|Night of the Living Nerds
Author: AgentKaz PM
The Lone Gunmen find themselves members of the living dead. Now they'll have to try to find a way to get their old paper back up and running while they grapple with the newfound hunger. Hilarity ensues.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Horror - Words: 887 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 03-03-08 - id: 4109217
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
It was a dark and stormy night. On second thought, it was just dark. In fact, it was completely black. Ringo Langly blinked, trying to see where he was. No go. He tried to sit up, but he kept hitting into something, like a ceiling. "What the..." he said, but it came out wrong. Like a croak or something. Weird.
Close by, a suit-clad man sat on the ground, covered in dirt, the left half of his face almost unrecognizable. He heard a sound and turned to see a balding man making his way out of the ground.
"Hey, Frohike," the mutilated-looking John Byers said. Melvin Frohike pulled himself out of the hole and shook his head. "Hey... Byers? Is that you?" he said, taking in his surroundings. "Where's Langly?"
A muffled yelling came from underground near where they were sitting. Byers and Frohike looked at each other, then back at the ground. "Just go up, Langly!" Byers groaned. "Put some back into it!" Frohike added.
After a few minutes, dirt-caked blond hair burst out of the ground. "Hey guys," Langly said, pulling himself up. "What's up?"
"Oh, nothing," Frohike said. "We're sitting on the ground and you can see through Byers's head, but everything's a-okay."
"Okay, you can cut the sarcasm, Frohike, that's my job," Langly said, looking around. "What's really going on? What was that all about?" Other than the fact that he was covered in dirt and a few minor spots of rot, Langly looked mostly like he always did, glasses and Ramones T-shirt included.
Byers shrugged. "I sort of remember us dying," he said.
"Oh yeah," Langly said. "That did happen? It wasn't just a dream? Crap. What happened to your head, Byers?"
"I don't know." Byers touched his head. The left side of his head was rotted pretty badly.
"A cemetery, huh... That's where we are, right?" Langly said, thinking it over. Well, he was trying to think, but his mind wasn't doing what he wanted it to do. Instead, it felt a little fuzzy, like an old TV.
"I'm hungry," he decided. "Me too," Byers said. "Yeah," Frohike agreed.
"Let's get food!" Langly said.
"We can't just walk out of a cemetery, Langly," Byers said.
"Sure we can. Watch," Langly said, standing up shakily. He began to walk away. Wait, scratch that. He tried to walk away, but it was more of a shuffly-stumbling.
"Some cemetery," Frohike said as he stood up to follow Langly. "It's like Byers. Boring."
"Hey!" Byers said, getting up and following Langly and Frohike.
They got to the entrance. "I don't believe it," Byers said. "It's open!" "Told ya!" Langly said. The three greenish sickly-looking nerds escaped through the entrance. "Too easy."
They walked along the roads in a sort of fog; nobody could remember where they were. Or even why they just happened to be leaving a cemetery. Dead people shouldn't be able to do that.
"Hey... anyone know where we are?" Langly posed the question, arms folded, looking around with blank eyes. He was answered by blank stares.
"Oh crap," he said. "We're lost!"
"Food." Byers spoke just one word, staring off to the right of Langly. "What, now?" Frohike said as they looked in that direction.
There they saw a large woman walking down the street. "Food, huh?" Langly said. "You're right..." The group started to stumble towards the unsuspecting woman, Byers leading.
The woman turned around, hearing the groans of the three men, and with extreme speed pulled something out of her purse.
"I'M BLIND!" Byers said. With a smirk, the woman put the can of pepper spray back in her purse and walked off.
"What are we doing?" Langly asked. "I don't know, my eyes hurt!" Byers said. Frohike looked at them both. "I'm still hungry."
"I know what happened to us!" Byers said. The effects of the pepper spray seemed to be wearing off rather quickly.
"Eat first, explain later," Langly said. "We're starving."
"Wait, guys. Look, my face..."
"Yeah, it's ugly. We know," Frohike said.
"Just listen!" Byers said. "Don't you think it was weird that we just happened to pop up out of the ground?"
"Nope," Langly said. "Happens all the time."
Byers groaned, part frustration, part hunger. "Look. We were in a cemetery, we came from the ground in said cemetery. Now we're hungry, my face is fried, and we want to eat people."
Langly looked up, a slight recognition in his dead eyes. "I know! We're zombies! Like in video games." He nodded.
"Those're myths," Frohike said. "Like frogs and warts. Or so they say..."
"Yeth?" Langly said. "Hey, let's go find something to eat."
Byers groaned again. He was about to protest, but of course, as most zombies are, he felt driven instead by the odd instinctual hunger and was having a hard time thinking.
So, the confused trio of dead geeky dudes stumbled off in search of prey.