By Definition: Book IV

Part I

Sleep: That fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off.

Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children.

We have been blessed with the births of three healthy children; something that, despite my doctor’s reassurances to the contrary, I wasn’t sure was going to happen. Since the day we found out we were pregnant with triplets, my life has changed into something I certainly never would have thought it could become. Not only am I fortunate enough to have found a soul-mate in my husband but we’ve now got a family that neither of us ever thought we’d have. Triplets. At times, I’m still overwhelmed by the idea but that doesn’t change how I feel in my heart. I’ve known them less than forty-eight hours and already I can’t imagine my life without them.

Gil’s enchanted. I’ve never seen him so content or so openly joyous. Every little reaction, every minor sound or facial expression he witnesses is a cause for celebration. One of the children will do something and he’ll look up at me with this…rapturous sparkle in his eyes…and…well, it just takes my breath away each time. I’ve never seen him more at ease with the world or himself than he is when he’s holding one of them in his arms.

Yes, everything is perfect. Everything is complete and wonderful…or it would be if we could just get a little sleep.

I have discovered the true meaning of exhaustion. Two new parents times three newborns plus bi-hourly feedings minus any help whatsoever equals no sleep. Divide all of that by three dirty diapers every 3.2 hours and you get a sum that would terrify the most gifted of mothers; not to mention a few mathematicians.

I state here and now that I’ve got a new respect and frankly a severe case of hero worship for any mother who’s dealt with four, six, or (gasp!) eight births at once. Three babies are enough to have me spinning in circles. I have no idea how they made it through the first few days.

Sometime around five am this morning I realized that we weren’t going to be able to keep up to this pace much longer. Gil and I needed to get a couple of hours of solid sleep and the way things were going that just simply wasn’t going to happen unless we could get some help. It was a realization I’d spent the better part of the night fighting but I had to admit that I was almost to the point of surrender.

I was still recovering from the c-section. I had to watch how I was lifting and my movements were sluggish and a little off balance thanks to the mild pain relievers I was taking. I just counted my blessings that I hadn’t felt the need to take the stronger pills they’d given me on my way out of the hospital. All we needed was for me to be looped up on painkillers. Gil had enough to contend with right now without trying to chase me down from the rafters.

Currently, he was pacing the room with Aaron, trying to soothe him. I’d fed our son a little while ago so while I had my arms full of Dani, Gil was trying to get Aaron to sleep. He paced in and out of the room staying close in case I needed him. My mobility was still a little on the slow side so if Nicole woke up I wouldn’t be able to soothe her in time before she disturbed the others.

Dani was fussing away and I really felt for her. I could tell she was hungry but she couldn’t seem to settle enough to latch on properly. I was pretty sore so every missed attempt was making me as upset and frustrated as she was getting. I changed her to my other arm and thankfully she started to nurse. I almost burst into tears at the speed in which she calmed down and cuddled into me. I eased back in the rocker, a sigh of relief escaping my lips as I watched her suckle. We had gentle music playing in the background and I hummed along with it as I watched the angry red colour fade from her cheeks. It was a beautiful thing. Within minutes she had drifted off.

We’d discovered that incredibly, the tiny additions to our family had distinctly different personalities almost from day one. Dani had a temper. She wasn’t afraid to let someone know things were not to her liking. Nicole was placid, almost peaceful in comparison. She rarely cried and overall seemed to take her new experiences in stride. Aaron was smack dab in the middle. You never really knew what he’d take offense to because it was never the same way twice. He really kept you guessing.

Lips brushed my hair and a hand drifted softly over my shoulder. I looked up to find Gil watching us from behind my chair; Aaron nestled into the crook of his neck. I looked quickly over to Nicole’s bed and then back at Gil. His eyebrows rose in surprise at the quiet in the room. “All three asleep?” he mouthed, turning so that I could get a good look at Aaron.

I nodded, unable to believe what I was seeing. It was the first time in three days that they’d all gone to sleep at the same time. Gil made a couple of gestures which I interpreted as his intention to put Aaron down and I rose stealthily from the chair as he did so. Aaron let out a little fussy mewl but slipped further into sleep a few seconds after Gil placed him in the bassinette. I repeated much the same process with Danielle and held my breath. Nothing. Not a peep. Nothing but contentedly, sleeping children. I silently snatched the baby monitor from the changed table and jerked my head at the door. We backed out of the room with all of the care that one would use around a movement sensitive explosive device and eased the door to the bedroom closed.

We stared at each other…a little awkwardly to tell the truth…not exactly sure how to interact with each other after two days of non-stop baby duty. And then, accompanied by silly little grins, Gil opened his arms and I dove for them, driven by an undeniable need to reconnect.

I don’t know how long we stood there, gathering strength, comforting each other while rediscovering intimacy, but it felt so good while we did. We finally managed to pull away long enough to exchange a kiss and then moved away from the door. We crept downstairs and went right for the coffee, the two of us grinning like precocious children. I was still firmly stuck in my, ‘no caffeine’ routine but decaffeinated or not, coffee was the only thing getting me through this so any amount of the stuff was welcome.

We brought our mugs into the living room and dropped into the couch, using each other as a prop to stay upright. “How are you feeling?” Gil asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

I patted his knee. “Fine. I’m fine, Gil.” Normally, I would have left it at that but the obvious disbelief on his face pushed me to add, “A little sore but nothing more than that.” I yawned. “Mmm. Tired.”

“Me too. I know you aren’t going to like this-“ he began, almost singing the words.

“Then don’t say it,” I sweetly sang back. “I don’t have the strength to argue with you right now.”

“Yes, I know. A fact which I’m going to exploit to our mutual benefit.” He grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers. “I think we’ve done an incredible job up to this point.”

“Gil-“

“Everyone’s settled in, everyone’s happy and fed but we can’t keep this up. We need a couple of hours of downtime. And not because we can’t handle but more importantly, I don’t want to just ‘handle’ it. I want to enjoy it. I don’t want to miss out on anything but I’m very concerned that that’s going to happen if we don’t get some rest.”

I looked at him narrowly. “That was a pretty clever piece of manipulation. How long have you been working on that?”

“Oh, an hour or so. While I was pacing with Aaron. I wanted it to have just the right impact so I plotted it out carefully.”

I snorted into my mug. “Pretty effective.”

“And sincere. Don’t doubt that, Sara.”

“I know. Don’t worry, I know. To be perfectly honest, my mind was already circling this area when I was feeding Dani.” I sighed. As uncomfortable as I was with the idea, we’d called an agency that employed mother’s aids but as luck would have it, the earliest we could get someone to come out was the day after tomorrow. Gil and I had been trying to hold out until then but I could see it just wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t so much the thought of asking for help that bothered me, it was the privacy issue. I wasn’t quite ready to share my children with anyone just yet but it would only be for an hour or two, right? Besides, if I had to share, it would be easier to do it with our friends than a stranger. And Gil had a point when he’d said that we’d be the better for it. I didn’t want to miss anything either. Though it went against every independent fiber of my body, I knew that for the triplet’s well-being, I was going to have to call in a few favors.

I considered my options for a moment. While Greg or Brass might have been my first choices just from a comfort perspective, I knew I’d be better off going with someone else this time. I picked up my cell phone and called the one person I figured would be able to not only bring herself but reinforcements to boot.

I got her voice mail. Groaning, I hung up, thinking about who to call next but just as I was about to dial someone else, the cell phone went off. Catherine was on the other end. “Sara? Hi! I didn’t expect to hear from you guys for a couple of days. Figured you’d be settling in.”

“Well, that was the plan. Um…actually, I was hoping I…um…” I didn’t think asking for help was going to be this hard but it shouldn’t have surprised me as much as it did. I’d never really mastered the art of leaning on anyone else for support. “Cath, would you be able to come over for an hour or so? Gil’s like the walking dead and I’m not much better. It would mean a lot if we could just grab a bit of sleep.”

“Well now I’ve heard everything. Sara Sidle Grissom actually admitting that she could use some sleep.”

I took the razzing better than I thought I would. “Yeah. Hey, I’m human. I do sleep sometimes.” Despite my weariness I grinned into the phone. “I’ll beg if that’s what it takes.”

“Don’t you dare. I don’t think I could handle that. If I come over, do I get to hold one?”

“One? If you come over you can take turns with each and every one of them to your heart’s content!”

“Oooohhh, new baby snuggles! Good deal! I’ll see if Mom and Lindsey want to come too. They’ve been talking about you guys non-stop since they saw you in the hospital.”

I gave myself a mental ‘high-five’ in hearing that she wasn’t coming alone. “Coffee’s on. We’ll be waiting.”