Author: Drake Clawfang PM
Naraku has completed the Shikon-no-Tama? There are two Sesshomarus? Kagome has a child? And this is a comedy? Enter to read what is possibly the most disjointed, irrelevant story I've ever produced.Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor - & Inuyasha - Words: 1,166 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 13 - Published: 02-17-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4078938
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
And for the record, this story was inspired by the episode "Restless" from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". I own neither Buffy nor Inuyasha.
"Kagome!" Inuyasha called, dashing through the murky forest. He stopped and looked around. The trees were too thick to make out anything, and the mist hovering around them didn't help matters. He sniffed and frowned as his nose refused to pick up even a single trace of her scent, much less the scent of anything else. What was going on?
"Damn it," he growled, resuming his run through the trees.
"Kukuku…you're too late, Inuyasha," a voice chuckled. Inuyasha gasped and looked up.
"Naraku! What have you done to her!?" he roared.
"I assure you that your miko is fine, but you are too late all the same. She handed her final jewel shards to me quite willingly," Naraku's voice taunted.
"Like hell!" Inuyasha snapped, charging after the source of the voice. The edge of the forum came into view, and Inuyasha nearly recoiled at the evil aura pulsing just beyond the threshold.
"Ah, but it's true. At long last, I have completed the Shikon-no-Tama," Naraku explained. Inuyasha burst out of the forest, and skidded to a halt as Naraku turned to face him.
"Isn't it pretty?" Naraku grinned, holding up the completed jewel for Inuyasha's inspection. Inuyasha blinked a few times and looked down at his archenemy.
"Naraku?" he muttered, staring down at the child a few feet in front of him. It was Naraku, or at least, a very diminutive version of him. What the hell?
"Yup, look!" Naraku said, rolling the Shikon-no-Tama around his fingers. "It's so pink and pretty," he cooed, grinning at the jewel.
"Alright, hand it over," Inuyasha snapped, reaching down.
"No!" Naraku hissed, slapping his hand away. Inuyasha recoiled and stared at his hand in shock.
"Did you just slap me?" he gasped. Naraku stuck his tongue out at him and sat down on the grass, staring lovingly at the jewel.
"Mine," he said, folding his arms and pouting at Inuyasha.
"What happened to you?" Inuyasha whispered.
"What happened to your face?" Naraku shot back, then giggled. The sound of crying came from behind him, and Inuyasha whirled around.
"He's so adorable…" Kagome sniffed, looking down at a baby wrapped in a blanket in her arms. A man with long black hair was beside her, wagging his finger at the infant.
"Kagome?" Inuyasha muttered.
"What should we name him?" Kagome asked, looking up at the man. The man raised his head, and Inuyasha's eyes widened.
"Hm…" Inuyasha's human form murmured. "Let's name him Sesshomaru, after his uncle."
"I thought Sesshomaru was his aunt?" Kagome frowned.
"A little of both, actually." Inuyasha turned his head slightly to see Sesshomaru leaning up against a tree, wrapped in a passionate embrace with…himself?
"Which one of them is the woman against?" Kagome whispered, blushing.
"That would be me," one of the Sesshomarus called. Inuyasha stared as the two of them kissed, and burst out coughing at the sight.
"So, the pup is born." Inuyasha turned back to Kagome to see his youkai form wrap an arm around her waist. "How about we work on giving him a sister?" his youkai form growled.
"Fine," Kagome sighed, passing the baby to Inuyasha's human form. Youkai Inuyasha began to lead her away by the hand, and Kagome turned. "You wanna join in this time?" she asked. Human Inuyasha shook his head.
"No thanks, I'll just watch," he replied.
"I wasn't talking to you," Kagome scoffed. "Well?"
"Sure, why not?" Kouga shrugged, walking toward her. Kagome smiled and linked arms with him as the two youkai led her away.
"Inuyasha, thank god!" Inuyasha winced and turned to see Miroku run up to him. To his relief, the monk looked the same as always.
"Finally, something normal," Inuyasha breathed.
"Normal isn't really the word here, something's wrong," Miroku replied.
"Sire, you forgot your crown!" Shippo ran up behind Miroku, a gold crown on a pillow in his hands. Miroku turned and picked up the crowning, slipping it on his forehead.
"What's that thing for? What's going on?" Inuyasha said. Miroku sighed.
"Well, it's a long story Inuyasha, but to put it bluntly…I am now the King of Japan," he explained.
"The what? How the hell did that happen?" Inuyasha asked.
"Yeah, he won it in a lucky hand of poker with Kikyo last week," Shippo chimed in.
"Four aces beats a straight!" Miroku laughed, adjusting the crown.
"What you talking about?" Inuyasha demanded.
"He doesn't know," Kikyo explained, coming up behind Miroku. Miroku sat down and began polishing his crown with a cloth Shippo handed to him. Inuyasha turned to watch Naraku on his knees bating the Shikon-no-Tama around the ground between his hands, and his human form watching him like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. Sesshomaru and his supposed female self were kissing passionately against a nearby tree.
"Please tell me you know what's going on," Inuyasha groaned, turning back to Kikyo.
"I believe I do. Something has drastically distorted reality," Kikyo said.
"No shit, how can I fix it?" Inuyasha muttered.
"I have an idea. It's risky, but it's our only hope and we don't have much time," Kikyo sighed. "Now listen carefully. First-" Kikyo's mouth continued to move, but the sound of her voice stopped. Inuyasha frowned as Kikyo continued to talk without making a sound.
"What?" Inuyasha asked. Kikyo rolled her eyes and kept talking with no sound.
"Hey, Inuyasha." Inuyasha turned to see Kagome standing behind him. Kagome smiled and lifted a hand to wave.
"Bye," she said. She shot her hands out and pushed him backwards. Inuyasha cried out as he fell back…
- - - - - - - - - -
and landed on the ground with a thud. Inuyasha groaned and weakly lifted his head to stare up at the tree overhead.
"Inuyasha, are you okay?" Kagome asked, sitting up in her sleeping bag. Inuyasha slowly climbed to his feet and looked up to see his friends staring at him in confusion in the light of the campfire.
"Kagome…" he murmured, slurring his words slightly. "I don't know what was in that new ramen you gave me…but I'm never eating that flavor again."
You can say it, I know this is quite possibly the most nonsensical thing I've ever written. But every now and then, everyone needs a way to vent pent-up silliness.