Delilah's Diaries

THIS IS A TAKE OFF OF LAZYCHESTNUT'S VSD SERIES... I WAS INTRIGUED BY HER CHARACTER, DELILAH, THE LAUNDRESS WITH WHOME JEAN HAS A WILD TIME XD AND, OF COURSE, WITH HER PERMISSION, I WILL ATTEMPT TO WRITE A HILARIOUS PIECE OF FAN FIC... I'M CHALLENGING MYSELF :D

1.

Father has told me that the money is running out... perhaps I can make a living on my looks? Go join the Laundresses who pay me nice compliments and keep saying, "She'd make top dollar." I like doing laundry!

2.

I am angry! Father pulled out his Remington Bull Rifle when told what I planned to do...

3.

First day laundressing! I feel very awkward! Today, Laundress named Rose taught me how to seduce a man... I fumbled... May have injured one man... Regretfully, I am still a virgin...

4.

Father isn't happy... He fights the men away from me with his rifle... I am not making money... Must get away from father...

5.

Rose forced me to slap a man's butt today... I showed off my new skill... May have bruised the man's butt... Am still a virgin... pooh!

Note to self: Slap butts more delicately

6.

I hate laundry!

7.

Still hate laundry!

8.

Washed frilly shirts today... Some foppy british man... Tried to lull me with accent... didn't work...

9.

Rested today... Don't feel like slapping butts... Maybe tomorrow...

Note to Self: throw self at first man who asks me to do laundry... Must lose virginity... to spite father and his rifle...

10.

SCORE!! Frenchman came riding into town today... Slapped his butt profusely... he looked interested... Rose complimented my skills... He didn't do anything, though... His shirts were fancy...

11.

Sulked around today in house... Father found out about Frenchman and refuses to let me do job...

12.

I hate my father and his rifle...

13.

starting to wonder if father's love for his rifle is beyond the norm...

14.

15.

I am bored! Father has locked me in my room...

16.

After three weeks of being in house, I finally escaped...

Note to Self: Go to Boar's head tavern

17.

Am glad to say I am not a virgin... Found the Frenchman! Rose's lessons on seduction came in handy... i think I may have physically injured him... Oh well...

However, am very annoyed... Frenchy keeps humming, "Hey there, Delilah."

Note to Self: Strangle him with frilly shirt if he continues

18.

Strangling attempt failed... Now have song stuck in head...

19.

Father is very angry.. BIG surprise... How did he find out?

20.

Found out how he found out! he shagged Rose! She spilled her guts...

Note to self: Strangle Rose with laundry

21.

Have forgiven Rose... Will never speak to her... it is settled...

Have refused to do laundry... My hands are chapped...

22.

Am sad... I miss Frenchman very much... his peakcockish manner gave spice to boring life...

23.

Am still sad...

23- 27

BORED, BORED, BORED!!

28.

SUCCESS! Frenchy returned again! Said he has week off...

He looked very swish and handsome riding up to house... Let out strange little squeal... He thought it was cute... Carried me over threshold... Father arrived home early.. I was dropped... Rifle was pulled out... running and girly screaming ensued...

NOTE: I was not the one screaming...

29.

My Frenchman returned! Threw rocks at my window.. nearly hit me in head when I opened window... Sang cute little song... Was pleased... Climbed down..

I love it when he sings in French...

Note to self: Find out what "Alouette" song means...

30-35

Had wonderful week! Better than doing laundry!!

36.

Frenchy gave me handful of shirts... i hate laundry... Tried to tell him.. He acted like he didn't understand...

FRENCH...

37.

Am staying at hotel... My father has likely gone crazy...

Note to self: Avoid being shot at...

38.

It's been two months... Am wondering if Frenchy will return... Luckily, I stole some money from him... He'll live

39.

WE WON THE WAR!! am depressed, though... Father is dead... Died in church fire... He never liked church... His rifle survived fire, however... Figures...

40.

My French Fry has returned!! He is taking me to France!! Told him he must become Sugar daddy so I can avoid doing laundry... Mumbled something under his breath about being my "Pimp"...

NOTE TO SELF: Find out what a pimp is upon arrival in France...

41.

Found out what pimp was from foppy French sailor... Whacked him over head with Jean's hat... Must tell him there is too much starch in hat... Maybe this is my fault... I hate laundry!!

TTTTTTT

I don't know... Maybe I did ok... BUT I'm still working on this XD That's right! I might do an account of Delilah's thoughts on life in France... XD