Reminiscence of Her

There was great alarm in wizarding world. Rumours had it that the Dark Lord was now dead and his Death Eaters were caught, killed, or some managed to flee. The popular newspaper “Daily Prophet” sold like hot cakes as people wanted to know as much details as possible. Witches and Wizards were celebrating nights and days for their safety. Anyway, things were different for those involved with the matter. Families that had lost their beloved were still in mourning. Wrongdoers feared for their future. There were many that regretted for what they had done…

It was not long after Dumbledore had retrieved little Harry from Potters’ house and sent him to the Dursleys’, he found someone waiting for him at the gargoyle.

“Severus?”

The dark-haired lad was looking at him deep in the eyes, and said firmly, there were traces of tear on his face.

“I came back. I’ve made up my mind.”

The smile on Dumbledore’s face made Snape wanted to cry yet again.

“I’m glad to see you here. Welcome back.” He said warmly, so warm… so sincere… then led his former student into his office. Snape followed him. Once they sat down at the desk, Snape asked softly.

“How it went, professor?”

The sad expression in his tone, Dumbledore told Snape of what just had happened. Snape listened in silence. One by one, Dumbledore’s words filled the room. They rang and resounded time and again in Snape’s ears. The details of how she was forced to death slowly stirred memories of the one he loved and would always love. Tears began to run down his cheeks. He cried silently.

“…and I had her son safe at her sister’s house. She had put the charm which will protect him from everything until he comes of age. It’s her last wish, and I’ll see to it that Voldemort can do him no harm.” Dumbledore ended with a sigh. He looked at the grief-striken man in front of him and asked. “Now, what do you want to do?”

Snape couldn’t think of what to say. Dumbledore sighed deeply. It’s not easy to cheer up someone whose heart had just broken. Let him cry his heart out and it just made him feel more miserable. The love he had for her was so deep, and so the wound he got. To live on while someone you loved was gone forever was worse than to die yourself. Time might heal. Dumbledore expected so. As for now, he waved his wand and an album appeared under Snape’s nose. The pages turned slowly and came to a halt. It was a picture of a woman holding a baby. She gave him a cheerful laugh. The baby’s eyes were strikingly green. The very same eyes of Lily’s…

“His name is Harry, Harry Potter.” Dumbledore said.

The fire cracked suddenly. Snape gasped at this information.

To Snape, the name reminded him of something so sweet… Harry… Actually it’s him that put this name for the baby. He recalled that afternoon… that very afternoon…

…The O.W.L.s exam was drawing near. It was in their fifth year when things went mad. Every fifth year students were under stress so tensed. Time went by with study, study and study. But still he managed to think of Lily as always. It was one of those days that it happened. Most of the students were sitting near the lake, preparing for the exam. Snape was concentrating hard in turning a teacup into a mouse. He failed every time he tried. The best he could do was a mouse with flowery pattern. He gave in and uttered a moan. Suddenly, the mouse turned blackish as it’s supposed to be. Its little eyes blinked at him. He was amazed to see that the rat changed its colour without him raising his wand. Could it be that the magic was delayed? Snape pointed his wand to it, muttering another charm.

The mouse disappeared and reappeared upon his greasy head. Someone was laughing. He turned round to see.

It was James Potter standing there with both hands in his pockets, the tip of his wand still out of the pocket. Sirius Black was at his side as always. So it was him who had turned the mouse black and sent it up his head. Snape gritted his teeth angrily. He was about to curse James when was asked.

“Ever wonder why everything you do turn out so bad?” James asked with a formal expression on his face, yet his eyes were twinkling. He spoke loudly enough so as to make sure that anyone nearby would hear. They lowered their voices and listened, knowing that some interesting thing was going to take place.

“What?” Snape perplexed.

“Oh, come on.” Sirius cut in impatiently. “You really have no idea, Snivelly?”

“How do I suppose to know what stupid joke you two are up to?” Snape retorted, annoyed.

“Well, it’s because…” James continued matter-of-factly. “You’ve bad hair everyday.”

Many students there roared with laughter. James looked very pleased with himself to have made fun out of Snape in front of a crowd. Snape’s face turned red with shame and anger. He couldn’t help seeking the green-eyed girl and found her rushing toward them. He’d rather die… Lily approached them.

“What a funny joke it is!” She said sarcastically and demanded further. “Why do you always pick on Snape?”

“Because I want you to ignore this hapless chap and give me a chance.” James replied innocently, giving her a wink. This just intensified Lily’s hatred. She took this as another vicious tease of James.

“Then you should know that this trick won’t work!” Now the students nearby stopped their studying. This was an entertaining break to their long, exhausting weeks.

Feeling every eye casting upon him, Snape got to his feet and left.
”Snape, wait.” Lily called after him. He turned his face to see her and said. “With these troublemakers around, I don’t think it’s a good idea to sit here.”

This was just a compliment to James and Sirius, who wolf whistled in unison and laughed their heads off. Snape found this most irritating. He walked away, trying hard not to lose his head.

“You called us troublemakers? I reckon that it’s you who is a trouble to me.” James shouted after him. Seeing that Snape didn’t pay attention to what he said, he nodded to Sirius, who gave him a mischievous smile. But Lily knew them too well and snapped threateningly. “Whatever you do, just let him be. Or you’ll see.” And she went after Snape. They were out of sight in short times. James kept staring at their backs.

“Again.” Sirius put his hand on James’ shoulder. “I recommend you to turn back times and move to live near Lily’s parents’ house so that she would like you better than that git.” James tightened his grip on the wand. “I really don’t like that prat.” He said through gritted teeth.

“But I wonder if you would like him better if it had not been for Lily being so close to him.” Lupin, who just came to join them said calmly. “This explains exactly why you find Snape a best-hated man.”

“Fair point, Moony.” Sirius turned to see Lupin and said. “Or will you deny it, Prongs?”

At this, James chuckled and replied. “Certainly I don’t think so. But I’m not quite sure about that.”

The three of them laughed and set out for some fun.

Lily found Snape with his book open before him at the library. But he just stared at it blankly. His heart still raged wildly.

“You’re here as I thought.” She dragged a chair at opposite to him at sat down. Snape’s heartbeat stumbled a bit. In attempt to conceal, he spoke. “So why don’t you go and give that Potter boy a chance?”

It was not quite clever move. Lily raised her eyebrows. She considered him for a while and, to his relief, replied. “You must be kidding. To spoil my time with such person is not a nice idea at all.”

“I’m sorry, then.” He muttered under his breath. Lily smiled.

“My mom had sent me her owl to tell me something, guess what?”

“What’s it about?” Snape tried to be unconcerned. But his voice showed itself.

“You know it! It’s about Henrietta. You know her, Henrietta who lives near the park.” Lily hinted more.

“The one that’s expecting a child?”

“Yes, she delivered her baby last week. It’s a boy! He looks a lot like her, so cute.” Lily beamed and handed Snape a photograph, at which he glanced.

“Quite bad that it’s a muggle photo. I want to hear how he giggles.” She seemed so excited about this baby boy that Snape forgot about what had just happened. He felt so happy.

“…Wonder what his name will be. Any idea, Snape?” Suddenly, she turned to ask. Unexpectedly, Snape replied with the first name he could think of.

“I don’t know, may be Harry.”

“Hey, good name isn’t it? It sounds nice with his mother’s.” Lily looked at him approvingly.

Yes, it sounded nice. Lily… Harry… The name rhymed with hers, Snape thought.

A student from Slytherin house walked past them. He greeted Snape joyously. But when he saw Lily, he smirked. Lily winced.

“You know what? I wonder why you always fancy those dark arts. It’s really not you. I mean-” She quickly added when she saw Snape looked at her reproachfully. “-it’s not like you. Actually I think you should’ve been in Gryffindor like me” She ended in one breath. Snape watched her lost for word, a pain filled his chest.

“I’m happy here in Slytherin. You don’t understand me at all, Lily.” Snape said indignantly. “You just don’t understand.”

Had he not mistaken, he thought he saw a sorrowful look in her face.

So Lily did remember that afternoon’s chat. Snape lost deep in thought. He looked at Lily’s photo and the baby’s eyes. If he was the only thing of her that remained, if it was her last wish that the boy was safe from Voldermort, the dark lord who refused to spare her life and laughed at his begging this little favour... He looked up at Dumbledore with determination. Lost and despair were gone from his face now.

“Then me too, will see to it that her last wish is fulfilled.” He spoke strongly. “I’ll never side with Dark Lord again. The Dark Lord may return, but he will never touch the boy!”

It was his own choice to have followed the Dark Lord, but out of his love for Lily he quitted. The headmaster’s eyes seemed to read his mind. Then he smiled.

“So from now on, I’ll trust you whatsoever.”

This was enough for Snape. There were many things reflected in those words. A man could make a mistake but there would always be a chance to repent. Now Dumbledore knew he could trust Snape. He knew how the black-eyed boy had loved her all along their years at Hogwards, and seemed to know even more than that. A man in love was bound to follow his own heart. Something inside Snape had been changed. He used to cling to many attitudes that set him apart from Lily, but now he abandoned them all just to do her a favor, though had not been asked. Snape determined that since then, he would do anything for Little Harry, the son of Lily, the boy who had her eyes. He would wait for him at Hogwards, and then he could see those eyes of green again.

After a cup of tea, he felt calm enough and was about to leave. Dumbledore accompanied him to the door. As he was holding the doorknob, however, Snape turned to ask.

“Professor, since when did you know about my feeling for Lily?”

At this, the old man chuckled gently, he seemed to be lost in distant past as he replied.

“Snape, even if nobody other than me take notice, but do I need to tell you that your eyes had told it all?”

Snape felt like he was, at last, out of a dark, long and lonely road he had been persued all his life and heading toward a bright way, where Lily smiled at him as she did in their childhood.