Author's Notes: Here's the score. Chapter Six was supposed to be Lie to Me redone for Cobra Regenerated. Instead it evolved into a whole other adventure as we focus on Xander this time around. Lie to Me is being redone as we speak already I have completed the first half in Chapter Seven and have started on Chapter Eight to boot. You're going to be wowed by the changes to Lie to Me I'm cooking up, with Spike and Drusilla out of the picture poor Billy Fordham's fate will be decided by a villain that hasn't been seen in a while. Suffice it to say it is NOT Angelus either.
Anyway, please, please be especially generous with your reviews with this chapter. I'd especially love to hear from a lot of my readers concerning a brand new character introduced near the end of this chapter who is directly responsible for the Harris Luck. But enough about my needs, you came here for your needs. Mainly more Cobra Regenerated.

Chapter Six: FUBARED

Vypra; Cobra Operative. Vypra; Ninja Guardian. Vypra; Red Ninja. All three of these titles are accurate for the women known as Vypra, the first woman to claim the name Vypra claimed to be a woman named Ann A. Conda born in New Orleans, Louisiana and chose to join the ranks of Cobra because she liked both the name and attitude of the organization.
She was trained in the art of Ninjitsu by Cobra Operatives Slice and Dice and became the Rattler 4-WD driver rising quickly in the ranks of Cobra. During a routine mission to Borovia Vypra’s Rattler was destroyed by firepower from militant rebels operating in the area and she was presumed deceased. Meanwhile two other women, the twin daughters of the Arashikage swordsmith Onihashi assumed the duties as Ninja Guardians of the ancient Arashikage Clan forge hidden in a sacred mountain; they were to guard it from those who would defile the sacred place. Vypra, still presumably deceased slipped unseen into the sacred mountain and using stealth and cunning captured the twins and brought them to Sei Tin of the Red Ninja Clan. Vypra never lets anyone see her face and acts in secret her motives behind the Ann A. Conda assumed identity and her faking her own death remain unclear, some in Cobra mistakenly believe Vypra to be triplets.
The twins were brainwashed into the service of Sei Tin so that the Red Ninja Clan could learn the secrets of Onihashi, but they had not been taught the sacred swordsmithing techniques. Vypra chose to use the girls for her own agenda and convinced Sei Tin not to kill them, both assumed the Vypra name and together serve Cobra though more often then not operated the Red Ninjas’ and Vypra’s personal agenda.
Occasionally the original Vypra will travel in the guise of one of the Vypra sisters, it is uncertain if Vypra is actually triplets as some have claimed, if the original Vypra is perhaps the mother of the twins or it she underwent plastic surgery at the hands of Scalpel the Cobra physician. All that is known is that Vypra is very good with their chosen sets of skills and have never failed a mission they’ve been sent on yet. Currently the Red Ninja Clan has become interested in a new Chi signature detected in the states and Vypra has been sent to persuade the one detected to join the Red Ninja fold, only time will tell if perhaps this time the twins will fail in their mission due to the resolve of one Alexander Lavelle Harris.

November Third; Offices of Blackrock Industries, Oh Nine Hundred Hours
Los Angeles, California…

Blackrock moved from his desk slowly approaching the large window that looked out on the streets below, his mind was not on his work instead he contemplated all variables and once again considered if his careful manipulations were the correct path to be taken. Upon his initial defeat at the hands of Primus’s children he had fled into the body of this pitiful flesh being, at first Blackrock had remained as Unicron sought to learn how to be a human and he had even helped his killer Optimus Prime restore Cybertron from imminent destruction. But as time progressed Blackrock’s soul eventually faded into death and now only Unicron remained, it had not been easy though to set in motion hundreds of tiny pieces to the whole as certain traits of Blackrock had tainted his essence.
First came the disbandment of the Neo-Knights, it was simplicity itself to force the trio to split up with Circuit Breaker out of the equation due to her insanity induced coma. Lee Gruber; Thunderpunch had vanished into the slums of Los Angeles. Katrina Vesotzky; Rapture had tried a solo career in New York City picking up the slack Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four couldn’t handle. Hector Dialonzo; Dynamo the living battery had been too dangerous to leave alive, so Blackrock had him killed by a simple hired assassin.
This only left Josie Beller; Circuit Breaker, he’d placed her in a hospital to be monitored for she may yet prove useful to him were she to recover, Doctor Janyas seemed hopeful for a complete recovery at least he’d said as much over the phone in their last conference. His next goal was the destruction or demoralization of the planets defenders, S.H.I.E.L.D. had been the largest obstacle; though a far less powerful organization in this reality compared to others where they existed. They nevertheless backed up the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man in their super criminal dealings; so they had to be destroyed, fortunately opportunity came knocking in the form of Liege Centuro Jhiaxus and his army led here by the foolish Autobots.
In an attempt to defend New York from certain doom all remnants of S.H.I.E.L.D. had been swept away, along with most of the super villains the Fantastic Four battled against due to their potential threat levels. He’d even managed to engineer the deaths of Johnny Storm; The Human Torch and Reed Richards; Mr. Fantastic, as for The Thing he was working solo these days. Which left the Invisible Woman all by herself, easy prey for Doctor Doom if Blackrock had been foolish enough to leave him alive in this dimension.
He’d sent the tyrannical would-be world dictator and his entire country of Latveria into a Hell Dimension, there was little hope of anyone escaping from there. Not with Glorificus in charge. So Invisible Woman, Rapture and Spider-Man now made up the Terrific Trio; or whatever they called themselves and the arachnids rogues gallery proved more then a match for them. Which just left G.I.Joe and Cobra, currently his plans for them were already reaching the halfway point and so he was free to finalize his return to power.
Or so he had thought, unfortunately he had failed to take into consideration the supernatural equation; those who fought the forces of Hell and Damnation itself. They might have proven a thorn in his side had he not seen what was to be and what could be given the proper motivation, the Watcher’s Council was easy to deal with, Cobra could see to them when the time came. But the Slayer and her so called Scoobies, such a ridiculous name. Dangerous to neglect them at this crucial junction, especially the boy.

“Still worried about the One Who Sees?” A voice asked approaching Blackrock from the entranceway of his office.

“His potential is even greater then the Slayer’s.” Blackrock pointed out angrily he did not take interruptions lightly.

“Not to worry, we have him so preoccupied with his life as heir to Snake-Eyes’ Chi he’ll never pierce the veil or manage to destroy you.” His mysterious guest informed, Blackrock narrowed his eyes and glared at the fleshlings milling about.

“I am not worried about him destroying me. It is beyond even his capabilities, but still you had better be right Sahjhan for your own sake.” Blackrock hissed in a quiet rage.

“Hey would I piss off the guy whose making it possible for that mewling infant to never exist?” Sahjhan questioned defensively. “You’re a far cry better to deal with then my original choice, that Holtz guy and if everything works out Angelus and Darla will remain dust and their bouncing baby brat won’t even exist. It’s win-win from where I’m standing, seriously the kid won’t mess up your plans however you think he will.”

“Indeed.” Blackrock noted with a cold harshness to his tone. “Just keep him away from the Slayer, without her pathetic ally the DeCobray personality and Destro will be able to convince her to assume the mantle as head of her so called family business.” He stated.

“Yeah, yeah I get it Slayer bad.” Sahjhan muttered.

“No Sahjhan, no.” Blackrock snarled whirling to face the incorporeal demon with a glint of insanity in his eyes. “The Slayer isn’t the problem; it is her group dynamic born from her desires to lead a normal life and survive her calling, it could inspire the rest of the heroes of this backwater planetoid and even some of the nobler villains to stand together against me and that I will not allow.” He stated his eyes changing into pools of black nothingness. “They will not ‘all become one’ not this time. There will be no unity as what led to my demise the last time.” He proclaimed squeezing his left hand tightly as he trembled with rage. Sahjhan eyed him as if he’d lost his mind, but kept those thoughts wisely to himself.

“Got ya, well I’d better go make sure the welcome party I’m throwin’ for the kid doesn’t kill him. He dies too soon and one of those aggravating Gods might kill me.” He said and then he vanished leaving Blackrock alone with his thoughts once again, it would work, his plan. There would be no unity this time when he rose again, only anarchy and desolation.

“I am Unicron. I am Chaos. I am Anarchy. I will not be destroyed, you or I must die Primus so that the other may live and I intend for it to be me so that I can consume this universe as I consumed the last and render all one with the Void.” Blackrock whispered to the nether. “It is my destiny!”

Somewhere on the Arctic Tundra; Oh Nine Hundred Hours
Cobra Terror Drome, North American Continent…

Xander could not believe his luck, here he was in the middle of the freezing cold Arctic on a routine survival and reconnaissance mission completely Fubared; as was typical for his life. Just when he thought these kinds of things were over with the old Harris Luck proved to still be paying attention, big time.
Apparently the men in intelligence had neglected to relate that Cobra had built a Terror Drome up here, a six man team didn’t stand a chance of success least wise not without serious aerial back up. Everything seemed to be going along fine, he, Snow Job, Sub-Zero, Iceberg and Windchill had been dropped off eighty miles west of the target where Whiteout had been stationed waiting for their arrival complete with two Snow Cats. Whiteout claimed a group of Cobra Snow Serpents were excavating in the ice, searching for something and it was their job to find out what. So they drove along intending to approach the encampment on foot after using the Snow Cats to get closer, but as soon as their vehicles got within sensor range of the Terror Drome stealth had officially gone out the window.
Now here they were pinned down by enemy artillery with nowhere to go thanks to missile fire which had destroyed both Snow Cats treads.

“When Sergeant Slaughter says field experience he really means it.” Xander complained laying down suppressive fire for Snow Job and Whiteout who were trying to get one of the Snow Cats rocket batteries pointed at the enemy.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that kid.” Iceberg remarked apologetically.

“Two more squads are trying to flank us.” Windchill alerted.

“God what does Cobra do, clone these guys?” Xander wondered wishing for the hundredth time that he was just as skilled as Snake-Eyes had been without relying on the dangerously unpredictable hyena.

“It’s possible.” Sub-Zero spoke up, growling Xander tossed the last of his grenades once again hoping for some aerial support.

“This doesn’t make sense.” Windchill muttered. “Why the hell would Cobra build a base out here? What’s so important?”

“No clue.” Iceberg replied. “I just hope we get to report back on this.” He added a feeling Xander wholeheartedly concurred with, all of this craziness was making his adrenaline and anxiety sky rocket. Cobra was definitely not your average Sunnydale level threat, which just made him want to fight against them more in order to keep Buffy and Willow out of this dangerous world. Suddenly without warning Xander started to see things that really began to creep him out, first he saw what might have been a space ship crashing into the ice and shattering apart partially on impact.
It was a ghost like after image something you sometimes think you see, but when you take a closer look it turns out your eyes are playing tricks on you. And then he saw a giant purple robot with an orange cannon on the right arm attacking Canadian military, after that a kid showed up, or rather a twenty something year old. He approached the ship and a panel opened revealing a massive headless robot, the guy put some fancy high tech armor on and literally transformed into the head of a shorter robot; who in turn became the head of the giant robot. Shaking his head Xander managed to clear his vision and just in time too, one of the Snow Serpents was about to jump him.

“Son of a.” Leaping out of the way he expertly killed the man hitting the Cobra soldier with five precise shots. “What the hell was that?” He asked himself not especially bothered by the fact he’d just killed a human being, to his way of thinking it was either them or him.

“Focus kid, can’t have you zoning out on us like that.” Iceberg cautioned.

“We’re going to have to kill every last one of these snakes just to get out of here.” Sub-Zero muttered.

“We’ll run out of ammo long before we run out of snakes.” Windchill observed; Xander blinked, it was happening again. Ghostly images of a Cobra unit along with a giant grey and metallic silver robot appeared recovering the wreckage of the ship, but they seemed to have missed something. A badly damaged white and red robot who stumbled to his feet and walked away into the snow covered wilderness.

“Ugh, I don’t get it.” He grumbled shaking his head to clear it.

“Alright snakes, time to say goodbye!” Snow Job cried hitting the switch to launch the missiles, Cobra’s H.I.S.S. tank exploded into shrapnel after being struck down by the warheads.

“Let’s see them pin us down now.” Whiteout cheered strapping on a pair of skis and going after a few Snow Serpents fleeing from the smoldering H.I.S.S.

“I wish Timber were here.” Xander admitted grabbing an enemy that was sneaking up on Iceberg and snapping his neck, part of him felt he should be bothered more by this cold detached killing. But he was too worried about where the hell those odd visions were coming from and what the late night sci-fi hardware had to with anything to even care that he was subconsciously channeling Snake-Eyes and fighting three times more effectively hand-to-hand.

“Cobra!” The Snow Serpents yelled as another volley of bullets rained down upon the Joes.

“Damn I’m hit.” Sub-Zero exclaimed clutching at his shoulder.

“Cone on guys we’re not going to let them win are we?” Windchill demanded raising his gun high. “Yo Joe!” He shouted leading a desperate possibly foolish charge. Xander, Iceberg and Snow Job joined him despite the insanity of it all and just when he thought they’d break through the enemy lines the good ol’ Harris luck struck again as Cobra Mamba’s arrived in the air.

“Surrender G.I.Joe, you’ve lost.” A female voice spoke up over a loudspeaker from the imposing Terror Drome standing resiliently in the wind and snow, Xander was actually a little confused because he hadn’t noticed it even had started snowing.

“Never!” Whiteout cried tackling three Snow Serpents at once as one of the Mamba’s opened fire on the ground.

“Then die.” The unknown operatives’ voice returned and the Cobra soldiers doubled their efforts to kill them all.

“Gotta say I’m not to keen on dieing three days before I turn sev-sixteen.” He quipped wondering if somehow his Snake-Eyes skills could get them all out of this fix as well as why he’d been about to say seventeen and why he thought that number was his correct age.

“I’m not particularly nuts about it myself.” Sub-Zero commented glibly.

“Any chance of the cavalry showing up?” Xander asked.

“Don’t know kid, but it is kind of doubtful.” Snow Job replied ducking another salvo. Xander closed his eyes to block out the ghost images he was seeing and opened fire, an insane ploy considering he could wind up hurting his teammates, but better then getting killed because of weird ghostly visions. Suddenly however he felt compelled to open them again; what he saw this time nearly knocked him for a loop. An honest to gosh space vessel flew off in a direction and for some reason Xander just knew if they followed its path they’d find Sanctuary and a chance to catch their breath.

“Uh, this might sound crazy, but would you be open to suggestions?” He asked.

“Depends, what did you have in mind kid?” Snow Job returned.

“A sound retreat. My gut tells me we’ll find a safe haven that way.” Xander explained pointing to the direction he’d seen the ghost ship fly, Snow Job shared a look with his fellow Joes and together they reached a mutual agreement.

“Lead the way kid.” Windchill indicated with a tilt of his head, nodding Xander hopped onto the closest Snow Cat and fired over the Snow Serpents heads. And then he ran off as fast as he could in the direction of the ghost ship praying that this time the Harris luck would be on his side.

Crawford Mansion; Oh Nine Hundred Hours
Sunnydale, California…

Angelus reveled in the screams of the woman, Janna Kalderash was being tortured most professionally by this Over Kill person and she was divulging just the right amount of secrets as well. It wouldn’t do for her to spoil his fun and spill the beans on the Slayer’s identity, when the time was right Buffy was going to be all his and oh the fun he’d have breaking her in. He’d need a new source of amusement with Drusilla dusted and a tame Slayer was exactly what he wanted.
Janna screamed again as the Brainwave Scanner activated and Angelus licked his lips ecstatically, perhaps he would keep two pets, no better to kill the Kalderash bitch just in case her tribe got any bright ideas though not before he used her to have some fun with the stiff Brit.

“Didn’t I tell you she’d be useful Killy?” The master vamp asked with a tiny smirk, Over Kill emerged from the rooms’ shadows and placed his clawed appendage on the control device.

“Magic is not as important as demons, not as important as demons.” He stated. “But this locator spell might be useful, locator spell might be useful.”

“Doubt it unless all you want to know is where all the demons hang their hats.” Angelus returned dismissively.

“Quiet.” Over Kill snapped. “Battle Android Troopers get the ingredients, get the ingredients.” He barked and three of his silent soldiers instantly marched outside.

“I could listen to that all day.” Angelus smiled as Janna screamed again. Over Kill ignored him and made his way to the central command outpost he’d established upstairs, Cobra Commander might be interested in the spells he’d uncovered so far they could be more useful to Mindbenders’ plans. And Janna screamed again.

Jonathan Levinsons Home; Ten Hundred Hours
Sunnydale, California…

“I had a real working phaser guys I’m telling you.” Jonathan exclaimed, Tucker and Andrew Wells both laughed ignoring his claims.

“Seriously though I still feel all creeped out.” Andrew admitted. “Like I’ve got acid blood and a tail, these phantom memories are so not what I signed up for. Are you positive they’ll fade away?” Jonathan nodded at the question and Andrew’s face brightened up.

“Try talking like this.” Tucker complained in his Arnold sounding voice. Jonathan rolled his eyes trust Tucker to complain about having such a distinctive voice like that, to be honest even though he knew the memories and after effects would fade thanks to Mister Giles. He was jealous because the Slayer had taken away his phaser and he didn’t get to be Kirk for a night, might have improved his skills with the ladies.

“How cool is it that magic is real?” Andrew wondered. “It’s like I could actually get a plus three power boost if I wanted to.”

“In your dreams little bros.” Tucker scoffed. “Check this out though.” He added incanting a few words in Latin; a puff of smoke appeared and then a massive beast stood growling in Jonathan’s basement. Andrew blanched and backed away drawing the creatures attention to him, Jonathan swallowed the dryness in his throat choosing to stay apparently he was all out of saliva and he shot Tucker a dangerous look.

“What the hell is that?”

“Exactly.” Tucker laughed. “Hellhound, I got a book at the local magic shop all about conjuring demon beasts like this. Imagine the possibilities, Larry and his Jock cronies wouldn’t know what hit’em.” He stated a dark edge in his voice that hadn’t been there before. Andrew grinned.

“Yeah I could get behind that.”

“Shut up Andrew.” Tucker snapped. “What do you say Jonathan?” He asked an implied threat in his tone; Jonathan smiled weakly and shrugged doing his best to look indifferent.

“Doesn’t bother me.” He managed to get out. “But what do you think Cassie would say?” He asked shrewdly referring to Tuckers girlfriend, Tucker glared at Jonathan for a moment then dismissed the Hellhound with a single word.

“Ok, let’s get back to what we’re supposed to be doing.” Andrew suggested. “Did you see DS9 last night; I know it was a repeat but I seriously think Major Kira flashed some nipple on purpose and.”

“Forget it you two, I’m out of here.” Tucker stated teeth clenched. “You can keep playing kid’s games if you want, but I won’t be back.” He finished before storming up the stairs and out of the basement. Andrew looked between Jonathan and the exit uncertainly.

“You can go if you want.” He said.

“He’s really not going to get in trouble is he?” Andrew wondered.

“As long as he gets nookie I doubt it.” Jonathan returned. “But I intend to make sure he doesn’t get a chance to.” He added under his breath reaching for the phone intent on calling up Mister Giles, quietly Andrew left and Jonathan privately thanked whoever watched over geeks that Tucker wasn’t able to pick up on the protection spell Amy had cast on him. He had a feeling the Wells brothers might not be as unchanged by Halloween as he’d first believed, at least when it came to the whole eyes open to the nightlife of Sunnydale thing. He wondered if the rest of the students had figured out magic was to blame and how many of them would start trying stuff they shouldn’t be messing with because of it.

One Hundred and Five Miles East of Cobra Terror Drome Arctic Base; Ten Hundred Thirty Hours
Arctic Tundra, North American Continent…

Xander was starting to lose feeling in his toes and hauling five tons of equipment on his back was really starting to take its toll, Windchill, Whiteout and Iceberg seemed to be faring ok, but Sub-Zero had lost considerable blood. And Snow Job couldn’t carry him indefinitely.

“Kid I hope your instincts were right about this safe haven.” Whiteout spoke up. “You can bet it didn’t take those Snow Serpents long to follow us after our going away present died out and those Mamba’s couldn’t have all been destroyed in the blast.”

“I’m just glad you thought to rig those Snow Cats with charges.” Xander returned with a smile. “Trust me Sunnydale Citizens have a sixth sense when it comes to these kinds of things.” He added more to cover up his growing fear and fatigue then alleviate the Joes concerns.

“One of these days I gotta see that place for myself.” Iceberg commented. “Is there really nineteen cemeteries.”

“Yep.”

“Kid aren’t you freezing?” Windchill wondered.

“It’s all about mind over matter.” Xander returned pausing in an attempt to get his bearings, once again the Harris luck wasn’t on his side the mysterious ghostly visions weren’t coming back. “I think I’m on a Miami Beach therefore I am.”

“Definitely Joe material.” Snow Job remarked with a shake of his head, suddenly out in the snow the group noticed something moving. It wasn’t a vehicle of any kind, at least not one familiar as either Joe or Cobra. On alert now the sextet made their way closer to the object.

“Is that an Igloo?” Sub-Zero questioned.

“A mobile Igloo.” Whiteout shot back sarcastically. Xander frowned and knelt to examine the tracks the wind and snow had yet to cover, his Hyena senses were tingling, and it definitely smelled like diesel.

“Look there’s something attached to it.” Iceberg noted. “Snow Job give me the binoculars.” He requested. The red headed Joe passed said item to the African-American who took a closer look at it. What he saw confused him more. “It’s an ambulance; a snowmobile is towing an ambulance through the snow. One honkin’ big snowmobile, that ambulance must weigh more then it looks.”

“What do ya know, Red Cross delivers.” Xander joked only receiving glares from most of the Joes for his trouble. “Bad time.”

“It’ll be on top of us in eight minutes, want to flag it down?”

“Think it’s with those snakes?” Windchill wondered.

“Maybe they don’t know Cobra set up shop here.” Snow Job hypothesized. “Any markings?”

“Not a one.” Iceberg replied. Whiteout and Snow Job shared a look and both seemed to reach a decision.

“If they are Cobra we’re done for, but if they don’t know about the Cobra base then they’re walking into a trap. Either way we can’t keep wandering out here, flag’em down Windchill.” Snow Job ordered, nodding the Joe with all the flares lit a few and signaled to the unknown driver in the snowmobile. When Xander finally could see it among the snow he had to admit Iceberg hadn’t exaggerated, the thing looked to be about the size of three elephants with a crane attached to a flatbed on the back and treads the size of a Volkswagen bus.
Just what the hell were people looking for out here with this sucker, if it weren’t for the fact there wasn’t a single cab on it he would have said it was a plow or something. A covered up person eyed the group and their guns warily before climbing down, it was a woman of all people in a very tight looking snow outfit which left little to the imagination. Xander appreciated the view from where he stood, but paid close attention to what was said.

“Now what are a bunch of commandoes doing way out here?” She asked pulling up her goggles to reveal stunning sea green eyes.

“That’s classified ma’am.” Whiteout replied. “Could you tell us where you’re going with that, um, thing?” He queried.

“I’m part of a salvage operation working for Blackrock Industries, our base camp’s about three hundred miles that way.” She replied pointing in the direction of the Cobra Terror Drome. For some reason Xander was starting to get a bad feeling about all this, but he decided to play it safe and see what happened instead of tipping his hand just yet.

“I hate to tell you this ma’am, but a Cobra Terror Drome is between you and your base camp.” Snow Job informed, the woman gasped and turned to look back at the ambulance Xander thought she was hiding something but couldn’t get a clear look at her face.

“Are you sure?” Snow Job nodded. “I must have passed be dozens of times I’ve never seen any Terror Dromes.”

“But.” Xander started to say.

“Then again it was usually snowing quite fiercely when I did perhaps that covered me from view.” The strange woman commented with a slight air of assured confidence. “Yes that must be it; you know if you’re in trouble with them you can ride along in the ambulance. I doubt they’d bother me if they haven’t done so already.” She offered.

“It is better then nothing and we could always cover her if there were any problems.” Snow Job whispered aside to Whiteout.

“Can we all fit in that thing though?” Windchill questioned.

“The kid’s small. He can ride up front. The back looks like it could hold the five of us.” Iceberg ventured.

“It’s decided then.” Whiteout stated before Xander could protest. “We’d gladly take you up on that offer ma’am.” He spoke up the woman beamed and held out a hand which Whiteout shook.

“Name’s Jones, Doctor Sidney B. Jones a pleasure to meet you.” She returned. “Doors aren’t locked or anything so as soon as you hop onboard we’ll be on our way.”

“Thank you for the help Doctor Jones.” Snow Job returned in kind his lips spreading in a wide smile and the group headed over to the ambulance, but Xander paused eyeing her thoughtfully. There was just something off about her, but he couldn’t put his finger on it, she’d bear watching.
Sidney eyed the Joes as they climbed into the dormant Autobot, doubtful they could do anything to hinder her mission. She could just turn them over to Cobra for execution, but her boss had been rather insistent, Cobra couldn’t find out about the real reason her team was out here digging in the ice. So regretfully she was just going to have to play nice and rescue the team of miserable do-gooders when she’d much prefer dissecting them for study or some equally torturous and horrific affair.

“Oh well you can’t win them all.” She thought to herself pulling the goggles down and climbing back up into the drivers seat of Lobotomaxx’s little toy.

Central Command; Eleven Hundred Hours
Cobra Terror Drome, Arctic Oil Refinery Base…

Placed in charge of babysitting a bunch of egg head scientists under the employ of Blackrock, that was what she was reduced to even if there was a legitimate reason to be out in this frozen wasteland. A mercenary for hire Munitia had thrown her lot in with Cobra on the advice of her associates Firefly and Cobra Mortal and for what, to be saddled with duty better suited to a lowly Cobra Officer, it sickened her.
Zartan and his Dreadnoks would be better suited out here, she wanted action, the thrill of battle and as providence had seemed to agree with her wishes she’d thought Cobra Command would reassign her if only she could have captured those twice damned Joes. Unfortunately they had managed to escape, a failure at gaining her own escape from this dismal and dreary outpost. It was all just to keep that annoying man Blackrock happy since they’d barely found any oil deposits out here under the ice and they’d had to wipe out a whole town in the area to do it.
Since there used to be one not far from this very spot, Munitia had detested that action alone it didn’t sit right with her; not because of the killing, but because she hadn’t been told why they had to die.

“Munitia.” One of the Tele-Vipers on station called out interrupting her thoughts. “Doctor Biggles-Jones is returning to their camp and she seems to have found. An ambulance?”

“What?” Munitia blurted racing over to his station. It was true, the Doctor’s odd almost alien snowmobile was towing a beaten up looking ambulance behind it. “Monitor her closely, and send an image of this to Cobra Island. Our Commander may be interested in this curious mystery.”

“Yes sir.” The Tele-Viper saluted a small smile playing across his lips; they craved action too after all.

“At last we might be able to discern just what that frigid bitch and her hired harlots are up to.” She murmured to herself staring intently at the ambulance and wondering how such a vehicle could have made it this far North, and just who had been driving it.

Body of Ratchet Chief Medical Officer of the Autobots; Same Time
Arctic Tundra, North American Continent…

Xander was creeped out sitting inside this frozen old ambulance, it just felt off like there was something completely wrong with it and yet he couldn’t put his finger on just what. The Joes in the back had patched up Sub-Zero as best as they could and miraculously enough the medical supplies weren’t frozen; they’d given him an infusion of blood from a pack stowed under the strange looking laser doohickey. At least it appeared to be a fancy surgery laser, but since when did ambulances lug those around? Then there were the ghost images he’d seen during the fight, his rational mind still refused to come up with an explanation for that one.

“Red and white, a lot more white then red, but it had red crosses on parts of its. Body.” Xander muttered to himself eyes widening as at last something clicked. “Red crosses like the ones on this ambulance, and the chest kind of looked like. Holy shit we’re inside some kind of alien robot.” He realized not understanding how he figured it out right then, but knowing he’d figured it out and it was the truth.

“Did you say something kid?” Snow Job asked from the back.

“Uh, we’re passing the Cobra Terror Drome.” Xander lied not wanting to be branded insane if he told them all the truth. “Dru might understand, she’s psychic. I mean sees visions; maybe she’ll know how I did what I did and why.” He thought to himself studying the inside of the ambulance intently for any sign of its true nature, but he found none.

“And they’re not stopping us?” Whiteout questioned breaking him out of his thoughts. “Why do I get the feeling this Doctor Jones and Cobra are working together?”

“Past experience.” Windchill quipped.

“This stinks of those snakes to high heaven, but what do we do?” Iceberg wondered, Xander popped the glove compartment open and discovered a strangely out of place radio set or what might be a radio set. Maybe it still worked.

“Hey, maybe this works.” He voiced his thoughts. “We could call in Lift-Ticket for a pickup or reinforcements.”

“Great find kid.” Whiteout congratulated. “Snow Job see if it works.”

“Cobra’s sentries might notice me.” Snow Job pointed out.

“I’ll try.” Xander offered flipping the switch; instead of getting static or any indicator the thing was broadcasting he was surprised when the lights on the little radio clicked on and began to blink.

“Oh my head.” A strange voice resonated throughout the ambulance; Xander was really surprised by this turn of events and suddenly afraid because that voice had sounded awfully loud to him what if Cobra had heard it.

“Who said that?” Iceberg blurted. “Did you turn that radio on?”

“I don’t think it is a radio.” Xander returned glancing nervously out the windows careful to keep his head out of sight.

“Who’s inside me? What’s going on?” The strange voice demanded causing the Joes in the back to start getting nervous as well.

“Keep it down whoever you are. Cobra’s right outside and they might hear you.” Xander hissed used to the weirdness of talking to an ambulance, it was par for the course for the native Sunnydale resident these days and that was a sad thing indeed.

“Cobra, again. Then I take it you are with G.I.Joe.” The ambulance remarked a hint of mistrust in his tone.

“In training actually.”

“Kid you’re talking to, well I don’t know what or who, but it’s not entirely a good thing you know.” Snow Job commented uncertainly.

“Actually this is pretty normal for me.” Xander corrected with a lopsided grin.

“My name is Ratchet I am. By the Matrix!” The ambulance trailed off in sudden shock.

“What is it?”

“There’s a mons…” The voice started to say only to die off suddenly as the lights shut back off. Xander flipped the switch again only to get no response.

“You’re more trouble then I thought.” Doctor Jones stated appearing so suddenly as to take Xander by surprise.

“How’d you?” He started to ask realizing belatedly that they’d stopped; the woman grimaced distastefully and pulled out a strange looking gun. Reacting instinctively Xander reached out to grab the pistol out of her hand only to fall unconscious into the seat, in the back the five Joes also collapsed under the effects of the stun gun.

“Now what to do with you? Cobra would learn too much from you if I simply handed you over and killing you would just attract more damn Joes looking for the bodies.” She complained loudly to herself glaring at the teenager slumped in the front seat. “You just had to go touch things you shouldn’t have, well I’ll just have to call Lord Blackrock and have him figure out what to do with all of you.” She sighed and walked back over to the transport, the stun blast would keep them docile and unconscious for hours according to Predacon. Now as long as Munitia and her precious Tele-Vipers hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary this day might be salvageable.

Sunset Club; Thirteen Hundred Forty Hours
Sunnydale, California…

Smiling as he surveyed the bomb shelter turned nightclub Billy Fordham knew that everything was set up to exact specifications, the idiots he’d hooked up with were so easy to manipulate and now he had his bait. There was only a few more days before his pain would be no more and he didn’t really care if the so called true believers got what they wanted out of this bargain or not, all he had to do was find the local master and it would be all set. Come Monday his ticket to freedom would be well on its way, now all he had to do was get Summers.

“Kid, hey kid.” A voice called from the staircase turning Billy found the guy who’d leased the place to him. “You understand we’re not liable for any, ah, gangs that might cause damage here.”

“You mean vampires.” Billy said smirking at the discomfort the guy gave off. “Relax old man we’ll be taking all the proper precautions.” He stated smoothly, sighing with obvious relief the old man vacated the property fast leaving behind the dieing Billy Fordham, this plan was going to work, it had to work.

Isle de Cobra; Fourteen Hundred Hours
Gulf of Mexico…

Striding confidently into the throne room he examined everything despite having been here many a time before, as usual nothing had changed leaving little in the way to take note of. His uniform stood out as always among the Cobra Elite, a specialized reflective body armor silver and red in color the materials for the armor had been discovered at the location of a fallen meteor and Cobra Mortal had kept that fact a secret from everyone.
Cobra Commander was here already, good the Cobra Mortal didn’t like waiting where money and missions were involved.

“Bludd informs me you have a job for me.” He stated as always his voice distorted by the vocal randomizer in his helmet.

“Yes Cobra Mortal.” The Commander returned. “I need you to track down someone for me, a girl.”

“A. Girl.” Cobra Mortal repeated slowly.

“A girl, a very special girl.” Cobra Commander reiterated. “The Vampire Slayer.” He finalized with a grand sweeping gesture, Cobra Mortal laughed tonelessly at the revelation.

“You want me to track down a myth.”

“It is no myth.” The Commander snapped his patience at an end. “She exists, just as the demonic creatures we’ve been experimenting on exist. I will have this girl for Cobra’s plans.” He growled left hand clenched around the snake’s head staff at his side tightly. “Unless of course this task is too much for you I’m sure Firefly could locate a simple so-called myth.” He added his composure returned. Cobra Mortal did not rise to the bait.

“I’ll find the girl, but it will cost you extra. I don’t normally handle live prisoners.” He pointed out shrewdly; Cobra Commander frowned at his request, but grudgingly conceded.

“Eighty thousand, half now, half when you bring me my Slayer.” He stated.

“You’ll have her by the end of the week.” Cobra Mortal informed inclining his head in accord and turning to leave.

“I’ll hold you to that.” The Commander called, Cobra Mortal ignored the implied threat and left the room it was time to do a little hunting.

Blackrock Industries Arctic Base Camp; Fifteen Hundred Hours
Arctic Tundra, North American Continent…

Doctor Biggles-Jones frowned as she crossed the compound her call with the Lord Blackrock had been extremely cryptic, half of his words had been spoken obviously to himself, something about Tara Maclay and a traitorous Sahjhan. She didn’t pretend to understand it all, but his instructions had been perfectly clear; she was to kill the wounded Joe and then release the other four.
Lord Blackrock had insured their memories would be altered so that they would forget about the Autobot as well as her involvement in their escape, but the boy. There was another mystery, Lord Blackrock wanted her to hand him over to Munitia personally on the instruction that she was not to harm the boy until someone called Vypra arrived. It was all very complicated, but she would obey because to do otherwise would be to invite his wrath.

“Doctor Biggles-Jones.” Her female aide called rushing to her side.

“What is it Charlene?” The woman could be a real nuisance and she didn’t even understand why Lord Blackrock had hired her, the woman had only been a grocery store cashier until she found an Autobot by the name of Skids and made him her car for a time.
After Skids left with Lord Blackrock’s current personal driver Finkleberg her life had returned to relative normalcy, but Lord Blackrock seemed most insistent on keeping all those connected with the Transformers on his payroll no matter how slight the connection was.

“The Autobot claims no knowledge of his whereabouts, should we scan his mind to make sure?”

“No, this Autobot seems to be special. Lord Blackrock does not want him harmed merely contained.” Doctor Biggles-Jones replied with implied violence in her words should the others fail to obey these orders. Charlene bowed her head and quickly made her way back to the lab; Sidney in the meantime chose to enter her target room. The young teenager hung suspended from the ceiling by manacled chains his legs secured to the wall so he could not lash out at his captors, upon seeing him feigning continued unconsciousness she smiled and slapped him across the cheek.

“So I guess this means you’re definitely of the hot and evil variety, and here I thought you were just into kinky fun.” He quipped smiling slightly as he eyed her warily. Sidney smiled as he appraised her, her rich brown hair cascading behind her back. She’d taken the time to change into her contour hugging blue one piece, dark gray knee high boots and black tights judging from his expression he was enjoying what he saw though trying to hide it, silly boy.

“You would wish that to be true more so once in the tender mercies of Cobra’s coils.” She stated emotionlessly. “My lord seems to think you are becoming more trouble then you are worth.”

“A Lord huh, guess he’s not officially part of Cobra because I have a feeling ol’ Snake-Eyes would remember someone claiming that title.” He remarked doing his level best to annoy her, if not for the fact she was a scientist first and foremost she might have allowed such baiting to work. It had been far too long since she’d had any fun.

“My Lord is beyond your miserable and paltry lives.” She declared. “A pity I must hand you over to Munitia. I understand she goes through men like a black widow.” She smiled seductively and ran her fingers across his cheek. Anything to keep the boy off his guard even if it meant debasing herself in such a distasteful manner.

“So. What about that Ratchet guy?” He questioned fishing for information; angrily she drove her fist into his gut knocking the air from his lungs.

“You do not know the dangers you toy with child.” She spat sounding unfortunately like the typical cliché villainess; the teen was obviously not impressed. “I would dearly love to operate on your mind and erase your memories bloodily and painfully.”

“I doubt your high and mighty Lord would take to kindly to that.” He mocked an impish grin plastering his face; Sidney growled infuriatedly and grabbed him by the throat pulling him closer.

“You task me.”

“Oh God. Tell me you didn’t just semi-quote Wrath of Kahn.”

“Bastard child.” Sidney snarled kneeing her captive in the groin, his eyes watered at the pain but surprisingly enough he didn’t utter a sound.

“Note to self don’t piss off the sexy scientist.” Xander thought to himself wondering if he could pull off that trick of Snake-Eyes’ with his eyes, he’d need a lot of time alone to prepare mentally for it though. “Ok, you’ve made your point.” He said aloud. “What about my teammates?”

“The Joes.” Sidney smirked moving around the boy with a sway to her hips that would turn most men’s minds to mush. “They will be allowed to leave. Well most of them.” She stated maliciously being sexually repressed for so many years made her darker side all the more twisted when allowed free reign such as this and she sorely needed it.

“What’s that supposed to mean.” His eyes narrowing dangerously.

“I’m afraid your injured comrade failed to survive the stun setting of my weapon.” She elaborated with a vicious smirk, without uttering a single word the boy lashed out his formerly chained and secure leg smashing her across the face and sending her flying into the table almost breaking her back on the hard metal surface. Rising to her feet she reached up to find blood streaking out of the side of her mouth, glaring at the boy she noticed how he escaped his bonds; his leg was completely dislocated. Silently she stalked up to him and relocated his leg painfully, obviously the shackles on his feet were larger then they should be Charlene would pay for this incompetence.

“You will die for taking his life.” He vowed. Part of him feeling suddenly very guilty, he’d promised the Joes that he’d get them all out alive after starting to see those visions.

“Big words boy.” She hissed. “Brave and stupid words as well, death is a part of this game if you are unwilling to pay the price then you should not be playing at soldier.” It was perhaps a stupid thing to do, but the child actually spat at her his eyes, when she looked in his eyes she saw something there that both intrigued and terrified her. “You won’t be here for too long, keep whatever small comfort at heart you can from that.” Spinning on her heels she mocked him openly by sashaying out of the room.
After she left Xander slumped his body still wracked with pain from his injuries, but his leg was still free all the good that did him; he was Xander ‘Snake-Eyes’ Harris not Dhalsim from Street Fighter. This woman would pay for killing Sub-Zero though even if it meant letting her take him to Cobra, something told him the snakes would be very interested in the mysterious Ratchet. Very interested indeed.

“Snake-Eyes would never get a boner looking at his enemy though.” He muttered eyeing his offending organ despite the layers of cloth hiding it from view. “Just my luck even out here I run into the nasty uber sexy type, at least she didn’t turn out to be a giant bug like the last time.”

Godly Realms; Infinity Hours
Undisclosed Location…

Sahjhan fell to his knees in pain blood leeching from several various wounds, once incorporeal he silently wished for that state again as the red agony clouded his vision in a haze. A pair of shapely legs walked past his sight clad in Dominatrix style blue leather boots that went up to her knees, a strange sword of unusual design tapping against her thigh.

“Look I wasn’t going to.” The demon tried to deny only to be backhanded by a vicious spiked gloved clad hand.

“We know of your deal with the horned one.” His male tormentor stated coldly. “Thought you’d save your hide by eliminating our miracle vampire born champion.” He added.

“Don’t think so.” The female stated in a bored sounding tone.

“The Powers.” Sahjhan tried to claim.

“Are out.” The male stated. “And so are all you lesser rejects, Unicron will see to that.”

“About the only thing he’s good for.” The female muttered off handedly. “You set your sights on the wrong boy.” She informed snapping her whip across the demons back. “Janus and I claimed him before the dawn of this universe, any universe where Alexander Lavelle Harris lives.”

“I’m sorry, but he is.” The sword lashed out and cut Sahjhans arm off. “Nnnnggggghhhh.”

“I think we’ve tormented this slime enough dear sister.” The male remarked casually.

“Agreed.” She returned Sahjhan saw the sword move and then his head rolled across the ancient looking marble floor, the demons body collapsed and the female God giggled with glee.

“Are you satisfied now?” Ares asked exasperated.

“Of course, this low breed creature almost spoiled my fun.” She replied with a pout, and then she grinned up at her brother. “Thank you for helping me teach him a lesson Ares, Xander means a lot to me. You can go back to Aphrodite now.” Ares sighed and shook his head.

“Tychne for a Goddess of Luck and Good Fortune you certainly have your share of odd quirks.” He commented, Tychne giggled; the Goddess was wearing a complete Dominatrix style outfit all blue in color had golden blonde hair, the greenest eyes ever and constantly seemed to be changing between an adult and teenage form.

“What can I say, it took me and Fortuna a long time to perfect the Harris brand of particular luck. If it weren’t for Xander Immortal life would be so boring.” She informed coming off as almost childish in tone.

“Yes, well I have another war to oversee or something. Goodbye sister.” Ares stammered quickly obviously wanting to leave Tychne alone with her apparent madness.

“Bye, Bye Ares and say hello to brother Hercules for me he never comes around anymore since the last time.” Tychne called turning to her scrying mirror so she could go back to watching Xander a smirk playing across her lips, there was a good reason Hercules stayed away. He and Xander had something in common with the youngish Goddess, namely her unhealthy fascination with them both. “Ahhhh he’s such a dreamboat and look what his lucks got him into now, oh if only I could have him chained up in my bedroom for just one night.” She sighed dreamily putting her sword away she conjured a chair to sit in and continued to watch her favored mortal as he was smacked around by the woman who’d captured him. “Such a naughty boy deserves to be punished, hmmmm I wonder who else I could get to play with him?”

Blackrock Industries Arctic Base Camp; Fifteen Hundred Twenty-Three Hours
Arctic Tundra, North American Continent…

Hanging as he was Xander suddenly got a strange feeling as if someone were watching him, glancing around he tried to see if there were any hidden cameras. But there were none, which made him a little uneasy.

“I’ve got a bad feeling again.” He muttered aloud silently wondering if maybe Murphy was about to pull one of those nasty surprises he was famous for, and if he did would it be in his favor or Xanders? Suddenly the door to his cell opened and a thirty something year old blonde woman with freckled cheeks and brown eyes stepped in wearing nothing except fur lined gold colored panties, which was an odd color to be sure and a fur covered matching gold bra. Xander’s heart skipped a beat.

“Hi my name’s Charlene stud, what’s yours?”

“Oh boy.” Xander moaned sounding like a certain television character newly arrived in a new timeline, Charlene began to move across the room to him and the door slammed shut. And just for a moment Xander swore he could hear the tinkling laughter of a woman in his ear and the whispered words, ‘a gift fit for the holder of the Harris luck’.

“This is so not of the good.” Were the last words uttered before full soft lips met his and his mouth was suddenly invaded by a tongue, a rather intense tongue. Xander wondered what the hell he’d done in a past life to deserve something like this or maybe what Snake-Eyes might have done when a very loud bang filled the room and a coppery taste filled his mouth. Sidney Biggles-Jones stood in the doorway to his cell a strange woman dressed up in a black form fitting leather uniform standing next to her holding a pistol in one hand, a smoking pistol. Charlene let out a tiny gasp and Xander saw the light fade from her eyes as she fell limply to the floor.

“No manhandling of my prisoner.” The unknown woman most likely this Munitia person stated, her expression was unreadable her eyes were covered by a visor attached to the strange headpiece which covered her hair.

“Now why did you have to go and do that, it’s so hard finding good help around here and Charlene was actually quite good with her tongue.” Doctor Biggles-Jones complained semi seriously. Munitia turned to gaze at her, Xander couldn’t tell if she was glaring or not.

“Prepare the boy for transport, we’ll get to the bottom of this Joe attack soon enough.” She stated turning and leaving the room.

“That was cold, even for someone as evil as you.” Xander accused feeling somewhat remorseful for the dead almost naked woman at his feet, although his other head was just feeling upset it hadn’t gotten any action, but now was not the time for that.

“True, Charlene was a good woman. But Munitia is even more uptight then myself these days.” Sidney remarked offhandedly. “Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go remind your new captor that she is not to harm you, I don’t think Vypra would be especially pleased if she found you broken.” She added turning and also leaving, Xander didn’t know what to do now. His plan had been to tell Munitia about Ratchet, but after what she’d just done to Charlene he wasn’t so sure that was an especially good idea. Two more incredibly sexy women in lab coats chose that moment to enter the room carrying a pair of handcuffs and some ankle chains, Xander was tempted to mutter a colorful joke concerning the fact that so far all he’d seen were women at this facility, but the sight of Charlene took all the humor from his mood.

“New plan, use Snake-Eyes’ little mind whammy trick and escape. Then come back here and kill that bitch.” He thought quietly to himself and for once he and Snake-Eyes were in complete accord, even if the dead ninja’s left over voice had faded pretty far into the back of his mind of late.

To Be Continued

Post-Notes: