Title: The Little Conversation

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: JJ/Emily

Spoilers: S3E2 – In Birth And Death.

Summary: Simple, short and sweet conversation piece set after Emily stares out of her window.

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N – I know it’s set out somewhat unusually, but I wrote it to be a conversation and after much debating, I decided to leave it like this instead of writing it out properly and overpowering the conversation. Sorry if it sucks, it just kinda fell out of my head.

Thank You – To sofialindsay for beta reading, and major advice giving!

The Little Conversation

(Emily still stands at the window, staring out over the dark city. Distracted by the shining lights, and her thoughts over what had happened over the last few days, she doesn’t notice straight away that her apartment door opens. A little sheepishly, JJ inches inside, eyes focusing on Emily almost as soon as she opens the door. As she closes it, Emily turns at the click of the door shutting. They just look at one another for a moment, both looking a little unsure of themselves.)

Emily

Hey.

JJ

Hey.

(JJ tucks some hair behind her ear, looking down briefly before holding up a key.)

JJ

Erm…thanks, for they key.

(Emily nods lightly, having a faint frown creasing her face and biting her bottom lip a little.)

Emily

If you used it, that must be a good sign?

(JJ puts the key on the counter top, and Emily sighs bitterly as she looks down.)

Emily

Right. I blew it.

(She looks up again, not really registering that JJ has slipped off her jacket and puts it on the counter too.)

Emily

I never meant to leave you, JJ. Just the FBI.

JJ

I know. You said that in your letter.

Emily

I’m sorry. Leaving you that letter was a coward’s way out. I should have explained my decision to you personally.

JJ

So why didn’t you?

(Emily shrugs, opening her mouth to say something but hesitating as words whiz around her head.)

Emily

I…I was afraid. I was afraid to see the look you would get when you found out exactly why I was assigned to the BAU. I didn’t want to see you look so disappointed in me.

JJ

Why would I be disappointed in you?

Emily

You trusted me! You all trusted me. When all along I was there to stab you in the back? I didn’t earn the right to be there, Strauss didn’t care I’m a good profiler. She blindsided me and I’m sorry. I should have questioned harder about being put in the unit, and I’m ashamed and angry that I didn’t and for the reasons I was.

JJ

Does it matter?

Emily

What?

JJ

Emily, does it really matter how or why you got into the BAU?

Emily

Of course it does, why would you ask that?

JJ

Because it only seems to matter to you, Em. The team, they don’t care. I don’t care. What we all cared about was that you refused to play Strauss’ game. Hell, you quit your job rather than stab us in the back. We cared that you came to help us, and put your life on the line out there.

Emily

But you all earned the right to be here. You worked really hard for your positions. I was just somebody’s pawn.

JJ

You really expect me to believe that you didn’t work as hard as we did? Because I don’t. You are an exceptional profiler, Emily. And we already knew we could trust you. If you thought there was any doubt, you sure as hell stopped it by quitting instead of ratting us out. You are part of this unit. You had our backs like we have yours. Stop questioning that.

Emily

I can’t.

JJ

Why?

Emily

Because…because I can’t just let it go that easily. All my life, all of it JJ, people have presumed exactly that of me. That I play those kind of games, just because of who my parents are. That I’ve sat back on my ass and let them pull strings for me. But nothing has ever been so far from the truth, and I’m sick of it. I’m so sick of it being used against me. I’m tired of having to prove myself to every single person. Just like I had to prove myself to you and the unit…

(Having gotten quite worked up, she stops as she realises what she said.)

Emily

I’m sorry, that was out of line.

JJ

No, it wasn’t. You’re right. We made you struggle and that wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.

Emily

You don’t need to…

(JJ shakes her head, determined and sincere.)

JJ

Emily, I’m sorry.

Emily

Thank you.

JJ

You do know though, that you just proved my point?

(Emily looks confused.)

Emily

How’s that?

JJ

You just said that all your life that’s been going on. You’ve had to fight against all that. So yeah, you have worked hard. Harder than the rest of us. Please, please try to accept that you don’t have to do that anymore.

(Emily looks rather more determined and firm now.)

Emily

Okay, fine. But what does this mean about us? Is this it? Are we done?

(JJ hesitates for a moment, before sighing slowly and rubbing the bridge of her nose.)

JJ

I just…I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me, Emily. I was right there. Everyday. Every night. All the times I asked you what was wrong and you just said you were fine. You would smile at me, or kiss me, or just outright change the subject. Anything but tell me what was really on your mind. How didn’t…why couldn’t you trust me?

Emily

I do. I do trust you. Don’t confuse my fear with a lack of trusting you, Jennifer. I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything. I’ve just gotten so used to bottling things up, to carrying everything by myself; I didn’t know how to share it with you. I was too scared that you would hate me for it. I didn’t want to lose you.

JJ

I would’ve helped you. You have got to realise that you’re not alone anymore. You don’t have to keep these things inside.

Emily

I can definitely work on that.

(JJ just smirks faintly, putting her badge and her gun on top of her jacket. Now, Emily does notice the little accumulated pile.)

JJ

Well then I’ll help you with that too.

Emily

Does that mean what I think it means? Because I know how it sounds to me, but I might have been listening with my hopeful ear!

(JJ chuckles, making Emily smirk.)

JJ

How do you expect me to resist such a painfully cute dork like you?

(Emily shrugs.)

Emily

Well, I don’t! Why do you think I became a dork for in the first place?

JJ

Gets you all the girls, huh?

Emily

Oh yeah, sure it does.

(She raises an eyebrow to add to her sarcastic tone before looking serious again.)

Emily

You do know that I love you, right? You know that?

JJ

I know, and you know I love you right back. I’m sorry, too, Em.

Emily

For what?

JJ

I know how much you loathe games and politics. And how influential it’s been throughout your life. For Strauss to use exactly those tools against you…well, I know how much you’re hurt by that right now.

(She looks at Emily knowingly, who tries to keep her composure but that hurt and sadness of not escaping politics is washing through her eyes and face.)

Emily

I shouldn’t be. You would expect me to be used to it, by now. It never stops. I don’t know why I keep clinging onto the idea that it will.

JJ

No, you shouldn’t be used to it. It sucks. And I have no idea how to take that pain away from you. I don’t know how to make you feel better about all of it, and that sucks too. But I do know that if I could, I wouldn’t hesitate. And I know that there are people that don’t play by their rulebook. Like Hotch. Morgan, Reid and Garcia? They don’t either. And neither do I. I couldn’t…I wouldn’t…ever do anything like that to you again.

Emily

That right there? That was how you made me feel better about all of it. At the risk of sounding incredibly dorky and completely sappy, just having you here, and in my life, that takes a lot of it away. Because I’m just Emily to you. And I like that.

JJ

Honey, you’ve never ‘just’ been anything, to me.

(They both just smile.)

Emily

Why are you still all the way over there, anyway?

(JJ raises a playful eyebrow with a very teasing smirk.)

JJ

Why are you still over there?

Emily

Don’t tease people with head trauma, it isn’t fair!

(JJ just chuckles, starting to make her way over slowly. When she gets to Emily, she stops short right in front of her. She narrows her eyes slightly, as she looks at the bandage on her head.)

JJ

Does it hurt much?

Emily

A little. Nothing I can’t handle.

JJ

Did you take your painkillers?

Emily

I took the painkillers, yes.

JJ

Are you sure? Because I know what you’re like when it comes to taking painkillers. And generally following medical advice!

Emily

JJ, I took the painkillers!

JJ

Good. Then you should get some rest. It’s been pretty eventful lately.

Emily

I’m fine for now. I slept on the plane.

JJ

Yeah, but you need proper rest.

Emily

Jennifer, will you stop fussing and kiss me already?

(JJ smirks, before leaning in and doing just that.)