The sun was warm against his cheeks, light sweat forming along his hairline and under his arms. He walked slowly next to Snape, grateful that the other man hadn't protested to their speed. They spoke very little, both enjoying the wilderness around them and immersed in their own thoughts. The silence was peaceful, not awkward and Lupin sighed with satisfaction as they sat down on a bench. The wood was cracked in numerous places, barely able to hold their weight, but it was just another sign that many people didn't walk the same path.

Moments passed until Lupin asked quietly, "Did you like St. Andrews?"

Snape shrugged. "It was similar to anything else I have experienced. Cruel."

Lupin gulped, his throat suddenly dry and raw. "They weren't very nice to you."

"No, they weren't," Snape responded dryly, knowing whom Lupin meant.

"I couldn't stop them, you know."

"Coward," Snape said, his voice barely a whisper. "You could have, but you were afraid of losing their friendship."

"I -- " Lupin began, unable to form his words correctly. Snape was right. "I'm sorry."

Snape snorted. "I don't need your pity."

Clenching his hands tightly in his lap, Lupin hung his head, the soft burn of embarrassment on his cheeks. It was a feeling he knew well -- why did he always have to fuck things up?

"Do you read?" Snape asked abruptly, his facial features set in firm lines.

Relieved, Lupin responded, "Yes! Very much!"

Snape eyed him, then reached into his pocket, pulling out crumpled paper. "Let me read you something."

"All right."

Clearing his throat, Snape began, his voice finally possessing emotion, "After all, it's not my fault. I can't force myself to believe. If there is a God after all and He punishes me because I honestly don't believe in Him I can't help it. What do you think of that?"

"Who wrote it?"

"Maugham -- W. Somerset Maugham."

Lupin thought for a moment. "Are you saying that you don't believe?"

"I struggle with my faith," Snape answered slowly, his eyes focused on the ground. "What about you?"

Pausing, Lupin sighed and tilted his head toward the sky, staring up at the clear blue. "I remember when I first came to St. Andrews. Jealousy consumed me -- just look at the friends I had, all perfect." From the corner of his eye, he saw that Snape was now staring at him. He laughed without humor. "That Christmas I prayed constantly for Him to cure my foot. A little boy's foolish wish, but I believed, I truly believed it would happen. Got on my knees late at night, skin burns like you can't imagine. Then Christmas morning came and of course nothing happened. Such disappointment and anger and hatred for God. I don't think I have ever gotten over it, you know?"

There was silence, then Snape asked, "Why are you here?"

Lupin clenched his teeth, ancient anger forming inside him. "Nowhere else to go."

Snape chuckled without humor. "What a pair we are."

That night, Lupin and Snape sat at the kitchen table, eating toasted bread and butter. The telephone in the other room began to ring, and Lupin raised himself up to answer it. Snape lifted up his hand and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "No, I'll get it." He walked into the other room and there was a distinct "Hello", then "Who is this?" His voice sounded angry. "Right, right -- Lupin, it's for you!"

Lupin carefully pulled himself up, then limped into the other room. Snape's harsh expression met him, and anxiety surged through Lupin. "Who is it?" Snape didn't answer, only stepped forward and handed Lupin the receiver.

"Hello?" Lupin asked, staring at Snape.

"Hey, Remus, how has it been?" Black. No wonder Snape was so mad. "Sirius," Lupin said, turning his back to Snape, his voice excited, "I'm doing fine. How did you know where to telephone?"

"Just asked O'Hara. I want to come up."

"Oh," Lupin answered, his stomach dropping. "I - I don't think that's such a good idea."

There was tension in Black's voice. "Why not? Who's there?"

Pausing, Lupin thought of lying. "Snape, do you remember him? Severus Snape."

There was a scratching noise. "WHAT? SNIVELLUS!"

"Yeah." He could feel Snape's eyes on him. "Yeah, it wouldn't be a good idea for you to visit."

"What? No, no, I can visit and then we can have some fun with him."

Lupin's hand trembled. "No, no, that's over, Sirius. I don't want anything to do with that." Breathless, he couldn't believe what he was saying.

There was clear anger in Black's voice now. "All right, fine -- choose him over me, I see. It doesn't matter that he's a slimy git and I'm your best friend."

"Yes," Lupin managed, his mind spinning. There was a click, then a dial tone. Black had hung up on him.

"Well, is he coming?"

"How did you know?"

Snape shrugged, his face still set in angry lines. "I know Black."

"Oh," Lupin said, feeling defeated, "no, he's not. I don't think we are friends anymore."

"Friends?" Snape crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Lupin. "You -- I mean -- you weren't -- "

Lupin had never seen Snape at a loss of words before. It astonished him. "What are you getting at?"

Looking down at his feet, Snape said quietly, "Lovers, you weren't with Black?"

Lupin stared at him. "What? Of -- of course not! What would ever give you that idea?"

Shrugging once more, Snape kept his face turned downward. "You just seemed -- close."

"I cant, I mean -- no, there was something, but not what you think."

Snape blinked. "Are you gay?"

The question surprised Lupin. He stepped back, sucking in air with a quick breath. "I -- I dunno."

Something flickered in Snape's expression, but it was soon replaced by cool indifference. He closed the gap between Lupin and himself, standing quite close to the other man. Lupin swallowed thickly, his tongue sticking to the top of his mouth. He drew in a deep breath and smelled Snape's natural scent, a musk that made Lupin's stomach twist violently, a deep arousal forming in his groin. Slowly raising his hand to his cheek, Snape brushed his fingertips against the soft skin. The touch was gentle, but erotic and Lupin closed his eyes in shame.

"D-do you think this is wrong?" he breathed, looking up into Snape's face.

Snape paused, his dark eyes burning into Lupin. "I don't know, but I - I don't think so."

Not understanding his actions, Lupin stepped forward and pressed his lips into Snape's, a timid brush of smooth skin. He felt his face redden as he waited to see Snape's reaction. Hesitating, Snape seemed shocked, staring down at him with wide eyes. Moments passed, then Snape wrapped his arms around Lupin's waist and pulled him closer. He bent his head and captured Lupin's lips in a deep kiss, almost forceful in his movements.

Lupin gasped and parted his lips for him, clutching at Snape's shoulders with his nails digging into the tender flesh. He twisted his eyes closed and tried to push away the guilt forming within his stomach. How could he deny something that felt so right? Kissing Snape just seemed like the best thing to do, the man's arms around him comforting and warm.

"I heard the telephone. Who was it?" Mary's voice stunned Lupin and he jumped away quickly, staring down at his feet as Mary walked into the room. Snape's eyes were unreadable, but his cheeks were flushed, his chest beating up and down.

"No one of importance," Snape answered, striding past Mary to the stairs. A few moments later Lupin heard his door close softly.

XXX

There was knocking on his door, each thump of knuckles against the wood slow and gentle. Lupin's eyes flickered open, and in his disorientation from sleep, slight anxiety ran through him. Why would someone call for him at such a time? Moving slowly, he crawled out of bed and walked over to the door, his bare feet numb against the cold floor.

Cracking the door open, he saw Snape staring back at him, a strange look in his eyes. "W-what's wrong?" Lupin asked, puzzled.

"May I come in?" Snape asked quietly.

Lupin blinked at him. Then he remembered. "Oh -- uh, yes." He stepped aside and allowed Snape to pass him. Snape was still wearing his clothing from the night before. "You haven't gone to bed yet?"

Snape shook his head, turning to look him in the eyes. "How could I? What happened today."

"You mean yesterday. It's two in the morning!"

Ignoring him, Snape spun on his heels and looked around the room, staring pointedly at the bed. It seemed as if he shuddered a breath. "I've been aware of you for quite some time. Ever since I saw you that first time, you have always struck me as someone different, someone like me." He paused, glancing over his shoulder to see Lupin's reaction. "Now, to think we could have something, I mean -- what happened today was -- evidence. Are you following me?"

Nodding, Lupin felt his lips numb, unable to speak. Finally he found his voice. "You mean -- we should continue this."

"Yes, I suppose. I mean -- I want you. Right now."

Lupin's mouth went dry. "You mean sex."

"Yes."

Shaking his head, he felt as if his heart would explode in his chest. "I don't -- but how?"

"You don't know how?"

"I -- no, I don't." Lupin's face burned with embarrassment. He was unable to meet Snape's gaze.

"Let me show you." The words were barely a whisper.

Lupin gasped. "Have you ever -- "

Snape shook his head. "No, but I have a few ideas." He stepped forward and caressed Lupin's cheek with a finger, Lupin tilting his head toward the touch and closing his eyes in brief bliss. Lupin knew it was the right thing to do.

Stepping closer, Lupin kissed Snape softly, then deepened the kiss into a passionate duel of tongues. Snape walked Lupin backwards until his knees hit the edge of the bed. They toppled onto the soft blanketing together, hands caressing and mouths exploring.

XXX

He stared at Snape's door, his heart pounding in his ears and his vision blurring slightly. He had limped back from the church, club-foot dragging behind him, mind racing. The clerical robe was still bundled in his arms. He heard rustling inside the room, and the noise created a thick pain in his stomach. What was Snape doing in there? Did he regret what they had done the night before? Taking a deep breath, Lupin knocked swiftly on the worn wood, his knuckles numb from the anxiety.

There was brief silence, then: "Who is it?" The voice was hard.

Lupin took a deep breath. "Uh -- it's me, Remus."

Cracking the door open, Snape peered at Lupin, his eyes dark. "I'm leaving," he said abruptly, his voice terse and his cheeks reddening. "You obviously know why."

Time seemed to stop. Lupin stared at him, unable to accept reality. Finally, he said softly, "If that's what you must do."

Snape gave a quick nod, then widened the door. Lupin saw that he was holding a suitcase. He gulped. "Maybe we can talk about it? I could be the one to leave."

"No. I'm the one who began it. I'm doing this to save my soul."

Lupin blinked at him. "I don't think your soul is in danger. I sort of like your soul."

Snape's stony expression didn't change. He looked away from Lupin, then walked by him and down the hallway in one swift movement.

"Wait -- can I write to you?" Lupin asked, following as quickly as he could. "Just to know how you are doing?"

Stopping abruptly at the stairs, Snape looked over his shoulder at Lupin, his profile protruding. "If you desire to do so." He then turned away and descended.

Lupin didn't follow. Limping slowly to his bedroom, he fell to his bed and smashed his face into his pillow, allowing himself to cry freely. He should've never allowed himself to be tempted by Snape -- now both were in danger and God's anger rained down upon them. That's what it felt like to Lupin -- heartache and dead, he felt as if he could never move from his bed.

Somewhere a car door slammed shut, then the sound of wheels moving on gravel. Lupin bit his lip and twisted his eyes closed. He wondered what he would do with his life now.

The End

Author's Notes: Thanks so much for all the reviews! I'm glad readers enjoyed this little fic -- I wrote it last year under a tight deadline, and now I have to fight the urge to continue it from where I ended it. I just wouldn't be able to manage. --counts fingers-- I currently have five fics coming up, so be on the look out for those! Again, thanks so much for reading!