A New Reality

-Chapter Nine-

Joey’s forehead rested firmly in the palm of her hand, as her elbow laid achingly against the old oak desk in front of her. She had a pencil in her mouth and an extra pen behind her ear. She was focusing intently on the mountain of papers in front of her, going from one page, to another, trying to figure out where to go next.

AP English, European History, and Calculus were her primary focuses at the moment. Her other classes would have to wait until she could catch up on these larger assignments for the week. Between researching Hawthorne, writing about the three Punic Wars, and trying to understand the Logarithmic Theorem, she was under more stress than any woman should be in her state.

It was hard enough dealing with the horrible side-effects of being pregnant, but she was also missing out on the delights of it too. The stress of school and working as a waitress was making it impossible to appreciate her baby’s first movements (and it was a very active baby too). Or even just to acknowledge the glory in what her body was doing – growing a human life.

Pacey was enjoying her pregnancy much more than she was. Often times, at night, she would catch him talking to the baby, telling it stories about his past and dreams for the future. She sometimes wondered if he knew she was still awake and listening when he would do that. But she was too afraid to ask, for fear it would interrupt whatever bond he seemed to have created with this life inside her.

Overall, she tried to ignore the fact that she was going to be a mother. More or less, she looked at herself as an incubator. Because to acknowledge anything more of her situation, would mean she would have to deal with the horrifying consequences of her actions. Consequences she was already dealing with, but was scared of the final product.

She wore large shirts and loose sweats, trying to hide her indiscretion with Pacey. The less looks she got from the locals, the better.

However, to her surprise, they didn’t glare or snicker at her, as they had with Bessie in Capeside. In fact, it was quite the opposite. They smiled and tried to help her as she walked through town. Pacey had even managed to make a good name for himself, working for different people in town to help raise money for the baby.

No matter what, her baby was coming. It was just a matter of months now. The longer she stared down at the mountain of papers in front of her, the quicker she realized her biggest fear was going to come true. She couldn’t deny it much longer.

“Miss Potter?” an older man with white hair and a gentle face asked politely to her side. “Are you okay?”

Joey looked up from her book and took the pencil out of her mouth. “Yes… sorry. Is the library closing now?”

He smiled and nodded. “But I can stay longer if you’d like.”

“No, no. That’s fine,” she answered with an appreciative smile, quickly gathering her stuff. “I need to go anyways.”

“Are you sure?” he answered kindly, “because you really look like you’re busy.”

“I’m sure,” she replied with a genuine smile. “But thanks anyways.”

She quickly stuffed as much as she could into her tote, before gathering the rest in her arms. She stood up rather quickly and suddenly felt light headed. The old man took notice.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Miss?”

Joey closed her eyes briefly, trying to regain her balance, before she answered. “Yes, I’m just tired. That’s all.”

“Well, promise me that you’ll get some sleep soon.”

Joey paused and admired the old man’s glistening eyes. “I will… thanks.”

He nodded and easily helped her out the door. As soon as she made her first few steps on the pavement, she realized how dark it was. Twilight had snuck up on her yet again and she still needed to get something to eat.

She walked carefully, yet swiftly through the wet streets, hugging her tote bag tightly. Her protruding tummy was making her waddle more than she’d like to admit; at times, even making her feel unbalanced.

The mist in the air clung to her face and neck – making her feel even more light-headed than before. She was definitely going to have to make more time to eat on a regular basis. One to two meals a day was not working anymore.

“Potter? Hey! Where’ve you been?” Pacey greeted her at the boat, taking the books and papers from her arms.

“Studying again?” he snickered innocently, looking through her papers.

“In fact I was,” she answered indignantly with a glare. “Something I’m sure you wouldn’t know anything about.”

Pacey’s grin slowly disappeared and he retreated back a few steps. “Easy Potter. I was just curious.”

Joey’s face softened a bit, “I know… and I’m sorry Pace… I’m just tired… I think I’m going to grab something to eat and then lay down for awhile.”

“Woa, wait up before you do,” he stopped her with goofy grin on his face. “I want to show you something first.”

He helped her to the bed and had her sit down.

“What is it, Witter?” she mumbled slightly annoyed, her eyes following him to the storage closet in the back of the boat. “I’m not really in the mood for surprises.”

Pacey scrambled in the closet for a few seconds before he turned around with a large smile. “Close your eyes, Jo.”

“What?”

“Just close your eyes,” he urged, impatiently.

She sighed before doing so and could hear the rattling of plastic bags in the background. She didn’t have much of a chance to contemplate the noise, when she felt something soft and furry in her lap, under her hands.

“Open your eyes, Jo,” he exclaimed with a grin, kneeling in front of her.

She opened her eyes to find one of the largest russet teddy bears she had ever seen in her life. Its body was as large as her stomach and there was a light emerald bow tied around its neck.

“Do you like it?” he asked eagerly, waiting for her reaction.

“Wow, Pacey!” she stuttered in surprise, examining the large bear in awe. “This… this is… amazing.”

“It’s for the baby,” he began hastily. “I saw it today while I was working with Nielson on the boat and had to get it. I didn’t want to get a color for gender, since we still don’t know what it is yet, so I got the one with the green ribbon instead. Do you think the baby will like it?”

Joey wasn’t sure what had made her throat so lumpy: the fact that he had bought their baby the most beautiful teddy bear she had ever seen in her life - or the stupid grin that was plastered to his face at the joy of buying their baby its first toy.

“It’s perfect,” she choked out, unable to contain her emotion any longer.

‘Damn those tears,’ she thought to herself as they flowed freely without her control. ‘Damn them!’

She was getting ready to stand up and compose herself when he stopped her again.

“Wait! I’m not finished yet.”

“What?”

“I bought some more stuff today,” he replied, now handing her a couple plastic bags.

“But Pacey, I thought we were going to wait-”

“-I know, I know…” he interrupted apologetically, “But I saw the baby store and just couldn't resist.”

He studied her face, an image of scattered emotions, and was suddenly worried. “You’re not mad that I bought this stuff, are you?”

She quickly shook her head, wiping away her tears, “No! Not at all… I just wasn’t expecting this. That’s all.”

“Well, the lady in the store helped me pick out some clothes for the baby to sleep in,” he explained as he grabbed a stack of tiny clothing from the bag.

She picked up the sleeper on top, examining the small golden boats and fish printed on the soft material. She gazed at Pacey. A new set of tears building in her eyes as she saw the joy on his face and the bright sparkle in his eyes; the sparkle he gets on rare occasions when he is truly content in life. The same sparkle he had the first night they made love.

“Do you think they’ll work?” he asked after a few seconds of waiting. “Because I think they look a little small...”

All Joey could do was shake her no, since her voice had completely failed her this time.

Pacey seemed to understand and got up from in front of her to sit beside her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her close. She nuzzled in, under his neck, and closed her eyes.

“Thank you, Pace,” she murmured on a sniffle.

“Anytime, Potter,” he chuckled, stroking her arm for comfort.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Pacey slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times. The early morning light was creating a haze in the small cabin and he was having trouble remembering where he was at. He sat up on the bed and shoved the blanket down off his body. That definitely wasn’t there when he had fallen asleep.

The last thing he remembered was hearing Joey’s peaceful breaths and steady heartbeat as she slept soundly in his arms. He remembered kissing her forehead and then drifting off to sleep, thinking about how amazing she was.

But this morning was definitely different somehow. Firstly, Joey wasn’t in bed with him as he had expected. And second of all, the cabin was much cleaner now than it was when he had fallen asleep.

He looked around the cabin, still deep in thought, as he spotted Joey sitting awkwardly at the table. She had a book underneath her, with her arms folded underneath her head. He realized she must have fallen asleep while reading it.

He gingerly got up to go check on her. He gently kissed her cheek and glanced down at the book she was reading. He recognized it immediately: “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”

It was the book he had bought yesterday at the baby store. She must have found it in the bags last night while she was cleaning.

The book was opened to a page displaying what to expect during the seventh month of pregnancy. He knew that’s about how far along she was and knew she must have been studying it.

He gently moved her long tresses away from her neck and began to rub her back.

“Jo,” he said softly. “Why don’t you go lay down.”

She stayed still, her breathing the same. She must not have heard him.

“Potter,” he urged a little louder. “You need to go lie down. It looks like you were up all night.”

Again, no answer.

He knelt down beside her and placed his hand on her shoulder, rubbing it tenderly.

“Sweetheart, wake up.”

A frown spread across his face when she didn’t acknowledge him.

“Joey, wake up,” he said louder, shaking her a little more firmly.

“Potter… Are you okay?”

Nothing.

Panic spread through his gut as he studied her lethargic form. Her face was pale and her body was too limp for her to be sleeping. He quickly realized something was wrong – deadly wrong – and he had to get her help.

He gathered her in his arms, his adrenaline coursing madly through his veins, as he tried his best not to panic.

“Pacey?” she slurred as if she were intoxicated, barely lifting her head from his shoulder. “What’s… goin’onnnn?”

“I’m taking you to a doctor,” he answered, carrying her through the small boat.

“B-but, I’m fine,” she protested, trying to keep her eyes open.

Obviously she wasn’t.

He didn’t argue with her. He didn’t even respond to her protests. One look at her and anyone could tell she was sick – really sick. In fact, she hadn’t looked well in the past few weeks.

He began to feel guilty for not saying something before. What if she was really sick? What if this was a life or death situation? What about their baby?

He inwardly shuddered at the possibilities and picked up his pace as he carried her through the streets.

He had to get her to a hospital. She had to get help. He just hoped he wasn’t too late…

XOXOXOXOXOXO