Author’s note: Well. I was kind of bored, so I made this. This is the worst crack fiction that I ever even thought of writing. So yes. It’s THAT bad. And very OOC. I feel wrong for writing this. e.e But I somehow fell in love with this. I don’t know… how I came up with some of this, it’s that… frightening.

Oh- just so you know, I shouldn’t be taking that long to update again any time soon. I got grounded and couldn’t use my computer, so… yes. At the most, it may take a week.

This was inspired by a picture I drew. With my eyes shut.

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING.

“Oh, man,” The blue-skinned murderer brushed the neck of his partner, “I love you.”

“Not as much as I love you, my Kisame-baby,” Itachi replied softly, letting his mouth brush against Kisame’s cheek. “You are my life. Here, have some rice puddings,” Itachi pulled a spoon out of a nearby bowl and fed the shark-like man. He purred in response.

“Oh, Itachi. You sly little dog,” Kisame shut his eyes partially, subconsciously rubbing a finger through his slate-colored hair. He grabbed something round some behind him, “Here, I brought your favorite. It’ll be sure to be stuck in your colon,” He pulled out a thirty pound watermelon. Itachi squealed in delight, “Just so we can play doctor again.”

“But, Kisame,” Itachi put a finger to his quivering chin, “Your hands were so cold the last time we played doctor. I… just can’t bear it.” Kisame clutched his hand around Itachi’s, gently putting the watermelon into his mouth whole.

“I’ll be sure to warm them up in the oven,” Kisame reassured, putting his hand onto Itachi’s cheek. The near-blind assassin smiled sheepishly. “So they’re nice and toasty for all the things doctor’s need for an examination.”

“Oh, Kisame,” Itachi swallowed the watermelon whole, clinging to Kisame in glee, “Do you mean-?”

“Anything for you, my Itachi dear.” Kisame put another watermelon into Itachi’s mouth. He spat out a seed.

“Would you get me a puppy?”

“Over twenty thousand,” Kisame grinned, finding a mouse that was scuttling across the floor and violently decapitated it. “A crown for you, my sunshine.” He put the mouse’s cranium on Itachi’s head, who blushed and giggled with delight.

“You know how much I love mice,” Itachi played with the bloodied vertebra, gently brushing it beneath Kisame’s nose. He licked it.

“Of course I do, Itachi,” Kisame stroked the pale skin on Itachi’s neck, as his eyes grew suddenly wide, “I just realized… how delicious you look…” Itachi pulled a fist to his chin, blushing and chirping gratefully.

“Oh- Kisame! I could… I could never be tasty enough for you,” He grabbed the neckband of Kisame’s robe and pulled him closer; they’re faces only inches apart. He could feel the shark-man’s cool breath on his cheeks. He brought him closer as their lips brushed together…

“Dammit, I have to find that idiotic bas-oh HELL no!” Hidan walked in the room, a Jashin necklace around his neck and a bloodied pike sticking through his center. He pointed an accusing finger at both Kisame and Itachi, who separated from each other. “Don’t tell me that you two are gay!”

“Hidan… what are you talking about…” Deidara yawned and rubbed his eyes, accidentally stepping on something boney. Lifting up his foot, he saw the decapitated mouse body. He yelped. “What the-? Okay, who decapitated the mouse?”

No one answered.

“So…” Kisame began, chuckling an smirking, “Who wants that doctor’s examination?”