Will You Help Me Forget Him?

“I love you…Claire…” His last words to her echoed in her mind. Dreaming, shopping, going to school: wherever she traveled, wherever she relaxed the words always followed her. Stealthy they stalked her, bringing the memories at inconvenient times. Etched onto her mind like a tattoo, making her heart break over and over again. Haunting her.

Claire awoke from her disturbed slumber to the empty feeling of sadness; cold, shaking and worst of all crying again. Stained with tears her visage was flushed, glistening with paleness from the only light that shone in from the bright moon. Folding her arms across her chest Claire buried her face into them, sobbing lightly, not wanting to wake her brother Chris.

Steve…Steve, I never wanted you to go…please, come back…

The image of Steve’s limp, exposed body being held against her own clouded her mind all over again. Ever since her return from the Australian army base, Claire had been uneasy, shrouded by the thoughts of the one she had loved most. Claire had never felt the way she had and by the time she came to the realization of what was going on and how she felt it was all to late; Steve was gone. But the memories were not. People leave this world instantly with death but memories linger, fading with time. Although it was hard to comprehend sometimes, Claire knew this. But did memories ever really fade completely? And if they did, maybe as the memories depart so would the nightmares.

“Time heals everything.” Quite possibly the more times that phrase was spoken the more she would heal. Probably not.

‘Tap, tap, tap’ the fairly mute knocking vibrated through the quiet sobbing that filled the dim room. Gathering herself together Claire brushed away the remnant of tears and brushed the auburn hair from her eyes, trying to sound strong, “C…come in.”

With a hushed squeak the door opened, pushed by gentle hands. Chris Redfield’s shadowy figure appeared. “Claire, are you okay?” Stupid question.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine…” Claire shook her head, swaying her ponytail from side to side, and motioned for Chris to enter. Part of her felt like she needed him but the other half said otherwise.

Due to the dark void of his sister’s room, Chris found himself to be stumbling over the clutter all over the floor. Finding himself at the end Chris extended his arm out in an attempt to reach a night light. “Would it have killed you to turn a light on for me?” Rotating the switch twice he waited for the light to appear and his sister’s sarcastic comments to emerge from her mouth. With a small ‘click’ the light gently flickered on, emitting a new glow.

Squinting from the brightness and ignoring Chris’ rhetorical question, Claire tried to force back the shakiness within her speech when she asked, “What are you doing up so late? I figured you’d be passed out by now.”

Chris plopped down on the bed, sitting beside her, “I should ask you the same question,”

Claire gripped the cool, red silk sheets from under her hands. She wanted to scream at him for being so insensitive. She knew that he knew precisely what was wrong with her ever since their return so why did he need to ask? A silence enveloped them. Without her sarcasm, wit, and perceptiveness towards Chris he could always tell when something was troubling her. And he wasn’t stupid, clearly Claire had been crying.

Deciding to go first he said, “I woke up and I got thirsty so I went out into the kitchen and thought I heard you up too. So, I…” Claire had drifted off into her own world, staring at a blank wall, deaf and oblivious to Chris’ voice.

“Cool.” She muttered to him.

“So, now it’s your turn, why are you up?”

She winced, “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Again,” he sighed, “this is like the fourth time this week.” Nibbling hard on her lip, Claire bit back tears of anger. What the hell was this? A game to him? Whatever it was Claire did not find much enjoyment out of it.

“Yeah.” Her voice was defensive when it cracked and she knew what awaited her. Opening her mouth to tell Chris to go away, water welled up and poured down in streams to be captured in her own hands yet again. Even though she hated to cry in front of her older brother she just couldn’t contain herself any longer, Claire was bawling. Never before had so many tears emerged before Chris. But of course there was the very rare, occasional ‘cry fest’ that came upon Jill ever so often. But Jill was far from his own sister. Redfield pondered about how to solve this issue by considering how he cheered up Jill when ever she was angry or gloomy, although the ideas that Chris thought of were far too inappropriate and risqué to use on his own sister. While the thoughts of actually doing this to Claire made Chris want to slightly laugh at his ridiculous self; he decided that laughing now probably wasn’t the greatest idea. Seeing Claire upset was something Chris never liked or wanted to see, frankly he was sick of it.

Within a small blip of time a brotherly instinct took over. Scooting towards Claire, Chris used his strong arm to draw her into a hug. Claire had never found an enjoyment in touchy affection and as badly as she wanted to squirm free she also wanted to stay in her brothers’ arms. The warmth of his body was comforting but at the same time irritating. Claire was no longer sure what she felt anymore; confused and troubled may have been the words for it. But as she assessed her own problems in her mind she felt her body shutting down, falling into Chris’ arms. Tensing under the grip, wailing like a defenseless child.

Saying that you missed someone or love someone is very simple but only when it’s in your mind. Thinking of your own lines then, playing it over and over again like a movie, making sure it comes out perfectly. But as always when it came for those words to escape from your mouth all was lost. It felt as if something was choking you and the rehearsed words slipped away, leaving you too embarrassed to talk. Claire felt this way exactly. And to answer the question of why she was up was the most difficult statement to answer aloud.

“I…I…” Chris knew what was coming but he would not pressure her to say so. She didn’t want to say it, but you feel much better after you get it out, right? “I miss him… I really do.” Claire replied in between sniffles. Even though she didn’t feel better she did feel brave for actually gathering the courage to speak up and say the sentence that was most true. Chris still struggled to find a solution to the problem.

“Shhhh… It’ll be okay Claire. Just trust me, it will get better Claire, I promise.” Obviously this would not let the crying subside but he had to try. Claire gave a nod into his chest. As he rubbed her back in a tranquil manner, Claire began to close her ocean blue eyes and whimpered.

Their position reminded them of when they were young. Claire and Chris asleep in each others arms while their mother and father happily looked on, taking a picture for memory. The image of them together was the same as the childhood memory, they were just older now. Even though they had their disagreements sometimes it was good to have a sibling to depend on. And they both had always known so.

The images, thoughts, and the warmth of his skin up against her own helped her calm down slightly. And while she tried to block out every bad memory and fill her mind with good thoughts, Claire began to drift off into sleep hoping for one night she could be in peace under her brother’s shelter.