This Year’s Love

Prologue

“Oh Renee she’s so beautiful.”

Elizabeth Masen gazed at her friend’s newborn daughter, a silent tear of happiness running down her cheek. In her arms she cradled her own son, Edward, born only three months earlier. The two women had met during one of their hospital appointments.

“Thank you Lizzy,” beamed Renee, her eyes glazed over with unshed tears. “I’m just so grateful that she’s healthy.” She shook her head, trying to erase the memory of the difficult labor. Elizabeth bent down and placed a soft kiss on the crown of the baby’s head. She didn’t want to admit how worried she had been, Renee, not to mention the baby, almost hadn’t made it.

Renee sighed and then looked up at Edward. “He’s so quiet,” she whispered lightly “He’s made not a single sound since he came out, I swear.”

Elizabeth grinned at Edward and ran her palm over his head, staring into his crystal clear green eyes. “He’s such a good baby,” she murmured, rocking him gently.

At that moment, the newborn let out a wail, a sound that could only come from a baby girl, causing the two women to burst into silent chuckles.

“Shh, my beautiful,” hummed Renee, her heart bursting with love. Elizabeth sat down on the bed beside her, a question bubbling to her lips.

“What will you name her?” she asked, gazing over the newborn’s features. She was impossibly tiny, her small hands balled into tight fists. Dark mahogany hair was plastered to her head, contrasting against the pink pout of her miniature lips. Elizabeth smiled, and swore that she had to be the sweetest baby girl she had ever seen.

“I chose Isabella,” answered Renee, a moment later. “It means beautiful…my beautiful Isabella.”

“It’s perfect,” Elizabeth whispered. She shifted Edward carefully in her arms, bringing him around so he was facing the new baby. “Edward,” she cooed, “Can you see the baby? You’re new friend, the beautiful Isabella.”

Edward’s green eyes stared down at the baby, his three month old face expressionless and unseeing.

The women laughed and snuggled their babies close to their breast.

“They’ll be great friends,” Elizabeth smiled. “I know it.”

Age 1

“Oh Bella please stop crying!” pleaded Renee as she bounced her around the kitchen. She was tired, her day was long. Bella had been restless the entire night and she still couldn’t seem to calm down her down.

Bella howled from her mother’s shoulder, her face covered in sweat and tears.

“Is that the beautiful Isabella I hear?” Elizabeth chirped from outside the screen of the back door. She swung it open and let herself in. Edward was perched on her shoulder, the picture of calm.

“It sure is.” Renee let out a tired laugh, then smiled when she saw Edward. “How’s my perfect Edward this afternoon?”

“Perfect,” Elizabeth answered, switching Edward to her other arm. A small frown had settled on his face when he entered the kitchen. He didn’t like the noise of Bella’s crying. It was too loud.

“What’s wrong?” asked Elizabeth, lovingly pouting at Bella from over Renee’s shoulder. “Aww, look at that mouth.” She ran her eyes over Bella’s conspicuous pink lips, currently emitting heartbreaking cries.

“I don’t know,” Renee sighed, “Nothing seems to be working, I don’t know what she wants today.”

“Why don’t you put her down for a while?” suggested Elizabeth, walking into the playroom off of the kitchen. “Let her cry herself out.”

“You think?” asked Renee, running a tired hand over her half cropped ponytail. She followed Elizabeth into the playroom and watched her place Edward down on his stomach. She put Bella, still wailing loudly, right down beside him on her back.

Bella’s arms and legs were wild, and Renee bit her lip anxiously. Edward eyebrow’s twitched and he lifted his head from the soft blanket. At first, it looked like he was about to cry, clearly uncomfortable with all the noise in the room.

But Bella’s head twisted to the side, noticing the other baby beside her for the first time. At first, her cries grew worse, brown eyes locked on the unwelcome presence beside her. Her arms searched restlessly for the warmth of her mother. But Edward’s gaze on her was relentless, he wasn’t happy, and Bella began to settle down as she watched him. She was confused, and it distracted her.

“She stopped!” gasped Renee, looking at Elizabeth who was smiling warmly at the two babies. “I can’t believe it.”

Age 2

“Isabella Marie Swan, you leave that thing alone!” shouted Renee, running across the sand to gather up her two year old that was currently chasing after a crab. Her daughter’s face was bright and her eyes determined. Scooping Bella up, she stalked back over to the towel. Elizabeth was laughing at her from under the umbrella.

“She can’t sit still,” chuckled Renee, plopping back down in her beach chair. “Always curious this one.” Bella squirmed out of her arms and made her way over to the blanket where all the toys were scattered. Edward sat there quietly, fiddling with two plastic cars.

On all fours, Bella crawled up right beside him and glanced at the toys in his hand. She moved to sit on her bottom and plucked one of the cars from his fingers. Edward just watched her as she turned the car over in her hands.

“Bella that’s not very nice, give that back to Edward, he was playing with it,” chided Renee, leaning down and ready to take it from her daughter.

“No,” whispered Elizabeth, putting an arm out to stop her. “It’s okay, look he doesn’t mind, he wants her to play.”

Sure enough, Edward was staring at Bella. He placed the car he had in his hand down on the blanket and began to roll it back and forth, he looked up and met her eyes. Bella’s eyes were riveted on his car. When she met Edward’s gaze, she burst into little squeals of laughter and copied his motions, rolling the car back and forth across the blanket.

Bella’s laughter only grew, especially as both cars rolled back and forth together. She sat up and clapped her hands together, her face bright pink from exertion.

Her laughter was contagious and the two women couldn’t help but join in. Edward sat silently, his lips curved up in a happy smile.

“Ed!” Bella cried, straining her neck and grabbing her car to play again. “Ed!”

Age 3

“It’s just a little cold,” said Elizabeth, leading Renee into Edward’s room. “He’s been resting the whole morning, doesn’t really have enough energy to do much.”

Renee bent down and ran a tender hand over his hot head. “What’s wrong Edward?” she soothed, kissing him gently. Edward was still, his eyes tired and sick as he watched the two women around his bed.

Bella wobbled in behind Renee, and peered at him from between her mother’s legs. She frowned. Edward stayed quiet, his eyes blinking in recognition as Bella came into view.

Elizabeth bent down and pulled Bella into her arms. “Edward’s sick today Bella, he can’t play, he doesn’t feel well.”

The two women fussed about him some more, and then decided that he needed to rest. Renee picked Bella up and together they left the room. From over her mother’s shoulder, Bella watched Edward.

Renee walked Bella down the hallway and sat her in front of the TV, pulling out her favorite toys and placing them around her. Bella reluctantly picked up a book, uncharacteristically quiet as she studied the cover.

Taking advantage of the silence and Bella’s unusual calmness, Renee and Elizabeth set off into the kitchen to make coffee.

“Ed,” Bella said.

She walked shakily down the hallway unnoticed and pushed open Edward’s door. He was still awake, and Bella smiled as she walked to his bed, and then squealed in excitement slapping his blanket with her little hands.

He frowned at her, his body exhausted. He sniffed and lay unmoving.

Bella ambled over to the rug in the middle of the room and picked up his favorite toy truck. She grasped it in her hands and then brought it over to him, placing it in front of his face. His eyes moved to look at the car, and then back up at her, his face expressionless.

When Elizabeth and Renee walked in five minutes later, they both gasped in surprise.

Bella was sitting on the floor facing Edward, babbling, sighing and slapping a book. Edward was watching her, his green eyes twinkling. He was calmer, just listening to the sound of her voice.

“Should we leave them?” asked Renee, whispering so she wouldn’t disturb the moment.

Elizabeth nodded, unable to resist a light chuckle. “They seem fine, she’s not bothering him.”

Age 4

“She loves strawberry,” stated Renee, sitting down on the bench outside the ice cream parlor. Bella was latched onto her right hand, licking her small pink cone. Edward gazed at her from his seat, holding his own vanilla cone.

Renee gently pulled Bella up by her armpits until she was sitting neatly in her lap.

The sun was bright and the ice cream was melting all over her fingers. Bella looked at it in surprise, and then dropped her cone. It fell onto the concrete with an inaudible splat. She crawled over her mother’s arm and looked down at it.

“Oh Bella, what happened?” asked Renee, staring down at the ground.

Bella looked up, her bottom lip quivered and her big eyes filled with water. Right before a single tear could splash across her cheek, she turned her head at her name.

“Bel-la,” said an earnest Edward, looking at her from on his mother’s lap. “I share, C’mere.”

Bella anxiously blinked back her tears and examined Edward, eyeing his vanilla cone. Edward met her gaze and stared back at her, as if they were silently communicating something only children would understand. Biting her lip, she got off Renee’s lap and disappeared under the table. The two women bent under to watch her until she popped up on the other side right next to Edward.

Edward scrambled of his mother’s lap, holding the cone tightly in his hand until he and Bella sat side by side. Bella’s eyes were wide and she looked up at Edward. His green eyes were happy. Bella slowly opened her mouth and leaned toward his cone, taking a small lick. After she was done, he brought it to his mouth. They went on like that in silence.

Renee chuckled and folded her hands on top of the table. “He gives her whatever she wants.”

Elizabeth nodded. “She makes him happy.”

Age 5

Bella’s screams were echoing down the hallway. All of the other parents were making it appear as if they weren’t watching, but Bella was way too loud to ignore.

“Bella honey,” begged Renee. “Please stop crying, Edward is just going to be down the hall from you.”

Edward was quietly watching Bella from a few feet away. His two hands placed on the straps of his new backpack. Elizabeth was standing behind him with her hands on his shoulders.

“He wasn’t placed in your class, there’s nothing we can do Bella sweetheart.” Renee pulled her daughter into her arms and rubbed a caring hand on her back. Bella’s eyes were wide and she cried, staring at Edward from over her mother’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry Bella,” said Elizabeth, frowning as she knelt beside her. “But once the day is over, you will see Edward again, don’t worry.”

But Bella was relentless, her crying undeterred since she saw Edward going into the opposite direction. Renee looked at her guiltily, wondering if this was all her fault. Edward and Bella had spent practically every moment together; she should have predicted that Bella would be uneasy about separating.

“Is everything alright?” spoke Bella’s Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Jagling. She looked down on Bella with genuine concern. Bella clung tighter to her mother, still watching Edward, her eyes leaking her sadness.

Renee briefly explained the problem.

“Ah,” she said in a knowing voice. “I see.” Turning to Bella she said, “I’ve got some great friends I want you to meet! So why don’t you say goodbye to Edward, and then come with me?”

Renee pulled back from Bella’s hold and Elizabeth pushed Edward forward. Bella sucked in a ragged stuttering breath and looked at Edward with unabashed sadness. Without speaking, Edward walked forward and held his arms open, pulling Bella into a little hug. Bella frowned as Edward had to let go and go to his own classroom.

“She’ll be okay,” Renee assured the teacher as the three of them walked into the classroom.

Age 6

“He is just too sweet,” Renee laughed, as she and Elizabeth stood by the window watching Edward push Bella on the swing in the backyard. Bella was singing her heart out, her legs flying, her brown hair wild around her face.

Edward stood firmly in one spot, giving her a gentle push every time she came flying back down. His mouth was moving quietly, singing the same song to himself, utterly at peace. It was getting dark, and the two women were just about to call them in for dinner.

But Edward glanced at the window, saw his mother and nodded. The next time Bella flew down, his hands reached out to stop her. She turned around in surprise and said something to him, in which he responded automatically. She nodded, their exchange not taking more than a few seconds. They understood each other.

Bella hopped off the swing and skipped toward the back door. Edward followed behind her, wiping his dirty hands on his pants. She waited wordlessly for him on the porch, and when he reached her, she finally walked inside.

They walked toward the table, whispering to each other. Renee hmphed loudly and shook her head, walking toward the stove. “Who knows what those two are always talking about,” she joked.

Elizabeth reached into the fridge and grabbed some juice, wondering herself at the secrets of their odd companionship. She looked back toward the table, and sighed at the happiness in her son’s eyes.

Age 7

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDWARD!” A chorus of voices sang from the backyard. Edward grinned and blew out his candles. Bella smiled, a bit uncomfortably and out of place behind the gaggle of boisterous boys that surrounded him. She could hardly see.

“Poor Bella,” Renee laughed, placing a piece of sliced cake on a plate and handing it to Elizabeth for her to pass out. “I don’t think she’s used to sharing Edward.”

Unsurprisingly Bella was frowning as she watched Edward laugh and play amongst the boys that were at the party. She walked over to Renee and buried her face silently into her pants leg, clutching the material in her fingers tightly. She felt alone.

“Why don’t you help me pass out the cake Bella?” suggested Elizabeth, handing her a plate. Bella emerged, her face blank, and nodded. She grabbed the cake and after searching the yard, walked right over to Edward who was play fighting with a few boys under a large tree.

Upon seeing Bella, Edward stopped moving and blinked, grabbing the cake from her as she held it out. He sat down under the tree and began to eat. Bella spun around, grinning and returned to the table to grab another plate. Elizabeth handed her one, and without speaking she stalked right back over to Edward’s side. Instead of giving the cake to another one of the guests, she sat down and started jabbering to Edward and eating it herself. Edward watched her silently, his other friends forgotten.

“They’re back in their little world,” sighed Elizabeth. “I knew it was just a matter of time.”

“She’s got him right back where she wants him,” Renee joked, slicing the sharp knife through another piece of cake.

Age 8

“It’s getting a little rough out there,” commented Renee, watching Bella recklessly run around the playground with all the neighborhood kids.

It was the first warm day of the year, so everyone had went to the elementary school playground to let their kids enjoy the weather. But of course Bella wasn’t prancing around with the other girls; she was chasing Edward and all of his friends.

Elizabeth looked up from her book, but all she could see were smiles. “They’re fine,” she reassured her friend. “Edward will watch out for her.”

Renee bit her lip against any further comment. She surely couldn’t argue with that. But just as her worries began to settle, she saw an older boy shove Bella roughly onto the grass. He yelled something at her and she grabbed her elbow in pain.

Renee’s heart stopped and her motherly instincts propelled her forward. But before she was even halfway there, she watched Edward come from behind and deliver a swift kick to the boy’s gut. He fell to the ground.

He then walked over to Bella and knelt beside her, grabbing her elbow in his hand. She could sense her daughter’s struggle not to cry. Renee balked for a moment when Edward spit on his palm and began to clean her cut, but Bella was completely unphased, watching Edward and trying to remain strong.

Age 9

“You okay there Edward?” asked Renee. He was sitting in the passenger seat of her car, looking out the window with a vacant expression. Bella was giggling in the backseat with her new friend Alice from school. He was feeling left out.

He nodded in response, but Renee could see him watching Bella from the corner of his eye, who at the moment, was completely oblivious to him.

Renee stopped the car in the driveway and Alice and Bella hopped out. Edward stayed in his seat and watched them walk toward the gate that lead to the backyard. But Bella suddenly jolted as if she had lost her right arm, and looked around, finally noticing that Edward wasn’t there.

She ran back toward the passenger door and gave him a silent confused smile. His face struggled to conceal his hurt expression. She opened the door and pulled him out. He followed automatically. Their fingers interlaced, Edward allowed her to haul him into the backyard.

Alice glanced at them curiously, but followed close behind.

Age 10

“Let’s go Edward!” shouted Elizabeth from the stands, stamping her feet against the bleachers as her son wound up for the last pitch of the game. Edward had recently fallen in love with playing little league baseball, and was known to be the fastest kid on the team.

Renee looked down and saw her own daughter down by the fence, her hands clutching the metal as she stared at Edward. He fired the ball straight down the middle, the batter swung and missed.

STRIKE!

The crowd went wild, and Bella threw her hands up in the air, screaming his praises. His team ran around to circle him, lifting him in the air and congratulations were tossed all around.

But his head swiveled frantically until he spotted Bella, who was now leaning over the fence, the biggest and proudest smile possible on her face. When their eyes met Bella laughed and inclined her head. She was the only one who knew how much this game meant to Edward. He had been so nervous.

He laughed along with her, but then got jostled away by his team.

Age 11

“It’s really coming down out there,” whispered Renee, looking out the window at the rain that was hammering down in sheets. Elizabeth came and stood beside her, checking out the weather for herself. It was mid afternoon, and it had been raining all morning.

“They’re going to get sick,” muttered Renee, watching Edward and Bella slide through the mud on their stomachs. Fifteen minutes earlier, they both had sprinted downstairs in their bathing suits, begging their mothers to let them play outside. Eventually after some serious pleading, they acquiesced.

They had created something that looked like a mud slide and were taking turns running and slipping down it. Every time it was Bella’s turn, Edward would wait by the bottom laughing and pulling her up. With their hands locked, they would both run back up the hill and start all over again.

The two women could barely see them through the thick rain and knew it was time for them to come inside. But the happy laughter they could hear made them think twice and allow them another minute or two.

“The beautiful Isabella,” sighed Elizabeth happily, leaning against the window pane. “I swear that little girl gets lovelier every time the sun comes up.”

“Her hair is getting so long,” commented Renee conversationally. “But she won’t let me near her with scissors, throws an awful fit.”

Elizabeth watched them both slide down together on their feet, trying to stay upright as they clung to each other for support.

“She’ll be a heartbreaker that one.”

Age 12

“Can you just quickly make sure Edward’s not doing her homework,” Renee said, pulling dinner out of the oven. “They’re in the dining room.”

Elizabeth nodded and padded down the hall, peeking into the bright room. Edward and Bella were seated next to each other, books and notebooks scattered in front of them around the table. Bella was leaning on her elbow, her cheek in her palm, frowning at the white lined paper.

Edward’s was working quietly, but every so often he would sneak glances to look at how Bella was coming along. A frown on his face when it was apparent that her paper was blank. He put down his pen and leaned over her, whispering something quiet and fast in her ear. Bella sighed and nodded, finally beginning to work.

“They’re working hard,” said Elizabeth as she entered the kitchen. “Dinner smells great.” She leaned against the sink and gave her friend smile.

“Who’s working hard, Edward or Bella?” joked Renee as began cutting vegetables.

“Both,” said Elizabeth truthfully.

“Bella’s so smart but she just doesn’t seem to have any motivation, thank goodness for Edward being there to help push her along.” Renee smiled fondly. “Her perfect Edward.”

Age 13

“It’s Charlie, we just can’t stop fighting lately.”

Renee confessed as she pulled a clean load of laundry out of the dryer. “I don’t know what it is, but we just are constantly butting heads.”

Elizabeth picked up a shirt and started to help fold. “It is hard. Especially when two people marry so young. But just keep working at it; I’m sure it will get easier.”

Renee nodded and they both looked up as they heard what sounded like a pack of elephants run across the floor. “What on earth is that?” Even though she asked, she already somewhat knew the answer.

Elizabeth chuckled, shaking her head. “Our children of course, what else would it be?”

“What are they doing up there?”

“Acting out that movie they’ve been watching all week. I swear they watch it every day. They haven’t tired of it yet, but I sure have.” Elizabeth sighed, recounting the numerous times she had heard the phrase, “HEY YOU GUYSSS!!” over the past several days.

Renee looked at her watch. “It’s almost midnight.” She frowned, “Do you think they are getting a little too ya know… old for sleepovers?”

“Probably,” Elizabeth responded. “But it’s not as if we can do anything about it.”

Renee bit her lip thoughtfully, in slight worry, knowing her friend was right.

Age 14

“Bella you turn down that music I can barely hear myself think!”

It was summer. It was hot, and the thick moist air was like a heavy blanket. Renee sighed, a pile of bills around her on the table. She was exhausted, tired.

“Yoo hoo,” said a familiar voice at the door. Renee smiled as Elizabeth walked in and took the seat beside her. She barely got a glimpse of Edward before he flew up the stairs full speed, yelling a perfunctory ‘Good afternoon Mrs. Swan.’

“Hello to you too Edward,” Renee responded, chuckling and shaking her head. The two women listened as the sound of his feet ran down to the hall to Bella’s room and then swung the door open. She was sure they wouldn’t be hearing from them for hours.

But to their surprise, moments later, Edward came walking down the stairs, Bella on piggy back.

Renee was a little bit taken aback, but Elizabeth smiled.

“What are you two going to do today?” Renee joked, enjoying the look of pure bliss on her daughter’s face.

“The usual,” answered Bella, her hands around his neck. She was so much smaller than him now. But they both had grown so much. They walked outside, without giving their mother’s any clue as to what the usual was.

Age 15

“Oh look, there she is!” squealed Renee, pulling out the camera the second Bella walked onstage. It was Christmas and Bella was singing in the concert choir. Elizabeth clapped loudly, and Edward sat beside her, sitting on the edge of his seat and staring at Bella as she walked by in her black dress.

“She looks lovely!” commented Elizabeth, happily grinning at Edward. “I can’t wait to hear her sing.”

The concert choir began, and the two women sat back to enjoy the sound. They sang the usual songs that were sung every Christmas, but Renee couldn’t help but enjoy it more because her daughter was up there. It was a mother thing.

But as she watched Bella’s face, she noticed her eyes were trained on Edward in the audience, as if she was singing personally to him. She peeked at Edward from the corner of her eye and noticed his lips were curved up at the ends. He was leaning on the seat in front of him, resting his chin on his arms.

She sensed some sort of communication going on between them at the time, but she didn’t even attempt to understand. She never understood them fully anyways.

When they were done she stood up and clapped loudly, still beaming at her daughter.

But to her utter surprise, Bella stuck out her tongue and crossed her eyes, causing Edward to finally stir and burst into silent chuckles.

Age 16

“But where are they going?” asked Elizabeth, standing on the porch and watching Bella and Edward hop into the car she had just bought her son. He had passed his driving test and was already anxious to get out on the road. No one was surprised to see Bella sitting in the passenger seat.

“Who knows,” sighed Renee. “I don’t even think they know.”

“Probably just for a drive,” observed Elizabeth. “Edward has been waiting for this moment since he was twelve, I swear.”

They both gazed at their children who were laughing as they buckled their seatbelts. Edward reached over and pulled on Bella’s lock, making sure that it was secure. Renee laughed as Bella rolled her eyes and punched him playfully on the arm.

Those two, she thought.

They both took the time to wave to their parents, and all Elizabeth and Renee could do was watch them drive away.

Age 17

She thinks I don’t see her.

She thinks I don’t see her sneak out every time Charlie and I fight. My guilt consumes me but I can’t help it. I don’t know what to do. Bella means everything to me, but he is driving me away. More and more everyday.

I hear soft footsteps across her bedroom floor. I hear the creak of the window, and the shimmy of her climbing down the side of the house. I see her wrapped in her blanket, fleeing bare foot through the backyard, wanting to get away from the shouting and the constant screaming.

And I can’t blame her.

And I know where she goes. It’s where she always goes, where she has always gone. To Edward.

She runs the five blocks to his house. She spends the night in his room and comes sneaking back in before dawn. I don’t know what to do, but I know I can’t stop her.

I feel awful, but I can’t stop her.

She needs him.

Age 18

“WHAT?! They can’t possibly be fighting,” exclaimed Renee in astonishment. “Are you sure?

She walked around the table and crossed her arms, ignoring the chill that went through her body.

Elizabeth nodded and took a small sip of coffee. “They disagreed over something, and I’m sure it has to do with some boy named…oh I forget his name, but Edward won’t even talk to me.”

There was a short silence.

“Edward and Bella? Are they together?” Renee asked. “Is it established?”

“No.”

Edward’s POV

My legs felt like lead as I stepped out of my car, barely acknowledging that I had slammed the door. I was tired. My heart was tired, and ached so fucking bad that I couldn’t even breathe.

I felt as if I was seeing nothing in front of me, as if my mind had taken control of my senses. Unlocking the front door, I was thankful to see that the house was empty. I couldn’t face anyone right now and be forced to hide my suffering. I flew upstairs to my room, not knowing what else to do. I flung myself onto my bed and buried my face.

Resurfacing a minute later, I settled for resting my cheek against a pillow, seeking out the coolness of the material. I sighed heavily and my eyes traveled around the dark room. Directly across from where I lay, I saw a picture of myself as a child, playing with her in my backyard. I stared at her face, the lump in my stomach growing unbearable.

I felt an unfamiliar sting rise high up in my throat and felt the tears burn behind my eyes. I clenched my jaw tightly and shook my head, trying to rid the images that were threatening to invade. The need to cry was overwhelming. I hadn’t cried in years.

Each tick of my alarm clock seemed to mock me, echoing loudly off the walls, taunting my need for silence. I grasped the sides of the bed tightly to try and release the built up aggression. I rolled over, in an attempt to find a position that would somehow give my mind some respite from the suffocating anguish. Nothing helped, I was restless.

It hurt so badly.

I heard my window open and close soundly. I suppressed a growl of rage and refused to look at her. Her approaching footsteps hardly made a sound, but I heard them, just as I always heard them.

“Get out of here,” I demanded, as I felt the bed sag under her weight. She didn’t answer. I heard her draw in a shaky breath and I felt a warm hand gently grasp my ankle. I immediately yanked it free from her grip, the betrayal I felt from her so strong I could hardly stand it.

“Please Bella,” I whispered angrily. “Just go.”

My lips could barely form the words due to my constricted throat. The bed shifted as she got up and my heart twisted painfully in my chest.

I could hear her footsteps again, closer this time. It seemed as if her stride matched the ticking of the clock, taunting and mocking me still from my bedside. She knelt in front of me and pried my fingers loose. My muscles were sore from clenching the material so hard, but the raw pain made me feel better. She took my hand to graze it along her cheek, using my fingers to wipe away the remorse leaking from her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she cried in the darkness, I felt her trembling. “Edward…I-I didn’t know you w-were there.”

I cringed and bit my lip, not knowing how to respond to that. How could she not know I was there? I had been there ever since the day she was born. I was never not there.

“Please…let me explain,” she begged, trying to crawl onto the bed beside me.

Her closeness made me feel as if I was coming apart, I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t think straight if she was that close. Not now. I balked against her touch, and I could see the utter sadness in her eyes. My eyes.

“Edward,” she shook her head, tears running rivers down her cheek. “Don’t be so angry, please…I can’t bear it. I-I can’t handle it.” Her hands were shaking as they reached out for me. I moved farther away.

“Bella,” I cried, my hands running down my face. “I am so fucking broken that I don’t know what I’m going to do. Something inside me feels so awful Bella, I feel as if someone stole my heart, stole my breath…”

She shivered and pulled her knees up to her chin as I got up and paced around the room.

“When I saw you two…” My voice trailed off as a blinding white rage flashed before my eyes. “I felt as if my whole world literally crumbled into pieces Bella…”

“Edward,” Bella hiccupped, her breathing completely unbalanced. “I-I don’t know what to s-say…I don’t know what you saw but….” she broke off for a moment before determination flashed through her wet eyes. “You and me…we’re not officially together Edward, we’ve never been.”

That hurt. Her words sliced through me. I felt physical red pain.

“Bella,” I stammered, shaking my head and sitting on the bed torturously defeated. “…How can you say that?... How can you say we’ve never been together? You have been my right arm, my fucking shadow, my fucking heart… forever. It’s always been you. God…How can you not see that Bella? How can you not see that I am you?”

“You’ve never asked me…not straight out,” she whispered, now slightly sobbing. I wanted so bad to reach out, comfort her and erase every bad and painful feeling that she had.

I had never been good at seeing her pain, it killed me.

“Bella, what do you want?! Do you want me to scream at the top of my lungs how much I love you? Do you want me to write it down? Do you want me to write a song about how much I’ve always fucking loved you because you’ve known that for your whole god damn life. You know that I’ll do anything for you.”

She couldn’t argue that, because she knew it was true. She knew it from the bottom of her stomach to the tips of her toes.

“I’m so sorry Edward… I just…I didn’t mean it like that… I love you so much…you have to know that…I’m so sorry you’re hurt…” She could no longer speak because she was crying too desperately.

My body was shaking. I needed to get away. I couldn’t look at her because all I could see was her smiling in his face, him leaning down toward her lips. My lips, my Bella.

“How could you kiss him Bella?” I croaked. I didn’t even wait to see her reaction

Without another word, I got up and stormed out of the room, not knowing where I was going but needing to do something, needing to move. I couldn’t bear her pain. I couldn’t bear mine.

I heard her footsteps behind me, running after me, my name falling from her lips, mixing with her tears. But I couldn’t stop. I opened the front door and the rain from the sky hit my face in droves. I stumbled as if drunk into the yard and then onto the black concrete of my quiet street.

And she was behind me. She was always behind me. Just like I was her, she was me.

“Edward I didn’t kiss him!” she shouted, struggling to catch up to me.

I blinked and slowed down, but my heart sped up, wondering if it had heard correctly.

I turned around to face her. My body was so attuned with hers that I couldn’t stop myself. She was clutching her arms tightly against the cold rain, her eyes drenched with pain, and her bottom lip trembling. My vulnerable beautiful Bella.

“I didn’t Edward…I didn’t…he tried but…I couldn’t.” She shrugged and shook her head, her brown eyes pleading for understanding.

There was silence as I took her in words. She just stood there before me, waiting.

Our eyes locked. Our connection that had always been there cried for us, cried for our suffering. I let out a dry sob, a traitorous tear falling out of the corner of my eye, blending with the rain. But I knew she knew. I didn’t know if it was because of relief or my body’s way of draining out the sorrow that it had felt.

I needed her. I always needed her. My arms trembled as they opened, my eyes begging her to take away the pain I was feeling. She cried and flung herself at me, wrapping her arms so tightly around my neck it was as if we were one person. I opened up my arms and my senses fell. I lost all control.

Her fingers clutched and scratched my back painfully as she held on. Her whole body in tremors as she desperately sobbed. And I sobbed with her. I sobbed with my Bella. She pulled back and drew my face against hers, nuzzling me and grabbing my cheeks.

I drank her in, her scent, her face. Her body against mine. The only body I had ever known. The only body I could ever want. The rain ran ceaselessly over our fingers. My lips parted under her breath and she angled her head and kissed me. My eyes squinted together against the wave of powerful emotion that surged through my entire being.

Won’t you kiss me on that midnight street

Sweep me off my feet

Singing aint this life so sweet…

She pulled back and laughed between tears. “Edward, I love you. I love you. I love you.” She chanted forcefully, trying to calm down her breathing.

“Bella,” I whispered against her lips. “I love you... You own every part of me… Every memory I have is wrapped up in you.”

She kissed me again.

I loved her. I loved her so much. My mind couldn’t even process the intensity. I couldn’t even understand it. It was just a part of me, a part of her that had always been there from day one.

“This year’s love had better last….”

Thank you for reading : ). This is based off one of my favorite songs, ‘This Year’s Love’ by David Gray, go check it out!

And thanks to edwardNOTjacob for her brilliant help with the ending. : )