Author’s note #1- I feel it’s only fair to warn that this story might be a little tough to read. It’s an angsty story and there will be no fluff. I hope this warning doesn’t put anyone off from giving it a chance, but I didn’t want to raise hopes that the story ends with the obligatory theme of Lee and Kara doing it like bunnies trying to conceive fatpilotbabies in the middle of CIC while Adama proudly hands out cigars and Dee overdoses on pills from jealousy and depression (even though those sort of stories are completely awesome!)

Author’s note #2 - Diverges from Crossroads II. Lee never got into a Viper after the trial. Instead he followed Romo into the civilian Fleet. Kara reappeared the same way she did in canon but just to a different pilot.

Title: Love Was Never The Problem
Rating: PG
Warnings: ANGST, some adult themes
Spoilers: seasons 1-3
Characters: Kara and Lee, also includes - Helo, Adama, Sam, Athena, Romo, Cassidy (Baltar’s prosecutor)
Genre: relationships, drama
Time period: set several months after Kara’s return
Disclaimers: I don't own them, Ron Moore does.

Summary: Lee tries to make a new life with new people in an effort to get over the past when circumstances thrust him back to Galactica. Kara struggles with the aftermath of her return and how some of her relationships strengthened, while others broke.

ooooo

Only tears are meant to fall
Only once and that is all
And when you start to lose the fight
And nothing else will make things right
Only hearts are meant to break
When you make that last mistake
And everything you tried to say
But all the words got in the way

- lyrics from the song Only Tears by OMD

ooooo

Love Was Never The Problem – chapter 1

“So how’s everything been going?”

Kara put down her glass of recycled water and shrugged, “Okay, I guess.”

The Admiral gave her a look which said he was clearly unimpressed with such an obtuse answer.

So she tried again, “Really, boss, everything’s fine. It’s been at least a month since someone’s dared to whisper Cylon behind my back where I can still hear it.” She plastered on a bright smile.

“That’s not funny, Kara.”

Quirking her lips, she grinned, “It is a little bit.”

The Old Man gave her a smile of indulgence, “And I bet you love stirring trouble up, too.”

Kara tilted her head to the side, “It’s not my fault if their brains are in their asses,” She quickly added an apology by saying ‘Sir” and sat up a little straighter. It was easy to fall back into comfortable patterns and pretend the last few months hadn’t happened. Things weren’t completely back to normal yet and she needed to keep her wits about her. She also needed to accept that things might never be the same again. But what she still had to decide was if that was a good or bad thing.

The Admiral’s rough features turned hesitant for a brief moment before forming into practiced neutrality. “Have you...” He softly cleared his throat, “Have you heard from Lee?”

Any sensations of warmth and comfort which had been building in the room dropped out at zero. Kara put on her own practiced mask and said casually, “Nope. I tried to call him about three or four weeks ago and left him a message. I guess he didn’t get it.” She shifted uncomfortably, trying to will away the burn of rejection each time she thought about it.

“Maybe you should try again.” Bill offered. And Kara knew it was more for himself than her. No one had ever told her the full story, but for Lee to hand in his wings and for his father to accept them was no light matter. It seemed like the Adama men were still at their stubborn best even when she wasn’t around.

She took another sip of her drink before revealing, “I have tried.” Her eyes lowered involuntarily, “Last month was actually the second time.”

They both stayed silent for a few moments before the Old Man changed the subject.

OoOoO

Two days later the Fleet was spotted by a small Cylon recon party. Kara thanked the gods she was on CAP and flew like a demon to blast three of them to dust even before anyone else got in a kill. She pretended it didn’t bother her; the doubt in her fellow pilot’s eyes. And she hated that she felt the need to prove her loyalty each and every time she climbed into her cockpit.

“Two Raiders on your six, Starbuck,” Hotdog yelled before blasting another Raider that was barrelling towards him.

“Copy that, Hotdog.” Then she spat out orders to her wingman, “Narcho, Starbuck, keep it tight. I’ll go high left, you go low right. We’ll loop over and take these bastards out.”

Enemy fire shot close to her wing, making Kara bank hard and swear. “Narcho, do you copy?”

Still no answer and Kara quickly amended her plan to try and kill these motherfrakkers on her own.

A loud whoop of triumph from Hotdog as he made a second kill, after which he shouted, “Frak, Starbuck, watch out, they’re manoeuvring to catch you in a crossfire!”

Kara barely had a chance to process the sight of one of the enemy coming from her left and Hotdog’s Viper screaming in fast to assist, when her Viper violently lurched and spun. “I’ve been hit, I’ve been hit.” With an engine out, she struggled to gain control.

Everything happened in a blur after that. By the time Kara was able to steer her Viper in an almost straight line, the alert fighters had arrived to clean up, leaving Kara free to try and limp back to Galactica as best she could.

Landing was going to be fun in a wounded bird, but nothing she hadn’t done before. She was second to land and when looking up from her console, she was just in time to see Spinner’s Viper land with a crunch and one of his landing wheels break free and fly back to hurtle into her Viper. The canopy cracked and splintered with the force and a second later a few pieces broke free when her bird hit the deck hard. Kara cried out as a shard sliced white hot through her left shoulder.

OoOoO

Lee arrived twenty minutes early for his meeting. The Chiron boasted two decent conference rooms which were large enough to hold trial proceedings for disputes that cropped up within the Fleet. At least two dozen spectators could be seated aside from the eight regular seats reserved for the press. He guessed that the rooms were once used by wealthy clients as ‘party’ rooms on the luxury liner. But the bathrooms and kitchenette type areas were now serving as part of the quarters sectioned off for the newly formed justice system. The narrow corridor between the two conference rooms eventually gave way to several small quarters, one which Lee had been lucky enough to procure as his own. Lee’s mentor, Romo Lampkin, rarely stayed aboard and made use of the larger common room when needed, a place Lee had recently been residing in until just three weeks earlier.

Flipping over the files in front of him, Lee felt a surge of something almost like freedom at being able to get involved in something he found so fascinating. He was still working on his public speaking skills, which was ironic, because he’d lost count of how many briefings he’d held in front of his air group. But giving orders and pep talks and disciplining pilots wasn’t quite the same skill set required of someone defending a person’s rights. But he was learning. And doing quite well, at least he hoped so.

Looking through his briefcase, Lee realised he’d left important deposition copies in his quarters. With fifteen minutes still to spare, he quickly made haste back to his room. He still received a few raised eyebrows at wanting to learn both defence and prosecution, but no one could really object when civilians willing to commit to this type of career were few and far between. As he reached the elegant hatch, a woman emerged from the room across the way and down one door.

“Mr. Adama,” The business like woman called out to him. “I was just coming to meet you in conference room B.”

Lee turned and saw it was Cassidy, Baltar’s prosecuting lawyer. The person he’d actually been waiting for. She was looking at him with a no-nonsense type expression and Lee couldn’t help but wonder if she held a grudge or blamed him for losing her the case. Even though it was months ago, now.

“Ms. Cassidy,” Lee said by way of greeting. “I was just retrieving some documents I’d left in my quarters.” Then he realised that she’d been emerging from one of the private quartes. He nodded at the key in her hand, “I didn’t realise you stayed here.”

She popped the key into her large bag. “I have a cousin in the Fleet who just had a baby. I’ve been with her the last month. But to answer your question, yes, I was lucky enough to get these quarters when the area was first converted.”

Lee nodded, remembering that they had in fact crossed paths a few times after Baltar’s trial. But his life had been so upside down at the time that it felt like he’d been wading through mud. No home, no wife, no career, no family. His mind whispered the one thing he had gotten back after the trial, but Lee shut it out with practised skill.

Without thinking and needing to stem the thoughts in his head, Lee blurted, “I didn’t know career women took time off to play nurse maids.” He actually started cringing before he finished the sentence. ‘Smooth, Lee.’

Cassidy’s eyes widened and then she smiled. A rich warm smile that took Lee by surprise.

“Would that be the same thing as a Viper pilot taking time off to defend criminals?” She laughed in a teasing way as Lee coloured slightly. “Besides, Mr. Adama, I think in this Fleet we all do whatever we have to.”

With that she touched his arm lightly and walked off. “I’ll see you in conference room B.”

Lee stood still for a second before gathering his wits and called out, “It’s Lee. You can call me Lee.”

Without turning back, she waved a hand over her shoulder, “Mine’s Elizabeth, but you can still call me Ms. Cassidy.”

Lee grinned at her spunk. Didn’t even realise he was watching the sway of her hips in the form fitting skirt she wore until she disappeared around the corner.

A moment of anxiety swept up through him. It had been months since he’d allowed himself the luxury of noticing the opposite sex. He knew he wasn’t ready for anything serious, but for once the thought of joining the living didn’t seem so out of place.

As he swung open the hatch to his quarters, his wall phone rang. Lee knew no lines got through directly, but were intercepted and put through by the clerk at the main desk. “Adama,” Lee answered brusquely.

“Sir, there’s another call for you from Galactica.”

Lee’s muscles tensed. It was her again, he could feel it. Lee started to give his now usual response, “Please take a message and say I was unavailable.”

The clerk interrupted, “It’s the Admiral of the Fleet, Sir,” Letting the words hang in mid air.

A completely different type of tension flowed through his body at the new information. He took a few deliberate breaths and concentrated on relaxing his grip on the receiver. “My wishes still stand. Please take a message.” And before there could be any further protest, Lee ended the call. He didn’t have time to deal with this now.

Quickly grabbing the needed documents, Lee hurried to his meeting. He chafed as the heavy mantle of his past tried to weigh down on his new life. He just wanted to be Lee Adama, the man who’d been flirting with a pretty woman just a few moments earlier. That’s all.

OoOoO

Opening her eyes felt gritty and sticky. Kara groaned and tried to push herself up when a searing pain shot through her shoulder. “Frak,” She muttered with a croaky voice.

“Take it easy, Kara.” A familiar voice came from somewhere to her right.

“Sam?”

His tall frame came into view, “Yeah, it’s me. How are you feeling?”

Her mind tried to struggle through the fog of pain and drugs to remember why Sam being there was out of place. So she diverted, “I feel like shit, genius; how else am I supposed to feel?”

Sam made a low laugh, though it was tinged with more worry and bitterness than humour. “You’ve always been a bitch in the mornings.”

Kara’s chest tightened at his deliberate reference to the past. “And you loved it.”

He was quiet for a moment before responding, “Maybe I just loved you and thought putting up with your crap was worth it.”

‘Damn him.’ Refusing to let him see his words got to her, she glared, “I guess you were wrong.”

Sam nodded, “I guess I was.”

“Pass me the water, will you?” Kara tried to sit up further.

Sam reached for the cup and sat beside her hip on the sickbay cot. Kara flicked the straw onto the floor and drank from the rim.

“Easy, I think you’re supposed to sip slowly.”

Kara choked a little, spraying a few drops of water across his tanks. She wiped the back of her right hand across her mouth and handed him back the cup. “What are you doing here, Sam?”

“What, just because we’re not married anymore I’m not allowed to worry about you?”

Kara nodded, “That’s usually how it goes.”

“Uh huh,” Sam agreed in a way that clearly meant he didn’t. “Get some rest, Kara.” He stood up and leaned down to kiss her hair, “It was a close call. Cottle said a few inches lower and the shard would’ve pierced a major artery.”

Without even realising, she clasped Sam’s fingers and squeezed. “Thank you for car...” She couldn’t get the word out that was on the tip of her tongue. So she switched it to, “...coming.”

Sam’s thumb brushed over her hand twice before he released it and turned to go.

As Kara watched the empty space where he’d just been, she had to fight down the selfish part of her that knew it probably wasn’t too late to get Sam back. It was hard. But since her brush with destiny she came back with a new outlook on life. Letting Sam go was the best thing for him, and probably for her too. It wasn’t fair to keep him bound to her if she wasn’t willing to let him all the way in. And she was sick and tired of doing things in half measures.

Testing the movement in her wounded shoulder by slowly rolling it, her mind skittered and briefly touched on the knowledge that there was someone she was willing to let all the way in. But that possibility had come and gone long before her flight into the Maelstrom. She wasn’t naive enough to believe he would ever let her in that close again. But what was silently eating her up what the total and complete nothingness. She could live without him loving her, had never known what to do with his soft words and softer eyes anyway. She just hated the ever growing hollow nothingness where his friendship and familial warmth used to be.

She just wanted to see him.

OoOoO

Lee lightly pressed his palm into the small of Elizabeth’s back as he directed her to the table he’d reserved. He could’ve taken her to the dining lounge on the Chrion, but there was something appealing about getting off ship and eating on the Rising Star.

“Are you out to impress me, Lee Adama?” Elizabeth ran her fingers over the linen tablecloth before wrapping them around the stem of her wine glass.

Lee gave her one of his best smiles and saluted his glass, “I’m just trying to get you to let me use your first name.”

That earned him a graceful laugh, and as her eyes closed briefly, Lee took his fill at looking at her features. She’d worn her hair in a softer style for their dinner date and was actually wearing a little makeup. It looked good on her. Changed her from the no-nonsense like lawyer into a pretty woman. In a way she reminded him of Dee. His ex-wife would always be pragmatic and military while working and then come home and let her hair down and enjoy the fact she was female. He’d enjoyed it too. Feminine women had always caught his eye.

As Elizabeth started chatting about the improvements that were finally being made in the burgeoning justice system, Lee allowed himself to take stock of the man he now was, the man he was becoming. He was completely done with living a lie. With wearing a uniform that never fit. A flight suit that had holes. With seeking his father’s approval. With pining for a woman who’d refused to love him as much as he’d loved her. That woman was dead anyway. Whatever had come back wasn’t the same creature that had burst into a million points of light before his eyes. It couldn’t be. Despite what the harsh rush in his ears tried to tell him. It couldn’t.

A hand covered his, “Lee, are you alright?”

Pulling back to hide the slight tremble, he nodded, “Sorry, my mind must’ve wandered.”

Elizabeth took a sip of her drink, hiding her expression. “Maybe we should change the subject and not talk about work?”

He realised with some embarrassment that she thought he’d been bored by her conversation. So he assured her, “Talking about work is fine. I love it. But if you want to discuss something else, I’m just as happy to do that too.”

The rest of the evening was a fair success, even if Lee had to make an effort not to glance at every blonde that teased the edge of his vision. He’d been so good at keeping his focus for months now, and didn’t understand why tonight she decided to haunt him.

OoOoO

A week in sickbay wearing hospital gowns was easy. But how the frak was she supposed to get her clothes on, let alone a bra, with her arm in a sling? Even removing the sling was of little use as she could barely lift the arm at all. She’d also torn some muscles down the left side of her torso in the initial impact and stretching certain ways was near impossible. Cottle only gave her enough pain meds to keep it from getting out of control, but told her that the muscles would take at least three weeks to heal and twice as long for her shoulder, assuming she did her physical therapy, of course.

“Can I come in?” A friendly voice asked.

Kara looked over to the curtain and back to her clothes still laid out on the cot. “Hang on.” The last thing she needed was Karl laughing his ass off at her, especially while she was half naked. She managed to step into her cargos even though stooping down hurt like frak. Ignoring the sports bra, Kara made a valiant effort to get her green hoodie on. She kept her bad arm underneath the fabric and figured getting one arm in a sleeve was better than none. Everything felt twisted wrong and the sling was bunched up around the back of her neck. She let out an angry sound of frustration.

“Lieutenant Thrace, is everything all right in there?” One of the nurses called out.

Kara blew a few strands of her out of her eyes, “I’m just trying to get these frakking clothes on.”

The curtain shifted open and Kara caught a glimpse of Helo straining his neck to see what was going on as the nurse pushed him out of the way so she could come in. Their eyes caught briefly and Kara snarled in response to the idiot grin that lit up his face. The nurse slid the curtain closed again muffling out the sound of Helo’s sniggering.

As the nurse clicked her tongue at Kara’s botched job of dressing, Kara muttered to herself all the ways she was going to kick Helo’s ass. CAG or not.

The nurse proceeded to show Kara the trick to dressing with a sling. “See, it’s easy. You just need to take your time and do it slowly.”

“Thanks.” Kara said in a small voice as the nurse left. It wasn’t as if she’d never had her arm in a sling before, but those two previous times had been before she had breasts and her mother had always helped her with gentle fingers of apology.

“You can come in now, you big idiot.”

Karl was still smirking as he made his way in and filled the remaining space of her small curtained off room. “You know, I could’ve helped you.”

Trying not to smile at his leer, she schooled her features and busied herself with stepping into her shoes with Karl instinctively helping her balance by steadying her good elbow. “I bet. Is that part of your job description as CAG?”

He put up both his hands in mock innocence. “It’s my responsibility to look out for all of my pilots. But if say someone like Hotdog needed help getting into his flight suit, I’d definitely pull rank and delegate.”

She rolled her eyes and snorted.

Karl carried her stuff as they made their way to the senior pilots’ quarters. His voice changed from playful to serious and quiet. “I’ve reviewed the audio and gun footage and there’s no way to prove if Narcho was ignoring you or a having communications glitch. But everyone knows he still thinks you might be a Cylon...”

Kara stopped him. “It doesn’t matter Karl. What’s done is done. We we’re in the middle of a dogfight. It’s not always possible to stay with your wingman.”

“It’s not like you to let this sort of stuff slide.”

She chewed her lip, “Maybe I just don’t see the point anymore.”

“Yeah well, the guy needs an attitude adjustment. So I’ve put him on latrine duty for a month.”

Her mouth fell open, “Captain Agathon, are you abusing your rank?”

Helo kept a straight face, “Of course not. Abusing my rank would be to make him do what Sharon wanted. A month of babysitting.”

OoOoO

“Why do I have to be the one to do this?”

“Because everyone knows you and you’ll be able to pull favours and get access to things I can’t.”

Lee remained stubborn, “I’m not qualified yet.”

Romo easily countered, “All there’s left is on the job training. Look, this is a fact gathering assignment. I know you can do that. Interview everyone on this list, record each conversation. The list of grievances towards the Pegasus crew is extensive.”

Lee automatically replied, “It’s war time. Following orders doesn’t make them accountable.”

“Ahh, see, that’s why you still have much to learn. We’re going for the human element. The Presidency can’t ignore the people – the families who were torn apart. Cain is dead but it’s not enough. Word of what happened spread through certain parts of the Fleet and made many people nervous. Especially now, after what you testified about during the trial.”

Lee’s brows drew together.

Romo continued, “Lobbying to abandon the Fleet during the occupation?”

“Oh.”

“Oh indeed. What we’re dealing with is a form of petition. The Captains of the Fleet, and by extension the people, want a guarantee. A law made to protect them.”

Lee made a cynical noise, “A law is meaningless in the heat of battle.”

“You and I know that, and I suspect they do too, deep down. But what does it hurt if it gives people peace of mind and keeps the Fleet running smoothly?”

Awareness dawned on him, “You’re counting on Roslin pushing my father to hold accountability because she’ll do anything to keep peace within the Fleet.”

Romo managed to keep down his smile, not answering directly. Then he continued, “If you manage to get what we need then, I’m sure it will help a great deal in giving peace of mind to the Fleet and closure to the men and women directly involved. Besides, it doesn’t make sense for me to go to Galactica and send you out into the Fleet. I’m better off using my connections and you yours. It should only take about a week. Two weeks tops.”

Lee clenched his jaw. It wasn’t about the work assignment or how long it would take and Romo knew it. It was where. Spending a day on Galactica would be painful enough. A week or two might kill him.

Getting up from the small conference table, Romo confidently stated, “You can do this, Adama.”He gathered up his papers. “And don’t reveal any information over the communication lines. Just tell me when you’ve got something and we’ll make arrangements to meet.”

Looking up from where he was sitting, Lee watched Romo approach the hatch and made a last-ditch plea, “Isn’t there another way?”

Romo turned around and tilted his head forward, looking over the top of his sunglasses, “Why would I want to find another way?” His lips quirked, “Don’t you want to see your dear old daddy? Besides, you might get the chance to spend some time with that girl pilot you’re so fond of, you know, the one you kept a picture of in your pocket.”

Lee immediately hissed out. “She’s dead.”

Romo pushed his sunglasses up with a single finger and drawled, “Apparently not,” and exited the room leaving Lee with a pit in his stomach the size of a fist.

TBC

Author’s note #3 - This story is already completely written and will consist of five or six chapters. I just have to edit each chapter before posting, so the updates will be fairly quick.