A/N: This fic was written by Izzi (to find out who Izzi is, read my profile). This was in dream she had one time, so it’s really random. Enjoy this oneshot, and remember to read my fanfic Crazy Girls at Hogwarts!

Hi, I'm Harry Potter and I'm here to tell you about what really happened at the beginning of my fifth year. Don't ask me why, but apparently it's not very exciting to end my story at the beginning of my fifth year. You see, I didn't get off at the Ministry hearing. Apparently, Fudge bribed everyone with pictures of them at the annual Ministry Christmas party (even Umbridge!).

So, there I was in Azkaban, sent to prison for protecting myself in front of a muggle who already knows I'm a wizard. As you've probably guessed, I was really mad. I spent a lot of my time kicking things and scowling at my dirty jail-pillow. The worst part was how they tortured us! I mean is it really decent to make us shovel snow while reciting the French alphabet? No! It's not!

I had to get out of there! But how? I seriously had no idea what to do next. I mean, what could I do? Stare at my jail-pillow all day? No! I had to take action! I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I fell asleep.

I was being lead by two Dementors down a pathway in front of Azkaban. It was so one was on either side of me. And then all of a sudden there was a hole in front of me that reminded me of a well. Yeah, so it reminded me of a well until I looked down into it! There were spikes sticking out from either side of the mud walls. And then at the bottom was a pit or blue fire, similar to that coming out of the goblet of fire at Hogwarts.

Then out of nowhere, a huge archway made out of metal pipes emerged from the ground. Hanging from the middle of the top of it was a metal chain. Then one of the Dementors talked to me. I never imagined what a Dementor's voice would sound like and, oddly enough, I heard a voice that sounded like a Barbie/Cher/Barney/Homer Simpson mix ( if you can put those together and have it not blow your mind so that your head would stay intact, but it would just be splattered with brain inside).

So, anyway the Dementor talked to me. He (or she, they don't really have genders) said "You are to hold onto the chain until your hand fall of or fall into the spiky pit of fiery doom!" someone help! "And while your arms fall off, we are going to beat you with lampshades!!"

"AHHHHHH!" I woke up screaming and trashing. I was so frantic I landed face-first on the dirty jail-pillow, something I tried to avoid as often as I could. It smelled like Bellatrix Lestrange after two weeks without showering. This caused me to scream even more. Just then the logo for "Fox" popped up in the middle of the room.

"Go away! No one wants you here!” I said, and I sprayed it with the nearest hairspray I could find. Once the little football players who had been on the logo had completely died, I returned to my cot and looked around.

"Hmmm…. This place is a bit drab," I said looking around the cold, stone room with stalactites forming on the ceiling and nothing but gray wall paper with no unicorns on it (which is what I'm used to.) "Just a bit. I can't believe there are no unicorns…"

As I was thinking of a way out of my unicorn-free dilemma I heard an odd sound from behind me. I turned and saw that a stone had slid back from the wall, revealing two girls staring back at me.

"What up, dawg?" the shorter one said, "What's the happs? How's Yo life goin down, yo? What's it like up on the flip side? How's the drizz—"

"That's ENOUGH, Izzi!" The taller one said. Lizzy and Izzi both came out of the wall. Izzi grabbed my jail pillow.

"WOW! A real, genuine, authenticJAIL PILLOW!!" Apparently, she got to close to it. She doubled over onto the stone floor, holding her nose "It bells lipe Bellatwix Lastrange abter two weeks wibout showbering!" She said.

"You sound really funny while holding your nose!" said a new voice we all turned around and there was… Michael Jackson. Kidding… it was really…Ryan Secrest.

"Look Lizzy! It's Ryan Secrest!!" Izzi said.

"That would be me!" He said.

I walked over to Lizzy and said "Lizzy, you shouldn't smoke, it's bad for you!"

Lizzy looked down at her feet "You're right. I'm a sham," She replied. Izzi walked up to us confused.

"Harry, Lizzy doesn't smoke!" She said. "So why are you telling her not to? We get enough of that at school."

I shrugged "It's your dream," I said.

Just then Ryan sang: "lederhosen cracker man. I like whiffle balls!!! Frozen ice-cream! Chicken tenders!"

"I cannot believe you dreamt this, Izzi, did that really happen or are you just making it up?" Lizzy asked.

"A little from column A, a little from column B," Izzi replied.

"WHY ARE WE JUST LAZING AROUND?! IT'S ITALIAN ICE TIME!!!" magically, we were all at Great Skates' Italian ice stand.

"Oh, yeah! I'm out of Azkaban! FINALLY!" I exclaimed.

"You were in Azkaban?" Izzi asked, "I was too busy being obsessed with Italian ice…"

We all slapped our hands to our foreheads. Just then, Pablo the lizard skated by us in mini roller blades.

"Da way to wisdom lies within your heart!" He exclaimed in a Chinese accent and then dematerialized before our eyes…

This is the most random fanfic I have ever been in….