Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII and all related character are registered to Square-Enix. This is a non-profit literary piece meant only to entertain with possibilities.

Author’s Note: Due to the release of Crisis Core and my own dissatisfaction with the previous version, I have decided to rewrite “Carnival.” “Carnival DX” will primarily be similar to its predecessor with the difference of improved writing, scene changes, new plot points, and plot elements revealed in Crisis Core. Be warned, “Carnival DX” will contain spoilers to Crisis Core.

Also, “DX” stands for “deluxe.” It’s a common suffix in Japan, usually meaning “more kickass.”

Carnival -DX-

Love and Logic are not the best of bedmates. They are warring bodies that constantly vie for control of the entirety of the human entity: the mind, the body, and the soul. Such extreme concepts can tear even the strongest of men in two, leading to insanity.

Prologue Poker and Chocobos

His alien blue eyes had thought they had seen the worst fate had to offer. First was the Genesis and Angeal crisis that had erupted as soon as the Wutai War had ended, then Sephiroth falling down a similar path of insanity, an identity crisis thrown in there, Meteorfall, Kadaj and his flunkies, and Vincent’s little entourage afterwards. Cloud had seen enough crisis, tragedies, and evil to fill an entire history book. Yet, even all that conflict never prepared him for this new evil.

It was a standard night for AVALANCHE… well, a new standard night. It seemed that everyone was able to slip into a new life after such a mess they had in the past. Take Cloud for example, he was able to finally smile and enjoy life for once in a long, long time. Granted he finally was able to slip out of his emotionally unstable period, Cloud did somewhat slip back into his previous shy dork life he once had as a teenager.

Aw well, can’t complain really. He did finally stop being an emo twit.

So, taking the battles he had under his belt and the new and somewhat improved man he became, Cloud still found himself in a bind that may result in his death.

All the members of their gang had assembled at Tifa’s bar for a nice round of cards, since it was Cid’s turn to pick “Fun Night” for the rest of the group. The poker games started innocent enough, just the bartering of gil and trying to afford an air conditioner for the respective winner’s home. However, when Cid got bored, or rather, actually losing to Yuffie, he decided to switch the stakes of the poker games. Thus began the period of “strip” poker.

Of course, Tifa, Yuffie, and Red XIII had their caveats about the proposal. The former two dealing with the obvious complaint of perversion to the plan, Red had the point that his playing would be pointless as he actually didn’t wear clothes. Everyone else, even Vincent, had no problem to this, as they weren’t losing. The girls and giant cat gave in after an hour or so of incessant arguing and bitching.

This is where Cloud found himself in the worst situation of his own life. As soon as the round of strip pokers went down, the order of winners and losers shifted drastically, having the spikey blonde drop down to dead last. While everyone lost one or two pieces of clothing, Cloud found himself stripped down to nothing left but his pants.

Now, he had no shame in his own build, heck, Cloud found himself dead sexy sometimes (being by himself, posing in his boxers in his room), but when it came to revealing himself in public… well he couldn’t handle it that well. With his face burning with an intense blush that rival Red’s fur coloring, Cloud found himself hiding behind his hand of cards. Pretending that the others didn’t exist helped in no way whatsoever.

What made things strange as that all of his losses were the result of Yuffie. How that little ninja managed to get so good at poker was beyond anyone’s knowledge. One by one, Yuffie had managed to claim each and every pilfered piece of clothing that once belonged to Cloud.

Wearing his shirt, Yuffie grinned menacingly at the blond as the new battle came down to just the two of them. Everyone else had folded their hand and watched with morbid curiosity.

Cloud squirmed in his seat, fearing for both his life and pants as it was just the two of them. He stole a desperate peak at his cards and noticed his miracle trump card. In his hands, he held four aces, an indestructible hand in this dire time of need. Cloud let out a sigh of relief, victory shall be his.

“Alright.” He said with new confidence and he flipped his cards out onto the table. “Four aces… beat that Yuf!” Cloud watched her, waiting for her to writhe in defeat. Yet…

“Okay!” Yuffie cheered as she flipped her own cards out. “Straight!” Cloud felt his jaw drop and the world around him crumbling down. He stared, unbelieving, at the straight line of cards Yuffie had in her arsenal. It couldn’t… be… aces… never lose. “I believe you owe me some pants… and dance while you do it!”

“Cloud Strife… hero… lover… Chippendale dancer…” Barret snickered as he took in Spike’s frozen and shocked expression.

Cid on the other hand, had to grimace in disgust at the impending strip show. Taking a drag on his cigarette, he had to let out his own comment. “Fuck… I don’t need to see Cloud fucking naked!”

“Yuffie… are you fulfilling some sort of personal fantasy?” The fun froze for a minute as everyone gawked at the owner of that calm, emotionless voice. Vincent just stared at them innocently and shrugged. “Would it be funnier if I told her to mount him?”

“Cid… stop teaching Vincent about comedy…” Yuffie had to quip before she noticed Cloud trying to escape the room. “Ah-ah-ah! Where are you going?” The swordsman let out a pitiful whine as the ninja caught him in half step. “Those pants need to come off!”

“B-but…” Cloud tried to worm his way out of this predicament, only to be attacked with the inescapable rules of strip poker. Sighing heavily, he uttered one final prayer before he started remove his pants.

Lo, as the waistband slipped below the waistline, laughter erupted immediately from the cadre he used to call friends. Peeking from the confines of the black trousers was a pair of light blue boxers printed with dozens of little yellow chocobos dancing around. The members of AVALANCHE doubled over in laughter at Cloud’s questionable undergarments. Even Vincent had found himself trying to stifle his own laughter.

“I hate you all…” Cloud whimpered as he hung his head in shame as his pants dropped to his ankles. His already fragile pride had crumbled to nothing but pure dust.

The chaos of the poker game somewhat died down as everyone shuffled off to bed at around 2 AM. Cloud, being unable to sleep due to extreme ridicule, figured he try to get a late night snack to ease himself. Engrossed in the contents of the fridge, Cloud fumbled around to find something delectable to whet his appetite on.

“Heya Spikey!” cooed a familiar, cheerful voice. The sudden outburst caused Cloud to slam his head upon the roof of the fridge violently. Wincing in pain, he eased himself out of the fridge to glare at a certain, cheerful ninja in her lavender pajamas.

“What now?” He groaned softly, rubbing his head to ease the pain that throbbed throughout his skull. It was evident that he was still miffed about the poker game, definitely when Yuffie was close to getting him naked.

“Aww, you’re still mad?” Yuffie asked, trying to be adorable and lovable. It didn’t work on Cloud that much, though head injuries kind of took his focus away from becoming infatuated. She sighed before taking in another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. “Want some?”

Cloud eyed the tub of chocolate ice cream that Yuffie ate straight out of. Enh… what the hell, maybe a brain freeze would take his mind away from everything. The swordsman turned to the flatware drawer and fished out a spoon. Quietly, he joined her, though sat opposite of her, and began to eat.

“If it makes you feel better…” Yuffie began before shoving another scoop into her mouth. “You’re pretty hot… hotter than Vinny.”

Sweet. Cloud cheered mentally, having his ego tickled for beating the other man in popularity. A small grin curled around the spoon that he suckled on for every bit of chocolate.

“Got’cha to smile!” The ninja cheered as she moved her seat closer to him. “Now come on, you have something to be proud of, flaunt it off!”

I’m not really an exhibitionist… Cloud kept eating silently, trying to actually freeze his brain. “I’ll get you back someday.” He swore before shoving another spoonful in.

“Oh-ho?” Yuffie laughed mockingly. “How do you plan to do that?”

No clue… Cloud shoved one last spoonful in and instantly felt his mind contort violently. He dropped the spoon and clutched his head as he reeled into a massive brain freeze. “ARGGHHH!”

Yuffie doubled over the table, giggling wildly as Cloud twisted in pain from his new tormenting ailment. She leaned over and rubbed his shoulder, trying to give him something to feel better about.

“Hehehe… y’know Cloud…” She patted his shoulder and got up from her chair. “You’re pretty cute, even in your stupidity…” With that, she bounded up the stairs with such energy that no one should have at two in the morning.

With his mind finally melting, Cloud had to wonder at her final statement.

“I’m… cute?”

-Please Insert Disc One-