Chapter 8: By the Fire

It had been hours since they had laid down Beast by the fire in the parlor room. Hours in which Belle had tried her hardest to take care of Beast’s wounds. The servants had aided her. Mrs. Potts had boiled some water, Lumière and Babette had brought some bandages and Cogsworth had tried his best to lighten Belle’s guilty state of mind by taking part of the blame on himself.

While Lumière and Cogsworth had argued about whose fault it was that the gate hadn’t opened sooner, Belle had bandaged Beast’s left foot as well as his tail. He bore scratches and marks about everywhere on his body and Belle noticed that besides the dirt of the forest ground, there was also blood on his fur as she gently washed it off his arms and chest.

Mrs. Potts had asked Belle several times to leave the master be for a few minutes to look after her own wounds. But Belle had refused. Yes, her arm was still bleeding, but she had only quickly made a compress and bound it around it. As for her foot, the wolf’s teeth had only scraped the flesh a bit before Lumière had come to her rescue. The bleeding had already stopped and she didn’t see a need to inspect the wound closer. Her shoes, however, looked like a total loss and she was now sitting on her bare feet by the fire.

It was hours past midnight and everyone was exhausted, mentally as well as physically. With Lumière and Cogsworth’s promise to stay with the master, Babette and Mrs. Potts left the parlor. Cogsworth eyed Belle as she put her cape over Beast’s legs and then gently continued dabbing a white cloth against his neck, her eyes narrowing as she discovered yet another scratch the wolves had left.

“Mademoiselle Belle,” Lumière said softly. “You should get some rest. We shall stay with the master and let you know when he regains consciousness.”

“No, I’ll stay,” Belle replied shortly, not allowing Lumière to distract her.

“It is after three in the morning already…” Cogsworth tried to convince Belle. “Get some rest and come see him first thing when you wake up.”

“No.” Belle refused simply and she repeated: “I’ll stay.”

Cogsworth and Lumière exchanged helpless glances with each other. They did not know what to feel. Somehow they felt like they should rejoice because the girl was taking such good care of the master. Rejoice because she apparently liked him in one way or another. But somehow it felt very wrong, especially because their master could have been killed. And not just the master, but Belle too. They had risked this just by ordering the gate to remain shut and because they had left Belle without another means to escape. If they had intervened in her escape sooner, it wouldn’t have come to this.

Belle sighed as she immersed the cloth in the water for what seemed to be the zillionth time that night. She felt a little lightheaded but didn’t know what from exactly. From worry? Or maybe from wonder? She had never met anyone like Beast. He had been so kind in aiding her and when the wolves had come, he had lifted her like she was a feather and put her on the gate so she would be safe. He had saved her. And though he didn’t look like one, Belle felt like he was her hero. She would do anything to help him get better. She made that promise to herself.

As Cogsworth paced slowly in front of the fireplace, Lumière leaned against the chair that stood in the parlor. It was silly to have the master lay on the floor in this condition. If Belle hadn’t been there, they would have moved him to his room in the West Wing, but not with Belle around. She didn’t have to see the permanent state of destruction that room was in. Nor did she have to see the rose. Lumière wouldn’t know what to reply to Belle’s questions then. He was sure that the other servants felt the same way and that they hadn’t suggested moving the master to his room for exactly the same reason.

Lumière eyed Belle slowly as she sat on her knees besides the master. She touched him so gently that Lumière hardly dared to breathe as he bore witness to it. There was no hesitation or fear in her expression as she brought the cloth to his face and gently stroked his cheek with it. If anything, there was worry in her eyes, and perhaps, though Lumière hardly dared to think it, afraid it would disappear again, love.

But this feeling wasn’t mutual, Lumière knew. If it were, the master wouldn’t have let her go. He wouldn’t have helped her escape if he really wanted her to stay. The master didn’t care… yet. Lumière found himself secretly enjoying the view of Belle sitting close to the fireplace, her hair loose and wild and her bare skin glowing in the light of the nearby flames. Her red dress was dirty too, now, and Lumière thought that to be a shame. She looked stunning in it. Lumière knew that if he voiced these feelings to Babette, he would be in for at least a week of the ‘cold shoulder’ treatment, but there was no harm in just looking.

Suddenly Beast moaned softly and the three of them startled.

“Is he awake?” Cogsworth asked, immediately hurrying over to Belle.

Belle had quickly withdrawn her hand from his face. She had just washed his eyes when he had suddenly moved a little and they had been startled by his moan. “I don’t know,” she whispered quietly, afraid to speak louder.

Beast moaned again as he found himself in-between sleep and consciousness. He felt his body aching all over and wanted to shut out the pain by returning to his sleep, but he found he couldn’t. And then there were voices around him and there was the feeling that someone had touched him. Beast wondered what had caused him to be in so much pain when he suddenly remembered the wolves.

He forced his eyes to open and tried to creep up, only to find that his body ached too much to do so.

“Master!” he heard Cogsworth’s voice say cheerfully. “You’re awake!”

“We were very worried about you, master!” Lumière’s voice seemed slightly less cheerful and more serious than usual. To Beast that had to mean that it was serious and there was a genuine reason to be worried.

Beast tried to take in his surroundings and his eyes immediately met Belle’s. She seemed sad as she sat beside him, biting her lip, but apparently she was okay and a rush of relief washed over Beast. “Belle…” he let out softly, the name sounding more like a cough than a word.

“Yes, Belle!” Cogsworth repeated, thrilled to see that the master was conscious again and still had his memory. For a moment he had been worried that the master would never wake up again, but he had clearly overreacted. Cogsworth hadn’t been this relieved in ages.

Beast, however, wasn’t happy to hear the servant’s voice. He remembered how Cogsworth and the others had stood by the window, doing nothing, as Belle had tried to escape. He remembered how Cogsworth had almost ordered the gate not to open before he had seen the wolves and passed out. And Lumière was no better. He had bet on the time it would take before Belle would give up her attempt.

Anger filled Beast’s body and for a moment, it made the pain less. He tried to sit up straight and stared darkly at Cogsworth. He spoke through clenched teeth and his voice was rumbling. “I will only say this once… Get out!”

Lumière gulped. The master had addressed Cogsworth in this, but he had the feeling that the message was meant for him as well.

Cogsworth blinked his eyes twice, not seeing what the problem was. “But master, why…”

“OUT!” Beast roared as loud as he could muster in his current state. “OUT OF MY SIGHT!”

Lumière quickly ran to Cogsworth and dragged him out of the way, just in time before the master’s claw grabbed for the clock. Lumière pulled Cogsworth with him and hurried out of the room. He made a mental note to avoid the master for a little while, but somehow also had to smile. After all, he didn’t mind giving the master and Belle some privacy.

As Cogsworth, protesting heavily, left the room with Lumière and the door fell shut, Beast’s anger slowly faded away and the pain returned. Powerless to fight the pain, Beast fell on his back again, moaning a little with his eyes closed until Belle’s voice brought him back to his senses.

“Are you alright?”

Of course he wasn’t, but he didn’t reply immediately. Instead, his eyes met Belle’s again and he felt a little frightened when he saw her worried expression. It wasn’t just worry etching the lines of her face, there was more that was wrong. But despite the clearness of her distress, Beast couldn’t help but get a little distracted as he let his eyes wander to her dress. He gulped as he forced his gaze upwards again and he tried to shake his head. “You tell me,” he replied, trying to sound amused, though he wasn’t at all.

Belle couldn’t bring herself to smile, even though nothing could have relieved her more than to hear Beast’s voice. It was like a weight dropped off her, knowing he was conscious and reasonably well. Belle slowly moved the wet cloth to his eyebrow and patted it on a scratch.

Beast hardly dared to breathe as she touched his face with the cloth and he gasped softly as he realized something. “It was you that woke me!”

Belle put the cloth back in the bowl of water and quickly bowed her head. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I didn’t mean to.”

“No!” Beast quickly interrupted. He wasn’t mad at her for waking him, just surprised. It had been her touch he had felt the moment before he woke. But what he didn’t understand was why she looked so miserable. “Are you alright?” he asked, the words feeling a little strange in his mouth.

Belle looked up at him again and she felt a little alarmed that he would be the one asking her that. He was the one that had fought all the wolves, not her! “Yes!” she quickly replied, her hand instinctively trying to cover up the bandage she had loosely tied around her arm. “Yes, you saved me!”

Beast shivered upon hearing those words. Had he? He feared her grateful tone was based on false presumptions… He had never intended to gain this kind of gratitude from her! His eyes couldn’t help but dart to her arm and when he saw she was wearing a bandage of a sort, he felt a pang of guilt. He hadn’t saved her at all… He didn’t know what exactly had happened, but the wolves had overpowered him. She must have saved him instead.

“If I saved you,” he said quietly, his voice void of all emotions as his hand moved to her arm. “How did you end up with this?” He lifted her hand and saw her bandage was coming loose and was even stained with blood at parts.

Belle blushed, ashamed that she hadn’t been able to cover it up a little better. She hadn’t meant to draw any attention to herself. “This is nothing,” she said dismissively, trying to focus on him again as she hid her arm behind her back. “You were in much worse shape.”

As Belle gestured at his feet, Beast looked down. He was a little surprised to find her cloak covering his legs and pulled it off, feeling his nerves twitch as the fabric slid past his feet. What he saw wasn’t very shocking, however. He saw that his leg was neatly bandaged and even his tail had a proper bandage around it. He still felt pain, but it didn’t look nearly as bad as Belle’s blood-stained bandage around her arm. “You did this,” he stated quietly as he gestured at his foot and he saw Belle nod in return.

“It was the least I could do,” she explained. “You saved my life, I-“

Beast put his finger on her mouth to silence her. She had said it again and this second time it hadn’t made more sense than it had the first time. “Hold on,” Beast said, trying to arrange his thoughts. “What did I miss? I didn’t save your life! Last thing I know I was fighting wolves and passing out! How could that have saved your life?” She was looking at him too worriedly, too kindly and much too lovingly. The last thing he needed was for Belle to feel indebted to him or for the curse to be broken. Beast didn’t know on what fantasy she had based this idea that he had saved her, but he needed the truth clarified. He could do without the girl idolizing him and thus making the fault of falling in love with him. It wouldn’t be fair on her, either.

Belle put her good hand on Beast’s arm as she started talking and for a moment Beast was numb and all her words seemed lost. His stomach turned as he realized she had no fear of him whatsoever. The gentle way in which she touched him even made him break out in beads of sweat. He couldn’t remember feeling nervous like this.

Belle was so overcome; the words just tumbled from her mouth. “…and then you just lifted me in the air… You could have run for safety yourself or climbed on first… But instead you helped me out of their reach!” Belle sighed as she found it hard to control her emotions. She felt like laughing and crying at the same time. He had faced the wolves while it should have been her. She was so indebted to him. She didn’t know how she could ever repay him. “Without you… I think I’d be dead. You saved me!”

Beast listened in horror and for a moment he wished he had climbed the gate instead of helping her. His horror didn’t lessen when she suddenly started crying. This was not happening. “You’ve got it all wrong!” he tried to convince her. “I was just stupid. I should have climbed on the gate myself! I didn’t mean to save you! It happened by accident! I just thought I had enough time to get to safety myself too!”

“And still you helped me to safety first!” Belle said as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “You’re a true hero.”

“No, I’m not!” Beast quickly said. “I’m no hero. Just a nasty Beast.”

Beast knew he was seriously failing in his attempts to convince her he was a nasty Beast when she laughed at his remark. He wasn’t even trying to be funny!

Belle felt a little relieved by Beast’s attempt at humor. “Somehow I just can’t believe that,” she smiled. “You’ve been the only one here sticking up for me since I arrived. You didn’t stop me when you learned I was escaping and you even came to help me. I don’t know how I can ever repay you. You’re my hero.”

Beast moaned as she spoke those last words and Belle seemed to be a little surprised. “Look, Belle, you’ve got me all wrong!” Beast tried to explain, frustrated that her interpretation of things was so far from the truth. “I’m not a hero at all! I’m just a selfish and spoiled… Beast.” He had nearly spoken the word ‘prince’, but found himself glad that he had been able to correct himself in time.

“You’re not selfish at all!” Belle quickly replied. “At least not completely! If you were, you wouldn’t have tried to help me!”

“No, I am!” Beast argued quickly. “I am selfish! I wasn’t helping you to help you! I was helping you to help me!” Beast saw the look on Belle’s face had changed from eternally grateful to suspicious and he gave a relieved sigh. Good, at least she is listening! “The truth is: I didn’t want you here in the first place. When Cogsworth brought me the news your horse had been shot, I told him to help you out as quickly as possible. I didn’t want you to stay at all! But then he forced me to talk to you and I learned you couldn’t leave until your horse was healed, so I thought: fine, let her stay one more night then! But then… I don’t know what happened but the next moment you were forced to stay here for a month and I really didn’t want you here so that’s why I helped you escape! It’s just the bloody servants! If it weren’t for them you’d be on your way to your aunt already! They’re just not letting you go and ignoring everything I say and completely not listening to me!” Beast sounded aggravated by the time he had finished explaining his situation to Belle and he clenched his fists.

Belle’s mouth had dropped open as she had listened, but she didn’t know what to make of his tale. It all felt very confusing to her. “So… You helped me… because you don’t want me here?”

“Yeah, pretty much!” Beast nodded eagerly, glad to see she was starting to understand. “If I did anything heroic in the meantime, I can assure you that it was strictly accidental!”

Belle couldn’t resist a chuckle. Even if he was telling her the truth, it was very hard to dislike him. If anything, he managed to make Belle even more intrigued with him than she already was. “So… I just have to ask but… why is it you don’t want me here? Don’t you like me?” Belle was a tiny bit insecure for a moment and stroked her hair to one side, looking at her own hands to avoid meeting his gaze.

Beast gulped and stared at her. Did she really expect an answer to that?

Belle kept on staring at her hands for a while, but there was only so much time in which she could do this before it made her very uncomfortable. After what seemed like half a minute or so, she finally looked up at him. “Well?” she asked quietly.

Beast was taken aback and would have liked to run and hide more than anything. Perhaps he could pretend to faint so that he could avoid answering? Still, he knew fainting was no guarantee that she wouldn’t ask him the question again at a later time. She was waiting for an answer and Beast slowly cleared his throat. “I don’t… dislike you,” Beast replied honestly, looking at his hands.

Belle waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. She felt a little impatient and frowned, sighing. “But if you don’t dislike me, why is it you want me gone?”

Beast felt miserable. Did he really have to answer that too? “I mean… I don’t necessarily want you gone… It’s just… I don’t want you here… Does that make any sense?” Beast quickly looked up at Belle and she shook her head in such a matter that it was clear to Beast she had no idea what he was talking about. And frankly, neither did he.

Beast sighed deeply again before he attempted another explanation. “Look, it’s not that it matters whether I like you or not. It really doesn’t. I just don’t want you here. You don’t make my life here any easier. Before you came here, I could do as I pleased and behave however I wanted. But ever since you came, my servants are constantly nagging at me, telling me what to do and how to behave. It is making my life a hell and I would really like them to leave me alone. But they won’t. Not until you go. So that’s the only reason why I would want you gone. If I like you or not doesn’t matter.”

“You helped me escape because you don’t want your servants nagging at you?” Belle tried to summarize, finding it a very odd explanation of Beast’s behavior. There still seemed to be so much she didn’t understand. Just trying to comprehend him gave her a headache.

“Yeah, see, it’s not you I dislike, it’s the servants that are unbearable! Ever since you arrived they’ve been misbehaving! I feel like I’m not even the master of my own household!”

Belle smiled, slowly starting to understand why that unnerved him so much. “Like with the gate! It didn’t even listen to you!”

“Exactly!” Beast replied, relieved that Belle understood. “I’m its master, yet it doesn’t listen to me!”

Belle nodded, trying to figure out why the servants were having such a hard time obeying him. “It sounds to me like a simple mutiny of sorts.”

“Mutiny?” Beast repeated, raising an eyebrow as he was unfamiliar with the word.

“Yes, mutiny!” Belle explained. “I’ve read about it in books! It happens a lot on ships, both navy ships as well as pirate ships! When the crew feels like the captain isn’t acting in their best interest, they mutiny!”

Beast stared at Belle with his mouth open, listening intently. He had never heard of anything which happened on ships, but the eager way in which she explained it convinced Beast that she had to be an expert in all things regarding ships and mutiny.

“In case of a navy commander, they often put him in the brig and later on put him in court to justify his actions… In the case of pirates… They often just force their captain to walk the plank!”

As Belle looked at Beast with large eyes to emphasize the drama of what she had just told, Beast gasped, but he didn’t entirely get it. “What plank?” he asked, genuinely interested.

Belle frowned, a little confused about the fact that he didn’t know anything about ‘walking the plank’. “The pirate plank!” she tried to explain. “It’s like… a plank on the ship which they use to get to the docks… But sometimes they lay out the plank in the middle of the sea, without any land nearby… And when they force the captain to walk that plank then, he ends up…” Belle waited for a moment, expecting Beast to finish her sentence.

“…in the water?” Beast finished, unsure if that was what she had implied, but when he saw her smile, he was proud that he had guessed correctly.

“Yes… It is basically a death sentence. A very cruel one too! To die out at sea!” Belle shivered. “A scary thought! Not knowing if you are going to drown or be eaten by a shark!”

“Or drown and then be eaten by a shark!” Beast imagined with a look of horror on his face.

Belle laughed. “Exactly!”

Despite the pain he felt, Beast grinned as he was visualizing a poor man being eaten by a shark at sea. The idea was too silly for words to him and he chuckled.

Belle smiled as she saw Beast’s expression. Seeing him smirk like that made her confident that he would be well again soon. But as silence fell again between the two of them, Belle couldn’t help but wonder why the servants had disobeyed him in the first place. “Beast, if I may ask… But why do you think your servants mutinied against you?”

“Don’t ask me,” Beast quickly replied. “You’re the expert considering this mutiny-thing. I hadn’t even heard of the word until you mentioned it.”

Belle smiled and shook her head at the same time. “You can hardly call me an expert! I just read about it in a book once! … Or twice. Or three times… maybe…” Belle nervously looked back up at Beast as she realized she was being distracted by the memory of books she had read. This was not the right moment to think back of all the stories she had come upon involving a mutiny. She hoped Beast didn’t think she was strange for allowing herself to be distracted like that, if only for a moment. “But why do you think they didn’t listen to you? If you say that I should be released, they should listen… Right? You are the master of this castle, right?”

Beast nodded quickly, agreeing with Belle, but also feeling a little ashamed. He had given the servants a good reason to disobey him, he supposed. He had eagerly wanted to help their only hope out of the country, in a way. But where the servants looked upon Belle as a gift, Beast saw her arrival more as a curse. “They like having you here more than I do, I suppose,” he muttered, hoping it would pass off as a decent answer.

Belle shook her head. “If they truly liked me, they wouldn’t be forcing me to stay here. They make me uncomfortable sometimes… The way they look at me… Like they want something of me… It’s a bit creepy.”

Beast felt a little alarmed that Belle seemed to understand so much of the situation in the castle already, but at the same time he couldn’t help a grin as Belle pulled a face and rubbed her arms, as though she felt shivers down her spine just thinking about it. “I think they want to keep you here so you can… teach me some manners. Or something,” Beast quickly made up. In a way, this was partially true. He wasn’t lying to her entirely, just omitting all information about the curse and that love was the only thing that could break it.

Belle raised an eyebrow. “Teach you some manners?” she repeated incredulously and she grinned as an evil thought popped into her mind and she looked at him slyly. “That would just be a lost cause, wouldn’t it? Teaching you manners… An impossible quest if ever I heard of one.”

Beast was taken aback for a moment. He had been talking to Belle comfortably and suddenly she had… insulted him! He furrowed his brow and sneered at her angrily. “What is that supposed to mean?!” he demanded to know.

Belle’s sly expression didn’t betray any of her thoughts and she tried to reply casually. “Oh, just that it would be a wasted effort to try and teach you manners.”

Beast lifted his finger as though he was to retort to that, but instead, he dropped his frown and thought about what she was saying. Was she trying to confuse him? Was she trying to make him mad? Well, whatever she was trying to do, it wasn’t going to work. “Yes, you’re absolutely right,” he agreed with her, a hint of faked gratefulness in his voice. “I wouldn’t want to learn manners anyways. I don’t care about such idiotic virtues.”

Now it was Belle’s turn to be confused. Her plan hadn’t worked exactly like she had wanted. She had thought he would insist that he would be able to learn some manners. But now he was actually agreeing with her that it would be a waste of time. Who was he trying to fool? Belle or himself? Or was he genuinely a lost cause?

“I really don’t care about behaving myself or being polite,” he insisted, sounding very self-assured. “I‘m a Beast after all and if the servants want me to behave… Well, it’s not going to happen. I can’t help being cruel and unkind, you see?”

Belle nodded absent-mindedly as she was giving more attention to his eyes than to the words he was speaking. Something about his face and the way he talked told her he wasn’t being truthful, not entirely. He seemed to want to convey the impression he was cruel and unkind, but she didn’t know for what reason… Perhaps she was just used to guys bragging about themselves, like Gaston constantly did. Beast, on the other hand, seemed to want to put smudges on his own reputation. It made no sense at all. And he wasn’t cruel and unkind like he said, was he?

Deciding that she was as fit a person to find out as anybody else, she suddenly grasped her wounded arm, hissing as though her arm was stinging in pain, which it wasn’t.

“Are you okay?” Beast instantly asked, sitting up straight and bending towards her. “What’s wrong?”

Belle held her good hand in front of her eyes, pretending to be a little faint. “I… I don’t know,” she lied. “It stung for a moment… The pain is passing now… This didn’t happen before!”

Beast gulped. He was no doctor and had no idea what it could be that made her arm hurt like that all of a sudden. “Let me have a look,” he insisted softly, unsure if that would make him any wiser at all. He didn’t even know what he would have to pay attention to. But if her arm looked like it was going to get worse, he would go to wake his servants and they would have to take care of her. Perhaps they would have a clue what they were doing.

Belle played along secretly, unwinding the bandage around her arm and revealing the wound. She watched Beast’s face closely and noticed that he seemed a little bit disgusted or horrified by the look of it. But his voice sounded braver when he remarked: “That doesn’t look that bad… Perhaps you just need to wash it up and bandage it properly?”

“If only I actually could,” Belle sighed, faking some desperation. “I’m so clumsy with only one good arm…”

Beast looked around, noticing a jug of water besides the bowl in which Belle had put the cloth with which she had tended to his wounds. He reached for it, but instantly drew back his hand when a pain shot through his wounded leg. Even his tail seemed to ache as he had shifted his position. It was best if he didn’t move too much, he figured, and he pointed to the jug. “Take that, if you can,” he ordered Belle. “And is that a dry cloth? Take that one too.”

Quietly, Belle obeyed him. She watched curiously as he clumsily poured some water on the cloth, then held it in front of her, as though he wanted her to take it. Belle gratefully took the moist cloth and quickly glanced at his face before she concentrated on her own arm again. It looked to Belle as though he didn’t dare to actually come close to the wound and Belle didn’t blame him for it. But cruel and unkind? No, not at all.

“Thank you,” Belle said politely as she dabbed her own wound with the cloth.

Beast looked curiously as she wiped the blood away. “You can even see the marks of the wolf’s teeth!” he remarked, interested, bending his face closer until he was only inches away from her arm.

“You should have seen your tail,” Belle said with a smile. “It was much worse, trust me… And your foot wasn’t pretty either.”

Beast felt thankful that he hadn’t had to look upon his own wounds as she had taken care of him. He didn’t like blood much. She seemed to be able to deal with it a lot better than he could.

As Belle finished up cleaning her wound, she turned and grabbed a bandage that lay on a nearby table. “Could you help me?” she asked him gently, offering him the bandage.

Beast gulped as he looked at the bandage and hesitated to take it. “I-I’m no doctor,” he said quickly.

Belle put the bandage in his hands, despite the fact that he had tried to back away. “You don’t need to be. It’s easy. Here, I’ll tell you what to do.” She took his hand that held the bandage and put it on her arm. “Okay, I’ll hold the beginning of the bandage here and you turn it around my arm once.”

Beast frowned in concentration as he did what Belle told him. “Just once?” he wondered, finding it a little bit odd that they were already finished when the wound wasn’t even covered up.

Belle smiled softly. “No, this is just the beginning, but now I can turn this flap around, you see? Now turn it around again… No, a little tighter… This way my bandage won’t start moving around, you see? Now just roll it over the length of my underarm and back.”

Beast felt like he was a clumsy fool as he tried to follow Belle’s directions. He was glad he wasn’t a doctor.

“No, that’s too loose,” Belle remarked as Beast was covering up her wound. “That needs to be a lot tighter or else it’s going to shift and my wound isn’t going to heal properly.”

Beast frowned in a frustrated matter. This isn’t easy! “Yeah, well, get a doctor then!” He replied, angrily. “I’m just trying not to hurt you! I don’t even dare to tug the bandage tighter around that wound!” Beast breathed heavily, considering giving up and just dropping the bandage. Why can’t she do this herself? How was he supposed to know the right way to do this?

Belle was a little startled by his temper, but she supposed she might have come across as a little too bossy for his liking. She quickly put her good hand on his. “No, you’re doing great, really!” Belle tried to encourage him. “I’ll let you know if it hurts. I’m not made out of glass, you know. Don’t worry.”

Beast was still breathing heavily, but he felt his anger subdue slowly and in return he felt guilt. He didn’t like the sensation and realized he had overreacted. It wasn’t often that he felt like that. It was odd that she hadn’t reprimanded him for getting frustrated. All the servants would have said in such a situation would be: “Control your temper!” She hadn’t, though… But then why did he feel this guilt all of a sudden?

Slowly, he continued winding the bandage around Belle’s arm and back again. Belle looked at his hands closely and couldn’t help but stare. His hands were… odd. They were quite big and covered in fur. His dark nails looked more like claws, but at the same time his hands were very human. He had four fingers and a thumb and he even seemed to use them exactly like humans did. His feet, however, were nothing like human feet. It confused Belle slightly.

“Finished?” Beast asked as he had reached the end of the bandage.

“Yes! Thank you!” Belle said gratefully as she tucked the end of the bandage tightly underneath the other layers. “Thank you so much.”

Beast only managed to stutter: “I-it’s n-nothing.” Nervously, he scratched the back of his neck. It was odd to be thanked for anything.

Belle stared in the fire for a moment, feeling happy that her little plan had worked, before she turned to him again. “Cruel and unkind, you said, didn’t you?” she asked softly, with a smile on her face.

Beast felt very uncomfortable as he looked up at Belle. He realized she had tricked him. He would have liked to reply swiftly and with a catching answer, but had to admit she had outsmarted him.

Belle only waited a moment for him to reply. As he remained quiet, probably because he now had to admit to himself that he had failed in convincing her, she continued gently. “Did you honestly believe that you were?”

Frankly, Beast did. “My servants say so…” Not that they had ever said so in his face. But he had heard them plenty of times as he was sitting in a gargoyle’s neck. And the Enchantress had said so… “Spoiled, selfish, unkind…” he muttered darkly, remembering the times he had overheard others say it. “I’m pretty sure there’s some truth in there.”

Belle was at a loss for words. She didn’t really know him, but if anything, she’d describe him more as childish, naïve… and a little short-tempered. Though she did realize he probably was spoiled too, the way the servants had tried to please him at dinner. But unkind… Belle couldn’t think of a moment when he had been. Not to her… To his servants, however…

Beast stared into the fire as Belle remained quiet. His brow was furrowed as dark thoughts roamed his mind. He knew nobody liked him, but that was alright. After all, he was a Beast. If he could try to be happy with himself, his life wouldn’t be so bad, despite the curse! The last thing he had to do was focus on other people’s opinions of him. That would be sure to get him down. Nobody would ever have to like him and he could still be himself. He just had to try to block out other people’s opinions on him, as hard as that sometimes proved to be.

“Maybe you can change…” Belle said softly, feeling uncomfortable in the silence. “Maybe you already have, but nobody has noticed it yet… It’s hard to change perceptions when you’ve known someone for a long time. Maybe your servants won’t ever change their opinion, but I…” Belle paused for a moment as she took a deep breath, trying to figure out what was the best way to say it. “I don’t have an opinion yet. Maybe I can be the one to judge whether you are any of those things? Once I get to know you? I might even like you!”

Despite Belle’s gentle tone, the words she spoke angered Beast. Why did she have to be so damn kind and innocent all the time? He didn’t need any of that! “I don’t need you to like me,” Beast replied angrily, his voice rumbling. “And I don’t want you to like me either! I don’t even want you to get to know me or get to know you! When will you finally understand?! I don’t want to be judged, just leave me be!”

Belle’s mouth dropped as she was startled by his sudden, aggressive reply. She had only assumed he would have liked the idea of a fresh start, of the possibility to leave a good impression on someone that didn’t know him yet for a change. Instead, he was trying to push her away again and saying things that… actually hurt her. It upset Belle that he was showing no kindness whatsoever towards her offer and she realized that, after all, he truly was unkind. “I’m sorry for upsetting you,” she replied quietly, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible.

“Don’t be!” Beast replied harshly, realizing that he was not going to be able to shake her off unless he stood his ground now. He had to create this distance for his own good and maybe for her good as well. “Just leave me! I don’t want you here!”

Belle got up quietly, taking deep breaths to ensure she could leave the room in peace as she felt terribly upset by his sudden change in attitude towards her. He sounded aggressive, but how could that be? He wasn’t that bad, was he? Belle felt like she had to try to restore the mood between them. How could he be this cruel, even to himself? “Before I go,” Belle tried quietly. “Is there anything you need or I can get you?”

Beast frowned as he realized he was in no state to do anything. He couldn’t even move properly.

“Do you want me to help you to your room?” Belle offered quickly as she realized Beast hadn’t returned her offer by a yell yet and this had to mean his anger was fading already.

Beast felt powerless to fight her kindness. It was cruel to him to be near her. She was so kind that she might even be able to break the spell… and at this thought, he was filled with anger again. “No!” he replied quickly, glaring at her angrily. “Just leave me the hell alone! JUST GO!” He roared as loudly as he could from his sitting position by the fire place and he grabbed the jug of water from the ground and threw it to the wall, where it smashed loudly on impact.

Belle gasped as she figured it had not been a good idea to try to defy him, even with kindness. She turned and ran out of the room, her eyes filling with tears. She felt powerless to fight his anger. As she reached the stairs, she realized she couldn’t see anything through her own tears and she fell to the ground, sobbing as her heart pounded painfully hard in her throat. She didn’t understand. What had she done to bring that anger upon her? Had she deserved it in any way? It felt so unfair and Belle couldn’t stop her tears. Her entire body froze as she heard things smash to the ground in the parlor and Beast’s roars still. She felt genuinely scared by the sounds, but something stopped her from running. Instead, she moved closer to the room again, standing outside its door as she felt powerless to help.

Beast hardly had an idea what he was doing. Rage blinded him as he ripped through all bandages that were on the ground, smashed the bowl of water to the floor as hard as he could, tried to crawl over to the chair, despite the terrible pains in his leg and tail, and dug his nails in the fabric covering it, biting its wooden feet and pushing it over, trying to lift and smash it, but failing miserably and instead turning to the carpet to rip through it, roaring as he felt his heart beating in his throat, the anger making every drop of blood in his body boil.

No emotion had ever been more powerful inside Beast than anger. It was so powerful that in the middle of this rage, Beast roared and got to his feet, the pain of his wounds apparently no longer his own, and he went over to the fireplace, taking a large landscape painting from the wall above it and smashing it to the floor for at least half a dozen times, each strike harder than the previous one, until it finally fell apart. In one powerful swing, he swiped all the chalices of the mantelpiece and they fell scattered to the floor.

As one of the chalices landed on his foot, a sting of pain went through him and for a moment, he felt the other pain returning as well. He fell to the floor by the fireplace and realized he hardly had enough energy left to breathe.

With his arms around his face as he stared at the ground below him, he felt not only the pain, but also his consciousness returning. Breathing heavily, he recognized the feeling and felt horrified. He hadn’t done this in years. He had been past this. Or so he had thought. But he had been so mistaken and grief overtook him that instant. He didn’t want to look. He didn’t want to see. He didn’t want to imagine what the servants would say if they found out. But most of all, he didn’t want to imagine how much damage he had done to Belle’s view of him. But this was what he had wanted, right? For her to be too afraid of him to get close?

But not in this way… He had never wanted to go through this anger again, yet he had been unable to stop it. He had just given in to it. It was always so much easier than fighting it, but he should have tried! Surely Belle would never speak to him again… And though on one hand, Beast knew he should feel relieved because of that, he felt pain for losing all self-control. So badly.

His shoulders shook as he felt like crying, moaning from the pain he felt in his leg as well as from the hate he felt for himself at the moment. He had been so content with himself for the last years and now he had betrayed himself. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered to the ground, feeling as though his head was split in two. “So sorry.” How had he been able to lose all self-control like this? She hadn’t even been angry with him. She had just killed him with kindness and he had been unable to deal with it. Unwilling to deal with it. Desperation filled him and he cried, for the first time in many years. If it weren’t for that stupid curse…

The sounds in the parlor room had abruptly stopped, and all was now silent. Belle bit her lip and hoped nothing was seriously wrong. Though she realized things already were seriously wrong. She trembled as she slowly moved through the door and she lifted her hands in front of her mouth as she looked around. It was incredible that the mess in the parlor room had been created in only a few minutes… Sharp pieces of porcelain were spread throughout the room and even pieces of wood from the now broken chair lay meters away from what was left of the chair. Stuffing from the chair’s pillows danced across the ground as the wind from her dress moving about blew it away. Belle avoided stepping into any pieces as she moved across the room on her bare feet, shivering as she laid eyes on Beast. His shoulders shook as he lay on the ground, his face down and his struggled breathing heavy and inhibited at the same time. Belle couldn’t help but feel pity at this sight. He looked as though he had given his all in the battle against the room, but had lost even against the lifeless and broken objects. She slowly and quietly moved closer, a little afraid of the idea of Beast losing it again, but hoping he was past it now as she sat on her knees besides him.

Beast was cursing himself and questioning how he could have lost all control. He knew that he would have to look around at some point. He had to see the damage he had done. He knew that. But he just wasn’t ready for it yet. As he battled inwardly about what he should do now, he had a strange sensation as though someone was stroking through the hair on his head. Confused as he was, he knew that this time it would not be Belle. He had taken care of that by scaring her away. He was probably delusional and maybe the feeling only came from a deeper urge within to be comforted. But now it didn’t comfort him at all. It only reminded him of what he would never have and he allowed his miserable thoughts to overtake him even more.

Belle was a little startled when he only started crying more underneath her touch. She had expected him to tell her to leave him alone or to sit up straight and pretend to be fine. But not this. She found it hard to fight her own tears as she tried to hush his tears. “It’s alright,” she whispered. “It’s alright.”

Beast froze as he realized his apparent hallucination was no hallucination at all.

Belle noticed this and quickly withdrew her hand, afraid she had just woken… a Beast. She didn’t dare to breathe as he moved his head and it suddenly turned towards her. She felt a rush of relief as she realized his eyes were as tear-filled as hers and there was no aggression in them whatsoever.

“Belle,” he stated blankly, unable to understand why she was here. “I-I told you to go.”

“I’m not a servant,” Belle quickly excused herself. “I don’t always do as I’m told.” She attempted a smile, but he didn’t respond to it at all. The gaze he set upon her looked empty, maybe confused, and Belle figured that it was much too late to talk about anything. “I’ll help you to your room,” she suggested, standing up and reaching out her hand to him. “You need rest.”

Beast nodded weakly. He didn’t want to be here when the servants found out what he had done to their parlor. He tried to get up, but found that he could barely lift his hands from the ground.

Belle quickly went to his aid when she noticed how he was struggling to get into a standing position. She tried to help him by lifting him by his waist, but he was heavy.

Beast felt guiltier than ever as Belle helped him up, once again proving she was fearless as she supported him under his shoulder and held her arm around his waist to make sure he wouldn’t collapse. Was she as unimpressed by his earlier demonstration of aggression as she appeared to be? How could she still be clinging onto kindness after what he had done?

“You don’t have to do this,” Beast remarked, biting his teeth against the pain as she supported him so he could get through the room.

Belle didn’t dare to look at him as she helped him take the first steps through the room. He could hardly walk on his injured foot and his tenseness betrayed how much pain he felt with every little move. “No, I have to do this,” she insisted.

Beast stopped still and took a deep breath as another sting of pain went through his leg. “But why?” he demanded to know, his voice impatient.

As they left the parlor and moved towards the stairs, Belle dared to look up at him in the darkness. “Because… I think… If it were me in your place, I wouldn’t want to deal with it on my own…” She averted his eyes before he could say anything. “One step at a time,” she said quickly as they reached the flight of stairs. She hoped his room wasn’t in the highest tower possible.

“What would you want then?” Beast asked her in return, panting as he moved up the stairs. He watched her closely as she thought about his question, her face hinting a little sadness.

“I think I’d want… kindness,” she replied honestly. “Instead of the coldness of facing everything alone.” She turned her head slightly and glanced up at him for a moment. “What would you want?”

Beast found himself staring in her eyes as she asked him that question. He slowly shook his head and replied truthfully: “I… don’t know.”

Belle nodded patiently. He was a confused Beast for sure… But this was hardly an appropriate time to try and go more in-depth. She had to focus on bringing him to his room.

As they slowly and quietly moved through the dark and empty corridors of the huge castle, Belle realized fully how huge this place was. It was tiring to support Beast for such a long distance and so many flights of stairs, but she didn’t consider leaving him.

In the dark shadows, she often felt like the stone gargoyles were looking at them and she felt grateful that Beast was near. Though he had proven to be more violent than any creature of stone, Belle couldn’t explain why she wasn’t repulsed by him.

As they climbed up the stairs of the West Wing, Beast started feeling uneasy. To the door of my room, but no further… He feared that she would see the rose. There were too many questions he didn’t want to answer.

In the first hallway of the West Wing already Belle noticed that this was not like the rest of the castle. It was darker and there were hardly any windows at all. Belle found it hard to make out anything in the darkness, but she saw broken objects were scattered all over the floor. There were many busts of gargoyles and demons, broken with cracks all over the carved faces. And there were also broken chairs and tables and empty frames, covered in dust. Belle felt uneasy as she realized she was supporting the one being in the castle that was the cause of this destruction. She realized even more that she didn’t know him at all. It seemed that the more time she spent with him, the more he managed to confuse her vision of him.

“Did you do this?” she asked nervously, gesturing to everything around them as they hardly avoided walking into a broken stool.

Beast sighed deeply. They were nearly there now, but if she truly wanted to know… “Yes,” he replied honestly. “Though, I have to say… a long time ago.”

“How long ago?” Belle wondered, realizing she didn’t even have a clue how old he was. For all she knew, he could be hundreds of years old.

“Years ago,” Beast replied shortly.

“How many years ago?” Belle asked, unable to contain her curiosity.

Beast stopped as they reached the door to his room and as Belle’s hand reached for the gargoyle head on the door, Beast took it and stopped her.

“A few,” Beast replied, leaning against the wall for support as he stepped away from Belle, still holding on to her hand. He couldn’t help but notice how cold it felt without her against him… Or perhaps she just made him feel warmer when she was close. He tried to dismiss that thought as he let go of her completely. “My room is through here,” he said shortly, trying to avoid looking in her eyes, even though it was dark and he wouldn’t have been able to read her expression well anyway.

Belle nodded, understanding from the way he was distancing himself that he didn’t want her to go in. “Will you be alright?”

“Yeah, of course,” he replied quickly, clearing his throat afterwards, unsure what to say.

Belle noticed that he was at a loss for words and decided to make it a little easier for him. “Good night,” she whispered and she turned around and headed out.

Beast felt guilt eating at him as he watched her walk through the hall, away from him again. “Belle, I…” He gulped as she turned around again and looked at him. He didn’t know what he wanted to say, but he felt like he wouldn’t fall asleep at all if he didn’t say the right thing. “I’m sorry… if I scared you.”

Belle gazed at him as he stood against his door, looking as though he didn’t know what to do with himself. Once again she felt sorry for him. “It’s okay,” she said, nodding bravely. “I’m sure it wasn’t your intention.”

Beast couldn’t agree to that. It had been his intention. But this night, things had unfolded unlike he had ever wanted. He had done things that were inexcusable, even to him. And worse, he had done them to Belle. There was no excuse. She deserved a little kindness. It was the least he could do. “You are very kind. Too kind, even. I… I don’t deserve that.”

Belle took another step forward, convinced that he needed to get something of his chest, but instead, when she moved, he backed into the door even more, quickly reaching for the gargoyle head with his hand, as though he needed to escape. Belle didn’t take another step forward and instead just stood there, watching in disbelief as he opened the door, said a quick “Good night” and limped into the room before she had a chance to argue.

As the door to his room closed, Belle couldn’t help the tears that came. She couldn’t explain why she was crying. Confusion was the cause, most likely. She didn’t have a clue what to do. She felt alone now that she was by herself in the scary West Wing. She quickly made her way through the long corridor, trying to ban all thoughts of why Beast was… Beast.

Belle imagined she saw something move against the wall and froze instantly. But when she looked closer, she saw it was only her own reflection in a mirror that had been shattered. She moved closer and let her finger slide over one of the pieces of glass, examining her own reflection as she did so. She didn’t recognize the girl she saw. Never before had she looked so… haunted. Her cheeks looked flustered and her eyes were hollow and wet with tears. “What’s wrong with me?” she whispered to her reflection, unable to understand how her life had changed so drastically in just a few days.

As she let her fingers slide against the mahogany frame of the mirror, she suddenly noticed that the beautiful frame was marked. Four long scratches had been carved through the wood at the bottom of the frame. Belle sighed as she realized who had done this. “What’s wrong with Beast?” she wondered as she inspected the markings. Why had he gotten mad this evening? And why had he gotten mad those years before, leaving these marks on the mirror frame… And slamming the mirror glass so hard it had broken? Where had his agony come from? Belle didn’t understand as she gazed into her own hollow eyes. Even they didn’t seem to hold any wisdom.

Beast panted in pain as he dropped himself on the bed, realizing too late that dropping himself right on his tail wasn’t the smartest thing to do. “Ow!” he moaned into his pillow, cursing his own stupidity for letting himself fall on the bed like that.

He adjusted his position so that he was a little more comfortable and gazed at the rose. “Stupid rose!” he cursed. “Without you, I wouldn’t have gone mad!” Tonight he had no appreciation whatsoever for the pretty light that shone from it. Tonight he felt like he had felt so many years ago, angry with the rose for mocking him... for reminding him of the curse. “Without you, I could like Belle!” he said to the rose, not at all considering how foolish it was to talk to a flower. “I wouldn’t have to worry about her liking me either, then!” Beast gulped as he realized how much he did like her. And he wouldn’t mind her liking him… if it didn’t hold the risk of returning to his human form. Perhaps they could have been friends, if it hadn’t been for the rose. It was all the rose’s fault.

Beast wondered if Belle was alright. Did she actually know her way back to her room? It was such a large castle! She wouldn’t have gotten lost now, would she?

His eyes darted across the small table on which the rose stood and he noticed the mirror. Despite the pain, he didn’t hesitate to get up and quickly snatched it from the table before carefully lying down again. He held the mirror in his hands, but cast a quick look across the room to make sure nobody was there before he faced it. “Show me… Show me Belle,” he said with a little hesitation in his voice. He had hardly ever used the mirror ever since he got it. There had never been anything of real interest he had wanted to see, but now…

At first the mirror appeared to be lifeless. But then a ray of light shot from it and the next moment Beast could see Belle standing in a dark area. He looked closer and realized that she hadn’t even left the West Wing! She was standing opposite the mirror in the hallway, with one of her hands on the frame, gazing at her own reflection.

Beast felt his heart skip a beat. Though she looked remarkably beautiful to him, he couldn’t help wondering why she wasn’t on her way to her room. Why was she just standing there? Beast hardly dared to breathe as he looked at her lovely face and the blank expression that was on it. When she finally moved, Beast saw that she was wiping tears from her eyes, before she suddenly turned and left the West Wing. Beast felt no shame looking at her as she moved through the corridors and several flights of stairs on her way to her room. She was gorgeous. And if she would ever kill him with kindness again, he secretly thought it wouldn’t be such a bad death. Something inside of him wanted her to be near him again, to let her fingers run through his hair. Beast hated to admit to himself that he could actually fall in love with her. Even worse… He realized that he already was falling in love with her as he noticed that his stomach seemed a little upset, even though he hadn’t eaten anything in hours! He quickly put the mirror under his pillow, realizing that looking at Belle was only causing the feeling to grow.

“Why?” he moaned, running his hands through his hair. “Why now?”

He had to figure out a way to deal with this. He had to. But not now. As he turned on his side and attempted to fall asleep, he found that he couldn’t ban certain visions from his head: Belle sitting next to him and stroking through his hair, comforting him; Belle hugging him as he had attempted to help her; Belle worrying over his state of health as he lay on the floor; Belle supporting him bravely as she helped him to his room… But most hauntingly, there was the image of Belle, leaving the room in terror before he had completely lost it, and the thought that maybe, maybe it had really been for the best. Maybe one day she would find herself a prince… But it would not be him. She would always know him as a Beast. He wouldn’t allow it to be different.

Author’s Note: Oddly enough this was even longer than the previous chapter… Over 10 000 words! But… I’m very happy with this one! Major hugs to Trudi for beta’ing! Did you like it?