When You’re Sober

It was dark as the two boys walked across campus. Cartman could see his breath in front of him as he walked, as well as the sway of his drunken friend in the corner of his eye.

“I swear to God,” Cartman complained, “you better not black out again, because this time I’m not carrying your sorry ass back to the apartment. I’ll leave you here in the snow, you hear me?”

Kenny snorted. “You.. ha. You love walking me back. You do it all the time.”

“I love it? I love it as much as I love cleaning your puke off the bathroom floor. So what if I feel guilty to leave you at those frat parties to get screwed in your sleep. You’re so goddamn irresponsible.”

Cartman couldn’t help glancing again at Kenny’s attire. No longer was he the modestly-dressed eight year old. No, the years had slapped height on him with barely any extra weight, and so his poor, skinny ass continued to wear the old orange jacket trimmed with brown synthetic fur. It was now short enough that his midriff showed above chocolate, low-rise pants that clung to his curves like nothing Cartman could think of. His eye settled on the black stringed undergarment arching over his friend’s hip. The corruption of college life ran hot and heavy through Kenny’s blood.

“Like what you see?” Kenny snickered as he bumped elbows with Cartman.

“Shut the fuck up.” Cartman murmured as he looked ahead of him.

“Let’s take this shortcut,” Kenny said, pointing into the woods on the side of the path.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Kenny staggered off the sidewalk into the woods, Cartman reluctantly following behind. They walked through the pines, Cartman growing wary as the light from the street lamps weakened. They were surely getting no where.

Soon they entered a clearing lit only by the moon and Kenny stopped. He turned around and grinned stupidly at the other. “This is my secret place. Isn’t it cool?”

Cartman frowned. “Where are we, Kenny?”

“I told you. This is my secret spot.”

Cartman was unimpressed. Kenny’s Drunken Escapades were always long and irritating. This was most definitely a secret place plenty of frat jocks had visited with Kenny. He began walking back the way he came when Kenny spoke.

“This place may be a secret, but I’ve got an even bigger one.”

“What!” Cartman yelled as he turned around, only to be silenced by Kenny’s mouth. Kenny pulled away but stayed close, his forehead pressing against Cartman’s.

This was not a normal part of the Drunken Kenny Escapades. His breath caught in his throat as the blonde pressed up against him. Never, not ever, had Kenny behaved this way. His mind whirling, Cartman took Kenny by the waist and kissed him back. Kenny wasted no time pulling Cartman to the ground.

“Fuck me,” Kenny whispered, his blue eyes glazed with alcohol. Cartman hesitated; Kenny was really drunk. He finally gave in, kissing the blonde and pressing him to the snow. The kiss deepened and Kenny’s hands trailed to Cartman’s zipper. Cartman slipped his tongue between Kenny’s lips and winced as the strong taste of alcohol hit him. Enough was enough.

Cartman pulled away and stood. “Let’s go.”

“Wuh-huh? But…”

“We’ll do it at the apartment. It’s too cold here.”

Cartman grabbed Kenny’s hand and pulled him to his feet. He was sure that by the time they reached the apartment, all of tonight would be forgotten.

Author’s Note: Should I continue this? I have something in mind but I dunno if it’s good enough. Let me know what you think.