Chapter Fifteen

I wish
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay

Goo Goo Dolls – Let Love In

Flack was already at a snapping point when he stepped into the lift, the files clenched tightly in his hands. Carmen hadn’t shown up this morning back at the apartment and he knew that she was on the afternoon shift today. The pressure of the situation was beginning to press down on him, he could feel himself buckling under the strain. He wanted to fix his marriage but he was finding it harder and harder to see a way to do it. His possessive side was kicking into over drive. He thought he was being paranoid about the Matt situation and he was chiding himself on it constantly but there were things that didn’t add up, that niggled into his brain until they became part of the problems.

The lift signaled another stop as he raised his eyes from the files to see the burly Swat Leader step into the lift. Matt took position on the opposite side of the lift. Neither man glanced at the other; the tension was overwhelming in the confined space.

It was Matt that broke the silence.

“I always knew you were a bastard but seriously man, leaving your wife to fend for herself at the hospital after she gets hit by a car…” Matt paused, shaking his head and crossing his arms over his chest.

“You really are something else, you know that?” Flack snapped turning to face the other man. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you sniffing around Carmen like a little lost puppy, I mean seriously you are un–fucking-believable.”

“She comes running to me because she can’t get what she needs from you. I shouldn’t have to be the one to pick up the pieces of your marriage; can’t you see it’s breaking down around you? But no you’re too busy being married to the job to see how you’re breaking Carmen’s heart.” Matt seethed as he faced off to Flack.

Flack’s fists were clenched at his sides as he met the other man’s gaze straight on.

“Yea sure and your there to pick up all the pieces. I’m sure that’s just a god damned shame for you isn’t it? For information, Carmen isn’t the only one who’s getting hurt in this marriage.” Flack shot back.

“But you wouldn’t give two shits if she was would you?”

“You saying I don’t care about my wife?!” Flack growled.

“I certainly looked that way when you didn’t show up at the hospital last night.” Matt pointed out.

“She knows what the job is like, I can’t come running on her every whim!” Flack snarled, wanting nothing more than to wipe the smug smirk off Matt’s face.

Matt’s expression changed to one of sheer disbelief.

“A whim?! She has bruised ribs for Christ’s Sake. She spent most of the night curled up on my couch in agony.” Matt informed him.

“And I bet you loved that didn’t you. Seeing as you’re always there to take care of her. Hell you two are practically married already. I don’t why she even needs me around when she’s got you to rely on.” Flack jabbed his finger at Matt’s chest.

“Yeah, kind of like you and your partner?” Matt replied, jabbing a finger back at Flack.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Flack questioned, balling his hands into fists and stepping well into Matt's personal space.

“I'm just saying you seem to spend an awful lot of time with Broussard, even not during work hours. I can see why, she is a looker. Of course, so if your wife; but maybe that's the allure, huh? Nobody to nag you or make you be responsible, playing outside the rules.” Matt didn't back down even as Flack looked like he was about to take a swing.

“This has nothing to do with Gus, this is about you encroaching on my marriage”, Flack snarled. “And by the way buddy, the only reason Carmen's come running to you is out of retaliation for me not being there. You think she actually genuinely cares about you, that’s bull shit, she’s doing this to teach me a lesson and you know what? I’m not falling for it.”

Matt stared at the other man, his jaw clenched tightly as the lift doors opened again and Flack stepped out into the bull pen. As the doors closed again in front of him Matt couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Flack was right.

Flack was standing behind her as she sang along with song erupting from the Ipod she’d plugged into Adam’s speakers. He recognized it as one she used to play often at home. Home. It seemed strange to say that now.

The apartment that they shared hadn’t seemed like a home for a while now. He hadn’t known how empty the place was when she wasn’t there. He laid in bed for a long time staring at the ceiling, missing her, the familiar feel of her body against his, her hair tickling his face in the morning as he wrapped his arms around her. Home was her, that’s what she felt like to him, when he was close to her he felt at peace, like everything was where it was meant to be.

Carmen didn’t even know he was watching her right now. The door had been open when he’d slipped through. Matt’s words had struck close to his heart. He was right; he hadn’t been there for her recently. The case was too much and the job was overwhelming, he hadn’t worked like this since before they’d gotten married, it was becoming a loop, the job kept him away from home, in turn he didn’t want to be home because of the job. He watched as she moved in time to the music as she slipped the DNA sample into the machine.

He missed her. There was no doubt about it. He hated the thought of Matt’s hands anywhere near her, and he was afraid that at some point that was going to happen, he’d pushed her away so much that she was going to just give up. He wanted things to be normal like before this case had grabbed him. He wanted to save his marriage but he wasn’t sure he could anymore; he wasn’t sure if he could be the first one to reach out and take those steps.

Despite Matt’s words he felt bad about leaving her at the hospital, he got it, he was stubborn but so was she, and he knew she was tough. Yet he had been worried and concerned, he hadn’t know what to do when she hadn’t shown up last night, her cell off so he couldn’t contact her. He knew where she’d gone in an instant. Yet he couldn’t bear the idea of facing his worst fear. He could face down a mobster waving an AK47 in his face but he couldn’t deal with the thought that maybe he’d shoved his wife so hard that she’d landed in another man’s arms.

Before Flack even knew what he was doing he was stepping forward. He felt her entire body tense as his hands rested on her shoulders gently. His chest lightly pressing against her back, as he closed his eyes, taking in the rush of familiar feelings that this sparked inside him at the scent of her shampoo.

“I missed you last night.” He mumbled.

Carmen relaxed under his hands and leant back against him a little, making him feel relieved.

“You had a suspect I get it.” She stated, he could hear the coldness in her voice.

He could see that she was trying to block him out, she’d been hurt last night but he’d had a job to do.

“Yea I know.” Flack murmured, his nose buried in her hair as he inhaled her scent.

He heard Carmen’s intake of breath as his arms slowly moved down her arms and wrapped around her waist carefully, pulling her a gentle hold.

Carmen didn’t resist, she settled into it. He could tell she was surprised, he hadn’t touched her in a long time, and this show of warm in the midst of a battlefield was a surprise for her.

“I don’t want to get divorced.” He confessed softy. Carmen turned around to face him, her eyes intent on her face as he placed his hands on either side of her so their bodies were still close together.

“Then you need to be there, when I need you,” she told him wearily.

“I need you to stop running off to Matt, it’s driving me crazy Carmen.” Flack opened up.

“When your there instead of him that’s when I’ll stop.” Carmen returned, her evergreen eyes steeling against him.

Flack reached out, brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face.

“I’ll try.” He offered.

Carmen’s whole body seemed to sigh with her as she turned her back on him, her hands grabbing the paper out of the printer.

“Of course you will.” She muttered before he took a step back and watched her stride out of the lab and towards Mac’s office.

Matt stepped into off the lift and into the crime lab, a brown paper bag clutched in his hand as he balanced the two cups of take away coffee in the other. He glanced up his eyes scanning over the shiny glass of the crime lab, searching for Carmen amongst the crowd of people working today. He knew she was confined to the labs until her ribs healed, he also knew that she was restless, she hated not being out in the field. He was hoping to cheer her up with coffee and a croissant from the bakery nearby.

Matt’s eyes fell onto Carmen working diligently in the DNA Lab, her hips swaying slightly to the music that could be heard faintly in the hallway through the glass. He found himself smiling as he watched her mouthing the words as she submitted the DNA evidence into the machine.

The memories from last night were flooding his mind as he remembered her taste, the feel of her skin underneath him, the sound of her moans. When it was all over and she began to drift into a dreamless sleep, he’d simply held her close and watched her sleep. He knew she hadn’t slept like that in a long time. He wondered what was going through Flack’s head every time he treated her like crap or let her down, she deserved more than that, she deserved to be loved and cherished and he was getting a kick out of making her feel that way.

Matt tilted his head to the side realizing that he didn’t appear to be the only one with his eyes on Carmen had the current moment. Matt spied Flack leaning in the doorway of the DNA lab, his eyes lingering on the woman in front of him. He could see the expression of remorse on Flack’s face as he watched the other man step towards his wife, his hands settling on her shoulders. The tension in Carmen’s body ignited and Matt felt an intense anger flare within him as Carmen’s body visibly relaxed against Flack even more so when she let him wrap his arms around her waist.

The two of them looked pretty damn cosy.

Carmen had turned to face Flack now, their faces inches apart. Matt found his hand closed tightly in the coffee cup in his hand. He couldn’t stand to see anymore. He spun on his heel and stormed in the direction of the elevator, throwing the brown paper bag that he’d been clutching in the bin, the coffee followed suit. He jabbed the button for the lift furiously, Flack’s words echoing in his head like a ghost he couldn’t chase away.

Today we are plugging the CSI: NY FF Awards. Just go on The Corrupter’s profile and click on communities and then the community forum, you should see it.

VOTE US FOR BEST COLLABOARTION!!

Yea, I really am shameless!

Forest Angel: -Madison-Thanks for the support, it means a lot. There will be some talking yet to come, amongst other things.-Aph- lol lots of little surprises in store, but I agree thanks for reviewing, we love knowing what you think.

Bluehaven: -Madison-Gus still has plenty of no bullsht therapist left in here. Especially with Flack. Too bad she can't shrink herself! As for the rest, you will just have to keep reading. -Aph- I love the way she writes Flack and Gus it’s just brilliant characterization If we told you it wouldn’t be a surprise or a what if.

Mauveine: -Madison-I think it is very real and that is why some want to read it and some want to ignore it. It definitely makes it difficult to write sometimes. Thanks for your kind words! –Aph- It’s a good point, we know things aren’t all sunshines and rainbows and of course feelings are bound to develop. It’s a realistic circumstance and that’s what I love about it.

BrowneyedGirl: -Madison-The computer gods smiled on you and got angry with me instead! Glad you enjoy it and can see where the characters are coming from. It is why I married an engineer. ;) –Aph- lol that’s why cop marries cop lol must not think about Flack or naked Speedle. We love creating the more realistic side of things, it gives the characters depth and humanity.

sparkyCSI: -Madison-See what I said to Blue. And of course there are rough waters, you didn't expect us to be suddenly less evil did you? ;) –Aph- lol if I was Gus I would have slapped him by now. Like we’d tone it down when we have the perfect opportunity to create havoc!

princessg: -Madison-I think this story is a lot for some people to swallow, especially if they are looking for fluff. I think we wanted to write it because it was so against the norm and has been a great writing exercise. Glad to see you sucked in and still "enjoying" the quality of writing if nothing else! –Aph- lol of course your gonna like DI better it’s the happier version of this. This seriously would have happened if I didn’t have storylines already planed out I needed to get on with. So thank god for plot bunnies. High Five for sucking you in though.