A/N- Wow, so can't believe I'm posting this. I blame this completely on a conversation I had at 6am this morning, mixed with the song Like A Drug by Kylie Minogue... Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be hiding in a corner somewhere. Lol...

All You Got

By: Azfixiation

I awoke to the dim light of my living room, noticing first that the sun was setting and second that Natsuki was nowhere in sight. There was the brief tremor of panic that ran through my body at waking up alone as I only vaguely remembered falling asleep on the couch in the first place. Mid-day naps weren’t something I was particularly used to but Natsuki was intent on teaching me to enjoy the more relaxed side of life. Not that I could ever say no to an opportunity to lay in her arms in the first place.

Things have been progressing nicely since her decision to give us a shot. Us. The word still made me giddy inside. Yes, we were a couple, though probably the strangest one to ever exist. In honestly, not much has changed between us. We had always had that friendship that seemed to blur the lines only now Natsuki was clearly able to state the reasons why she allowed that sort of friendship. Physically we hadn’t made much progress. The act of showing her affection was still hard on Natsuki. Mostly she seems content with laying together, holding hands and the occasional kiss or two, which normally I admit, I’m the one to insinuate. I think she still needs time to adjust to kissing for the sake of pleasure instead of the as a means to try to pull me back from my darker thoughts caused by the panic they caused in her.

Pulling myself from my thoughts I decide to go in search of said girlfriend, but a lone sheet of paper on the coffee table stops me before I’ve even had a chance to start. The handwriting is inelegant, but it still brings a smile to my lips. It is distinctly hers, and that in itself makes it beautiful.

Had an emergency at work. I didn’t want to wake you, you looked to peaceful sleeping. I will come back as soon as I’m finished at the shop. Maybe you’ll let me buy you dinner? See you soon, my sweet Shizuru.

The note, even in its simplicity, leaves me speechless. It is surprisingly the first I have ever received from her, and almost like a proud parent I want to put it on display somewhere that I may be reminded of her affection. Although we have always openly told each other we loved each other, she hasn’t once said it since we’ve started this dating thing. I think she is waiting until she can comfortably say it in the way I have always longed to hear it. I’ve no doubt that she feels it, regardless. How could I possibly when moments like this happen?

So with a smile I decide it would be best to shower and get the house cleaned up before Natsuki returned so I wouldn’t have to miss out on any time with her later. While I do fear our sudden change to spending so much time together will become old to her and she’ll tire of me, I try to keep myself occupied and not dwell on such thoughts. The last thing I want is to sink back into my own darkness over irrational fears. What will be will be, right?

Focusing on my tasks at hand, I began straightening the kitchen. Dirty dishes were left from lunch, my impatient Natsuki not wanting to wait long enough for me to clean up before starting our movie. A knock at the door brought a smile to my face. Why on earth she was still being so formal I had no idea. But if this was how she wanted it, I would happily play along with her. I quickly ran my fingers through my hair and straightened my shirt. “Ara, miss me already?” I teased as I opened the door.

“Yes I did,” came the unexpected voice. Though unexpected, I hadn’t allowed my smile to drop as I didn’t want to seem rude to my unexpected visitor.

“Chisame, please come in,” I said, honey oozing from my voice. Well, I had needed to talk to her, hadn’t I? “To what do I owe this unexpected surprise?”

“Sorry to just drop in on you like this,” she offered a sheepish smile in apology. “It’s just we haven’t heard from you for a few days so we got sort of worried when you never returned the calls. I wanted to make sure you were doing okay.”

“Its fine,” I reassure her, though I feel hardly anything but fine at this. I suppose I can’t always be prepared for everything. “Can I get you a drink?” I ask as I lead her to the couch and motion for her to sit.

“Ah, no I’m ok. Thank you though.” She looks nervous, and I almost want to laugh. How do you randomly show up to someone’s house, and then act so timid? We make a few attempts at small talk, passing a good twenty minutes with nothing more than mundane questions and answers. Finally my impatience gets the best of me, and I decide to bring us back to the point.

“I’m sorry to have worried you. Things have just been a bit busy lately. I’m afraid I probably won’t be able to make it out much anymore,” I say, deciding to just get this over with as quickly as possible. Unlike my dense Natsuki, it’s easy to tell when people like me and it’s quite clear Chisame is smitten with the Shizuru she believes me to be.

Her eyes clearly show her disappointment, and I can see her struggling with something. “Can I still see you, sometimes?” she asks finally.

Straight to the point. I always knew I liked her, even if this is quite a difficult task for her. “Ara, it seems I may have a few things to fill you in on,” I reply, inhaling a deep breath quietly to prepare myself. It was never easy doing such things, and this is the first time I’ve ever had such a situation in my own home. She nods for me to continue, and so I do. “As you may have realized, I’ve been quite depressed lately. Hanging out with you and everyone was a great… distraction. However that’s not exactly the life I wish to continue to lead.”

She takes it in for a moment, shifting on the couch to better look at me. “We can do other things besides just drink, you know. It’s not as if that’s the only thing I enjoy,” she laughs, and I realize I will have to be a bit more honest to dissuade her.

“I would be happy to be your friend, Chisame. However that is far as it can ever go. I do not wish to sound cruel, only honest. Is that something you can accept?” Our eyes lock, and after only a few seconds she looks away. The action causes me to want to laugh. Only Natsuki has ever been able to hold the weight of my gaze, and that was something that took her years to manage.

“Are you with someone now?” she asks, and I nod. “I see… Who?”

“Ara, the one I nearly killed myself with alcohol to forget,” I laugh, more for myself than her.

“The one you cried over when we…”

“Yes.”

“I see,” her eyes look hard. Almost angered. It was a reaction I hadn’t expected from her. Not from the overly gentle girl I had come to know. I had expected her to leave at this. Or at least accept a simple friendship. Perhaps I am slipping as I get older, but almost before I could blink, I feel her lips pressing against mine. Her hands are forceful on my shoulders as she holds me in place and she pulls away before I can even think to push her away.

Fuck.

“I think perhaps you should be leaving, Chisame-san,” I say quickly, my old mask quickly gracing my features.

“No Shizuru. This is stupid! I don’t know what that girl did to you before to make you so hurt, but we, I, was there when she wasn’t. I understood you had feelings for someone yes, that’s why I was so patient. I thought… I thought if I just showed you I would wait it out maybe you would let me try.”

“I’m sorry for that Chisame. I hadn’t meant to lead you on. I thought you understood. However my heart has always, and will always be Natsuki’s. And hers alone.”

“I’m so happy to hear that,” a playful voice calls out from behind me, and for a moment my heart freezes. There was ice beneath that playfulness and I can only hope that it wasn’t directed at me.

“Natsuki, how long have you been there?” I turn to face her and the second our eyes lock and my heart begins to slow back to its normal pace.

“Long enough to know that I fucking love you and that if anyone ever touches you like that again without your consent, they’ll live to regret it,” she growls out.

For a brief moment I am aware that I should probably be doing something to cool the situation. To get Chisame out of the house, and Natsuki calm. However her words have left me lightheaded and for the first time in my life, speechless. I watch as Natsuki walks over to us, fire in her eyes as she gives Chisame the famous Kuga glare.

“Fine. But remember, you’re the one who broke her heart. Don’t think you have much right to be giving anyone else a look like that,” Chisame said as stood to leave. “See you around, Shizuru.”

Natsuki only growled until she was certain Chisame had seen herself out. Once I was certain that it was safe to drop my mask, I couldn’t hold back the giggle at Natsuki’s adorable behavior. “Ara, Natsuki loves me?” I manage to finally say once I see her troubled eyes clear.

“Damn right. I never want to see that again. I want to kill that girl.”

She pulled me up from my seat on the couch and wrapped her arms around me, almost crushing my body to hers. My head rests on her shoulder while I nuzzle her neck, contently enjoying the fact that she has no clue how sexy her sudden declaration was. Taking my chances I pressed my lips to the soft skin of her neck, sucking gently at her pulse point.

“Shizuru, did you really… cry?” she asks and reluctantly I pull away from her neck but smile at the small red mark the action had left.

“Yes.”

“Why?” she looks down to look into my eyes, her arms still holding me tightly against her as if to say whatever the answer, it would be ok.

“Because it was not you. Because the only hands I’ve ever wanted to touch me are yours Natsuki. And you are one I have always longed to touch,” I breathe out the last part, moving my mouth close to her ear before gently tugging the lobe between my teeth.

I had expected her to blush, to pull away and call me a name. Anything except the reaction I did get, which was her sultry voice saying my name. Her hands made their way to my face as she pulled me in for a deep kiss, her tongue wasting no time in finding my own. In my mind I knew I should pull away before I let her get me too worked up, but her need to prove that I am hers after seeing such a sight only caused me to further enjoy the kiss. I had always wanted to see a forceful Natsuki.

“Please Natsuki, I’m not sure I can control myself if you kiss me like that,” I manage to say when we pause for air. My words fall on deaf ears however as she gently pushes me back down to the couch, and I feel her weight on top of me as she finally stops to look at me.

“I don’t want to stop.” Her eyes meet mine and it is almost suffocating, the adoration I find in them. I have never seen such a look from her. “Let me make up for lost time. Let me make up for making you cry. Please Shizuru, anything you want. I’ve been such an idiot.”

“What happened to slow?” I ask, not wanting her to do something she will regret from a silly surge of jealousy.

“Aren’t I allowed to change my mind?” she answers with a smirk. “I thought that was something I was commonly known for at this point.”

The truth in her words make me laugh as my hand reaches up to the back of her neck, pulling her closer to me. “As long as you don’t change your mind about loving me.”

“I couldn’t,” she smiles and my heart pounds hard in my chest as her lips come crashing back to mine.

It never ceases to amaze me the surge of desire that fills me at her every touch. If I had thought control was hard before with simple pecks and teasing touches, to have Natsuki’s full body pressing down against mine while her mouth trailed from my lips to my jaw, down to my collar bone, was pure torture. Though I tried I couldn’t restrain the slight moan that escaped my lips as I felt her teeth grazing the skin of my neck. My fingers tangled in her hair as I pulled her closer to me, and she clearly liked the reaction from her satisfied growl.

“Ara, Natsuki sure is good at this. Perhaps she has some secrets she has not shared with me?” I ask teasingly, hoping to throw her off enough to let me gain control.

“I just… it felt right?” she offered, turning a bright shade of pink.

“Perhaps I can return the favor in making Natsuki feel so good,” I grin, gently nudging her off of me. She gives me a confused look as I stand on shaky legs, holding my hand out to her. “I think the bed may be a bit more comfy, for your first time.” She turns fully red now at this, but still takes my hand and lets me lead her to my bedroom. Her moment of boldness has passed, though I’m sure it won’t take much to coax it back out of her. “Natsuki did say anything I wanted, didn’t she?”

We fall onto the bed as gracefully as possible; this time however I have the room to leverage myself on top of her. Not waiting around for me to start doubting myself I lean down to capture her lips again, sliding my waist between her legs. It takes her a moment to respond to my kiss, but once she does her arms encircle my body, pulling me tightly to her as if she was afraid to let me go.

“I’m not going anywhere Natsuki,” I whispered in her ear, hoping to reassure her and calm her fears. “You are my dream come true. I would have waited forever for this.”

My mouth once again found the soft skin of her neck, my tongue tracing a path from her pulse point to her jaw as I listened to her labored breathing next to my ear. It was almost agonizing, to not give in and rip off her clothes after waiting so many years to finally be able to touch her without hesitation. “Please Shizuru,” she growled out as she pushed her hips up against mine. “Don’t tease me. We’ve waited so many years. Please Shizuru.”

“Natsuki is that excited already?” I teased, silently thankful she was feeling the same as me. There would be time for exploring later. Right now I wanted to be connected with her. I needed to finally give myself to her, and take her as my own.

Her hand on the back of my neck, pulling me in and crushing my lips to hers was the only response I got. Her tongue quickly found its way back into my mouth, pushing hard against my own as if to show me how badly she wanted this. If I had known all it took was seeing me with someone else to pull Natsuki out of her fears I would have done so years ago.

Quickly I bring my focus back to the task at hand and begin to unbutton her shirt as I hold myself up above her on my elbows while never breaking our kiss. Once I’m finished I push the material out of the way, and move away from Natsuki’s mouth back to her neck as I lower myself at her side, giving my hand full freedom to roam over the newly exposed skin. I could feel her body shivering at my touch and grinned as I watched her bite her bottom lip when my fingers found a particularly ticklish spot along her stomach.

Sliding my hand up over her taut stomach muscles I kissed slowly down her chest so that my hand arrived at the swell of breast just as my tongue began to slide against the soft flesh above where my hand rested. Pleased with the discovery that her bra hooked in the front, I quickly undid the clasp. Knowing Natsuki as I did, I quickly covered the newly exposed flesh with my mouth, sliding my tongue in a gentle circle around her hardened nipple, wanting to keep her aroused past the point of being shy. “Shiz…uru,” she panted out, her fingers tangling in my hair as she pulled me closer in encouragement. The gentleness quickly gave way to more carnal desires as I sucked on her nipple, moving my hand to gently squeeze her other breast. “Please Shizuru, no teasing,” Natsuki said again.

With slight reluctance I pull myself away from her chest, my hands and mouth wandering farther down her body as I unbuttoned her jeans with much practiced ease and tugged them down from her body, pulling her underwear and socks with them. “Natsuki is so beautiful,” I whispered as I looked over her exposed body. The knowledge of what she was giving me, of how long I had waited for this moment, hit me and I felt tears sting my eyes as I fought the lump in my throat.

Before the emotion could hit me too hard, Natsuki was pulling the front of my shirt, bringing me back down to her for another passionate kiss. I felt her tugging my bottom lip between her teeth, the pressure only easing up when I began to run my fingers along her thigh. “No teasing,” she said with more urgency, and if it hadn’t have been something I wanted so badly myself, I would have loved to have taken the time to drive her absolutely nuts with this.

My fingers easily found their way to her center, sliding along her wetness until the tip of my finger brushes against her clit. Her head falls back to the pillow, breaking our kiss as a low moan escapes her mouth. Pleased with the positive reaction I dip my head back to her neck, biting gently as I slide my finger down her slit before slipping the digit inside of her. I can feel Natsuki push her hips against me as the feeling of completeness I’ve always longed for with her is finally fulfilled. “I love you,” I say into her ear, only loud enough for her to hear over her own ragged breathing.

My finger moves at a languid pace, just enough to get her used to the new sensation before I gently slip in a second digit. The feeling of her tight warmth around my fingers, her breath coming in short pants as she slides her hand under my shirt to dig her nails into my skin, almost sends me unconscious and I push deeper into her. Another moan comes from her lips and my mouth trails back down to her breasts. My tongue teases her nipples and her fingers dig deeper into my skin. I move in time with her, wanting to taste her but not wanting to break the other physical contact she seems to be craving.

Knowing the sensations are overwhelming her I add one more to the mix by brushing my thumb in lazy circles along her clit while I press deeper and deeper within her. It only takes a moment before she reaches up to wrap her arms around me, pulling my body down on hers as I feel her body begin to shudder beneath me. I can faintly hear her whispering my name but I am too lost in the sensations of her center clamping tightly around my fingers and her arms trembling as she holds me.

When I feel her body relaxing I slowly pull out of her and lay my head on her chest. I can feel her heartbeat exploding beneath my ears and after only a moment strong arms are squeezing me tightly. “I love you, Shizuru,” she says before placing a kiss on my forehead. “That was… amazing.”

“Natsuki is amazing,” I respond in truth, still in awe of all that has happened. “I love you so very much. Ara, but Natsuki did promise me a dinner date. I hope she doesn’t think she’s gotten out of it.”

“You’re impossible,” she laughs as she rolls on her side to face me. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, my sweet Shizuru.”

Gently she cups my face in her hands and kisses me as tears fall freely from my eyes. This was worth every second I waited and every tear I cried. “My precious Natsuki,” I breathed against her lips before breaking the kiss. I watched as her eyes roamed over my face, a small smile playing on the corners of her mouth. “Ara, is it dinnertime?”

“Something like that,” she laughed before pressing her lips to mine once more.

Ara, it seems I have awakened a whole new Natsuki.