THE EXECUTOR RESTAURANT

THE EXECUTOR RESTAURANT

Run and Owned by PIETT

Gordon Ramey was escorted out of the docking bay by a couple of stormtroopers towards the rear end of the ship, this was where Executor Restaurant was located. Gordon Ramsey stopped and turned to the camera while the Stormtroopers acted impatient.

“Fuck me.” Ramsey said, “The Restaurant is a long way from the main traffic. I don’t see how anyone would bother trotting all this way when they’re in danger of fucking starving to death yeah? And when you’re getting escorted by these white guys right, you’re no longer feeling comfortable.”

Gordon Ramsey used his arms to make sure the stormtroopers stayed at least an arm’s length away from him to give him some breathing space.

“Do not get fingerprints on our armor.” Stormtrooper 1 said, “Do you know how hard these things are to keep shiny. You have one mark on your armor come inspection time, it’s force choke for you. And let me tell you something, those force chokes are very uncomfortable.”

“Oh yeah.” Stormtrooper 2 said, “Anything you do wrong, it’s force choke here and force choke there. Sometimes I think Darth Vader gets off on Force Chokes.”

“Ooh.” Stormtrooper 1 said, “I know. But he does give you motivation to do better though.”

“Look you walking suits of armor.” Gordon Ramsay said, “If you don’t want me to touch you then give me some room for Christ’s sake yeah?”

The Executor is the flagship of the Fleet. So being the only Restaurant on the on a ship this huge would mean big bucks. But the Executor Restaurant is not bringing in the customers it should and is in danger of being closed down if it doesn’t pick up.

Ramsay had walked up an appetite by the time he had reached The Executor Restaurant. The stormtroopers still hung around, “Well at least this place is clean.” Gordon Ramsay said, “I guess when you don’t pull in a lot of customers, you can spend a lot of time cleaning. At least this place is sparkling clean.”

The real truth about a restaurant is by the food that comes out of it’s kitchen.

“There’s not a real lot of choice here on this menu.” Gordon Ramsay turned the page to see if there was anymore, “Well I always believe in simplifying menus but this is fucking ridiculous. No wander why nobody comes here, there’s just no variation.”

Gordon Ramsay waited to be served and was approached by a girl in uniform, “May I take your order.”

“What would you recommend?” Gordon asked. He was yet to get use to the Star Wars Dining experience.

“Well I don’t eat here.” The woman asked.

“Fuck me.” Gordon said, “You mean to tell me you work here and you’ve never eaten here?”

“That’s right sir.” The woman said, “I prefer to eat good homemade meals.”

“Well then just surprise me yeah?” Gordon said, “Though it’s not going to be much of surprise is it?”

At least she politely smiled and never turned away from her polite manner and she left to got back to the kitchen and relay an order.

“Well fuck me, I’m lonely.” Gordon said, “According to my watch it’s lunch time. This place should be packed and yet it’s not.”

Gordon looked around the restaurant. It was immaculately clean. Probably cleaner than any other one he’s been to. But of course, since this place is always empty, there’s nothing else to do but clean. Gordon waited for his food to come…

And Waited.

And Waited.

And Waited.

“What the fuck are they doing?” Gordon asked the camera, “Are they out there killing the food or growing it themselves even.”

Finally the waitress brought Gordon his food and placed it right down in front of him. Just like the cleaning, the presentation of the food was immaculate.

“Well.” Gordon said, “The presentation of this Kedgeree is top-notch.” He took a couple of bites of the kedgeree, “But where’s the taste?” He asked, “I can’t taste anything of this. There’s no seasoning and it seems as if the fish was cooked in water.” So he set the kedgeree dish aside and waited for the pizza dish to come out.

And Waited

And Waited

And Waited

“This is fucking ridiculous.” Gordon said as he checked his watch when the Pizza finally arrived, “Well have a look at this perfectly symmetrical pizza will you?” He showed it to the camera, “The pizza is cut perfectly, the toppings is very evenly spread.” But of course there had to be the taste test and as soon as he took a bite he pushed the plate aside, “God, that’s fucking shocking. I’d say that this Piett fellow is massaging his ego, but his food is shit. The pizza’s under fucking cooked and the crust is very, very doughy. No wander why nobody comes here.”

After a very, very disappointing meal, Gordon decides to go and see Admiral Piett the owner of the Executor Restaurant and find out where he is going wrong hopefully.

Gordon shook hands with Piett, “I’m Gordon Ramsey.” He said.

“Pleased to meet you.” Piett said with a smile, “I’m Admiral Piett.”

“So you work the kitchen yourself?” Gordon asked, “With the one waitress?”

“Well business is bad you see and that waitress is my Grand Daughter.” Piett said, “I can’t afford to put anymore people on.”

“No shit.” Gordon said, “It’s like a fucking ghost town out there. So I’m here to help you out, you know that yeah?” Admiral Piett nodded, “Well I have to say, that your presentation is great and the cleanliness is immaculate which tells me that when you’re not busy at least you’re not sitting on your asses all day. But about your food, I don’t know how to tell you this nicely, but your food is shit. It’s almost like Bantha shit.”

Admiral Piett looked shocked, “Nobody’s complained before.”

“Well tell me how many repeat customers you’re getting.” Gordon interrupted, “Well? For starters, your fish was like eating water, the rice was undercooked and don’t you believe in using seasoning?” Gordon asked, “And the pizza toppings were undercooked and the crust was nothing but dough. If you can’t cook pizza then take it off the fucking menu. Oh and one other thing your menu is so damn boring.”

A/N: Sorry about the long wait for the update… But I was working on another story that I couldn’t get out of my head until I got it down.