|Akatsuki Goes on a Vacation
Author: Follow-The-Firefly PM
AU. Pein decides that the Akatsuki needs to go on a vacation. Where do they go? Niagara Falls! But will the peacefull vacation turn crazy with this group of ninjas? Rated T. may change to M later.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 26,650 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 09-09-08 - Published: 03-01-08 - id: 4105573
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I don't own Akatsuki
hey yo! It's Mika-chan! Sorry for the long wait. I've had a ton of stuff for school to do. This chapter is for Come Back To Me for giving me the idea. I hope it isn't too bad! On with the deadly tale!
The entirety of the Akatsuki was in the lobby, waiting for Pein to come back with directions for the afternoon's entertainment. Zetsu was arguing with himself whether Escape the Fate or Linkin Park was the better band, Hidan was reading the Jashin bible, Tobi was playing with his rabbit, Itachi and Kisame were talking about The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Deidara was asleep standing up, Sasori was looking around the lobby while he took in the scenery, Konan was reading a romance novel and Kakuzu was balancing his checkbook.
"Someone wake up Deidara." Kisame said as the blonde started to snore.
"I'm not doing it." Sasori said at once, jumping back several feet.
"What's wrong with you, Sasori?" Zetsu's white side asked.
"You don't know what happens when Deidara is forced to wake up." Sasori said in a fearful voice.
"Oh really?" Konan raised an eyebrow. "And what does he do?"
"I can't tell you guys that!" Sasori exclaimed.
"Is it sexual?" Itachi frowned.
"Dude, that's gross." Hidan shuddered.
"You do it with Kakuzu all the time." Zetsu's black side said.
"But what does he do?" Tobi frowned.
"I can't tell you." Sasori shook his head fiercely.
At that moment, Deidara's head jerked forward and the grey-blue eyes slowly opened before he looked at the group in confusion.
"What did I miss, un?"
"Never mind." Itachi shook his head.
"Where is he?" Hidan asked impatiently, referring to Pein. "He's taking forever!"
"Quit being so impatient, Hidan." Kakuzu rolled his eyes.
"He shouldn't be taking this long." Kisame said, more to himself than anyone.
A few moments later, Pein walked into the lobby from the tourist area. If I remember correctly, on my visit to Niagara Falls there was a section for tourists in the lobby. But, then again, that was a long time ago and I'm really bad at remembering things. Go figure.
"What took so long, eh?" Kisame frowned.
"You wouldn't believe the line!" Pein exclaimed.
It seems that Pein has something in common with Kakashi: he makes excuses for being late.
"Yeah, sure." Deidara rolled his eyes.
"You were asleep, Deidara." Sasori told the blonde.
"Shut up, so I can tell you what we're doing!" Pein yelled unnecessarily loudly.
Deidara and Sasori stopped talking and it was so quiet that one could hear a mouse scamper across the floor. Well, not really, but it was quiet to say the least.
"We are going to a bird sanctuary." Pein said.
"What the fuck!?" Hidan yelled so loudly that several nuns turned and gasped in horror. One nun actually fainted on the spot. Ah yes. Hidan tends to have that affect on people.
"Birds?" Itachi frowned. "Leader-sama, may I ask why we are looking at birds?"
"We need something to fill time." Pein shrugged.
"How much is this going to cost?" Kakuzu asked.
"Can you not worry about money for once, Kakuzu?" Konan faced the stitched-nin.
"I'm afraid I can't do that." Kakuzu shook his head.
"Well, I'll force you to." Itachi said.
"And when are we leaving?" Sasori asked.
"In a few minutes." Pein replied.
"But I don't wanna see birds." Tobi whined, squeezing the stuffed bunny against his chest.
"Live with it, Tobi, un." Deidara said.
Now this part of the story is going to be hard for me to write. I've never been to the Birds of the Lost Kingdom, as the bird sanctuary is called. I only found out about this somewhat recently from a reader. I could improvise and make the Akatsuki go somewhere useless, but that would be boring, now wouldn't it? So I'll do my best to imagine this place and write down the dreadful events that occur there.
The Birds of the Lost Kingdom was only a few blocks away from the hotel, so the Akatsuki found themselves walking once again to their destination. This wouldn't have been so annoying if it wasn't for the group of cyclists that tried to bike past them in a very rude fashion.
When they at last arrived, the Akatsuki was yet again split up by partners. And in the same partnerships that have occurred throughout the rest of this story. The main concern was that Tobi was going to jump off the roof or perform some ludicrous stunt later that was meant to impress.
"Are we running out of things to do?" Sasori asked as he gazed at a Bald Eagle with Deidara.
"How should I know, un?" Deidara shrugged, his video camera on the majestic bird.
"I honestly don't know." Sasori shrugged.
"You're bored, aren't you?" Deidara gazed at the redhead with a small smile.
"I never wanted to go on this vacation to begin with." Sasori crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"That's a bit obvious, un." Deidara nodded. "But it's almost over. Then you can go back to making puppets again, un."
"And stopping you from blowing up the hideout." Sasori sighed.
Elsewhere in the sanctuary, Zetsu was having a very hard time trying to keep Tobi under control. The orange-masked ninja had tried on several occasions to climb in the cages with the various birds. Needless to say, Zetsu wasn't really enjoying this little outing.
"Can you stand still for one fraction of a second, Tobi?" the black side demanded.
"But this is fun, Zetsu-san!" Tobi exclaimed.
"It would be if you'd calm down." The black side muttered angrily.
"Leave him alone." Zetsu's white side said. "Tobi's a good boy."
Normally, Tobi would have reacted to this statement. However, the hyperactive ninja had his face plastered against the glass wall, looking at a parakeet.
"Wow…" Zetsu's white side said.
"Exactly." The black side agreed.
In another part of the Birds of the Lost Kingdom, Kakuzu and Hidan were gazing at scarlet macaws. Well, Kakuzu was, anyway. The Jashinist had long since pulled out his iPod and was now listening to Children of Bodom.
"This is nice, huh?" Kakuzu said, staring at the crimson bird.
When he got no response from his lover, the stitched-nin looked over to his left where Hidan was standing. The amethyst-eyed ninja couldn't hear him; the volume was up too high and it was a song that Hidan liked in particular, which made him have the volume up more than normal or recommended.
Annoyed, Kakuzu grabbed the cord and yanked hard, causing the headphones to fall out of Hidan's ears, to which Hidan gave a short yelp of surprise.
"What the hell, Kakuzu?" Hidan glared at the stitched-nin.
"I was talking to you." Kakuzu faced the birds again.
"And I was bored." Hidan sighed, shoving the headphones back into his ears.
"At least pretend to be interested." Kakuzu ordered.
"I've been bored this whole vacation." Hidan said.
"Not when you were jumping off the waterfall." Kakuzu rolled his eyes.
"Well, that doesn't count." Hidan shrugged.
"It was on our vacation, so it counts." Kakuzu said.
"But not everyone jumped." Hidan pointed out.
"Not everyone is Immortal, honey." Kakuzu retorted.
"But they could've jumped anyway." Hidan rebounded quickly.
"No one besides us could've lived." Kakuzu said.
"That's their problem." Hidan shrugged, changing songs on the iPod. "If they converted to Jashinism…"
"Not again, Hidan." Kakuzu said through gritted teeth, knowing the sermon that was soon to come.
"It's true!" Hidan exclaimed.
"I'm not a Jashinist, so how am I an Immortal?" Kakuzu faced his partner.
"Don't know, don't care." Hidan grinned.
"You should." Kakuzu said.
"You have a bunch of different hearts and replace them when one's about to bite the dust." Hidan said in a bored voice.
"Technically, yes." Kakuzu said.
"But I'm still bored." Hidan scowled, crossing his arms angrily in front of his chest.
"Find something to do." Kakuzu said. "Think about how beautiful the birds are."
"They're not." Hidan said crossly.
"Do you think of anything besides sex and Jashin?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.
"Music." Hidan said, a wicked smile forming on his lips.
"Oh yes, how could I forget that?" Kakuzu's words dripped with sarcasm. "It's very annoying to hear you blasting some bullshit band at three in the morning."
"Hey, Iron Maiden and Bullet For My Valentine are not bullshit! Seriously!" Hidan was obviously mad by his lover's statement.
"Yes, they are." Kakuzu said.
"At it again, are we?"
Kisame and Itachi came into sight walking around a cage of toucans.
"What now, huh?" Hidan demanded.
"Leader-sama says it's time to go." Kisame said.
"We just got here." Kakuzu pointed out.
"We've been here for almost two hours." Itachi said.
"And Tobi got in with the vultures, so that was a sure sign to leave." Kisame said with a small smile.
"Why do we take him anywhere?" Hidan shook his head in a painfully slow sort of way.
"I honestly don't know." Itachi sighed as the four walked out of the Birds of the Lost Kingdom, never to return again.
Well, that's what would happen if this was a normal story, which this isn't. In any case, the next day's activity would prove interesting and fun for a certain ninja who shall remain nameless. And I will try to get the next chapter up faster than this one. Having said that, I bid my readers a farewell. Oh, and don't mind the killer guinea pigs. They won't kill you…yet.
It was bad, wasn't it? This story is drawing very close to its...well, close. I have one more chapter planned for niagara falls before they go back to the base. this will be extended, however, if i get ideas. having said that, review?
next chapter: water, water, water...