am to you. You’re just using me as your shoulder to cry on and then blow me off later. Explain that to me.”

I was offended. Oliver had given me that same reason when we had broken up.

“Jody,” he said, calmer. “I don’t think I can keep being that guy. I like you – a lot. But I don’t get the same thing back.”

“That’s how we planned it,” I explained, my chest hurting. “We said that we would keep this an open relationship. That way no one gets hurt.”

“Please. Do you really think I meant that? Do you really think all I wanted was an ‘open relationship’? Jo that was the only way you would actually go out with me. I thought that after awhile we would actually be steady.”

“But we said…” I began, but he cuts me off.

“Stop. I’m tired of it.”

I crossed my arms feeling insecure.

“I think we should…” he began, looking at the ground. “Break up.”

I exhaled. This was all happening to quickly. “Fine.”

I slept in my car in front of the clinic that night.

When we returned to school from winter break, everyone seemed much in a better mood. Everyone except me. My homeroom was filled with students’ chit chattier about their break and what gifts they got on Christmas. I let my head fall to my desk waiting for the bell ring. The bell would wake me up.

Instead, it was Irene. She shook me. “What the hell happened to you?” she asked, sitting in the desk in front of me. “Your dad called me to ask where you were and if I’d seen you around. I tried calling your cell but you wouldn’t answer.”

“Sorry,” I said, rubbing my eyes. “I had a bad break – that’s all. I forgot I had my phone in the car.”

“What happened? Why did you disappear?” she questioned further.

“Nothing.”

“That’s bullshit.” Was she getting impatient with me too? “You can tell me anything, Jo. Did something happen with the college guy?”

“I tried talking to my mom.”

“And?” Her full interest was deep under the conversation now.

“She wouldn’t even look at me. I had a tantrum and I went to Andrew’s. He kicked me out and I didn’t want to go home. I stayed out.”

Her interest now seemed sorrowful. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“You could’ve called me. I could’ve let you stay at my house. My mom doesn’t mind,” she said, upset. I had disappointed her – again.

“Sorry. It didn’t come to mind.”

“Of course it didn’t. Jo, you’re my best friend. I’m not sure if I’m quite yours yet. But it’s okay. We’re still trying to figure things out, right?” she said, making the problem seem quite not as bad. “I just wish you could’ve called me.”

Class got started. Second period came. Third period right afterwards and fourth came after that. Lunch bell rang. My phone rang. The vibrations irritated my thigh. Oh. Look who it was. Andrew.

I pushed Ignore.

[A/N]: This is a short but important chapter. I just realized how close this story is to coming to an end. Oh and also, previously I said that I was going to make the story go until after high school. I’m going to take that back. Yes, about three or four months passed since the previous chapter. Time is moving quickly. Please leave me a review. It helps me work faster!

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