Author: Wedjatqi PM
Teyla has to say goodbye to her son and to her people. Major angst!Rated: Fiction T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Teyla E. & John S. - Words: 966 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 03-23-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4149189
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Warnings: Emotional piece; grieving and loss.
Spoilers: Set early season 5, so anything up to that.
Disclaimers: I own no part of the Stargate world, I make no money from this endeavour. I only love this world so much I wish to play in it gleefully.
Teyla pressed her lips to the gentle warmth of her child's head. His soft baby hair tickling her nose and she tried desperately not to weep. She inhaled his smell, the feel of his skin and the sound of his sleeping breaths. Then she handed him over to Halling's waiting arms.
He was the last of the surviving Athosians to step into the Ancestor's Sanctuary. It had been Rodney's idea that the Ancestors may allow the last Athosians to hide in the time dilation field, but it was only when the first Athosian stepped through the portal that they knew they had the blessing of the Ancestors. Her people would be safe from Michael. Her son would be safe from Michael. She hoped.
"You could still come with us, Teyla." Halling said gently as he settled little Tagan into the crook of his arm.
Teyla lifted her eyes momentarily from her son to look into Halling's eyes. "He will never be safe if Michael is out there looking for him. I must protect him at all costs."
Halling nodded, they had already had this discussion several times, and she knew he understood her decision. However, now it was time to actually part and it was so much more difficult than she had expected or imagined. She reached out and brushed her fingers over Tagan's tiny head one more time.
"I will care for him as if he were my own, I promise you." Halling said, the emotion obvious in his voice.
"I know you will." Teyla blinked back the threatening tears.
"I will speak to him everyday of his brave mother. And I will tell him of the loss of his brave father."
"I will try to visit if the Ancestors will allow it." Teyla said, but she had no idea when that would be. Had how old would her son be when she next saw him? Would he blame her for abandoning him? She let a few tears spill from her eyes. "I will come back for him, once Michael is gone. I will." She reiterated, perhaps more for her own ears and for those of any Ancestors listening in.
"I am sure the Ancestors will allow you to retrieve him in the future. Until then he will grow strong and true with us."
With that he leant forward and they touched foreheads, Tagan pressed between them. They he stepped away towards the portal. Pain and sorrow was building in Teyla's throat as she smiled once more at her good friend and son, and then they were gone.
And then she was alone. Her team were nearby, but had left her plenty of space to say her goodbyes in peace. In the far distance she could hear Ronon and Rodney talking. She knew without seeing him that John would be closer though, in case she needed him.
She took one last look at the portal and turned back to the forest. But, the sorrow was too much and she had to grasp a hold of a nearby branch to steady her self. She had lost so much of late, and now she had had to give away that which mattered most to her; her son. The sense of emptiness now that he was gone was a true physical pain and she gasped as it clenched up her chest, stealing her breath. Tears poured down her cheeks as she tried to control all she felt, but it was all too much.
Teyla dropped to her knees on the soft soil, digging her fingers into the dirt. She breathed steadily to calm herself, but the sob was building in her throat. She had barely cried before over all that had happened this past year and now it was all too much. She needed to be strong, but her mind and body appeared to no longer be listening to that logic.
The sob burst out of her and was followed by many more as she poured her heart out finally. She could see nothing but tears, and smell nothing but the lingering smell of her child on her clothes.
Faintly she was aware of someone approaching, their footsteps soft on the ground and she tried again in vain to control herself. She did not want anyone to see her like this, but she also knew that it would be John and that he would not judge her for it. A warm hand touched her shoulder, but she could not look up to him now, she could not stop the torrent of unexpressed emotion that she had suppressed for too long. So she cried, gasping for breath after breath as she dug her nails into the soil some more, clawing at the ground in her pain.
The warmth of his hand left her shoulder, but then his arms were around her as he knelt beside her. He wrapped his arms around her fully and laid his head against hers. It helped. His silent support and touch helped so much.
So she cried, allowing the tears to run freely, to cry out her pain and the sense of injustice for what she had had to do. Her tears dripped down her face and she watched through her weeping as they dripped to the forest floor beneath her. In that moment, with John holding her, she promised herself once more that she would stop Michael and that she would hold her son again soon. Very soon.