I'm home sick today with nothing to do, so I decided to write something!

Anyway, this is based partially (well, mostly) off of a scene from Sleepy Hollow (with Johnny Depp, OF COURSE) where Ichabod Crane is shown to, apparently, be deathly afraid of spiders. It's a really funny scene in a REALLY good movie. (Seriously, it's awesome!)

I DON'T OWN SWEENEY TODD (OR SLEEPY HOLLOW)

SLIGHT EDIT: For some reason, the itallics didn't show up. They should now.

It was a beautiful sunny day in London. The birds were chirping and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Couples walked hand in hand down Fleet Street. Young men tipped their hats to the ladies, making them blush and giggle. Overall, it was just a wonderful day to be alive.

Nauseating…simply nauseating… Sweeney Todd thought as he gazed down at the street through the large window in his barber shop. He polished his razor absentmindedly. It was nearly noon; Mrs. Lovett would probably be coming up to offer him some lunch soon. Maybe today he would actually eat some of it. He had nothing better to do after all. All those people down there and he had only had one customer through the entire day…

Sighing, he pried his gaze from the window and walked over to the large trunk by the door. Suddenly, he saw something scuttle out from behind it out of the corner of his eye. The barber turned his head to get a better look at the thing as it sat in the middle of the floor a few feet away from his chair. It was small and hairy, staring at him with several black beady eyes…

The razor fell from his hands and hit the floor with a clatter.

“GAH!!” In seconds, he was on top of the trunk, his back plastered against the wall behind him, both eyes focused on the horrible little creature.

As if on cue, Mrs. Lovett entered the room with a tray. “Mr. T! I brough’ ya some lunch! Though’ ya migh’ be a bi’ hungry!” She stopped and did a double-take when she saw him in the predicament that he was. “Mr. T…wot are you doin’ up there?” He didn’t turn to look at her. He just scrambled against the wall when the spider moved a bit towards him.

Only now did the baker see what was going on. She couldn’t help breaking into a wicked grin. “Mr. Todd, you ain’t afraid of a tiny little spida, are ya?” she chuckled. Now Sweeney took a moment to glare at her.

“I am not…afraid…of spi-“ The little creature moved towards him again. “GAAAH!” Mrs. Lovett giggled slightly and placed the tray lightly on the table near his chair, careful not to disturb his precious picture of his family.

“Relax, dearie!” she said, smiling widely. “It ain’t gonna hurt ya!” The spider scuttled back towards his chair, making Sweeney jump.

“JUST KILL IT!” he yelled, his voice going up in pitch about an octave.

“I can’t do tha’, Mr. T,” Mrs. Lovett replied.

“WHY THE BLOODY HELL NOT, WOMAN??”

“Well, it’s bad luck ta kill a spider, it is!” Sweeney rolled his eyes in exasperation.

“Then just get it out of here! NOW!”

“Alrigh’, alright’!” She quickly grabbed a rag from the table, picked the spider up deftly by one leg (Sweeney grimaced at the way it struggled to be freed from her grasp, its seven free legs moving grotesquely.), and tossed it out the open shop door. “There, all takin’ care of! Now are you goin’ to come down an’ eat your lunch or wot?” Still, through all of this, the smile never left her features.

“What are you smiling at?” he asked after a moment, stepping down and picking up his razor from the floor.

“Oh, nothin’,” she chuckled, “I jus’ think it’s a bit funny how you can slit the throats of your fellow man with ease, and yet you’re afraid of a tiny little spider!” She covered her mouth as she broke into a fresh batch of giggles. Sweeney glared at her and wondered whether that smile of hers would stay on her face should he reach forward and slit her throat now…

“Anyway,” she said, composing herself, “Eat your food before it gets cold, dear. Nothing worse than cold soup…” She turned toward the door, placing the rag on the trunk.

“Mrs. Lovett.” Sweeney called. She looked around to face him. He pointed his razor at her and glared. “This. Never. Happened.”

Mrs. Lovett walked over to him, leaned over and whispered in his ear: “I won’t tell a soul, love.” Then she turned to go, the smile still plastered on her face. The barber stayed frozen where he stood, lowering his razor ever so slowly. The sensation of her breath in his ear like that had caused a bit of redness to creep onto his cheeks. He shook it off just as another customer sauntered through his door. Immediately, he put on the guise of a cheery, trustworthy barber.

“Afternoon, sir,” he greeted politely, “And what may I do for you today?”

“I’m in need of a shave, and I hear yours is the best barber shop in all of London.” the man stated, sounding rather bored and looking skeptically around the shop.

“You’re too kind, sir. Please…” he gestured toward the chair. “Have a seat.” As the man moved to sit down, Sweeney cast a glance at the trunk. Bloody little insect… he thought to himself.

Well, there you have it! And yes, we all know that spiders are ARACHNIDS and not INSECTS, but Sweeney Todd has better things to worry about than proper scientific classification. Anyway, I hope you liked! And please PLEASE PLEASE review! Thankies!