Author's Note: I'm quite nervous about putting this story up. The idea hit me yesterday and wouldn't stop poking my brain until I had it written down. However, it's written in a style that I've never written in before and I'm not really sure how it turned out. Feed back on this aspect would be great. Anyway, the inspiration for this fic came from the scene in which Harry and Lupin argue at Grimmauld Place. I've always found the harder, angrier Remus Lupin in DH incredibly interesting, and yet so hard to get my head around. He almost seems like a completely different person. So this fic, in a way, is kind of exploring that aspect of his personality. The speech between Harry and Lupin is not mine, it is in the scene in the book. I just thought I should put that in because I showed this fic to my Dad and he got a little confused over that aspect. So yes. Onto the story! I hope you enjoy it.

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Glimpse of the Wolf.

“What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

He could barely see Tonks’ face in the dark. There was no reply, but in the silence he could feel her hand running down his arm, grasping his hand.

“Just tell me,” he whispered, desperately.

There was silence in the Hospital Wing. Dumbledore was sitting in a chair next to the bed, Sirius standing silent and pale behind him.

“Something happened,” he stated, taking in their faces, their stances.

Dumbledore nodded, but didn’t speak. Sirius looked down, refusing to meet his eyes, and suddenly Remus could not take the silence any longer.

“Please, just tell me,” he whispered.

“Nothing’s wrong, as such.” Her voice was low, but he could hear the smile that lined it.

Her words did nothing to reassure him. If it was a piece of happy news, she would not have waited to drag him outside, to the darkness of the garden, to tell him. She never had been good at keeping good news a secret.

She squeezed his hand.

“I’m pregnant.”

“How bad was it?”

He kept his voice low, his eyes closed. He didn’t want to meet Dumbledore’s eyes, didn’t want to see the resigned disappointment there. He wasn’t ready to look at Sirius yet, to see the guilt, or perhaps the lack of guilt, that might lie in his friend’s face.

“If James had not acted so quickly, and bravely, Severus would probably have been killed.”

Shock. He couldn’t move, speak, breathe.

“I know what you’re worried about.”

What had he done?

“We can get through this. Just like we’ve got through everything else.”

Her nails were digging into his palm, and he realised that she was scared. Scared of his reaction, of what they would do if…

But he couldn’t think about that. Not yet.

“It’s going to be ok. Remus? It is going to be ok, isn’t it?”

Her eyes were bright in the darkness, and he didn’t have it in his heart to say no. He managed a small nod, and she collapsed into him, shaking with relief.

There was a pounding in his ears as Dumbledore left, giving a small nod to Sirius. It had been so close. So close.

He couldn’t take it in. His whole world was his shock. He wasn’t aware of Sirius moving to sit down in Dumbledore’s vacated chair. Wasn’t aware of the silence until Sirius broke it.

“Remus… I… I’m sorry.”

He couldn’t say anything. It was too soon, and he was only just relearning how to breathe.

“I wasn’t thinking, and it was stupid, so so stupid…”

Remus could tell that he was waiting, just waiting for the yelling, the anger to begin.

“I’m sorry. Please believe me… please forgive me.”

For the first time, Remus looked up at Sirius, and saw the tears in his eyes. He was helpless to say no, because Sirius never let anyone see him crying.

“Of course.”

And Sirius broke down, there in the chair, while Remus just watched.

He held her as she slept. That night in the garden seemed like yesterday, although several days and nights had passed since. He had yet to actually say a word about the baby.

But that didn’t mean that he hadn’t thought about it. Obsessively, over and over until he thought that he had lost the ability to think about anything else. And he had thought about what he was about to do over and over again.

He pressed a quick kiss to the top of Tonks’ head, picked up his shabby travelling coat and walked out of the house without ever glancing back.

They were walking on egg shells. No-one had mentioned the ‘incident’. It was over, behind them, forgotten.

But it wasn’t.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it. How close had he come to killing a fellow student? How many others was he putting in danger just by being here?

He knew what he had to do.

He started packing his suitcase that night.

“Just – just to be clear.” Harry’s voice was carefully neutral.

That had always been a warning sign with James.

“You want to leave Tonks at her parents’ house and come away with us?”

He wasn’t sure what he said in reply. He brought up James. This was what James would have wanted. It was. It was.

“I’m pretty sure my father would have wanted to know why you aren’t sticking with your own kid, actually.”

“What are you doing?”

Peter. His voice was scared, confused.

“Nothing, Peter. Nothing at all.”

“Yes you are. You’re leaving.”

Peter had always let his emotions out with relative ease. Far too easily, in fact. And Remus could not deny the sadness in his friend’s voice.

“It’s the best thing to do.”

“I don’t think the others will see it that way.”

“I see.”

This was it. He had won. Harry was going to say those words, and everything would be alright.

“So you’re just going to dump her and the kid and run off with us?”

Running? No, he wasn’t. He wasn’t running away. They didn’t understand. No-one understood.

He jumped up, only vaguely aware of the chair behind him toppling over.

“Don’t you understand what I’ve done to my wife and my unborn child?”

Why couldn’t they understand this? Why couldn’t they see what was happening here? What could happen…?

“I should never have married her, I’ve made her an outcast!”

“So that’s it.”

At Sirius’ voice he turned from his packing. The three of them stood, blocking the doorway. Blocking his exit. Whether that was intentional or not, it made Remus angry.

“After everything that your parents, that Dumbledore, have done to get you in here, to keep you here, you’re going to just run away?”

James was the speaker this time. He didn’t understand. None of them understood. In fact, it was because Sirius didn’t understand that Remus had nearly killed someone.

“Don’t you understand what I could have done? What I still could do to any one of you?”

His voice was shaking with anger and frustration.

“I should never have come here. I’m too dangerous.”

“Remus! Don’t say that – how could any child be ashamed of you?”

So knowledgeable in many matters, Remus was surprised by how ignorant Hermione could be on occasion.

“Oh, I don’t know, Hermione.”

Harry’s voice was cold, and his eyes were full of rage. Remus felt his heart constrict at the sight of the disappointment in his former pupil’s face.

“I’d be pretty ashamed of him.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Remus.”

James was wrong. He wasn’t being an idiot.

“You’re not dangerous…”

Peter’s voice sounded unsure, wavering slightly, and Remus took in for the first time the scared look in his eyes.

“You’ve just got a problem,” James added, finishing where Peter couldn’t.

His comment earned a sarcastic snort from Sirius. He looked angry, furious in fact. But there was something else that Remus could see in his eyes… disappointment?

“A problem? Yeah, I’ll say.”

Harry’s words were cutting into him. Cutting deep. He was defending himself, defending his actions, all the while hating Harry for what he was doing.

There was no need to bring up the ghosts that Remus was running from. He didn’t want Harry to talk about James, or Sirius. They weren’t here. They were gone. Gone. Gone. Why couldn’t Harry see that? Why was he insisting on bringing up the past, when Remus was trying desperately to forget it? Couldn’t he see…?

“I’d never have believed this.”

He fixed his eyes on Harry’s, making sure that he could see the whole of his anger. But Harry didn’t look scared. He didn’t know what Remus could do, what he would do if Harry said the wrong thing.

“The man who taught me to fight Dementors – a coward.”

He whipped his wand out and, in his fury, sent Harry careering into the wall.

He didn’t look back.

He was beyond yelling, his whole body quivering with anger.

“The only problem you’ve got is that you’re scared.”

No. He was not going to have Sirius Black tell him how he was feeling. What had Sirius ever done to deserve that right?

“You’re scared, and you’re not facing up to it.”

Sirius was glaring at him, challenging him.

“You think all of this is because I’m scared?”

His voice was shaking, and his hands were clenched into fists.

“No, I think all of this is because you’re a coward.”

His wand whipped out and within seconds Sirius was slumped against the wall. There was an instant commotion outside, prefects coming in and asking what was going on. Remus couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, consumed by his anger.

He ran, and when James furiously yelled out “We’re not done with you yet, Lupin!” he didn’t even turn around.

He didn’t know where he was going. He didn’t even know where he was. He had apparated somewhere, but he wasn’t thinking straight.

He needed to get away. Get away from everything. Why couldn’t he just get a break? He deserved that, didn’t he?

A familiar house swam into view, through his fury-filled blindness. His house. His childhood house. The house that had raised a young werewolf. It was a reminder of everything. The way things used to be.

Memories assaulted him: dinners with his family; friends coming for a visit; reading quietly, peacefully in his room.

The transformations. The look on his mother’s face. The secrets and lies that had been necessary for them to survive in this prejudiced world.

The pain in his parents’ eyes when they thought of what had happened to their son, of the pain their son went through.

He was a monster.

He staggered and collapsed onto a bench across the road. He put his head in his hands, and, for the first time in goodness knew how long, he let himself cry. He just cried.

He didn’t know where he was going. He ran, and ran, and ran. He just needed to get away, get away from everything that held him down in this life.

He came to a stop by the Whomping Willow. That eternal reminder of what he was, of the risks they were all taking by him simply being here. He hated it. He hated that tree. A dangerous tree to keep a dangerous monster from entering the school grounds.

Peter’s look of fear flickered through his mind. He must be a monster, if he could have that effect on his friends. But Peter had every right to be scared. At a full moon he could snap Wormtail up in one mouthful, and that would be the end of Peter Pettigrew.

He was a monster.

His legs gave way, and he collapsed, still a safe distance from the tree. He drew his knees up to his chest.

And then he cried, for the first time since Dumbledore had sat by his bed in the Hospital Wing. He cried, and he cried and he cried.

A presence at his side, silent and still. He didn’t look up. He knew it was her.

Three figures standing quietly beside him. He didn’t look up. Who else would it be?

A light hand in his own, squeezing gently and then simply resting, reassuring.

A firm hand on his shoulder, and then three people sitting down, surrounding him, keeping him safe, if only from himself.

“I’m here, Remus.”

“We’re here for you Remus.”

“I’ll always be here.”

“You can’t get rid of us that easily, Moony.”

“Come home. I can’t do this without you.”

“Don’t go. We need you.”

“… I love you.”

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