Summary: If this is what it was like to be in love, then I hated it. The feeling of knowing Stan couldn't be mine lingered in my mind like an echoed mountain. StanxKyle! Kyle's POV. AGE:17-18
Disclaimers: I do not own South Park in anyway.
Additional Comments: Rated T for language and adult situations. Don't worry, there is no sex (not that I could even write it out without arrupting in laughter), just Kenny's perversion and possible kissing scenes (: lol enjoy :3
I'll bet two years I'll bet one year
I'll bet those years you won't be here
I guess I'll keep, I guess you'll keep
Sadly we may never be
I'll bet my tears I'll bet your tears
I'll bet those tears over time could disappear
Wait a minute I have more to say
and I care if your listining to me
I will forgive if you forget
All the things we said
Let's accept it
I need you more than you'll ever know
I still do, willing to let it show
I need a minute just to get to you
I feel like I might be getting through
Come over and say nothing
Silence is everything
Silence -- Aly & AJ
I was anxious.
Not only was my mind screaming at me how excited I was, but my thigh was shaking from side to side. I suppose it's a normal habit for people that are nervous. And I suppose it is normal of me to be nervous. I mean, I hadn't seen him for a month. The asshole left me alone with Kenny and Cartman. Then of course his nagging girlfriend. It's not that I hated Kenny, I love Kenny. He is one of my best friends, and is always there for me when I need him. He's just such a pervert, and I'd prefer hanging out with someone who doesn't slap my ass when I bend over. As for Wendy, she's just down right annoying. She was so paranoid that he'd run off with some other girl while he was gone. And as for Cartman... no words need to be said. He explains himself for this matter. Speaking of Cartman, he didn't even care to show up. But it's okay, if the roles were reversed, I'd probably be mourning in my room once he got back. Fuck, I'm surprised I don't cry of agony whenever I see his fat ass waddle up to us at school. Ugh, just thinking about it makes my fists clench.
I tap my index finger against the couch, leaning forward now and looking down at Kenny, whom patiently reads a magazine in the middle of the floor. "Hey, Kenny?" I mutter. The blond took a quick glance up at me. And with out bothering to respond, he put the magazine to the side. "Do you think Stan changed?" the boy shrugs, pulling his hood down and revealing his messy hair.
"No." he supplies bluntly. "He's only been vacationing for a month."
"Right.." I reply with a nod, sitting back.
Kenny folds his legs. "Why so paranoid?"
My eyes shoot to him, quickly narrowing in curiosity. "Paranoid?" I hissed. "What do you mean paranoid
?" The boy flashed a smile, shaking his head. His elbow propped up on his knee, palm holding up his cheek. He didn't respond, just continued staring at me with an odd look. It was beginning to creep me out. "What? What's with the look?"
"For getting good grades, you're really a dumb ass." Kenny spat quickly. The stupid smile was still plastered on his face. I didn't answer. Kenny didn't bother to give me any time to anyway. "You're so paranoid that Stan will replace you only in a month's time period. I'm surprised Wendy still has a head."
"Dude, sick!" I piped, giving him an odd look. He simply snorted, looking away and reaching for the magazine again. He flips back to the page he was on, reading it slowly before turning the page. I watch him intently before speaking up. "Do.. do you think I-"
"Love Stan?" he cuts in. My eyes grow wide.
"I wasn't going to say that."
The same smile was on his lips. "But it's true, isn't it?"
"As a friend." I say slowly. "Fuck dude, I'm not a fag."
"Never said you were." he mumbles, going back to his oh-so important reading. I pull myself up, grabbing the magazine from him and tossing it on the coffee table. A hear a groan in his mouth, looking up at me.
"What do you mean, then?" I don't know why I'm getting so worked up. I had nothing to hide, Stan was simply my friend... Right? As a matter of fact, we were best friends. Super
best friends. We could never be anything else, even if we wanted too.
"You're so oblivious." Kenny sighed as he stood, stuffing his hands into his dull orange sweater. "You love Stan."
"No." the blond rolled his eyes. "Sure, you love him as a friend. But I know you want more. It's so obvious, dude!" I hate Kenny right now. I hate him for making me feel this way. I don't how he's doing it, but it's working. I can feel my face turn red. I can't tell if it's anger or embarrassment. I can't tell which one of us is right in this situation anymore. Yet I knew I couldn't love Stan more than a friend. Even if I do, hypothetically speaking, I couldn't do anything about it. He loved Wendy. And he surely didn't love me like he did her. But that doesn't even matter. It's not true..
"It's not true." I hear my voice.
Kenny grimaced. "Fine." Finally. He finally sees it may way.
Stupid me has to keep the subject growing. "What makes you think.."
The smile reappeared. "I may not get good grades like you, but I'm sure as shit not as retarded." he speaks. I glare. "The way you look at him, for starters. You always look like him like you're about to melt. You don't look away until you have to. And then when he talks to you, it's as if you think you might as well be listening to an angelic chorus. You always get the stupidest looks on your face."
I didn't know my eyes could possible get that wide. Kenny was.. right. He was actually right. I was so oblivious to all this. I guess I refused the thought that I didn't even notice. I was in love with Stan. Every time those bright blue eyes connected with mine, I couldn't help but stare at them. Then his voice. Kenny was right about the whole angel bullshit. I couldn't help but always want to stare. I know that sounds completely gay, and not to mention I sound like a damn stalker, but it was true. I was insanely in love with Stanley Marsh.. But now that I think of it.. Now that these thoughts of him are stuck spiraling in my mind, screaming at me, the more horrible it starts to get. I want him. I need him. But I can't have him. Not only does he want Wendy, but I highly doubt he feels the same way. I see the way he looks at his girlfriend, and other girls when they go on their stupid "breaks". No way could he possibly love me back.
Oh, thank god. The telephone broke my horrible thoughts. Kenny, folded his arms, watching as I talked for only a second, then hung up. I turned. "Stan's home."
We walk silently down the sidewalk. It's so hard to talk to Kenny now. I wonder if he's the only one that suspects it. I wonder if he thinks I'll eventually go gay for him too. But it's not like that, not at all. I guess this sounds stupid to say, but I'm not gay. Only for Stan... Wow. I don't like guys. Just him. I guess it's because I've known him practically my entire life. When I think about it, I've known everyone
in South Park my entire life. God, I feel like such a dumb ass right now. Why is this happening? Why do I have to love Stan?
"Kyle! Kenny!" I hear his voice shout in the cold air. His skin had managed to get a bit tanner while he was gone in sunshine state. He flashed a smile. Now I know why. He's perfect
. I stopped in my pace, watching as he approached us. "Sorry I couldn't stop by your house like planned." Stan stopped in front of Kenny and I.
"It's okay, dude." Kenny includes.
"Yeah." I agreed. Stan looked to Kenny, then to me. Despite the fact snow began to flow from the sky like shimmering crystals, Stan flashed me a large smile, warming me. I couldn't help but smile back at him. "How was it?" I chirped.
"Nyh, fine." he said with a sigh. "Me and Shelly were fighting half of the time."
"Expected." Kenny murmured.
Stan threw a chuckle. I tensed. "Yeah." he said, eye brows lifting. "It was frikken hot. A lot better than this shit hole. But I guess it was okay." he lifted a shoulder, looking up at the sky, watching the snowflakes. "I missed Wendy though." Of course you did. "I'm going to try to make up my absence. She was probably a bitch all month, huh?"
"Pretty much." I managed to say loudly. "I don't get what you see in her."
. Don't give me that look
. He was glowering at me. It vanished though. "I should be happy you don't like her--" Stan's hands collided into his pockets. "That means I don't have to worry about you stealing her from me."
"Jack ass." I say simply.
Kenny was grinning. "You don't have to worry about Kyle stealing her." he shot me a funny look. I shoved my fist into his shoulder, causing him to yelp and jump back. "Dude!"
I scratched the side of my face, looking away bitterly as I pursed my lips. "Shut up."
Stan was staring at us oddly. "Idiots."
." Kenny mocked.
I went to hit him again, but Stan caught my wrist. "Don't be such a wuss, Kyle." he scoffed. I recoiled, withdrawing my hand and mimicking his posture.
"Whatever dude." my eyes looked to the side.
Stan frowned. I guess he's not as stupid as I think sometimes. "You don't slap the idiot, you kick him in the balls that I doubt he has." he said smugly. I turned my head to look, watching as Kenny fell to the ground. I let out an uproar of laughter, Stan following. Kenny grumbled."You guys are jerks."
In unision, Stan and I spoke; "We know."
I'm completely in love with Stan Marsh. I never thought I'd admit it. I'll even admit I was just a bit oblivious about it. But now I'm sure. For a fact. As I lay here, sprawled across my green pattered bed, I think. I think about him, me, us. I wonder if it's possible. I wonder if he feels the same, and he'll break up with Wendy. I can see it. I want it so bad. "Stan, I love you."
I'll say. "I love you too, Kyle. I'm going to break up with Wendy, and we can be together!"
he'd tell me. Stupid Wendy can lock herself in her room for years and I'd care less, just as long as I
got him. The more I think about it, the more heartbroken I grow. He doesn't want me. He doesn't love me. We're just best friends..
I tell myself weakly. No.. that's a lie
. I sigh, finding I'm beginning to argue with myself. I roll over on my stomach now, hand propping my chin up. "This sucks." I say quietly. Or maybe he does love me.. Maybe he's in denial, and he just needs to realize it. I can't ask him, though. Oh god, I can only imagine if he didn't feel the same way. It'd ruin everything! I wouldn't be able to see him at all. I guess the only thing to do is.. let him stay with Wendy. Let us stay just best friends. And let my heart ache. If this is what it was like to be in love, then I hated it. The feeling of knowing Stan couldn't be mine lingered in my mind like an echoed mountain.
To be continued..
I was listening to so many cute songs while writing this XD I did it kind of fast. Also, sorry for all the cursing, but that's just how they are. I'll try to tone it down :3 In case you're wondering what my inspirations were;
Silence -- Aly & AJ
In Like A Lion (Always Winter) -- Relient K
Goodbyewaves and Driveways -- The Rocket Summer
What We Hate, We Make -- The Rocket Summer
You're The Only One -- Maria Mena