|The Parchment War at Hogwarts
Author: Spongyllama PM
A dramatic parody of Harry Potter and in a slight flaw of the laws of physics: A parchment ball fight has broken out across Hogwarts. This could itself be a matter of life or death, where the men prove themselves as men...Worth a laugh. Rewritten.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,884 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 07-01-10 - Published: 02-19-08 - id: 4083495
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
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Warning: This is really silly, and that's really all I can say about it.
ETAPA DOS– ER, CHAPTER TWO
Through the hustle and bustle, no one noticed the creak of the Fat Lady's portrait opening to reveal a flustered Minerva McGonagall, who had broken away from the art show of no purpose to shout, "WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON IN HERE?" Unfortunately, the only people who noticed were prefects who themselves were trying to restore order and a few first years who were sobbing helplessly under a table that some sixth years were standing on.
"WHO STARTED THIS?" she tried again, her lips in their trademark thin state and her skin pale. Obviously, no one would shout "Hey, it was those Weasley twins!" because, as we've already mentioned, everyone was ignoring her in favour of throwing balls of parchment everywhere. She proceeded to storm out, but not before waving her wand at a few third years who were pelting a few second years with parchment. She would be speaking to Professor Dumbledore about this one.
Or..that's what she planned on doing, but she was pushed to the ground as people swarmed into the corridor, down the stairs, and all around the castle, in the Great Hall, EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, that word was in capitals for emphasis, not italics, what are you going to do about it?
Somehow, like in the canon universe of the books where people sometimes just "knew what to do without having to think about it," the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff common rooms burst open and there were even more teenagers running around and wasting all the parchment imaginable. Hopefully they'll recycle after.
It was utter havoc. Enough havoc that I could describe it all to you, but there was just so much havoc that that would take centuries. Really, that's not an exaggeration. There was so much havoc. Take my word for it.
Okay, maybe there wasn't THAT much havoc, but there was a LOT of havoc.
Suddenly, looming dark clouds rolled in and outside the gates of Hogwarts smoked in dozens of Death Eaters. Smoked, like in the movies. Because those Death Eaters are too cool for normal Apparation, they have to make it look like they can turn into black smoke monsters while traveling. Oh, but, among this crowd of Death Eaters and evil minions was none other than Voldemort, who flicked his wand at the huge gate and walked right onto the castle grounds, because this is a parody and anything can happen in any way.. Plus, Dumbledore's busy with his little art show, which still serves very little purpose.
The truth was, Voldemort had quickly learned of the havoc – getting tired of that word yet? – from some Slytherins, probably, and came to master this art of "parchment-ball-throwing" to take over the entire Wizarding world. But Voldemort was just an evil antagonist, and we all know that most of the time, they don't win.
Thundering through the large oak doors like a herd of Death Eaters, the Death Eaters were ready to eat some death. Er...they were ready to help their lord learn this new art. But suddenly, because the word suddenly implies that something happened suddenly, Harry came running down the stairs in slow motion –
…wait, he's almost there...
–and he threw the parchment ball towards Voldemort's head...in slow motion.
No, I won't do that again.
The parchment ball collided like a 100 pound or some number kilo weight and blasted Voldemort off the ground and into a wall, because that's something else that happens a lot in Harry Potter. Dumbledore came running in through the hall because he ran Muggle track in his spare time and waved his wand in some super fast movement, sending all Voldemort's minions and Voldemort out of Hogwarts and away from Hogsmeade instead of confining the Death Eaters to Azkaban and doing something clever with Voldemort to keep him from doing his evil.
And at last the day was saved, thanks to the Powerpuff – oh, sorry.
And at last the day was saved thanks to the balls of parchment that had started the whole mess in the first place.
Today in Hogwarts, the physics of parchment apparently applied no more. Tomorrow would come, and that was when they would have to worry about detentions and cleaning this mess up. Tomorrow...
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