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Disclaimer: “Naruto”, and all canon characters and characteristics remain the property and rights of Kishimoto Masashi. All I own is the writing itself, and any original features and / or attributes portrayed within said writing.

A/N: Oneshot request for David, who wanted to see a religious debate between the two. Hope you like it, buddy! Also, have any of you fellow Naruto!fic-writers noticed that we can no longer use the word ‘pain’ in a story involving the Akatsuki without it sounding like a really bad pun? Ha!

I--I

A dispirited woman stood quietly by the locked second-story window, dark gaze watching with inadvertent attentiveness as her breath formed small clouds of condensation upon the surface. Her smooth, slender hands, held together in silent prayer, were folded gently upon the windowsill, the brush of glass feeling cool against her bare skin.

Kakuzu had just lost another partner.

By the time the Falls-nin returned from his mission, Pein already had another Shinobi located for him, debriefed, equipped and assigned. How easy it was to sweep the sixth death away until traces of the agent’s memory faded altogether, only to replace themselves with yet another violent runaway, yet another willing soul.

Her eyes drifted shut; recited verses streamed through her mind as she gave polite reverence to the deceased, despite the fact she didn’t know the man all that well.

BOOM.

The hardwood floors beneath her feet shook under the strength of the sudden explosion downstairs. The reverberating force receded from the ground almost instantly, followed by nothing more than a loud, heated argument and a pair of feet rushing up the staircase.

The door swung open, and steps entered.

The grumbling young man froze in his tracks and fell silent before slowly backing out of the chamber, shutting the door behind him, and hurrying back down to reach the main floor. It was then when another cluster of hushed whispers from the ground floor ensued, before the sound of a small crash, some cursing, and a second person storming up the flight.

Soon enough, the door flew open once again.

Another, heavier collection of footsteps charged in and broke Konan’s concentration, but unlike her other visitor, the pacer didn’t retreat.

“Hey.”

Not recognizing the stranger’s voice, the woman lifted her heavy eyelids, her stare immediately affixing itself to a deer grazing in the forest below.

“What do you want?”, she asked, her voice soft, but firm.

“The jackasses downstairs sent me up here to get a broom.”, the voice replied, as the man it belonged to shuffled towards the opposite end of the room. “Some blonde idiot couldn’t keep his fucking toys to himself, and now there’s clay shit scattered everywhere in the hallway.”

Konan didn’t respond, at first. It was obvious he either hadn’t gone through the process of learning everyone’s names yet, or was another one of those arrogant fools who wouldn’t be bothered paying mind to them. His manner of language was one generally looked down upon within this organization, yet he somehow came off as the kind of man who didn’t care either way.

“His name is Deidara.”, she said shortly.

“Listen, lady; I could give a fuck right now, seriously.”

She ignored the sounds of him rummaging through the main cabinets of the supply room, mops and buckets falling and clanging loudly against random points on the ground.

“Fucking sending my ass up here to get a fucking broom--I’ll send every one of those heathens back to the fourth stage of hell...hey, lady, what are you doing in here, anyway? Seriously, shouldn’t you be hanging around downstairs with the rest of those cloaked morons?”

“My partner is the leader of us ‘cloaked morons’, as you so lightly put it.”

Konan wasn’t one to hide behind her teammate’s status, but if this man was made aware of the fact she was powerful enough to have the leader of the group as her partner, maybe he would understand exactly who he was dealing with here.

“I’m quivering in my boots, seriously.”

...or not.

“And...”, she continued. “I’m praying.”

“Why, d’ya kill someone?”, he asked, sounding half-amused.

She exhaled silently against the window, her eyelids still half-lowered over an unblinking gaze.

“I kill...only when He says I should.”

“What kind of shitty god is that?”, he scoffed, slamming open the third closet. “Typical. I finally catch someone in this shithole who believes in a higher power only, to find out she’s praying to the wrong one. Where in the fuck is this goddamned broom...”

Konan kept her tone refined, unwilling to give in to his obvious attempts at vexing her. “If there is a God, does it matter which one I pray to?”

“You’re fucking right it does.”, he snapped. “You don’t have to ask permission from Jashin-sama before you kill someone; he expects you to rid the world of as many of those bastards as you can possibly get your hands on.”

“My god isn’t so quick to judge.”

“Yeah, well, your god’s a pussy.”

Catching her completely off-guard, the scathing insult managed to make her flinch, offsetting her otherwise thoroughly subdued composure. Any partner this aggravating was almost guaranteed to be mercilessly slaughtered by Kakuzu within the hour; this guy was as good as dead either way.

“Cat got your tongue, lady? Or have you just realized how much of a heathen you are?”

“It is not your place to bring my faith into question.”, she whispered coolly.

“It’s not your fucking place to tell me I’m wrong.”

“I never said you were wrong.”

“Then I accept your apology, seriously.”

Her nose twitched.

“He says...”, she began loudly. “That it is a sin to allow people to suffer in this life. We either end it all at once or we end nothing at all, for a clean slate gives humankind the chance to start again.”

“It isn’t wrong to make heathens suffer for their misdeeds before you get rid of them, seriously. I don’t get why everyone hates suffering so fucking much, anyway; surviving agony’s the only time people really realize they’re alive. Shit, it’s the only thing still keeping me here, to be honest. The more pain I feel, the closer I get to never feeling it again, and the sooner my hell on earth’ll finally come to a fucking end.”

Okay, so he was also a masochist. Konan wasn’t surprised; each new recruit of Pein’s had always been more and more demented than the last. The enlistee before this one even had a particularly unhealthy obsession with poison-laced senbon, which, as they all found out, was not a good thing to leave within reach of an infuriated Kakuzu.

“You treat death as if it were a triviality, newcomer.”, she said. “You should appreciate your life while it lasts.”

“Lady, when you’ve lived as many lives as I have, you start to get sick of the cycle. Besides, it’s pretty obvious that Jashin-sama doesn’t think I deserve to die just yet.”

“Arrogance is no excuse. People begin to appreciate the advantages they have in life as soon as those things start fading away.”

“Humanity is fucking retarded, alright? Seriously, people’ll learn their lesson for a week or two, then go right back to their irreligious heathen ways the moment no one’s looking. It’s easier to just send them all to hell and let Jashin-sama sort them out.”

He was a misanthropist, too. Oh, joy.

Where did Pein find these people, anyway?

“The easier way isn’t always right.”, she finally replied. “You have to give people the chance to change or humanity will be corrupted forever. Besides, it’s not as if someone like you can kill everyone on the planet single-handedly.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Consider it the truth.”, she said bitterly. “An event on that grand of a scale should be left in God’s hands.”

“Whatever, lady. Seriously, I’m glad I don’t have your heathen ass as a partner. There’s no way this ‘Kakuzu’ guy could be worse off than you.”

She could hear him yank the jammed broom out from the far corner of the cupboard.

“Besides...”, he started, turning away. “We can settle this where it counts.”

Her ears perked up. “Are you threatening me?”

“Relax, I’m making a bet here. Seriously, just make sure you do what I do and fight around a lot. Eventually some lucky bastard out there’ll find out about our weaknesses and get a shot in. Then we’ll see which one of us ends up in heaven.”

She raised her head. Despite the many faults that were included in his statement--like the blatant assumption she even had a weakness--her better judgement told her to end the conversation from there...but her curiosity couldn’t help but wonder something more.

“And if we both do?”

The sound of the man’s steps ceased as he idled at the entrance.

A soft noise of amusement slipped from his throat before he reached for the door handle.

“It’s a date, seriously.”

Konan blinked, whipping around to face the room entrance just as the door clicked shut.

No one ever dared to go as far questioning her ideologies. As long as she successfully completed the arbitrary mission and casual assignment, no one cared as for why she killed or how she did it. The sheer audacity this man had, speaking down to her in such a way; it was almost as if his conviction outweighed his tact.

She had never held a conversation with a religious Shinobi before, mainly because the contradiction of ideals made them few and far between, and although the doubt lasted less than a split second, this moment was the first time she had ever risked considering someone else’s beliefs. She wondered what would happen if, by a literal act of God, this new recruit was correct in believing what happens and who awaits them in the afterlife. The hesitancy flickered within her mind, making her rethink the simplistic notion of who was right and wrong. Concerned toward the thought of who would conquer the endgame. At the thought of him in heaven, laughing.

At the thought of him in hell, laughing.

The woman turned back to lean against the windowsill, the familiar chill of the glass pane creeping up the length of her fingers.

For the first time in a long time, Konan smiled.

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