AN
This one is inspired by daydream14, who spooned me some inspirations when she PMed me. Thanks a lot. Sorry if this took so long.

17 year old, a popular senior, rich… and yet he’s bored out of his mind. It’s a near-constant condition that he’s suffered ever since he became a teenager. Probably it had something to do with his overabundance hormones, but then again, probably not.

One thing he knew was: he needed to make his adrenaline run.

And if there’s nothing interesting here happened, then he had to make it happened on his own account.

“Shit, Sasuke you’re crazy!” his bestfriend Naruto hissed. He’s waiting outside, the cold weather made him rubbing his hands together. Though Sasuke’s crazed action also contributed a great deal of cold, too.

“Shut up, just help me here,” Sasuke hissed back. He wasn’t wearing any handkerchief to disguise both his face and hands, although he knew that even the dumbest thief would when he’s trying to rob the Haruno house. It’s never his intention to get away easily, anyway. In fact, it’ll be much better if he’s caught in the act, the run-for-your-life session would be exciting.

And thus, it’s not only coincidence that triggered him to drop the 10,000,000 yen worth vase.

It wasn’t long before the alerting alarm boomed to the whole house. Deafness was setting in his ears.

“Fffffffuucck!!!” it’s amazing how Naruto could elongate that one sentence into five seconds long.

“Oops,” Sasuke wasn’t nearly as freaked out as his bestfriend. And the blonde’s wearing mask.

“Come on, Sasuke, get the hell out of here!” Naruto commanded as he readied himself for a good run. Thank God Naruto too, was a great athlete. That’s why Sasuke dared to bring him here. So that his bestfriend could taste a piece of what he called ‘the ultimate worldly pleasure’ without endangering himself.

Sasuke managed to catch Naruto’s wrist. “Wait for three more seconds.”

“Oh motherfucker, I’ll smash his fucking balls and will spoon him the mush of his intestines,” in those three seconds, Sasuke discovered yet another of Naruto’s abilities: creating a string of severe profanities.

“Who the fuck is there?” the Haruno’s bodyguards started to come down to the house. Police siren also wailed on the outsise.

“They meant us! We’re fucking dead!” Naruto cried.

“Not yet! We’re going to have a hell lot of fun!” finally, the familiar rush of adrenaline started to fill his senses and Sasuke was able to stretch the nerves in his face. A huge smirk appeared as he looked at his bestfriend.

“Let’s run,” he said.

And off they went. As Sasuke’s previously informed, they’d use the roof, where Sasuke had set up rather complicated instruments for their getaway. They could leave the goods for the fuck of it. Sasuke never really cared about the antiques, anyway.

“To the left!” he yelled, and the both ran there. In that spur of moment, Sasuke could only feel exhilaration. Naruto’s a tad ahead him, but he nearly gave him a damn. He knew that those bunches of men were also chasing him, and knowing that only added the excitement. Escapade had become his dope, and oh, he didn’t know how to stop it.

Naruto had started to climb the rope that Sasuke’s set to the bricks. And after him, Sasuke too, also followed.

“Hey, wait the fuck up!!” one of the guards yelled.

The police’s siren was starting to become prominent in his ears, but from experience, he knew that it’s going to take a while before they’d come. Taking advantage of this, Sasuke pivoted, his hands held tightly onto the rope and his feet was on the wall.

And then he gave them the finger. “LOSERS!”

That enraged the bodyguards. He thought from his voice, they’d known that he’s still teenagers barely 18, but that didn’t stop them from getting out the guns.

Whoa. Scary…

“Come on, faster!!” he told Naruto, still high with pride and excitement.

Naruto finally reached the top of the house. There, he discovered a black, strong string that’d led him to the big tree outside the Haruno’s compound. A roller that’d help them go through the string was also attached, too.

“Sasuke,” Naruto began, for once, he’s not using any vulgar word, “goddamn, you really are crazy.”

“I know, now help me out of here,” he actually was suppressing a smile hearing that. Naruto might be bubbly, but he’s not one to throw away compliments. Naruto was just about to give him his hand when-

BANG!

Sasuke’s eyes were wide as suddenly, he lost all the power that’d been filling him up. His mouth was parted as shock overwhelmed him, and when he put his hand on his left chest, where the root of the sudden deteriorating began, he thought he touched something wet.

“Sasuke!!” Naruto cried, but when Sasuke tried to focus on him, all he got was just a blurry smudges of yellow and brown, Naruto’s hair color and skin color.

“The hell did you do?!” he still could barely hear the shouting men down there.

“I was aiming for the rope! Just the friggin rope, not the kid!”

“Damn it. What should we do?”

So I’m shot? Since he didn’t know if he still had any voice left to waste, Sasuke could only thought about it. He’s starting to fall, as his grip to the rope was loosened. When he saw red liquid stained his hands, he knew that he’s right.

“Sasuke, grab me!!” Naruto was shouting up there, a hand was offered, but Sasuke was sure that even if he tried, he’d die trying instead.

Oh, no. If he’s going to die, he’s going to die royally. And die hard.

Like, due to failing down from the fourth floor of the Haruno’s house, perhaps?

Finally, he lost all the power, and when he fell, darkness consumed him completely…

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“..chiha…”

“…ke Uchiha…”

“SASUKE UCHIHA!!”

Sasuke blinked twice, but still he saw nothing. Where was he? Who the fuck shouted his name? Her voice didn’t sound like any other females he knew. Then again, there were already too many females for him to handle in his life. Probably one of the angry exes.

But hey, did you actually get beaten up by your exes in hell? He thought there were only fire and worms and the army of Satan.

“This is not hell, Sasuke,” the voice seemed to know his mind. “and neither this heaven, of course. This is what you call ‘the road between’, purgatory. And I am Tsunade, your counselor.”

Counselor? What, now God and Satan had a pact to determine which one go to their turfs?

“I hear that. In here, your thoughts are visible to the hell-goers and heaven-goers.”

Oops.

“Although, yes, you are right,” Tsunade said. “God wasn’t lying when He said you have sharp mind.”

“I created him,” another voice piped in. It sounded neither feminine nor masculine.

“Tell him to open his fucking eyes, Tsunade, I want to see those coal black eyes I created.”

Sasuke heard Tsunade sighed deeply. “Very well, Satan. Open your eyes, Sasuke.”

When he did, he’s bombarded with only one weird-looking woman with breasts twice as bigger as her head. The figure was humanly impossible that he had hard time looking away from the blonde.

“Where are the other two?” he asked.

Tsunade twitched at his rudeness. “Apparently, you wouldn’t be able to see either of them unless you’re decided to go to which.. ‘turf’, as you put it.”

“And why the hell I’m not dumped to hell yet?”

“Be careful with your words, Uchiha.” Tsunade’s smile was so creepy that Sasuke decided to shut up now. “Now let’s see. This is your record after being a human for 17 years: deliberate thieveries, excessive use of alcohol, breaking the hearts of 967 women and 143 men -“ Tsunade’s brows twitched at this rate. Seemed that the counselor was a feminist.

“But I only dumped 32 girls!” Sasuke protested, Tsunade looked at him intently. Sasuke gave up. “alright, and 5 boys.”

“I have a theory that the number escalated by 30 whenever you dumped one girl… or boy.”

Sasuke grumbled under his breath. “Fuckers.”

“And of course, profanities,” Tsunade added cheerfully, “those four are the biggest mistakes you’ve done in your life, would you like to hear the smaller ones?”

“I got the feeling that it’d took hours,” Sasuke said sagely. “just skip to the biggest conundrum. Why am I not in hell yet? You sound like you’re tired of me.”

This time, Tsunade’s smile was only half as creepy as the first. Sasuke began to learn that it’s her genuine smile. “Unfortunately, as much as you committed sins, you also got a pure heart. You cared a lot about the others, you never tried to hurt people deliberately, and the ultimate thing was, you died 40 years faster than your time.”

Sasuke didn’t know how to feel. He gazed at the blonde woman, his eyes were wide.

“Of course, there’s a debate whether you committed suicide or not. But eventually both sides agreed that they’d give you another chance. Satan is especially convinced that you’re going to hell no matter what you do.”

“I know you’re there, Satan, fuck you,” Sasuke said.

“Back at you, little devil,” the voice replied jubilantly.

Tsunade coughed to get his attention back. “However, God, on the other hand, thinks otherwise. God thinks that all you need is guidance. And thus, came the oh-so-notorious bet between them. God will send you one of the newest angels to keep your way straight, and Satan’s armies will try to ruin it.”

Whoa. He never knew that he’s so wanted in both places.

“So, we’ll send you back to the world!” Tsunade said, “of course, the angel will follow you shortly thereafter.”

“You three make me sound like I’m a property,” Sasuke said matter-of-factly. Right after his mouth was closed, again, he’s consumed by the familiar darkness. The only difference was now there’s also a little blinding sphere of light in some random places.

"Don't die again, Sasuke! Unless you want to be shipped off down there immediately." even Tsunade's last words weren't endearing.

Before he knew it, already he’s dozed off to a sleepless slumber on a hospital. Naruto was slouching on the chair beside him, his face wrecked as he tried to keep awake.

-

But Sasuke wouldn’t wake up to a pair of brilliantly blue eyes, but instead, he’d be welcomed by an insanely cute angel who went by the name Hinata.

And oh, had I mentioned that she’d show up naked?

Deep down there, along with his red workers and the endless fire, Satan was laughing hysterically.

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For God’s Sake!
a sasukexhinata fanfiction

written by
Archee

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AN
So what do you think? It’ll be kinda in the funny side, and some of the humor would be.. uhmm, crude. So, yeah. This story wouldn’t be that long. Maybe 10 chapters top. Thanks for daydream14 for giving me the inspirations. And yeah, I never meant to mock any one of you. I have religion as well. :)

And yeah. Rating may go up real soon. But it may NOT.