Dick Discovers the Birds and Bees and Bruce and Dinah
Long title, I know. My apologies.
Disclaimer—not mine. I wish they were.
"He's been… unusually cheerful, Babs," Dick informed me as he went to my fridge for another beer.
"Well, that's good," told him. I wasn't doing anything, really. Just going through the bills. But I tried to make myself appear very consumed. There were questions I didn't want to answer.
"Do you know anything about it?"
"Nope. Maybe he's started on anti-depressants."
"You're funny, you know that?" Dick closed the refrigerator and joined me at the kitchen table.
"I try to be, Grayson. Playing Mother Hen to all of the neuroses of you costumed types."
"So, then you should know what Bruce's deal is."
"Why are you obsessing over it? Where's my pen?"
He held it up like a trophy. "You don't get pen till you tell me what's going on."
"Fine. I fixed him up with one of my friends."
"Ri-ight. And that's why he's flying like a kite. And Bruce can get his own dates."
"Well, um… he and she have been… getting along especially well."
"What you're telling me is Bruce is less ornery because he's getting some?"
"Bingo, short pants."
Dick put his hands over his ears. "I can't hear you, la la la."
I smacked him. "Grow up. He's a grown man."
"Dude, do you want to think about YOUR dad getting laid?"
"I just don't ponder it too deeply."
"So, who's the lucky chick who's getting a hunk of burning Batman?" he put the bottle up to his lips.
"Remember Black Canary?" The reaction was priceless. He choked on the beer and it came out his nose. I threw him a dish towel.
"The one who walked in on me in the shower? Aw, man, Babs. You did NOT fix her up with Bruce. That's just gross."
"So? It doesn't MEAN anything, that she's seen both of you naked."
He groaned. "I can't hear you, la la la. I'm not thinking about this! La la la…"
I rolled my eyes. "Grown-ups have sex, Grayson. How do you think WE got here?"
"LA LA LA!" he put down the beer and put his hands over his ears. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
"If you can't deal with consenting adults who're older than us getting some, then maybe you can't deal with having any, Dick."
That shut him up. His hands dropped into his lap and he scowled at me. "I mean…" he began contritely. "Isn't it really nice that Bruce found someone?"
I smiled, trying not to laugh. "MUCH better."