Unrequited Wrong

Chapter 30: My Pensieve Prince of Childhood

I sighed as I made my way through the crowd of drunks towards the bar where Louis was sitting. “I swear this is the most miserable Christmas Eve ever,” I complained as I came to stand next to him. His band was playing at the bar tonight, and his band included Iggy. Of course, after the bands first set Iggy had gotten lost somewhere with Star. Louis merely looked up at me with a small smile; by now I already knew at what drunken stage he was in, even if I had never seen him drink before. He was in that stage were he was drunk, but had retained enough motor skills to still function.

“Well Princess, this has been a better Christmas than I've had in a long time,” he said as he downed a drink. I rolled my eyes at this, not knowing whether now that he called me Princess he meant it mockingly. If he did I didn't like it one bit and considering that Death Eaters had tried to kidnap me from Kings Cross and considering the fact that for the first time in three years I didn't have Severus to spend Christmas with, I felt miserable. Not to mention the fact that that stupid dream kept recurring and it was always the same.

Shaking my head of this, I wondered for a moment if Severus had found out what had transpired the day that I went home for Christmas break and I really wasn't sure if I was supposed to return. I hadn't yet sent a patronous to McGonagall because I was afraid that someone else might see it and think that it was suspicious that McGongall was getting a patronous from someone. However, I really needed to get into contact with them. I wasn't really sure if I could get back without getting caught.

“Well I'm glad that you're having fun. I'm going to go back to Stars' place,” I said miserably as I turned away. The festivities were quite bleak anyway and all the confusion in my mind... it was giving me a headache when combined with the raw power of the punk scene that Iggy, Star and Louis loved so much.

“Wait, wait, wait, stay a while, have a drink. NO point being miserable and sober,” Louis said as he tried to hand me a glass with ice and clear liquid. Staring at the glass, I shook my head. I'd already had a couple drinks and I could already tell that I was starting to reach my tolerance level. Any more drinks and I might do something very stupid. “Come on Dels, stay at least until the second set,” Louis said as he continued to stretch the glass towards me.

“The second set isn't starting up until after midnight, and even then it won't start unless Iggy gets his ass back here,” I complained. I was tired and I really just wanted to go home. I was miserable and there was no chance in the world that I would see Severus at the moment, because he didn't know where to find me even if he bothered to look, which after telling him I hated him and not saying goodbye before leaving, well he probably wouldn't want to.

“Come on Dels, its the least that you could do after taking off on us last spring,” Louis said as he stared at me with pain-filled eyes. I sighed as I took the glass he was offering me and sat down with him. I felt a little bit guilty about that now. After Severus had abandoned me, in an attempt to get away from everything that I was and everything that reminded me of him, I'd even abandoned my friends all over again. For some reason, Louis seemed to have taken it the hardest. I guessed it was because to him, I ware more than just a friend. It was like we were family, always had been.

“Well I suppose now you know how I felt when you left the orphanage,” I said after downing the drink. Even though I couldn't really remember the early events of my childhood, I knew that his departure had forever impacted my life. It happened at a time when I had no one but him, and I was just a babe. Perhaps I couldn't remember him, but in a way his abandonment had forever stayed with me and always would. It shaped who I was and the decisions that I made.

“Delilah, that was different. I was only eighteen, what did you want me to do? Kidnap you? I had no other choice but to leave you and... I wanted something better for you then the life I was going to have,” Louis said, putting down his beer mug angrily as his face flushed. My mind suddenly flashed to the expression that Severus would have on his face when he was angry or frustrated with me when I caught sight of him. However, I didn't understand why Louis had suddenly reminded me of him. Other than the pale skin, dark eyes and same hairstyle, there wasn't much else that Severus and Louis had in common. I merely shrugged off the odd flashback and chalked it off as my longing for Severus. Everything was simply reminding me of him because I was unsure of what the future was going to hold for us.

“I'm not angry at you for it, I understand, but don't act like it didn't impact my life! Because of you I learned that I had no one in this world but myself. Sometimes I forget that, but I always come back to it,” I said in mild frustration as I asked for another drink and drowned that too. I was starting to feel sorry for myself, I could tell by the thoughts that were suddenly running through my head. You know, the' why me?' kind of stuff. Honestly though, what did the universe have against me? Why did so much shit happen to me? Why was the world and everyone in it taking a huge dump on me? Why wasn't this shit equally dealt out amongst the masses?

“Yeah right, that's why you cling that hubby of yours that doesn't love you?” Louis asked as he laughed. I stared at him incredulously as I choked on my next drink. I turned and stared at him in shock and fury. How could he say that to me?! “If you really think that there is no one else in this world that you could depend on other than yourself, why are you with the guy? Why do you need him?” Louis asked bitterly as he stared at the rack of bottles across from him as he downed another beer.

I felt as though he had punched me. However, you know me, rather than curl and go fetal I was furious and rearing for a fight. “You don't know anything about my fucking married life Louis, so shut the fuck up! I stay with him for my own reasons and lord forbid I think its nice to actually have some company to get through the day! And anyway, its none of your fucking business!” I yelled angrily as I shoved him off his chair. He spilled his beer on the white t-shirt that he was wearing as he fell on his ass. However, he immediately sprang to his feet and got in my face. If the bar wasn't full of drunks, everyone would have been watching us, but at the moment no one gave a shit. We could of started murdering each other right there and no one would have batted lash.

“You made it my business when you came crying to me all those times about your fucking asshole of a husband. I wanted better for you, but if your too stupid to do anything about it yourself, then what the fuck do you want from me?” he said in a dangerously low voice that made me shiver by the way that it reminded me of Severus. However, I shook this and the tears that were welling inside my eyes off as I stared up into his face and glared at him.

“First of all, I never came crying to you. Second of all, I don't want anything from you. I don't need shit from you. What the fuck could I want with a broke, squib that plays in a fifth-rate band that is never going to make it anywhere?” I asked angrily before turning away from him, my hair whipping him in the face as I started to walk away. However, before I could take another step, he'd grabbed me by the arm and spun me around before pulling me into him. I thought for one wild moment that he was going to hit me, but I was surprised by the look of pain in his eyes. I suppose I went a little too far with the squib remark.

“Delilah I don't care what you think about me, I don't care that I don't know what exactly is going on in your marriage, but why can't you see that it is going to be the death of you?” he asked passionately as he stared down into my eyes with a loving expression in his eyes, almost akin to the one my father had given me. “Delilah, I know you don't need anyone, that you just want to need someone, that you just want something normal, that you just want to give someone your love. But why him? I don't care who he is Delilah, but you deserve better. You deserve someone to love you to the extent that you love him.”

“News flash, Louis, no one loves me,” I said as I yanked my arms roughly from him. Turning away once more, I tried to get away from him but found his hand holding onto mine.

“Delilah, please don't go.”

“No Louis, to hell with you and everybody,” I said as I tried to pull away my hand from his.

“Baby its cold outside.” I stopped in my tracks, furrowing my brow at what he said. It wasn't so much what he said, so much as the way he said it. He really didn't say it so much as he sang it, and the fact of the matter was, Louis had a nice voice. In a way, it brought me back, to a place that I couldn't remember for the life of me, but I knew that it was there. There was something about those words, something about the way that he sang them, something that was already there simply not retrievable. It was, just the knowledge of a lost memory that couldn't be restored.

“I got to go away,” I replied slowly, furrowing my brow, not knowing where this was coming from as I slowly turned to look at him in confusion. He smiled at me suddenly, confusing me all the more. His eyes were sparking like there was real magic there.

“Baby it's cold outside.”

I shook my head. “I don't remember this.”

“I'll hold your hands their cold as ice,” he sang, stepping to me and taking my hands in his.

“My mother will start to worry,” I sang, wondering where this melody and these words were coming from. However, the statement reminded me of something, the first realization that mothers existed somewhere else in the world, and that they were wonderful. That they were supposed to be there, that they were a part of us that was integral and for me and Louis it was missing.

“Beautiful what's your worry,” he sang sweetly as he stared deeply into my eyes as my heart started pounding like mad. I shook my head and turned away. “Whats the use of hurting my pride?” he sang and I knew that he skipped several verses as he came after me, but I didn't understand why.

“I really can't stay,” I sang more loudly and clearly now as I turned and furrowed my brows as I stared at him.

“Baby don't hold out,” he sang with a smile as he pulled me into him,and there was something infectious about it. “Baby it's cold outside,”we both sang out clearly to each other as he pulled me closer into his arms and I smiled back up at him. His eyes had by now softened, the warmest black holes that you could have ever seen and there was placid look on his face the likes of which I had never seen before. It was like everything had melted away.

“I really must go,”I sang, my voice sounding clearly and somewhat nice to my own ears. I supposed I thought that was odd that I sounded all right to myself as I usually don't think very much of my voice. However, by the smile on his face I could tell that he was pleased and happy, though I didn't know by exactly what.

“Baby it's cold outside.”

“The answer is no.”

“Baby it's cold outside.”

“Your welcome has been (“You're lucky that you dropped in” he sang in the pause) ... So nice and warm,” I finished as I looked up at him and shook my head, not understanding what was going on, but it was nice. It was odd, but it felt like perhaps I wasn't so alone in the world. There was this whole part of me, that only Louis knew. He was the pensive that held my entire childhood.

“Look out the window at that snow,” he sang more softly as he drew me closer to him, leaning his head down and staring directly into my eyes.

“My sister will be suspicious,” I gasped as I stared up at him. The look in his eyes, was oddly familiar and in my muddled mind, I saw a lot of Severus in him. I didn't know what it was about Louis and Severus, but my head seemed to make one into the other and I was having a hard time telling why. I blamed it on the sudden dizziness as I stared up into his eyes, his face mere inches from mine.

“Gosh your lips look delicious,” he murmured so softly that I almost didn't hear him as he leaned down and placed a small kiss on my lips. I felt my heart thunder painfully inside me as my head swooned, but I couldn't stop myself. I was responding, or rather my mouth was as though it had a mind of its own. My lips molded against his as he took me into his arms, wrapping them tightly around me as though he were afraid that the moment would be lost, afraid that I would pull away. However, for the life of me I couldn't pull away from the tender kiss that he was giving me. I couldn't help but enjoy the warmth of his mouth, or the way his tongue gently teased and coaxed mine as one of his hands entangled itself gently into my hair and pulled me close. For a moment, it felt that there wasn't a force in the world that could pry us apart.

Until I saw Severus' face in my mind's eye, the way his eyes sometimes softened when he looked at me or when we made love. Putting my hand between Louis and myself, I gently pushed him away from me and started to shake my head. “No, no, no,” I panted as I shook my dizzy head. “We can't do this,” I mumbled as I tried to regain control of my breathing. “I love my husband.”

“You love me too,” Louis said as he wrapped his arms tighter around me. I opened my eyes slowly and continued to shake my head as I tried to pull out of the hug that he was holding me in. However, he didn't seem like he was going to let me go. “Don't deny it Delilah, I felt it in your kiss. You love me too, and if I have a chance to take you from the bastard that hurts you so much I'm going to do whatever it takes, and I'm already half-way there,” he said as he stared down at me, all the while I was trying to get out of his grasp, shaking my head the entire time.

“No Louis... I can't love you, I hardly know you. I don't even know your real name,” I said as I shook my head. I almost managed to slip out of his grasp, but he reeled me back in, placing a kiss on my flaring cheeks and forehead. It was hard to escape from someone who was taller than you and whose arms had a far-reaching scope.

“My legal name doesn't matter, I'm the Louis that you know,” he said as he continued to kiss my face gently.

“Our histories make us who we are and I don't know yours so I don't know you,” I said, still trying to pull away.

“Damien Prince,” he said as he kissed the top of my head. I froze immediately, no longer struggling to get out his grasp as I looked up at him with wide eyes. Suddenly I felt sober, and I could tell that he felt something change, for he suddenly stopped kissing me and looked down into my eyes. However, his arms still refused to release me. He asked me what was wrong as he stared down at me worriedly.

“Prince? Are you related to an Eileen Prince?” I asked as I furrowed my brows as I looked to him.

“Yes, she was my cousin, though I never met her; she was much older than me. I think she had a boy a few years older than me,” he said as he looked down into my eyes. I felt like my whole world was crashing around me as I shook my head. I couldn't believe it! “How did you know my cousin? Are you all right Delilah, you look as though you are going to faint.”

Shoving him off me I shook my head. How the fuck was this happening? “Oh my god, what have I done?” I said as I buried my face in my hands.

“Delilah, what's going on? What's wrong? What does it matter that I'm related to Eileen Prince?” he asked as he stared at me with a very worried expression on his face.

“It matters because Eileen Prince is my mother-in-law!” I snapped at him as I started to pace, running my hands through my hair. “I just made out with my husbands, second-cousin or whatever!” I said as I continued to pace.

“You married her son?” he asked incredulously. “He's older than me!”

“Marriage law remember!” I snapped as I looked over at him and glared before resuming my pacing.

“Well I don't rightly care that you're married to him, I never met him and clearly that family didn't want me. I love you Delilah, more than he ever will, stay here with me,” he said softly as he grabbed my hand. However, I merely tugged it away and shook my head.

“I have to go,” I said as I turned and took off running before he could grab my hand again. However, as I burst through the door and turned to apparate, he grasped onto me, causing us to splinch. “Ouch, what the fuck did you do that for?” I asked as I glared at him, while trying to ignore the fact that the side of my body that he wasn't holding onto was gone. However, the pain was a little hard to ignore.

“I'm not losing you again,” he gasped. Looking down at him, I could feel tears building in my eyes to see that he was missing his legs from the knee caps down.

“So you're going to kill us both?” I screamed hysterically at him as I pulled out my wand and tried to concentrate on sending a Patronous to the only person that I could think of that could possibly be of any help at the moment. Not long after the silver raven had taken off did someone pop into view, but it wasn't who the Patronous was intended for. Instead of Tonks showing up, Remus showed up, which I supposed I would have preferred anyway. However, I passed out from the pain before I said anything. The last thing I saw was Remus rushing up to me. I came to wake up a few hours later in St. Mungos.

“Glad that you are awake,” Remus and Louis said simultaneously when I came to in a hospital bed. Before I looked around the room, I was making sure all my limbs were attached properly. Sighing in relief, I turned and looked over at Remus who was standing at the foot of my bed with a smile on his face while Louis, laying in the bed next to mine, grinned over at me. Turning around and looking at Louis I glared.

“If I weren't put back together, I would kill you for fucking being so stupid,” I snarled at him before turning to look at Remus. “Mind if I ask why you came instead of the wifey?”

“Nymphadora is pregnant, I didn't feel comfortable sending her after you,” he replied mildly. His face flushed and I suppose it was the situation as a whole; my bad temper, the hospital beds, the stranger in the room and what not.

Thinking that perhaps I should introduce them if they hadn't already been introduced I waved a finger from one to the other. “Oh Remus Lupin, Louis Smith and vice versa,” I said, but I didn't give them a chance to speak to one another before I found myself speaking. “How is Cerberus?” I asked as I stared up at Remus' amber eyes.

“Very good. He's keeping Nymphadora good company,” Remus said with an assuring smile as he looked down at me. I merely nodded at this as I looked down at my hands. My heart ached as I missed my baby terribly, not to mention this had to be the shittiest Christmas ever. I ended up in St. Mungo's for Merlin's sake! Sighing, I looked up and was startled when I caught a pair of dark eyes, staring from the doorway.

“SEVERUS!” I said excitedly, feeling everything inside of me just bursting as he strode slowly into the room, surveying the other occupants, which at the moment were Remus, Louis and countless of other victims in other beds. However, seeing as Louis and my beds were closer together, and a curtain had been drawn up on one side of each of our beds, blocking out most of the other ends of the ward, it seemed like it was really only just us four.

Severus stepped over slowly, his eyes on Remus and Remus' eyes never leaving him. “What is the werewolf doing here?” Severus asked rudely, turning his eyes slowly to look over at me. Biting on my lower lip, I wondered if this was going to turn out badly. However at the moment I couldn't care about anything. I was just so happy to see Severus! I was so afraid that I might never be able to see him again, at least not until the war was over and so much could happen between now and then. Suddenly it was like nothing had happened between us.

“Severus, please don't start anything. I sent for him when I splinched, that's all,” I said as they continued to glare at each other. “Please Sevy, Remus, its Christmas Eve ... could we just forget the war for just a few moments and be at peace, at least just for here and now?” I pleaded as I looked over at them. Remus and Severus both nodded grudgingly, but this gave Severus the chance to walk over to my bedside and be able to sit down, without worry that Remus might attack him when his back was turned.

“Why did you splinch, you never splinch,” Severus said as he turned to look at me, his eyes raking over my face as though to make sure that I was perfectly fine as his fingers ran along my arm to make sure that it was all there.

“Ask the dumb-ass on that bed,” I replied, motioning to Louis on the other bed. Severus turned away from me and glared at the man on the other bed, though he didn't seem to recognize him, so I suppose they had never met. Turning around, I found that Louis was studying Severus very carefully and that his eyes looked somewhat pained. However, he remained silent as he watched us, just as Remus was observing everything very closely and silently.

“What could have possessed you to grab her when she was apparating, boy,” Severus said coldly as he glared over at Louis, clearly mistaking Louis for someone my age (not a bad mistake to make considering Louis didn't look his 32 or so years of age, not that Severus looked his like 37, but he did look older). I blushed as I realized that I didn't want Severus and Louis to hate each other, after all they were family. Not allowing Louis to speak I quickly turned to Severus. Why couldn't we maintain any peace?

“Severus, it doesn't matter, I'm fine now. How did you know I was here anyway?” I asked, grabbing his face and turning his attention back to me. However, Severus cast a suspicious glance over at Louis. “Severus, don't worry Louis won't breathe a word to anybody about what you say. Just focus,” I said as I turned to him and smiled. Severus looked at me questioningly for a second, before I merely nodded at him. Sighing, Severus cast an Imputurbabble around the space around us. I was unsure whether that included Remus and Louis, but I didn't care.

“I was worried about you when you left, I told you I didn't want you to leave Hogwart's protection, I was afraid you would end up here,” he said coldly, speaking lowly as he gave me a glare before continuing. “One of the Carrow's complained about you having managed to escape, though he didn't say how. Dilys saw you arrive here and informed me immediately,” Severus replied as he stared at me.

“Lucky she was here then,” I said as I looked at him, knowing he meant the Portrait of the Headmistress back at Hogwarts.

“I stationed her here, in case you turned up. Part of me hoped she wouldn't bring a report of you,” he said as he stroked my hair and stared deep into my eyes. I felt my heart's pace quicken as I stared into his eyes and sighed. So he wasn't mad at me either, thank Merlin.

“McGonagall would like you to return to Hogwarts,” Remus said suddenly, making me glare over at him for ruining the moment. Severus turned around and growled at Remus.

“Have you any idea what they have been doing to her, what she's letting them do to her? She's not going to go back to the school,” Severus growled angrily as he got into Remus face before turning to me. “You have managed to remain undetected by Death Eaters, I don't know how you do it Delilah, but that's how things are going to stay. I won't let you go back to be tortured, you might not be able to make it back,” Severus said as he stared at me.

“I'm going back Severus, whether you want me to or not. I'm useless out here,” I said as I stared into his eyes.

“Delilah, please-” he was saying as he strode over and sat on the bed once more, grabbing my hands in his. I shook my head simply as I pulled my hands away from his and looked down at the sheets between my legs as I sat up fully. I never wanted to be told what to do, and even though I knew Severus was doing this for my own good, I couldn't let him do it. I didn't care what happened to me, my story couldn't possibly have a happy ending, but if I could do some good, then wouldn't my life not have been in vain?

“Severus... my life has been so long; full of hardships and pains most people don't have to ever live through,” I said as I looked up into his eyes, my own eyes burning. “In the twenty years of my life I have experienced my fair share of pain and it has seemed so pointless and finally... I'm doing something with it that is really helping people. I don't care about the crippling pain that I was in, I can deal with it; I don't care if I die, anything is better than living this pointless existence where there is no happy end in sight anyway.”

Severus furrowed his brows as he looked at me, his mouth becoming a deep frown, the lines around it enhanced. “Delilah, I want you have a happy ending and I don't want you to have any more pain. I want you to live a long and full life,” Severus said as he stared deeply into my eyes.

“You can't change my mind Severus, no more than I can change your heart,” I said as I stared at him meaningfully. Severus opened his mouth as though he were about to say something, but he quickly shut it. Gritting his teeth together, Severus stood up.

“Damned willful child, do what you want just like you always do,” Severus said angrily as he strode out of the room and left. I felt tears well up in my eyes to see him part and felt myself sinking into my pillows as they clouded with tears. My nose tingled unpleasantly and I felt my throat close up. Turning away from both Louis and Remus eyes, which I knew were probably watching me, I hid my face with my hair as a tear streaked my face.

“Delilah... this means very much to us and I'm very sorry,” Remus said, his voice very gentle, coming to me from the foot of my bed. “I will come to see you again before you are discharged,” Remus said as he turned around and walked out of the room, I could hear his footsteps stepping away as I merely nodded. Wiping the tears away as stealthily as I could so that Louis wouldn't see them, I slowly turned around once more and sunk deeper into my pillows.

“Go ahead, say it, I know you want to. Tell me my husband is an asshole, tell me he doesn't love me, tell me I'm an idiot,” I said angrily as I sunk into the bed.

“I'm sorry Delilah,” he said gently. “You were right, I have no idea what you and your husband are facing. Personally, I think he's an asshole, and that you deserve better, but I can see that the troubles you both face go beyond the scope of what is normal,” he said to which I stated that he had no idea. “However, one thing is evident, he loves you much more than you think.”

TBC...

Authors Note: It's been a little while since I updated, sorry if there are any errors in this chapter but I don't particularly feel like editing one last time. Anyway hope that you enjoyed the chapter. Please review.