Warnings: Slash/femslash/het, drama, and some angst all in later chapters.

Disclaimers: South Park is not mine. Trey Parker and Matt Stone are the ones behind that madness.

Chapter One- The Diet

Eric Cartman munched away at a bag of cheesy poofs while he watched TV. The doorbell rang once. Then, it rang again. Cartman ignored it and continued to watch Terrance and Phillip. After three minutes of doorbell ringing, he finally shouted,

"Maaaaam, Door!"

No one came to answer it. After three more rings, Eric finally decided that he'd have to get it himself. He got off the couch and walked to the door, mumbling obscenities.

When he opened the door, Kenny stood before him, hood up and covering most of his face, as usual.

Cartman was going to close the door in Kenny's face and waddle back to the couch but decided he would see what his friend wanted first.

"God dammit, Kenneh, what do you want?"

Kenny said something unintelligible through the hood of his parka that covered his mouth.

"Play outside?" Cartman questioned in a tone that suggested that such a thing was completely out of the question.

"Yeah," said Kenny.

Cartman's eyelids lowered.

"Fuck you, Kenny. Go play by yourself. I don't want to play with you, you're poor."

Kenny narrowed his eyes. However, he remained in the doorway. From behind Kenny, Eric saw his mother approach.

"Maaam, where were you?" Cartman questioned angrily.

Kenny realized that he was blocking the door and moved out of the way. Liane walked inside with paper bags in her arms.

"I told you, sweetie, that I was going grocery shopping," she answered.
Cartman's face lit up when she said this.

"Did you get more cheesy poofs?" he asked eagerly. Kenny rolled his eyes, stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

"No, Eric," Liane said, "I bought different food this time."

Cartman followed his mother into the kitchen where she set the bags on the table. Kenny followed in after. Cartman peeked into one of the paper bags and then stuck his hand inside.

He pulled out a bag of spinach and made a face. He tossed it aside and then pulled out a bag of carrots. He threw the carrots along with the spinach. Nearly ever item Eric pulled out of the bag was a fresh vegetable or fruit. Not even a jug of milk.

Wait, I take it back. From the third bag, Cartman pulled out a carton of soy milk. He shrieked as if it burned and threw it across the kitchen, causing the contents of the carton to splatter everywhere. Kenny held back a laugh as Cartman threw a tantrum.

"What the hell, mam!" Cartman yelled, "where are the chips? You didn't even get any chicken!"

Kenny wondered the same thing. Since when did Ms. Cartman think it was a good idea to stop spoiling him? The food sat on the table and some that was on the floor was questionable.

"Eric," said Ms. Cartman, "we're going to try a new way of eating."

She pucked up the busted milk carton off of the floor and put it in the sink. Eric stared at her in disbelief. Kenny appeared stunned as well.

"But maaaaaam," Cartman whined, "I don't wanna eat different!"

Liane sighed.

"Give it a chance, Eric. I'm sure you'll like it."

"I don't wanna eat God damn spinach, God dammit!" Cartman whined loudly.

Ms. Cartman picked up the rest of the food and began to put it in the refrigerator.

"Eric," she said calmly, "I had thought a lot lately and I think it's about time you start making healthier choices." She closed the fridge and faced Eric.

"You're almost eleven years old, now. I can't baby you and give you what you want forever."

Cartman could hardly believe what he was hearing.

"Bu-," he started.

"Eric," she said sternly, "you're doing this and that's final."

With that, she left the kitchen.

Kenny stared at Cartman with wide eyes. Did Ms. Cartman just raise her voice to her son? Cartman looked back at him.

"Kenny, get the fuck out of my house!"

Kenny grinned, even though you couldn't see it, and then dashed out the kitchen and then the front door.

Cartman walked into the living room and picked up his half eaten bag of cheesy poofs. It was possible that it was the last delicious thing he would have in a while.

"Fuck..."

End of Chapter One.

Author's Note: This fan fiction will contain slash, femslash and het in later chapters. I wont tell you the pairs, you'll have to read to find out. I tend to throw people off so never assume the outcome of a situation or the pairs there will be when you read this story. I wanted to start after the fourth grade, so I started in the middle of the fifth grade. The story will end when the main characters graduate high school. My author profile has a link to spoilers for this story if anyone is interested for whatever reason. (Including exerts from upcoming chapters, doodles and a list of every pair in the story.)

Plot is more important than Ships for this story. Keep that in mind in later chapters if a pair seems off.

This story is based on my real life, though much of it is exaggerated (an some extra elements added to fit the characters.)

Most importantly, any episodes from the twelfth season or later do not apply to this story since it was started before then. This author's note covers all explanations and disclaimers for the entire story.

I update on popular demand. At least 3 reviews per chapter is all I want before I update the next.