Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

Title: Of Video Cameras and Boy Love

Summary: ShinjixIchigo. Hiyori has received the greatest—in her opinion—gift from Shinji for her birthday. Now she's going to use it to blackmail him... Yaoi, Attempted Pedo, AU.

Notes: This story was written before the Vizards' pasts were revealed. In this story, Kisuke Urahara and Hiyori Sarugaki do not know each other.

Chapter I: Hiyori's Plan

She stared at the object, mouth agape, marveling at its beauty.

It was finally hers.

The metallic shine of the object caught the morning light that poured in from her open window, and it lit up proudly in her eyes. It was compact, fitting snugly in her hands. Nothing could compare.

She could only imagine the things she could do with it.

"Hello? Hiyori? I wasn't really sure what to get you, so I hope you like it!" Shinji raised his voice, waving a hand in the girl's face worriedly when she didn't respond.

Hiyori finally looked up from her gift, staring directly at Shinji, her expression blank.

He tensed, preparing himself for a collision of his head and the gift brought on by the girl's anger and hatred. He threw his arms over his head defensively. "If you don't like the gift, at least give it back to me in one piece. I can return it and get the money back. I'll let you pick out your gift instead."

Hiyori inhaled sharply, glaring, holding the video camera to her chest protectively. "What makes you think I'm gonna let you take this back? It's mine now!"

Shinji blinked, confused and wary. He knew from past experiences not to un-tense his body and drop his guard until Hiyori had left the room. "Say what?"

"I said I liked it, dumbass. Leave me alone."

Shinji silently cheered himself on, backing towards the door. "Oh. Ooh. Well, you enjoy."

Once he had ducked out of the doorway, Hiyori stroked the video camera lovingly. Ever since she had seen it in a flashy electronics store, she had wanted it desperately. To hold it. To stroke it. To... use it to gather blackmail against Shinji...

What made her frustrated was the fact that Shinji had done something right for once.

It wasn't right. Shinji was a bumbling idiot.

Hiyori decided to set up a plan for how her blackmail plan was going to play out. She wanted everything to be perfect when she exposed Shinji for the no-good, thieving, lying, cheating homosexual he was.

What? Did she stutter?

Yes, Shinji was a homosexual, and he was gay with Kurosaki Ichigo.

Hiyori was going to prove it. She was making it her life's goal.

However, she frequently had to remind herself that it wasn't because she wanted to see them in action. That she hasn't had a crush on Shinji since as far back as she could remember, and the thought of him and Ichigo together didn't set her body on fire, igniting a passion she didn't even know existed.

No way. That wasn't true.

So, don't even think that!

Hiyori dropped onto her floor and rested her back against her tiny bed. She absentmindedly blew a spider away that hung from her ceiling, tangling her hand through her hair.

Time to see just how much she really knew about the creepy, tall blonde's schedule. She needed to find a hole in his schedule that he had to be with Ichigo during.

What does Shinji do in the morning?

From her stalking sessions that she chose to ignore and deny, she knew that Shinji always picked out his clothing that he would be wearing for that day, often sorting through his massive collection of ties. Afterward, Shinji took a long shower.

Hiyori felt a blush spread over her freckled cheeks at the thought. Absentmindedly, she snatched up an abandoned crayon and toyed with it.

After the shower, Shinji would come out of the bathroom in nothing but his boxers. His blonde hair would be messy, his skin tinted pink from the hot water, his eyes half-lidded, and a lazy, satisfied smile stretched across his pointed, narrow features. Droplets of water would slide down his jutting collarbone, down his sculpted chest, over the slight planes of muscles defining his abdomen, and disappearing from sight underneath Shinji's low-hanging towel !-- page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --—

Hiyori slapped herself roughly and ground the crayon mercilessly into the floor, taking satisfaction at smudges of red adorning her dusty floor.

Shinji would then eat breakfast with the other vizard, staring blankly at the wall as he shoveled sugary cereal into his mouth.

She didn't know what happened after that because Shinji always left the warehouse when he finished eating.

She decided to follow Shinji later to discover what he did outside of the warehouse.

What about the afternoon?

Obviously, Shinji went to school to try to recruit Kurosaki in the afternoon.

Hiyori was annoyed to find that she didn't know what he did in the afternoon after school. Hiyori growled when she remembered that Shinji didn't come home in the evening either. And now that she thought about it, Shinji always did look strangely pleased when he came home.

He seemingly floated along on a cloud, humming merrily as he raided the refrigerator for a snack. He then mingled with the other vizard, catching up with what's new in the lives of his associates. Tired, Shinji would retire to his tiny room, shedding his clothes hurriedly. Crawling into his futon, he would sleep until morning when the entire process would be repeated, his ties waiting to be resorted for the umpteenth time.

Hiyori sat up, blinking. She was somewhat proud of herself for the intense thinking she had been doing. However, the things she didn't know about the elusive vizard were still annoying her.

She curled her lips in disgust and heaved the crayon over her shoulder.

"Agh!"

Hiyori spun around, recognizing the pained voice.

Shinji rubbed his forehead awkwardly, eyes widening in horror at the red smeared on fingers. "Is that an oil crayon? Bleh!"

Hiyori rose to her feet, spinning on her heel to confront Shinji. "I didn't say you could come in my room without asking."

"Sorry. I just wondered why you hadn't come out yet."

"None of your business, dumbass-Shinji! Get out!"

Shinji grumbled to himself. "Brat," he insulted quietly before leaving.

Hiyori smirked, snatching up her video camera. "Let's see what Hirako does after he leaves." As if I don't already know that he finds Kurosaki and molests him until he can't walk anymore.