Sorry for the super long wait. I've been distracted with other things. I'll try not to take as long on the following chapters.

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, and thanks to MaeveSolis for beta'ing.

Surviving the Desert (Part 2)

She had only realized her stupidity at the whole situation after he left. She had put herself in this position, had allowed him to do this to her, and she didn’t even really know him. Granted, she knew more now than she did the first time they met. But even that was information she gathered from the testimonies of others and the files she found on him in the Hokage’s library. Aside from their brief discussion the first night they met, they had never actually talked. Through all of this he never gave any indication that she was anything more than a toy to him.

But those words before he left…

That had to mean something. He wanted her. Even if it was nothing more than an insane, possessive attachment, he still wanted her. What that might mean about where this relationship was going or what would happen at the end of the exams, Sakura didn’t want to think about. Right now, she had to concentrate on getting out of the trap she had willingly walked into. She wasn’t sure how Gaara would react to her escape, but she would rather die than let anyone see her like this.

She wasn’t advanced enough in her training yet to be able to create chakra blades as she had heard some medic nins could do. So cutting the ropes was out of the question. A large enough chakra burst would fracture the ropes, but it would most likely harm her as well, not to mention draw the attention of any shinobi around. If she tried to use her strength to pull at the ropes she would succeed only in dislocating her shoulders. It seemed hopeless, but Sakura knew she was better than that. She moved her hands experimentally, trying to see if there was any weakness in the binding. To her surprise she found that she could actually turn her wrists slightly against the rope. Maybe he did want her to get out after all.

It wouldn’t be hard. She could use her medical jutsu skills to dislocate her thumb and tear the tendons to the point that she could fold her hand to be smaller than her wrist. All she had to do was stop herself from screaming. She was sure it wouldn’t hurt as much as what Gaara had already done to her.

Sakura bit down on her lip and took a deep breath, concentrating simultaneously on directing the chakra and blocking out the coming pain. It took only moments, the sharp crack resounding in the room along with Sakura’s indrawn breath and the scream she managed to suppress echoing instead inside her head.

She paused to still her frantic breathing and allow the pain to subside before carefully sliding the damaged hand out of the binding, wincing as the tight ropes grated further against the wound. She wouldn’t be able to set the thumb in place until she released the other hand. After sending a quick jolt of chakra to her hand to ease the pain, she twisted to the side to untie the rope holding her other wrist – a process significantly complicated by her damaged tendons.

With her hands finally free, Sakura sat up, taking another deep breath before realigning the bones in her hand back in place, this time unable to stop a small whimper. The healing and reattaching of the tendons took much longer than breaking them. Only when she was done she untied the ropes restricting her legs, finally getting out of the bed and stretching her protesting muscles. As Sakura busied herself with getting rid of the evidence of what happened and showering, she wondered if Gaara would come back to check if she managed to free herself and whether or not he would consider this as another attempt to run from him.

As it turned out, Gaara found out about her escape much sooner than she expected. That morning, Kakashi took Sakura’s team to train and prepare for the final round of the exam. The siblings and Baki were already there when they reached the training grounds. Gaara was sitting on a rock in the distance while Temari and Kankuro were practicing with Baki observing them. The siblings paused only briefly to acknowledge Sakura and her teammates before returning to their training. Sakura could see Gaara look up from his contemplation of the ground and meet her gaze for only a moment before looking away again.

She had no time to consider what he might be thinking as Kakashi led them away to begin their training. She soon became immersed in their practice and forgot about Gaara’s presence, not even noticing his observation of her every move. It was hours before Kakashi called a break and Akio and Katsu dropped to the ground with a sigh.

Sakura was about to follow their example when her eyes fell on Gaara, who had not moved from his spot. Temari and Kankuro were still training, and Baki appeared to have left. Sakura paused, considering her options. This could be her chance to prove that she did not intend to run from him. She wasn’t sure how he’d react. He might ignore her, or he might get angry at her for approaching him in public, or even worse he might reveal the nature of their relationship. But she decided it was worth a try.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” she told her team distractedly.

Sakura didn’t wait for a response as she turned to walk towards Gaara. She saw the look of reserved apprehension on his face as she came closer. He didn’t seem to trust her. She supposed it wasn’t entirely surprising – judging by the last comment of the previous night, she seemed to be able to hurt him in a way he wasn’t prepared to deal with.

He said nothing as she stood in front of him, acknowledging her presence with nothing more than an unblinking stare. Out of the corner of her eye, Sakura noticed Gaara’s siblings pause in their training to watch them. She tried to ignore this, concentrating instead on finding something to say to Gaara. He relieved her of her struggle when he spoke first.

“What do you want?” he said sharply.

“I think I answered that question a long time ago,” she replied with a small smile.

“No. All you did was lie. You’re still afraid,” he said coldly, pausing before adding in a hiss barely above a whisper, “And I’m still alone.”

Just pretend… It could’ve been something else.

“You don’t have to be alone,” Sakura said instead.

“How did you get out?” he asked, ignoring her comment.

“You know how,” she answered with slight irritation. “You left enough room in the ropes for me to do it.”

“You ran,” Gaara stated coldly.

“I’m here now,” she replied tentatively.

“Naze?” he asked with a slight sneer. “Testing yourself again?”

“No,” she answered with a sigh. “Gaara… I…”

“Nani?” he cut her off sharply before she could finish. “You think you have something I want? You think you can give me something? I don’t need you!”

“Maybe I need you,” she murmured quietly.

That stopped him. It seemed he wasn’t expecting that. He looked at her, wide-eyed and speechless, unable to think of a come-back. It was his accusation that led her to this admission. He had essentially blamed her for not caring about him. But now that she said that she did, that she wanted him, he didn’t know what to do with it.

I would’ve loved you.

He said he would’ve let her, but faced with the possibility, he wasn’t sure that he would. It would be so much easier to kill her, to avoid the chance of another betrayal. Being alone he was used to, but having his heart torn out once again he wouldn’t be able to deal with.

“I did mean it, Gaara,” she said gently, seeming to realize what he was thinking. “I do…”

“Don’t,” he hissed, cutting her off once again. “I don’t care.”

“Do you want me to leave then?” Sakura asked bitterly.

His eyes narrowed as he considered her silently. He wasn’t sure how she had taken control of the conversation like that, trapping him into admitting his weakness even if he didn’t speak it aloud. He decided she would pay for it.

“Wait for me tonight,” Gaara said quietly, looking away from her by way of dismissal.

For a moment Sakura was beside herself with rage at being cast aside so casually, as if she was nothing more than a subordinate. It took only another moment to remember that for him that was all she was. She nodded silently and turned to go back to her team. When questioned about what she was doing, she said merely that she never had a chance to thank Gaara for what he did during the mission to bring back Sasuke and she took the opportunity to do so now. If the determined set of her jaw and the way her clenched fists trembled betrayed the lie, nobody said anything.

That night Sakura sat on the bed in the darkness of her room, the window open to reveal a starless night. Waiting, she decided, was the worst part. She knew Gaara was displeased on some level, that much was obvious. But was it just possessiveness, irritation at her escape, or was it really something more, were there really feelings behind all his cruelty and indifference? And if it was true that she made him feel something, how would he retaliate? She didn’t really think that he would kill her. But as his own history suggested, there were things in life far more painful than death. Would he show her the torment he himself had to suffer? Could he leave her just as lonely, unloved, used?

Sakura couldn’t explain why, despite all of this, she still wanted him, why she lay awake at night craving his touch when he was gone. Anyone else would’ve run a long time ago. She could no longer explain this as a show of her strength. There was no strength in what she was doing, bending to his will the way that she did, allowing him to do whatever he wanted with her. Perhaps it was a fundamental flaw in her, always giving her heart to ones that were bound to reject it.

Gaara was different, of course. He didn’t simply cast her aside like Sasuke did. He wanted her, he wouldn’t let her go. Had she offered to come with him the way she did with Sasuke, he would’ve never said no. But it wasn’t love that he wanted. Couldn’t be. He wanted submission. He wanted to own her.

By the time he finally appeared, she had begun to think he wasn’t coming. The angry hiss of the sand on the floor actually made her jump, earning an amused smirk from Gaara. He approached the bed, stopping in front of Sakura and looking down at her with a penetrating gaze that made her feel like he knew exactly what she was thinking.

“Scared?” he asked casually.

She gave a noncommittal jerk of her shoulders, refusing to play by his rules. He was intent on hurting her regardless of what she said, she could tell that much already. Sakura barely had time to realize what he was doing before she was undressed and pinned under him on the bed, spirals of sand crawling up her arms even as she enfolded him in her embrace. His hands roamed her body, exploring, teasing. His lips brushed over her neck, tongue tracing haphazard designs on her skin, making her moan softly.

“Do you want this?” Gaara asked suddenly, lips moving against her ear.

This time she was caught off guard. He had never asked before, he simply took what he wanted as if she belonged to him. She hadn’t really thought about what the truthful answer would be. She wanted him, she knew that. But whether or not she wanted this, with all the pain, blood and tortures, that was a different question.

“I want you,” she offered, suppressing a wince as sand began to cut into her thighs, seemingly ignored by Gaara.

“That’s not what I asked,” he hissed, pulling back to look at her.

“I don’t know,” she answered shakily. “I don’t want you to leave though.”

“I have no intention of letting you go,” he said with a slight smirk.

His statement was punctuated with the brush of fingers between her legs, making her moan and arch into him, forgetting for a moment what she meant to say. A scrape of nails across her stomach brought her back to the lingering question, a soft cry dying on her lips at the sight of the sadistic grin on his face.

“Then what will you do?” she asked finally.

“I told you, I will break you,” he said coldly. “I will tear apart every bit of your life that you so desperately cling to. I will take away everything that makes you happy. You will have nothing left. You’re mine.”

I will taint you forever…

“And what if you make me happy?” Sakura asked with a timid smile.

Gaara paused, considering this. Slowly his fingers slid inside her, making her gasp against his lips as he leaned down to her.

“Then I will kill you,” he breathed, teeth bared in a scowl.

“What do you want from me?” she countered, choosing to ignore this statement. He hadn’t killed her yet. Surely that meant he wasn’t going to?

“I want… your screams, your pain, your tears,” he hissed, free hand moving up to encircle her neck. “I want to see death in your eyes.”

“Then you don’t care if I…”

“No,” he said sharply before she could finish. “I don’t care about you. You’re merely… a temporary amusement.”

He placed his mouth over hers, silencing her soft sob. She should’ve known as much. This wasn’t about love. Her emotions meant nothing to him. Probably never would. It was her fault that she allowed this. She could’ve left, could’ve rejected him, could’ve even let him do this without attaching all those feelings that he obviously deemed unnecessary. After all, it was just a game.

Just pretend…

At least this time he didn’t leave her tied up. Not that this made the pain any less.

“If I come back tomorrow, I expect you to be here.”

Possessive, heartless, sadistic… He was gone before she had a chance to respond. She couldn’t imagine another being that could be so cruel.

And she still couldn’t say that she didn’t want this.